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Original poster

Support thread for those of us with family abroad

291 replies

TwirpingBird · 16/02/2021 19:23

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

OP posts:
14February2021 · 17/02/2021 21:28

My dad is in Spain and we have not seen him since July last year, he is coming up to 80, he has COPD so is shielding and lives in the campo but has also been expected in the last year to progress on his papers to be able to stay in Spain - how you are expected to do this whilst avoiding populated areas is beyond me and as you can imagine nothing is sorted out and as such we can’t get over to him to help him.

spottygymbag · 17/02/2021 21:42

@FiveShelties please don't be sorry. It was a bittersweet moment is all.

BigGreen · 17/02/2021 22:53

Last saw my folks Dec 2019 and in laws coming up to a year anniversary Sad people don't realise how hard / sad it is. I wish I could have gone last summer but they weren't comfortable seeing us. They've had half their vaccine hopefully it will make a difference.

Guineapigsarepigs · 18/02/2021 08:36

I agree BigGreen. People don't realise that there is no end in sight for those of us with family abroad. International travel restrictions will be some of the last to be lifted. Even without unaffordable Corona tests and quarantine requirements that no employed person could meet. Which I expect will be around for years. It's heartbreaking.

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 18/02/2021 08:45

@Guineapigsarepigs

I agree BigGreen. People don't realise that there is no end in sight for those of us with family abroad. International travel restrictions will be some of the last to be lifted. Even without unaffordable Corona tests and quarantine requirements that no employed person could meet. Which I expect will be around for years. It's heartbreaking.
Funny enough, I think this summer they will freak at the amount of money being lost through tourism and relax things faster than we expect. Tourism and international business is one of the main sources of income for the government, and for many other countries around the world. Businesses cant afford to test and isolate their staff every time they nes to do business in america or mainland Europe. The government have their fingers in many business pies. We are already up schitts creek money wise. I am holding out for them putting money first and allowing us to travel once we test negative like many countries did back in december.
OP posts:
SparkysMagicPiano · 18/02/2021 08:52

@TwirpingBird

I very much hope you are right!

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 18/02/2021 08:57

I think once vaccines are in arms by august it will be very hard to justify keeping international travel closed. Yes, there are other strains that could come in, but we will have that issue for the foreseeable future. Countries cannot survive indefinitely without international travel, not in the modern day. They wont do it for us, so we can see family. They will do it for taxes. Money makes the world go around.

Thats the hope I am clinging to anyway. I suppose there is always the option (for me) to swim the irish sea with my kids on my back 😆

OP posts:
TangerineGenie · 18/02/2021 08:58

I'm hoping that some places ease restrictions for travelling to see family before more general travel. This was the case for some places last year, we were only able to go to Denmark as husband is Danish, we were stopped at the border and checked

spiralflower · 18/02/2021 09:04

We have close family in a red country in mainland Europe. We last saw them over a year ago and have no idea when we’ll see them next. None of us are willing to get on a plane any time soon.

Saying that, we also have close family elsewhere in the UK and we haven’t been able to see them for a year either (different country and different local restrictions at different times haven’t allowed it).

We haven’t seen any family in a year. It’s hard. Video calls are not the same with young children.

Giggorata · 18/02/2021 09:13

I last saw DS, DIL and nearly three year old DGS at Christmas 2019. They live abroad. I have a 6 month old DGS that I have only seen through Skype. I am so grateful for Skype! (other apps available)
When he was born, I was saying jokingly that I expected he'd be walking before I got to hold him... not a joke now.

EasterIssland · 18/02/2021 09:19

I’ve not seen my family since 2019. I think this summer I’ll go. I’ll suck up the quarantine if I’ve to (unless it’s not a hotel one). I’m so fed up people can do whatever they want in the country (meet with as many friends as they want , go on holidays with friends , go to pubs etc ) and this is allowed but me wanting to go on a plane is a no no. My day to day life is so boring wirh no social life that myself going to see my family wouldn’t be a risk to the country.

Same way I’m planning a holiday abroad. I’m choosing a country with so low number of cases that again it shouldn’t be a problem me coming back.

EasterIssland · 18/02/2021 09:21

I meant unless it’s a hotel quarantine which Ofc I can’t afford

newstart1234 · 18/02/2021 09:34

It’s the ‘all or nothing’ nature of it I’m finding hard. I believe I could more manage the situation (if we were in the same country) we could look forward to some contact, even if it’s at a distance, like through a window or down a garden path. Maybe later a garden visit, or coffee in a park. There is nothing to hope for before travel is allowed 😔

newstart1234 · 18/02/2021 09:36

Pre Covid we used to seeing my dear ILs and wider family every 2-3 weeks give or take. This is not what we signed up for 😔

makinganavalon · 18/02/2021 09:38

Thanks for this thread. I'm going to read it in full with a nice cup of tea later. But I'm full of anxiety over this. My mum is in France and her cancer has come back. She says the doctors are very hopeful that the treatment will work. But what if it doesn't? I cant afford a hotel so I can't go over and see her. We only found out a week or two ago.
I know it's unlikely in this day and age of travel but what if? What if I never see her again? She's only seen my DD a handful of times.
I know I can't go down that road. But it haunts me daily at the moment. Knowing I'm not alone really helps. Flowers

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 18/02/2021 09:40

@newstart1234

It’s the ‘all or nothing’ nature of it I’m finding hard. I believe I could more manage the situation (if we were in the same country) we could look forward to some contact, even if it’s at a distance, like through a window or down a garden path. Maybe later a garden visit, or coffee in a park. There is nothing to hope for before travel is allowed 😔
I agree. DH tried saying last week that he is in the same boat as he cant see his family either. However they live 40 mins away, and he ended up on his moms driveway having a chat with her 2 days later because he was working around the corner from her. She gave him brownies. Definitely not in the same boat lol. I think he was just trying to make me feel like we are all in this together.

I said to him one evening, at a low point, that maybe I should just start thinking of my parents as dead already. They arent likely to die soon, but I dont know how many more blows to my hopes I can take. If I adjust to the idea that I wont ever see them again, and they wont be part of my DDs lives, maybe I wont be so disappointed .... I drank a lot of prosecco that night.

OP posts:
Cantaloupeisland · 18/02/2021 09:45

Can I hop on? My parents aren't abroad but they are about 200 miles away so I can't just pop by and see them in the garden! Haven't seen them since last August and have no other family, it's tough

Original poster
TwirpingBird · 18/02/2021 09:47

@Makinganavalon wow. Thats very tough! I am not surprised its haunting you. I really hope the treatment works and you can see her again.

OP posts:
FiveShelties · 18/02/2021 09:48

[quote spottygymbag]@FiveShelties please don't be sorry. It was a bittersweet moment is all.[/quote]
I know, I just felt bad that I had upset you. Flowers and a very large Hawke's Bay Wine

HalfDutchGirl · 18/02/2021 09:52

Thank you for this thread. I totally agree the people with family/friends abroad have unfairly been lumped in the the ‘jolly holiday makers’ with no thought of the pain we are going through.

My heart goes out to all of you with close ones living in other countries and I pray that it won’t be too long until we can see them and hug them.

I have no family in the UK (apart from my two grown up children), my last living blood relative is my elderly Uncle who lives in the EU (my name is a giveaway as to where) and we are very close, I last got to see him and his partner January 2020.

Incredibly sadly because of underlying health conditions and his age he has opted for euthanasia injection next week (which in itself I find difficult to get my head around). I fully support his decision but it breaks my heart that I won’t get to say goodbye or attend his funeral.

JE17 · 18/02/2021 10:04

It's been such a long year living away from family. We usually go the UK twice a year and have several visitors to us here. PIL were both seriously ill in Nov and we feared we'd never see them again. Our latest plan is to travel to the UK during the summer school holidays. 2 weeks quarantine with my parents (if still necessary) would be great, 2 weeks freedom to see the PIL and other family if allowed, then 2 weeks quarantine when we return to the EU. Worth it to give my DM a hug and for the DC to see their grandparents. Even though we have a great life here, I'm considering moving back to the UK because I don't want to ever experience this separation again.

qate · 18/02/2021 10:17

Jumping on as I have found my people! We also live abroad and haven't been back since Christmas 2019 - 2020 was horrendous away from family as I had a complicated pregnancy with worries for DD's health and my dad had a serious heart attack during my third trimester. Every time I think we might get back - February, April, summer, something happens to scupper it. I'd hoped to get back this summer for a long period because I anticipated more restrictions coming with a winter rise in cases but now that Sturgeon is imposing a two week quarantine on all visitors we can't justify it - we'd suck up the cost but it would be cruel to keep DS4 and DD

Hawse · 18/02/2021 10:19

It's awful isn't it? I haven't seen my parents for a year and a half. They haven't met their first granddaughter, who is now 8 months, and they are DESPERATE to see us. Both have had second doses of the vaccine, so it seems insane that they are not allowed to come to the UK, and we cannot go there. I think technically, travel is possible with the right conditions...but so difficult with all the fees and tests and such. Has anyone travelled during this time, and what did you take to the airport to prove your essential reason? Simply curious, as my dad has been off and on ill all year, but not sure what I'd need to prove to go...

Hoping you all get to see your loved ones soon!

newstart1234 · 18/02/2021 10:26

It’s also knowing that if me or DH got ill or injured our DC would have to deal with it without loved ones. If we were in the U.K., no matter the distance, we could form a childcare support bubble. The stress of worrying about this is draining.

I was already hoping to move near my ILs this summer, in part because of their advancing age and wanting to be more involved in their lives as they need us more. I’m now more certain than ever if this. I don’t know how to manage the logistics of this from afar, even how to manage the logistics of moving schools, house, jobs, everything and adddd to the the hurt of leaving without saying goodbye to friends here properly. I could (and do) cry.

Disclaimer : I know some people have a much worse situation, I hope my trivia isn’t unhelpful to read, I just have hit rock bottom now.

SpaceRaiders · 18/02/2021 10:31

It’s been pretty tough not being to travel abroad, I’ve really lost all hope. We had a trip booked in April 2020. Then rebooked for December 2020. Neither of these happened. I’m now looking at August or December but that seems very unlikely. My family meanwhile are blasé about the logistics and added expense of tests and self isolating. If we were to isolate for two weeks, travel for another two and isolate on return for two, that’ll be most of the summer gone, dc need to be back ready for the new term. At this rate it’s not really worth going but it’ll quite possibly be nearly 3 years before it’s feasible which doesn’t even bare thinking about!

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