Support thread for those of us with family abroad

[TwirpingBird]

I just read on sky news that Nicola Sturgeon has said foreign holidays will be 'unlikely' this summer. As much as this sucks for people who were living for a week in spain (arent we all!), for those of us who have parents or family who live a plane journey away, I guess this means another long while before we get to see our loved ones again.

I dont really know what I want from this thread, but I know many people on MN are coming up to a year away from their loved ones, and facing most of this year away from them, so instead of crying into another glass of prosecco, i thought i would start this thread, so we maybe dont feel so alone.

Yep - we're in the US, most family is in the UK, but some in Europe as well. Last saw my dad in December 2019 and haven't seen my sister for 2 years. She was supposed to come over last summer, but obviously that was cancelled. I had high hopes for this year being different, but it's not looking likely.

Thank you so much for starting this thread.

I'm so tired of wondering when we can see family again. It feels like every few months we shift our expectations. "Oooh maybe September. Maybe Christmas. Definitely Easter". Wrong, wrong and wrong. I've given up wondering because it's just so terribly depressing some days.

My baby and toddler don't even know their grandparents outside of FaceTime. We're lucky to have the option of video calls but I know my ILs are desperate to see the kids but none of us know when

And yes it's upsetting when friends locally complain they haven't seen their parents in weeks. Hmm yes. Of course it's tough for them as well but it's entirely different situation

Sorry rant over

@MrsTerryPratchett

It's been a year here. Only recently I'm feeling properly down. My dad isn't too well and they've both had the vaccine but I won't for a while so if they can't fly (when the vaccinated are allowed) and I can't get a vaccine soon, what then?

@MrsTerryPratchett Would that not depend on the country where you'll be travelling to? My homecountry is clear that when the country will only reopen their borders without the hotel quarantine process to vaccinated people. (September 2021 onwards). I think if the vaccination programme roll out continues going well, every eligible adult in the UK should be vaccinated by May(hopefully?).

We're hoping for next summer, but I am very doubtful. Country is currently on the quarantine list.

Would that not depend on the country where you'll be travelling to?

Well yes but I think the international community will reach consensus on vaccinated people. Maybe I'm naive!

Checking in.

My parents are late 70's & I haven't seen them since August 19.

My siblings live in different countries also but I haven't seen them in several years.

I'm used to not seeing my family often but what's really irritating me is everyone moaning about not being able to see family & saying Christmas wouldn't be the same doing it via zoom.

That's just normal for me. I've got the added complication of 3 different time zones & siblings having young kids. We couldn't even all zoom on Christmas Day

@ReggaetonLente I hope your family gets reunited soon. It’s hard with a child, let alone a child and one on the way!

My baby and toddler don't even know their grandparents outside of FaceTime this is what I find heartbreaking. My DD now says 'Nanny' and points to my laptop. I keep thinking, will this be it now? Her grandparents are faces on a screen? I know many people deal with this as normal life if their families are on the other side of the planet. But when I moved to the UK it was so important that I could get home. Now, I feel very stuck. Just having the option removed is the hardest bit. I have dreams of seeing my DD running around in wellies in my parents land. I still hold out hope. They can't lock us away from them forever. At some point countries need the income from tourism. Money will win out, and we will get home ..... right ....

Commiserations. New Zealand and Mauritius have had very similar stringent rules. It's heartbreaking. 2 years in March I haven't seen my parents and siblings.

to you. I take comfort that the elderly in my family are safe (and cried with relief at the news vaccines are coming to them) but I do miss them so badly, too.

OP, you asked if anyone was tempted to return "home". Yes, for the first time I've really thought about it. But aside from custody issues, in the long run we're financially better off here and visiting home often. I keep reminding myself that plane travel will get going again and then we'll be the better for having stuck it out in the UK.

Thanks @Shehz21 and @Bigheaded. Its been the worst few months of my life but every sunset means another day closer to being together again. Fingers crossed for you too!

Thank you for starting this thread.

my parents retired in my mom's home country in SE Asia, the last time I saw them was Nov 2019, I'm in the uk. Not sure when they will be able to get a vaccine.

They are mid 70s. I had plans to move closer that have now been pushed back. They are healthy for now but they're getting older and I miss them, and not for the first time hate being so far away

Hi all, sending lots of hugs to all missing their family. I haven't seen my parents for a year now too - and they haven't seen my son in over a year. My dad has been diagnosed with cancer and is about to undergo surgery (he's 84) and my mum is severely asthmatic and not coping well. Her eye sight is going and my dad doesn't drive. It breaks my heart that all I can do is FaceTime them. They need help but are too scared to have me come over. I'm hoping that my mid April I will be able to fly over and stay for 4-6 weeks (I'll need to isolate for 10days before seeing them just in case). I'm willing to do what it takes I just hope I won't have to stay in a hotel for 10 days when I return (they aren't on a red list country but god knows what will happen by April).

Last year when things started to settle down I wanted to o but my dh was scared for me to travel and I let him talk me out of it. Now I'm not waiting. As soon as lockdown starts lifting a bit I'm gone. Luckily by mid April they would have had their 1st vaccine shot so should have a basic level of protection.

I can't believe I'm only 2hrs away and I can't go see them, hug them and help them.

I'm praying things start to improve in Europe as they get their vaccine roll out going. I just want my mummy 😢

I’ve found my people! It’s so hard, isn’t it? And yes to hearing people talk endlessly about not seeing their family for a few weeks.

We now have a health concern that makes travel unlikely even once restrictions ease, so I have no idea when we will be able to see family again. My toddler doesn’t know anyone and I feel isolated and inadequate.

With you. My family is in South Africa. New pariah country after their scientists naively thought they were being helpful by notifying a new mutation. I see there are now a grand total of 160 or so cases in the UK, up from 110 or so in early January. Maybe those who went home for Christmas actually followed quarantine rules hence it hasn't actually spread ?

Joining. We are abroad, both sets of parents in the UK, siblings all in Europe but a different country to us. Not met my niece and missed my grandmother's 95th birthday.

Get so angry when patronising idiots say a holiday isn't essential and we should shut the borders.

My married daughter lives in the USA. She made a trip home in August last year, then had to quarantine here in her childhood bedroom! She had a feeling things were going to get worse by Christmas - I didn't believe her.......naive, moi? 🙄 And she was right, and couldn't come.
I've no idea when I will see her again. We in the UK are still banned from entering the USA. So she may do the same thing again, but quarantine would use up her leave!
I know lots of people have it much worse, including all you Mumsnetters here.
But what really brought things home to me was the Liverpool FC manager, Jurgen Klopp, being prevented from going to Germany for his mother's funeral, which frankly I think is disgusting and inhumane.

Joining with hugs!

My parents are a long haul flight away, they were planning to move back to the UK last year, I am hoping the will start to the process now with putting house on the market in the hope we can get them over somehow!

Grandchildren missing them terribly, as we usually see them twice a year. Not telling them that there's a chance they will be moving over until they have actually landed, whenever that might be!

It drives me mad when people say holidays have to wait/close the borders, I’d give up years and years of “holidays” to have the opportunity to visit my family abroad!

I am trying to be perky this morning. My DH has told me to focus on things I am looking forward to doing when I get home. For me, it's a glass of wine on my parents comfy couch, and visiting my cousins farm. They have a kid 2 days younger than my DD. They have never met. In total there would be 7 kids, all in wellies running around the fields like I did as a kid.

So. We will get what we want. We will have the moments we are living for. What's your moment?

Its hard not getting hopes up, or planning something, only to have it crumble. Im American, I haven't been home to see my family since August 2019. Partner is European/American and we saw his family en route to the US on that trip, so its been two years for him too, though he doesn't seem as bothered.

Life can change in an instant and when you or someone in your family has a health condition develop or deteriorate, its really hard to not want to move heaven and earth to make it happen, regardless of what the media and the government want.

We were looking at a trip to the US for mid-May, but now we are shifting that back to early July and travel to his country in August.

I really feel for the Antipodians, though. Sure, the US border is shut to everyone without a GC or citizenship, but theoretically I could get on a plane today to get home if need be. To be a citizen and still have to quarantine and book slots and how far the flight is...thats tough. Thats really tough.

My Mum is in the UK and I am in NZ. I have not seen her since October 2019 and usually travel back to UK three times a year. I keep booking flights, which are changed/cancelled and now it is impossible to book quarantine in NZ for me to return to NZ after a visit.

I am so scared my Mum will be ill, or worse, and I have to get back urgently. We have not done any vaccinations at all in NZ and I have no idea when I will receive one when the roll out is commenced.

It is a tough situation and I feel for everyone affected.

Kia kaha everyone - which means 'stay strong' in Maori and my favourite expression.

Can I join? Feeling really down today. Dh had a compulsory office move out to the middle East at Christmas, now he's stuck there and I'm stuck here with the kids on my own. This is the first time he's been abroad and not just a flight away in case we need him. The company have invited us to join him but is that even essential?! And we have a 14 year old ds hoping for university in a few years. There is no way we could afford the 28 000 a year international fees. Just want to hide today.

Love kia kaha @fiveshelties
Miss NZ too. Dh's family are all there, safe and sound. Although I hear Auckland is back on a three day lockdown?

^^

Most of my family are a 13-hour flight away in a country that have closed their borders to foreigners. I last saw my mum in summer 2019 when she last visited here. I haven't seen my dad, my brother, my grandmother or any of my aunts/uncles/cousins since 2016. I miss everyone so badly that it hurts.

We had actually booked a family trip to see them last summer, which of course didn't happen.

My dad has worsening dementia and a heart condition, he's been in and out of hospital. My mum is struggling to care for him. My grandmother is in her 90s, has already survived a stroke, so is very frail.

I have a very real fear that not only will I never see some of my loved ones again, but I won't even be able to attend their funerals

I have my parents, sibling and nephew in Australia. Last saw them August 2019, realistically I think we are looking at summer 2022. Nephew was a few months old, likely won't see him until he is three. DS was a five foot 13 year old child, now a 5ft 5 teen, he will likely be 16 and finished school when my parents see him next.