I'm sick of running the 24hr "Corona Cafe" !

[Pebbles574]

DH and two young adult DSs at home and I am just TOTALLY fed up with all the food shopping (online), delivery & putting away, stocking, checking and constantly restocking the fridge, freezer and larder and the ENDLESS meals, snacks, cups of tea and coffee etc etc.

We take it in turns to cook dinner, but the mental load is still mine ("what shall I cook"/ "I don't know what to make"/ "how do a defrost XYZ" etc).

Also, I have a food intolerance which means that I can't eat a lot of ready meal type food (including soups and pasta sauces) so I tend to make stuff from scratch for me. But I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!
So for example today I made a huge batch of bacon, tomato and lentil soup which I thought would see me well into next week for lunches.
I said there was a small bowl each for lunch today, but to leave the rest to cool.
Then I came downstairs to find them all having massive bowls and seconds, emptying the pan and finishing off the loaf of bread which only just arrived this morning!

And it’s a constant round of nagging to get people to load and empty the dishwasher, and anything that needs handwashing just gets left on the side.

I really am totally fed up!

Anyone else want to rant too?

You teach them to make 1 meal (their favourite is a good idea). That’s three nights when they cook. Allow them to choose if the cook cleans up or they clean up after each other.

I trained my DS from a young age not to help himself to food in the fridge / ingredients without checking it wasn't for a meal. "Snack foods" are usually available, otherwise he can go to the shop & pay out of his own money.

He was cooking once a week before he went back to university. DP has been cooking twice a week - he's retired & I'm working 4 days a week. He's never been much of a cook before but has been cooking from scratch with instructions. And doing most of the housework. It has taken a huge amount of strain off me.

I put a Skull & Crossbones sticker on any leftovers I'm trying to keep for another meal - has worked so far

I have to agree on this low bar. My son is 2.5 and he’s more capable!

He has always helped me since he was big enough. He puts his dirty laundry in the basket, his dirty plates in the dishwasher, he gets the vacuum if he makes a mess, rinses the bath, puts the toilet seat down, Helps me cook (he mixes things or washed veg) helps shop and put it away, tidies his toys before bedtime etc...

I don’t have a partner living with me for the very reason you have all said. These people need to look after themselves and you! You all need to go on strike. That would be an excellent thread

www.facebook.com/DirtBirdsProductions/videos/1028170954273749/?vh=e

How do people get to this stage? i have 2 teenagers and expect them to act they are part of a family. Currently DH and I are isolating, my 2 are doing all the cooking, washing up etc and waiting on us hand on foot. They have been amazing (well DD more so than DS but he is younger).

It does take work however it's worth it. If my children leave a cardboard roll in the loo I tell them to go back and throw it the bin (I've been known to get DS off Xbox to do this). Only clothes in the laundry bin get washed, they put their own clothes away. They make their own lunches and I expect them clear up after themselves including either washing up or putting the dishwasher and wiping worktops down. This is part of normally family life and what they will do when they go to uni / leave home. I am not a housekeeper/servant, I am their mother. I also ask them who is actually responsible for cleaning the mess they make?

If I do an on-line order, I ask what anyone wants. If it arrives and they then say 'did you get xyz', I say 'no' because you didn't ask for it. End of conversation, doesn't bother me, they are the ones missing out/being inconvenienced by not putting their order in. Luckily I always have what I want because I do the order!

Tbh it sounds like you are just letting them walk all over you but you are enabling it by putting up with it. How are they going to deal with living on their own or with a partner when they leave home?

I'm glad both me and DP still go out to work.
Although I do 90% of the actual cooking, we both do the shopping list and currently DP shops for it.
DP does the washing up too. But if he didnt then no food would be cooked.
When I had teens at home no food lasted more than three days. I famously went through something like 40 pints of milk one week. But still they were trained enough to not eat the things I had bought for a meal, bought solely for me, bring bedding down and use the washing machine. Washing up was always a battle and I truly despise washing dishes, but that was the only niggle.

How are they going to deal with living on their own or with a partner when they leave home?

Totally. How were they making it in the halls? And you know, fewer and fewer women are going to put up with a lazy arse these days.

so yu have a food intolerance and they ate it all

selfish pigs

@PussGirl

I trained my DS from a young age not to help himself to food in the fridge / ingredients without checking it wasn't for a meal. "Snack foods" are usually available, otherwise he can go to the shop & pay out of his own money.

He was cooking once a week before he went back to university. DP has been cooking twice a week - he's retired & I'm working 4 days a week. He's never been much of a cook before but has been cooking from scratch with instructions. And doing most of the housework. It has taken a huge amount of strain off me.

I put a Skull & Crossbones sticker on any leftovers I'm trying to keep for another meal - has worked so far

We, too, were firm with both DS. The youngest was/is a right gannet and so he had a special cupboard and half-shelf of the fridge for his allocated snacks. Fruit was always available too, in plentiful supply. Any disappearance of anything else without checking and the consequence (never needed) would be immediate replacement from the 24 hour Asda or garage no matter what time of day or night, and obviously out his own pocket.

I think it’s much easier if you have a DP onside.

I used to go away for a few times for a few days each year. Partly for a break from it all, and it also made everyone else in the household, more self sufficient. And they appreciated me better when I returned! Triple win.

I want crisps! Have you eaten tea? No? Eat your tea FIRST ffs my kids try and snack in the middle of a meal

It’s the dreaded question “What’s for dinner?” that makes me rage. Why is it for me to decide? I would like to just casually turn to dh or ds and ask “What’s for dinner?” and them to have an answer all worked out!

Now we meal plan and the “menu” is up on the fridge, so everyone knows what it is and who is cooking it! Dh is a bit of a one pot cook so that’s fine - he does something with mince usually. DS is getting into cooking now and usually does enchiladas/Fajitas and this week a pad thai, which was a first . Rest of the time, it’s sandwiches or noodles if DS is hungry as I just cant be arsed any more. I am SO sick of cooking.

@EmergencyHydrangea

It astonishes me how much women let their husbands and adult children walk all over them to be honest.

Same here. My kids are young, but my parents would have squashed this nonsense if I had tried to do half of the stuff described here.

DS prefers hot food, he does clear up after himself but he cooks really pungent stuff. His favourite is to fry eggs on the George Foreman grill and add five spice powder on to them.

This thread is painful to read. If I had left pots and pans all over for my mum to find after she had cleaned the kitchen, I don't think I would be here to tell the tale. So disrespectful.

Teen or older children - pick a day or two, those days you plan, cook and clean up, we're not running an all inclusive hotel here.

Feeling like a catering service when it's just you and (I'm assuming adult and healthy) DH - why?

am not a housekeeper/servant, I am their mother. I also ask them who is actually responsible for cleaning the mess they make?
Exactly this !

No one has answered my question as to why, when you are so angry and fed up, are you allowing this to happen?
Fear, internalised gender roles, verbal abuse if challenged ? Why?

@rawalpindithelabrador why do you think it's a low bar? Were you brought up without paid help?

My DH has an elephant appetite.
He also has expensive tastes and no interest in budgeting.

So I’m in a situation where I either make him a packed lunch and nice dinners, or he’ll happily go out and buy all his lunches and lots of expensive ready meals to live on.

Very frustrating situation as our monthly budget isn’t super tight but I really want to save as much as possible, whereas DH sees food as his one luxury in life now given all the covid limits and is happy to spend money to indulge.

I put a Skull & Crossbones sticker on any leftovers I'm trying to keep for another meal - has worked so far.

Same here, although my drawing is rubbish so I have to write "don't touch" underneath . My DH and teens aren't bad with cooking and cleaning up, it's the sheer quantities of food they consume that I'm noticing. When we all had lunch at school/work (packed lunches or cafeteria) it was less noticeable, but now the fridge/larder is constantly stripped. Like the OP, I made a very large saucepan of soup one day and it was eaten in one lunch. I had one small bowl, DS opted for a sandwich. I literally cannot keep up with their eating habits.

@Theunamedcat

I want crisps! Have you eaten tea? No? Eat your tea FIRST ffs my kids try and snack in the middle of a meal

Unless it was phrased - please may I have.. Then sadly my hearing suddenly got worse.

Our cupboards always look like a plague of locusts have descended. They’re empty by day 3.

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@rawalpindithelabrador why do you think it's a low bar? Were you brought up without paid help?[/quote]
What's paid help got to do with it? Never had paid help in my life. I see it as my job to bring up my kids to be responsible adults, not wipe their feet on me or be incompetent people who expect someone else to carry their share of the lifework. Nope. Also wouldn't have stayed married to my h if he were someone who expected that I do the lifework because I have a vagina.

@Templetree

am not a housekeeper/servant, I am their mother. I also ask them who is actually responsible for cleaning the mess they make? Exactly this !

No one has answered my question as to why, when you are so angry and fed up, are you allowing this to happen?
Fear, internalised gender roles, verbal abuse if challenged ? Why?

Maybe it's because we're utterly overwhelmed, drowning, have tried everything and there is nothing left but to sound off and let off a bit of steam.

I'm not "allowing it." I've grudgingly accepted that no matter what I do, it doesn't change. It keeps happening. I could scream and scream and it would go in one ear and out the other. I know this. I've tried this. I've gone on strike, I've gone away, I've produced a rota, I've refused to do anything if the steps aren't completed, but all it does is make more work for me, because they end up overwhelmed and nothing gets done! DH has ADHD and is without a shadow of a doubt THE messiest person I've ever encountered in my life, but not when he was in the military! As soon as he was out though, he started living by his own system and not mine- there's always clutter everywhere and he will only ever notice it when it's not his clutter, which is apparently organised. A set of instructions like cooking a simple meal will sometimes befuddle him. Same with DS. DD is currently incapacitated. Youngest DS is too young but is more help than the other three combined.

I am the housekeeper of a house that is never tidy. The preparer of meals that are never fully satisfactory to someone. The planner of shopping that's always thrown right off by someone snacking like they've been starved for a week. I am the life coach of people neuro-developmentally unable to get their shit together without a great deal of unexpected need for assistance. I am the glue, holding together all the people I love and making their experience of this pandemic bearable and there's nobody doing it for me and it's FUCKING EXHAUSTING!

@rawalpindithelabrador

How are they going to deal with living on their own or with a partner when they leave home?

Totally. How were they making it in the halls? And you know, fewer and fewer women are going to put up with a lazy arse these days.

But they do put up with it. You only have to read the countless threads.

At the beginning of lockdown I made it clear that I would only cook one meal a day, they have generally stepped up to make lunches. Still working on the tidying up.