I'm sick of running the 24hr "Corona Cafe" !

[Pebbles574]

DH and two young adult DSs at home and I am just TOTALLY fed up with all the food shopping (online), delivery & putting away, stocking, checking and constantly restocking the fridge, freezer and larder and the ENDLESS meals, snacks, cups of tea and coffee etc etc.

We take it in turns to cook dinner, but the mental load is still mine ("what shall I cook"/ "I don't know what to make"/ "how do a defrost XYZ" etc).

Also, I have a food intolerance which means that I can't eat a lot of ready meal type food (including soups and pasta sauces) so I tend to make stuff from scratch for me. But I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!
So for example today I made a huge batch of bacon, tomato and lentil soup which I thought would see me well into next week for lunches.
I said there was a small bowl each for lunch today, but to leave the rest to cool.
Then I came downstairs to find them all having massive bowls and seconds, emptying the pan and finishing off the loaf of bread which only just arrived this morning!

And it’s a constant round of nagging to get people to load and empty the dishwasher, and anything that needs handwashing just gets left on the side.

I really am totally fed up!

Anyone else want to rant too?

Glad to read that I am not alone! Three kidults, only thing done is evening washing up!

@Timeforabiscuit
quartermaster for the useless 😂

Oh god yes - I could have written your post OP.

Kids a bit younger but the swooping down when a delivery arrives.

Demolishing snacks in a blink of an eye.

Complaining when I don't have every possible permutation of lunches that anyone could possibly ever think of wanting.

And DH, who is good at cooking, asking me to check his sauce/meat etc etc.

My 16 year old eats nothing for lunch on a weekend...because I refuse to tell him how to microwave a tin of beans!!! He managed fine till he started an apprenticeship, he now thinks I need to wait on him!!!

DH does cook if he’s in the mood or I ask him too if I’m working
As for Dd (16) I bought her a students cookbook for her birthday and twice a week she’ll choose something to cook out of it but this has only been for the last month or so.She also does her own breakfast and lunch if I’m at work and empties the dishwasher daily and cleans her room and does her own laundry
I do get fed up of deciding what to buy and cook but just lately I’ve been doing a lot in the slow cooker so then it’s ready when I get home from work
Tonight we are having a takeaway which we always have the first Saturday of the month as a treat

Bloody hell some people set the bar extremely fucking low.

Just stop fucking doing it for them! They aren't little DC, they won't starve or have SS brought to your door - they are adults (or teens). Why exactly would people not only accept their behaviour, but condone it by going along with it? I would be embarrassed for my DC if they behaved like that (and god knows they aren't perfect) but this is respect for other people as well as basic living skills - which is just as important.

Seriously. It's not just about no cheese left in the fridge, it's about them treating you like shit.

And don't get me started on the "oh my DH is useless too, I know how you feel". I could not ever bring myself to even speak kindly to a man who had so little regard and respect for me, let alone shag him. It's insulting, it's rude and it's disrespectful as well as lazy and selfish. Not exactly attractive qualities.

Set the bar higher, for fucks sake.

Hand them the recipe for the soup and tell them to pay 1/3 each for ingredients for a new batch that is to go straight into the freezer for you.

Given the age of your children I suggest that you each do a week on the cooking rota. Every one has to do the online shop (set a budget) for their week, put it all away and do the catering - which must be a meal that you all eat. Failure to cook a meal you can eat means the wifi is switched off after school. Trains them up for life.

My husband does all this, orders the food writes a list with all meals for everyone for the next week which we follow. I do think sometimes there’s a bit of drama about this from lots of posters. He doesn’t complain about the mental load, just gets on with it. Presumably if you’re doing this part, you ensure the rest of the family contribute fully in other ways?

Child 1 -Mum can you make me something to eat?
Me- yes of course. Child 2 and 3 would you like anything to eat?
Child 2 and 3 - No thank you
Spends the next 15-20 in kitchen preparing child 1 food, then further time cleaning up.
I sit down
Child 2- Mum can you make me something to eat?
Me - 🤯
And repeat until the end of time

And I hate the word nagging too, it's so misogynistic.

The constant buying groceries, putting them away then cooking said groceries is driving me nuts! I don't have children but DH eats all day long - starting with cereal around 6am, followed by breakfast (anything from toast with beans to a full bacon/sausage/beans/toast affair), then coffee and a cake, then lunch, then 'bits' he finds around the house, then tea and maybe a hot cross bun, before a starter and finally dinner. How can anyone eat so much??? My food bill has rocketed!

What annoys me is that he does absolutely nothing to help me keep the house clean and tidy - never empties the dishwasher (I don't know where things go), has to be nagged to put the bins out (yes, it is always Thursday), to 'forgot to bring the milk in from the doorstep' although he has walked past it several times.

I would love a whole day to myself at home in a clean and tidy environment.

I hear you OP, tho tbf DH works long, hard hours all week but does cook Saturday nights, unaided apart from reading how long to oven stuff as he can't see the writing 😁.

Ds is 7 and is literally constantly eating. He has breakfast then wants to know if its time for lunch, what's for tea, can I have a bagel, can I have a toastie etc etc.

Dd is 16 and is veggie and online all day, but comes down in her breaks, makes something toasted, then fucks about at lunchtime making salad and wraps and stuff, but leaves stuff out and doesn't wioe the sides etc.

She poached 2 eggs for herself the other day and was like she'd got a Michelin star ffs.

YABU for enabling this type of shitty behaviour from adults. Fuck that. I'd have long stopped doing it, shop for myself and they can fend for themselves. 'I'm not running a restaurant' 'You know where Tesco is' 'Google it'.

Me too.
I have 3 teens at home plus dh. Who used to be a good cook but now seems to have forgotten how to do it. His cooking is now quite frankly bizarre !
The two ds’s cook & Dd likes to be cooked for. But it’s the 24 hr nature I’m totally fed up of. Every morning I wake up there’s another 2 - 3 pans & lots of dishes again. No matter how clean the kitchen was when i went to bed. I’m washing up 5 times daily. And recovering plates & cups from the third floor bedrooms/ offices is keeping me fit.

I'm not taking money off them as we are not paying hall fees this term.

TBF dd has to unload the dishwasher; DS loads it.
DD has to hang wet washing; DS sorts and folds the non ironables. I go shopping and they unload and put away They change their beds.

I buy my own food only and cook for myself and we each have our own shelf in the fridge for our own food - that system works well (but I have student age children so won't work for some people)

That's why we use a mixture of Gousto, Hello Fresh and Simply Cook. I provide one meal a day (as in cook it) and they are on their own for the rest - I shop, they say what they particularly want and then they get on with it. Obviously if I am making my own lunch I will offer them the same as I am making.

@RosesAndHellebores

I'm not taking money off them as we are not paying hall fees this term.

TBF dd has to unload the dishwasher; DS loads it.
DD has to hang wet washing; DS sorts and folds the non ironables. I go shopping and they unload and put away They change their beds.

That's fair? Mine did this when they were 10 and one has ASD. Why is your bar so low?

@Pebbles574

Oh and DH and his lack of planning . . .

Me, on night before delivery, confirming order online: "Do you want me to order anything in particular for you to cook this week?"
DH : "No, just get the usual, that's fine."

DH (day after delivery): "Have we got any sausages?"
Me: "No, you didn't ask for sausages. There's mince, turkey, chicken, salmon and pork though . . ."
DH (with an audible sigh) "Oh, I just assumed you'd get sausages. I'll have to pop down to the crap overpriced shop and risk getting covid"
Me:

So fucking this. Though not DH he’s actually pretty good. 17 year old daughter, asked repeatedly does anyone need anything? She’s CEV so we very much limit our outings to absolute necessities and get food delivered. She asked for crisps, fair enough, I bought her crisps I bought myself some nice yoghurt, immediately she spies it and wants it.

I FUCKING ASKED IF YOU NEEDED ANYTHING.

@3littlewords

Child 1 -Mum can you make me something to eat? Me- yes of course. Child 2 and 3 would you like anything to eat? Child 2 and 3 - No thank you Spends the next 15-20 in kitchen preparing child 1 food, then further time cleaning up. I sit down Child 2- Mum can you make me something to eat? Me - 🤯 And repeat until the end of time

Why do you do it though? Meals were at set times here when they were younger. Im not a bloody short order cook! STOP allowing it.

Just stop fucking doing it for them! They aren't little DC, they won't starve or have SS brought to your door - they are adults (or teens). Why exactly would people not only accept their behaviour, but condone it by going along with it? I would be embarrassed for my DC if they behaved like that (and god knows they aren't perfect) but this is respect for other people as well as basic living skills - which is just as important.

Whilst I agree with a lot of this, I think it's just a slippery slope. The slowly boiling frog.

I agree with the OP entirely, I'm fed up of feeling like a servant but the thing is, my youngest is preschool so I do actually have to make her her food and then it seems rather petty, given I have to do that, to not make it for DH and DD1 (to be fair she's only year 6 too - though she can make a few meals - must remember to get her to do that more). The thing is, it so easily becomes the norm that one person plans and cooks the meals and everyone else just takes it for granted and apparently doesn't see that you are beginning to slowly go absolutely fucking insane with the tedium of it all.....

And it would seem really very petty to make something for me and DD but not the other two... I must remember to mostly buy stuff I like though, there need to be perks to this. And I must remember that DD1 is NOT tiny and CAN cook and to encourage her to do it more - it's like everyone just forgets this is possible, and the same is true for DH - though to be fair he did cook the dinner today but it must be the first time he's done that for several weeks.

This is why we need feminism.

"I would love a whole day to myself at home in a clean and tidy environment."

Sounds as if you would have to get rid of your husband for that to happen!

"My food bill has rocketed!"

So buy less?

He can only have the meals he does because it's there-what would happen if it wasn't?

They only leave everything up to you because you allow them too, simply draw up a rota. Don't bail them out, in the morning ask whoever is cooking what time dinner will be on the table, go for a walk when dinner is being prepared. If they don't cook don't feed them. No clean clothes ? Then they need to do the laundry. Stop being a housekeeper.

@teta

Me too. I have 3 teens at home plus dh. Who used to be a good cook but now seems to have forgotten how to do it. His cooking is now quite frankly bizarre ! The two ds’s cook & Dd likes to be cooked for. But it’s the 24 hr nature I’m totally fed up of. Every morning I wake up there’s another 2 - 3 pans & lots of dishes again. No matter how clean the kitchen was when i went to bed. I’m washing up 5 times daily. And recovering plates & cups from the third floor bedrooms/ offices is keeping me fit.

Mine get told to clear up their own pots and pans and bring their dishes down and put them in the dishwasher. Im genuinely baffled as to why you are doing this?

Agree two teenage ds and dh eating me out of house and home.
Same thing unload shopping a d things are not in fridge 2 mins , then 2 days later moaning we don't have enough food in the house!!