I'm sick of running the 24hr "Corona Cafe" !

[Pebbles574]

DH and two young adult DSs at home and I am just TOTALLY fed up with all the food shopping (online), delivery & putting away, stocking, checking and constantly restocking the fridge, freezer and larder and the ENDLESS meals, snacks, cups of tea and coffee etc etc.

We take it in turns to cook dinner, but the mental load is still mine ("what shall I cook"/ "I don't know what to make"/ "how do a defrost XYZ" etc).

Also, I have a food intolerance which means that I can't eat a lot of ready meal type food (including soups and pasta sauces) so I tend to make stuff from scratch for me. But I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!
So for example today I made a huge batch of bacon, tomato and lentil soup which I thought would see me well into next week for lunches.
I said there was a small bowl each for lunch today, but to leave the rest to cool.
Then I came downstairs to find them all having massive bowls and seconds, emptying the pan and finishing off the loaf of bread which only just arrived this morning!

And it’s a constant round of nagging to get people to load and empty the dishwasher, and anything that needs handwashing just gets left on the side.

I really am totally fed up!

Anyone else want to rant too?

Sounds awful OP. You're basically acting as cook and cleaner for 3 grown men... you need a break. If it weren't for Covid I'd say take yourself away for a long weekend to some plush hotel, where you can be waited on hand and foot, but even if that's possible it would be a risk at the moment. Maybe once you have been vaccinated though...

In the meantime I think you need to speak to them, be clear that due to your food intolerances ready meals aren't an option for you, so when you batch cook food to keep you going it's for you... NOT them! Explain that you are not willing to be their unpaid servant any longer. Stress that when they cook it is not relaxing for you when you have to guide them each step of the way, like children. They need to step up, taking turns to cook for each other, with the non cooks loading AND unloading the dishwasher, then putting everything away. Adopt a zero tolerance approach and refuse to cook anything for them until/unless they tow the line. Your DH also needs to come on board with this. Ultimately, this pattern might continue beyond lockdown, unless you nip it in the bud now.

@StanfordPines

It’s only me and DH so it’s not so bad. But I want to eat one thing I didn’t have to think about. When the cafes open again I just want to go somewhere and not even think about where we are going.

That’s been the thing that’s bugged me about all this, there is no spontaneity, if you haven’t booked a table 6 months in advance you’ve got no hope, then the poor restaurants had to deal with no shows and we ended up with frozen pizza at home

And yes to the covid cafe, my young adults do mostly prepare and buy their own food but will use all the store cupboard stuff and not tell me, and I don’t think they’ve ever cleaned the sink. AND I’m sick of my microwave smelling of bloody pot noodle.

*Maybe it's because we're utterly overwhelmed, drowning, have tried everything and there is nothing left but to sound off and let off a bit of steam.

Sounds absolutely dreadful but if your DH can do it in the army then he can do it at home -hes choosing not to.
In a way thats worse and quite frankly I would leave.

Wow this thread amazes me. It’s the time the OP is taking not just the work itself. 3 meals a day must be 2-3 hours out of waking hours to feed everyone. Not to mention the cleaning up. No way do I have that much time on top of working from home and home schooling. Maybe if ruining a Covid Cafe it’s time to charge customers for meals - not just cost of ingredients but time as well!

Am totally completely SICK to death of cooking and deciding what we have for meals. Any time I ask what do you fancy for tea all I get is “I don’t know” or I don’t know what we have in! IM SO SICK OF IT TOO!!!!!

@rawalpindithelabrador what a rather interesting way of looking at things. Personally, I am thrilled with the way my life has turned out. DH remains grateful for my vagina, has provided a couple of fabulous homes, paid help, school fees and lots of other perks. The DC have been brought up to rely on their intellect, are rather marvellous and I so hope their lives will replicate ours. They can cook, drive, budget, are tidy and very good natured.

I wasn't brought up to clean and nor have they. But they and I can and because their home has always been immaculate that's what they like at uni. Their father used to pay the bedder to do a little extra tidying but that's not possible now.

I am so sorry to hear you have never had help - I imagine I'd be grumpy if I hadn't.

PMSL! You're sorry for people who have never had paid help. Thank you for trying to play at passive aggressive. 0/10. Please try again.

Most people don't and manage perfectly fine. I wouldn't want anyone in my house handing my stuff and dirty laundry. No, thanks.

Mine can cook, budget, etc. Well, one is still too young to drive and they don't wipe their feet on me, either.

Whoops are those people you're talking about older than primary school age? If yes, then just..don't cook.

DH remains grateful for my vagina

That is grim. Sorry but if that’s all he sees you as, and you just see him as someone who pays for stuff then that is not a healthy relationship.

@FuckingFabulous I love you... and your attitude 😉.

What is this really distasteful way of describing a woman by her Vagina.
Yes, we all have on... but why is it being used as a put-down & worst of all by other women.

@StanfordPines

DH remains grateful for my vagina

That is grim. Sorry but if that’s all he sees you as, and you just see him as someone who pays for stuff then that is not a healthy relationship.

And have so much time to attempt inventing clever, pithy PA remarks due to having staff to handle all the domestic work, naturally .

I am so sorry to hear you have never had help - I imagine I'd be grumpy if I hadn't.

Yes, we're all grumpy. All, I don't know, 99% of the British population who didn't grow up with servants are grumpy. You'd just better hope we don't get any grumpier and start running around with flaming torches and pitchforks howling "Eat the rich", hadn't you

I am so sorry to hear you have never had help - I imagine I'd be grumpy if I hadn't.

I’d be a lot grumpier if my husband only saw me as something to stick his dick in.

@StanfordPines I agree with your comments to the Hell of a Bore poster (AKA troll). Even if the braggy bore is posting the truth of her situation, it's not helpful to the OP, or the many others in similar positions.

Do all these men have learning difficulties which make the basic steps of reading a recipe/instructions, preppiing and cooking impossible for them? Because if not, stop feeding them and stop buying the snacks.

What sort of parents are they/will they be if they are not competent to feed themselves and clean up? And if they are competent they just lazy and selfish and letting the women in their lives do the double shift. Not an attractive trait.

DH remains grateful for my vagina

Good God. The wheels have come off this thread.

I feel similar OP.

I normally enjoy cooking but the wear of providing 3 meals a day for everyone is draining.

It's not actually so much the cooking but the planning and shopping - plus the endless requests for snacks.

I've also found expectations raised...in so far that previously cereal or toast was fine for breakfast on a weekday, but because they are all at home they now want a cooked breakfast (not a full English but things like muffins with poached eggs etc).

A few weeks ago I decided I'd had enough....

I said they needed sort breakfast for themselves and if they wanted to eat poached eggs enough they would google how to make them.

I still sort lunch but expect "help" doing it and for dinner like pp's have suggested I've given in and ordered Hello Fresh 4 days a week.

TBF I was a bit skeptical of HF given how much I usually enjoy cooking but it's been a revelation. I'm still cooking from scratch (and often slightly vary the recipe to put my stamp on it) but losing the effort of what to shop/meal plan for 4 days a week has been great (and not suddenly realising I've missed a vital ingredient of the online shop). The quality of the ingredients has been really good (something I was worried about).

DH did question the cost but I simply replied "cheaper than you employing a chef to cook because you can't and I won't unless things change" and it's not been mentioned since .

Thankfully they are pretty good at unloading/loading the dishwasher!

[quote RosesAndHellebores]@rawalpindithelabrador what a rather interesting way of looking at things. Personally, I am thrilled with the way my life has turned out. DH remains grateful for my vagina, has provided a couple of fabulous homes, paid help, school fees and lots of other perks. The DC have been brought up to rely on their intellect, are rather marvellous and I so hope their lives will replicate ours. They can cook, drive, budget, are tidy and very good natured.

I wasn't brought up to clean and nor have they. But they and I can and because their home has always been immaculate that's what they like at uni. Their father used to pay the bedder to do a little extra tidying but that's not possible now.

I am so sorry to hear you have never had help - I imagine I'd be grumpy if I hadn't.[/quote]
Good grief - not even a humble brag just an all out boast ! You sound unbearably smug and totally insensitive

Know the feeling. I've stopped asking what people want, I just decide and then cook what I fancy, take it or leave it. Lunches I have the same thing, soup and sandwiches or leftovers - if DH looks woebegone because of the offerings I just tell him to fuck himself get takeout.

@DeRigueurMortis

I feel similar OP.

I normally enjoy cooking but the wear of providing 3 meals a day for everyone is draining.

It's not actually so much the cooking but the planning and shopping - plus the endless requests for snacks.

I've also found expectations raised...in so far that previously cereal or toast was fine for breakfast on a weekday, but because they are all at home they now want a cooked breakfast (not a full English but things like muffins with poached eggs etc).

A few weeks ago I decided I'd had enough....

I said they needed sort breakfast for themselves and if they wanted to eat poached eggs enough they would google how to make them.

I still sort lunch but expect "help" doing it and for dinner like pp's have suggested I've given in and ordered Hello Fresh 4 days a week.

TBF I was a bit skeptical of HF given how much I usually enjoy cooking but it's been a revelation. I'm still cooking from scratch (and often slightly vary the recipe to put my stamp on it) but losing the effort of what to shop/meal plan for 4 days a week has been great (and not suddenly realising I've missed a vital ingredient of the online shop). The quality of the ingredients has been really good (something I was worried about).

DH did question the cost but I simply replied "cheaper than you employing a chef to cook because you can't and I won't unless things change" and it's not been mentioned since .

Thankfully they are pretty good at unloading/loading the dishwasher!

Hurrah! Thats the spirit ! Do you think it carried on for so long because you saw yourself as the default cook? If any of mine expected a full english or muffins and poached eggs I would just laugh !

DH can cook - but it takes him literally 3 times logber than me. The sight of him, mincing, slicing carrots is enough to make me weep.

May I suggest those giving me a kicking read my earlier posts and Rawalpindi's response at 20.02.

Remains grateful for my vagina 🤢🤢

Ah, @RosesAndHellebores.... my husband sees me as more than a human fleshlight. See, as much as his ADHD causes issues for me, he's also a lovely man, a great father, a hard worker and not a smug person like you (and I assume your DH) and definitely not someone who treats me like a handy hole to masturbate into.

@Templetree

am not a housekeeper/servant, I am their mother. I also ask them who is actually responsible for cleaning the mess they make? Exactly this !

No one has answered my question as to why, when you are so angry and fed up, are you allowing this to happen?
Fear, internalised gender roles, verbal abuse if challenged ? Why?

I don’t get it either.

From before I married DH I was clear on 50:50 in the house or he fucks off.

From when the kids were young, they had chores. You have to train children to cook, to be tidy, to do their share of the chores from when they’re young, so that it’s normal to them.

It’s definitely getting to me having to feed them all ALL THE TIME. And when you say what shall we have for tea the response is always, I don’t mind whatever you want to cook. DH is responsible for Saturday night tea, thinking what to have, buying/ordering and cooking it. This seemingly exhausts him, he is now snoring away.