I'm sick of running the 24hr "Corona Cafe" !

[Pebbles574]

DH and two young adult DSs at home and I am just TOTALLY fed up with all the food shopping (online), delivery & putting away, stocking, checking and constantly restocking the fridge, freezer and larder and the ENDLESS meals, snacks, cups of tea and coffee etc etc.

We take it in turns to cook dinner, but the mental load is still mine ("what shall I cook"/ "I don't know what to make"/ "how do a defrost XYZ" etc).

Also, I have a food intolerance which means that I can't eat a lot of ready meal type food (including soups and pasta sauces) so I tend to make stuff from scratch for me. But I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!
So for example today I made a huge batch of bacon, tomato and lentil soup which I thought would see me well into next week for lunches.
I said there was a small bowl each for lunch today, but to leave the rest to cool.
Then I came downstairs to find them all having massive bowls and seconds, emptying the pan and finishing off the loaf of bread which only just arrived this morning!

And it’s a constant round of nagging to get people to load and empty the dishwasher, and anything that needs handwashing just gets left on the side.

I really am totally fed up!

Anyone else want to rant too?

Stop cooking fun our them. They're all adults. My mum stopped cooking for me when I was a teenager.

It's got nothing to do with our sex or low standards. It has everything to do with the fact that somewhere along the line, my DH learned that in order to make a meal, you have to destroy everything within your line of vision in order to make a shit bacon butty. I blame the PILs and boarding school.

It's got everything to do with low standards. somewhere along the line you should have told him he needed to learn to cook and then tidy up and fix the kitchen after himself

I’ve taken to doing a hello Fresh box for when I’m not here . I love cooking , so I buy ingredients , rather than meals , iyswim. Doesn’t help that DH isn’t an improviser where food is concerned, so although he’s perfectly capable of cooking, actually deciding what he’s going to cook is more of a pain for him. So I now get him to decide what he wants from Hello fresh a week earlier , and he does one of their meals . We tried normal menu planning , and it didn’t seem to work, but this way does because he feels obliged to use it up .

Gah. Just last night. I'm wfh, but on lates 1230-2200 so I take my refs late around 2000 and we all eat then. DH is supposed to cook.

So the night before I put in some paneer, onions and peppers into marinade so we could have tandoori skewers. I get ' I'm not doing this , it'll make my hands messy. ' ds also refuses to get hands messy. Fine. Pop it in a tray then. Then I get ' I don't like paneer'. Despite eating it last week. Next job. Put spinach into the chickpea curry Id already prepped. I get a shout from downstairs: 'It won't all fit!'

So back down I go. Put it in a bit at a time and stir. It shrinks. 'But it keeps falling out and making a mess!'

Aaargh!

And they both polished off the paneer, despite not liking it.

2 nights in 10 is all he has to manage. Pffft.

Maybe you should step back and just take the mental load and they can do the rest. You plane the meals and order the food, complete rota the cooking and the clearing which they execute.

Word to the wise: if you want to protect your food form the velociraptors, put it in the freezer. Far too lazy to defrost.

Yes! Drives me barmy. Both DS's and DH at home everyday, expecting some sort of menu at lunchtime. They always ask me what there is- go and bloody look!! There's always plenty, and choice if you can be bothered to look....

I seem to be the only person who is capable of transferring empty toilet roll tubes from the holder to the bin and replacing with a new one. I'm also the only person who seems capable of checking if the dishwasher is empty and has room for the 543 dishes that are left on the side. I also have a super power of relocating towels left on bedroom floors back to the towel rails. And the thing I have become highly efficient at is removing 402,000 bowls and plates and cups from bedrooms. I'm also the only person in a house of 5 people who seems to be able to provide, put away and cook food.

And don't get me started on my ability to turn a light off in a room no one is in. I'm a professional in that area.

I was getting fed up with this too. So in the past few weeks putting out the recycling has become DS's job, DD (teen) washes up after lunch and makes lunch one or two days a week. DS (pre-teen) also makes lunch one day (normally beans on toast but at least I don't have to do it). Even though it's not much it helps a bit. DH is out of the house during the day.

I have been known to do a strike on shopping/dinner to make a point to DH about how much mental work it is. Usually by about Wed we've run out of food. He has a small but decent repertoire of meals he can do decently - but even ones he's made loads of times he still asks me what needs to go in it.

I can empathise with so much of your post Pebbles.
I have never done online food shopping in order to leave slots for those who really need them. Consequently I get to the supermarket by 8am to ensure it is quiet and hopefully fully stocked. When I get home DS is usually still fast asleep and DH is at work so I have to do all the lugging and unpacking (although this does at least mean I can buy treats and hide them in the hope of actually getting some of them for myself!) In Lockdown 1, when DS was stuck in his Uni city, I could go for 2 weeks without needing to go to the supermarket. He's been back home since 9th December now and no sign of him disappearing again at the moment as all lectures are on line. I'm having to shop every week. As a Masters student with very limited student loan and not able to get a part time job due to Coronavirus, he is quite happy to eat us out of house and home so that he's got more money to spend on beer when he eventually goes back to Uni (if the pubs ever open again). He does cook once or twice a week but it is the constant snacking and the crockery on the worktop/draining board that does my head in. FFS how hard can it be to open the dishwasher door and put the crockery in and wipe up after you've made a sandwich or spilled the coffee on the worktop. Plus the intermittent "have we got any .........?" cries from the kitchen. Well no we damn well haven't because you or your DF ate the last bit/one and didn't bother to tell me we'd run out even though you know I don't eat/drink that thing so was unlikely to notice.

We have some ground rules which I stick to. I.e. if it's not written on the shopping list or meal plan, I wont be ordering it. If you want chocolate mousse, add it to your shopping list or expect it to he forgotten.

Reading these threads makes me fear we’re raising another generation of useless men who can’t cook/ meal plan/ budget/ do dishes/ operate a washing machine. It’s honestly revolting to read.

Maybe I'm a in bad mood today, but I find posts like this ridiculous.

Don't fucking do it then!

'What shall I have for dinner?'
'Whatever you want'
'What is there?'
'Look'

'Where's the x?'
'I don't know'

'How do you make x?'
'Google it'

My Dds were about 6 when they knew not to ask me what there was for breakfast. 'Look yourself, get a bowl, and pour your choice in' was taught to them when they were about 5. And they're not particularly exceptional children.

Now we are all at home I arrange food deliveries to arrive at a time everyone can help to bring through the crates and put things away. I hate the way my DSs start scanning all the food as soon as it arrives and trying to 'claim' stuff for later (WTF?).

I've found it easier that food arrives when there is nobody is about. That way I can put aside hide the interesting stuff

Agree @arethereanyleftatall, I find it baffling. They're adults, let them buy their own snacks and store them in their rooms. I would have gone absolutely postal about their selfish behaviour with your soup - it's just plain disrespectful. I'd be sorting myself from now on and leave them to it. Presumably they didn't starve when they didn't live at home?

Firstly, I'd be pointing out that soup was your lunch for the week, giving them the recipe and telling them to make more!

Once that was sorted they'd all be getting a talk about division of labour and set days to cook. Up to them to cook it, and make sure the ingredients they need are on the list before shopping is ordered. They're 18 and 21 ffs. If they can cook their own lunch, they can cook everyone's meal in the evening. Same goes for DH.

Oh I’m sick of the endless meal planning for online shopping. There’s only me so I can be relatively flexible and I always did a weekly shop with a list but it just seems so monotonous and there’s no opportunity for something to take your fancy in the shop. I’ve had one of those meal kit boxes every few weeks just for some variety so whilst I have to decide which 3 or 4 recipes I want it comes as a complete meal and I’ve had some really different dishes.

My husband was brought up like this. When we moved in together I found a piece of paper in the student cookery book she bought him with instructions on how to make pasta (including instructions on how to heat up a jar of sauce) and a bacon sandwich. Luckily he's not like that now- he does all the cooking and pre Covid did all the shopping (I do it now as I get the NHS discount at Morrison's).

There is no excuse for a grown man to stay clueless. Parents who do everything for their adult children don't help but ultimately when you grow up there's no excuse.

I think you should tell your DH to take over for February. It's now his responsibility to do the online orders and to ensure everyone (including you with your intolerances) has something appropriate to eat for every meal.

All questions about cooking get directed to him. If he pulls his weight around the house in other ways, you could take on some of his chores for the month in exchange.

OP
Do you mean that you are providing hot drinks and snack or that they are consuming them?
If its the latter then its a bit unreasonable .
The former then you are mad!
The soup thing is absolutely outrageous and they would have got an absolute bollocking from me.
I have one adult DS at home.
General rule is DIY for breakfast and lunch.
Ham, eggs, bread, salad, cheese etc can be consumed but anything like raw chicken etc would be for a meal.
I dont buy any snacks-crisps, sweets etc
There is always a homemade cake.
He always asks if its ok to dive in.
He is on dishwasher/ kitchen duty each day.
DH hoovers, I clean bathrooms.
Your family sound horribly entitled.
Put your foot down!

@maddiemookins16mum

How are these young adults getting to the stage where they know so little?

It's not that they can't - It's that they won't. And such is the collective stress at the moment, that it is really difficult to address it, so I just put up with it.

I feel your pain. The problem is I am working very part time at the moment; DH has a v stressful job and DS is doing A levels. I don't cook lunch any more; they have a sort of brunch of eggs, bread, salad and fruit. I cook dinner but some days if I am very tired, I don't do that either and we just eat leftovers or takeaway. Am spending all the money I am saving by not going out on takeaway.

I have taken to buying food that I know they don't like for myself so I know there'll be something left I like at the end of the week. I am also hiding food to bring out halfway through the week else everything I buy just wouldn't last the week. What have I become!

Same.
I tried to get the DC's to make a meal (secondary age) but they willingly didn't eat all evening then whinged and argued they were hungry. I'm so tired I couldn't stand my ground and organised something.
I might try again in half term when I've got a week off work but I know I'll be tidying up the mess they make instead.

Absolutely get it. Mine are 22, 26 and 59. DC at uni although DS was working in March so three of us paid to work from home and DD studying. On 23rd March DS put his head round my door and said "er mum it's 1.20, are you going to do something about lunch?". No dear boy, I am at work, do what you do when I am at work.

I have always cooked dinner and that's not an issue here. But yes the sheer quantity of food is industrial (and DH is back at work now) with two grown up DC at home. I think I am spending about £1000 pm, including beers and wine!