I'm sick of running the 24hr "Corona Cafe" !

[Pebbles574]

DH and two young adult DSs at home and I am just TOTALLY fed up with all the food shopping (online), delivery & putting away, stocking, checking and constantly restocking the fridge, freezer and larder and the ENDLESS meals, snacks, cups of tea and coffee etc etc.

We take it in turns to cook dinner, but the mental load is still mine ("what shall I cook"/ "I don't know what to make"/ "how do a defrost XYZ" etc).

Also, I have a food intolerance which means that I can't eat a lot of ready meal type food (including soups and pasta sauces) so I tend to make stuff from scratch for me. But I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!
So for example today I made a huge batch of bacon, tomato and lentil soup which I thought would see me well into next week for lunches.
I said there was a small bowl each for lunch today, but to leave the rest to cool.
Then I came downstairs to find them all having massive bowls and seconds, emptying the pan and finishing off the loaf of bread which only just arrived this morning!

And it’s a constant round of nagging to get people to load and empty the dishwasher, and anything that needs handwashing just gets left on the side.

I really am totally fed up!

Anyone else want to rant too?

From now on OP, just prepare food for yourself (hot or cold). When they demand to know where theirs is and why you haven't made them any, look up, smile sweetly and say 'When did you last make me anything to eat?'. Then look back at your plate and carry on eating.

They'll learn.

Try making dinner just for yourself and leave them to their own devices (hard, I know, if they're eyeing up the deliveries). They might get the message. Or maybe just flip? I feel your pain.

@thefirstmrsrochester

I love cooking but it’s turned into a bloody chore catering for the house. DH gets takeaway when it’s his turn to cook, meaning that food for dinners I had planned sits there until I use it or put it in the freezer. All ‘I don’t fancy x, y or z, let’s get in a curry’. What he’s really saying is that he can’t be fucked to cook a meal. DC only descend from their rooms when dinner is presented for them. It truly upsets me that I’m coming to hate cooking now because it feels like yet another job for me to do, rather than something which gives me pleasure.

This was banned long ago. A dh choosing takeaway on his turn leaves you solely responsible for healthy varied eating. Again, not a partnership, so don’t go along with it. Serve him plain potatoes or oven chips for a week until he agrees variety and something healthier feels nice for a change. You never get healthy food on your night off, so it seems fair. Even more important when dc come along and can’t eat takeaway when little.

Portion out yours then freeze it.

Yup that's my life too! Only I'm the only adult but my teenager could bloody pull a finger out without me blowing a fuse first (have taught both kids how to cook so no excuse) he will do jobs really badly in the hope I won't make him do it again but I'm wise and he has to keep doing it until he learns to just do a proper job the first time! But infuriating for me and him because every time he has to redo it about 4 times and I have shown him a million times but I'm not giving in!

I seem to have just cleaned up from breakfast and they are moaning for lunch, same with tea. It's all a bit ground hog day at the moment. On Friday I thought it was Thursday, Saturday I thought was Sunday - hell knows what day I think it is today! I'd fail the alzheimers test coz I haven't a clue what the day, date or time is anymore and I'm still in 2020! 😂

@Pebbles574 exactly this in my house. DH always nipping out to get some completely unnecessary ingredient that I have have "forgotten" . Wtf is the point of online shop then?

Well this is why I am divorced...
The people on this thread who say "why do women put up with this?" Have never had the misfortune to live with a man who is so lazy he would rather wreck his marriage then pull his weight around the house.
I have two young adult DS at home. Yes they are a pain and it is costing me a fortune in food shopping but they do pay rent and they will go to the shop when the cupboard is bare. they trash the kitchen when they cook, but at least they do cook. And if I have a moan about the state of the kitchen they will try and improve things! It's not easy but they listen, and try and do better (unlike their father). I think we are all entitled to have a moan though!

Yes, just this. 3 teenagers in the house, 2 boys who eat constantly and a vegetarian daughter. All lovely and helpful mostly and occasionally cook but when I get asked at 10am most days whats for dinner? I love cooking but sometimes....

I could have written your post too.
To top it off, last week I had fed the children and taken them up for a bath, leaving dinner for me and DH in the pot (with enough for seconds). I came back down after dealing with children to eat my dinner. "Ahh, where's my food?" My husband had come in and obviously thought "Hmm great" and ate all of it! More than two people could ever possibly eat!

Here, cooking duty is rotated weekly. The grocery delivery comes Tuesday morning, and it is one person’s job to plan, purchase and deliver lunch and dinner until the following Monday night.

I book the delivery slots, but otherwise don’t have to think about food shopping, meal plans, juggling shelf lives etc. unless it’s my week to cook. It’s revolutionary - give it a try and see if they sink or swim.

@SchoolMum66 Please tell me he ordered you takeout or cooked you dinner

My youngest just moved out and I am adjusting to no longer being "the quartermaster to the useless" as you so eloquently put it, and having to plan meals, and laundry, and cleaning and all the little annoying tasks that are both physically and mentally wearing you out. Come up with a "chore chart" and relieve yourself of some of the more tedious planning activities that seem to fall exclusively on mums worldwide by delegating even the planning portions throughout the family. Good luck, someday you'll actually miss this madness, but then you'll get on the computer and do as you please. Hang in there! This isn't forever!

DH can cook, he's just swamped with work and doesn't. But in fairness, he mostly runs the entire laundry operation.

Dd is just an obnoxious teen. She can cook, but uses everything, adds way too much spice, and needs the kitchen to herself while she does. So she often cooks for herself but not so often for the family (although that did happen once last week).

This week I'd ordered a premodern meatballs dish in the online shopping, for something different, but it arrived needing to be used the next day. Which couldn't work, so I froze it and defrosted again to use yesterday. But DH was bored and wanted something different, so we got a takeaway. So tonight I have a choice of risking the meatballs because I think they would be nice, or making a turkey and mushrooms dish I had planned and had defrosted turkey for (I took that out to thaw in the fridge early yesterday - hours before the decision to change dinner).

But I cancelled this week's order because so much messing with plans has meant my freezer gradually filling up as "top ups" intended to get 1 thing, included lots more with plenty of ready meals or different meats coming home. So we will eat a lot of turkey (as dd has decided she doesn't like it anymore...) and chicken, and frozen veg.

Same story here. I was always whipping my teens into independence but both are ASD and have been thorough eating disorders: that means ALL food prep and everything is down to me. I despair about how I ended up here.

I totally understand OP

And yes, of course, DCs and DHs/DPs (where applicable) need to be made to understand that we are not slaves and if we are martyrs we make ourselves so. My DH is an excellent cook and he in fact prepared the vast majority of our weekday meals and we are tastily and nutritiously fed. My now-teenage DCs have been doing the washing up themselves (for the whole family) for so long I can’t even remember when it started. They know how to change their beds and do their laundry and push the vacuum around and I do from time to time get them involved in meal preparation (it goes without saying that for breakfast they are on their own). DS15 is on weekly bin duty.

But even with the best, most disciplined will in the world, the lockdown sure makes it much more difficult than it would otherwise be.

Take the shopping and the “eating me out of house and home” greed. DH is perfectly capable of grocery shopping but he’s so fixated on how frugal he can be that the shopping he expects to last a whole week lasts 4-5 days at most. Every. Single. Time. In normal times this is no problem, I don’t mind popping out to pick up something I’d like for a special weekend meal or to top up milk and eggs and bread (OMG THEY GET THROUGH SOOOOO MUCH BREAD! 😱) . My DCs in normal times would also be happy to walk or cycle to the shops themselves to pick up something we’ve run out of. We don’t do food delivery as it isn’t something we’ve done much in the past and we’re not shielding, so we leave the slots for those who need them. I try very hard to confine our shopping strictly to once per week, and I do it myself so I know we have a chance of having enough food to get that week.

So this means that when they thoughtlessly finish the last of something, maybe something I’d been saving for myself, it’s even more annoying than it would otherwise be as it can’t be remedied as quickly (the finger pointing “IT WASN’T ME!!” is a whole other thread).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m trying hard to train my DCs to be more considerate and independent. I’m sure in the end we will get there and they will be productive and worthy housemates and spouses. Encouraging those of us complaining to commence or keep at the training is definitely right.

But a rant every once in a while at the difficulty of it all is also fine.

I am with you with all the above, it feels like university all over again!! Although single and it was only for three years!! We didn’t have a dishwasher either!! I think that is why now after all these years, I get up at 7.30am DH has gone to work everyday, crunchy nut cornflakes every morning for my 12 Year old!! The most exciting thing today is the layer of snow and people having trouble getting to work!! I always enjoyed those challenges!! My 8 year old, I am just waiting to log her into zoom!! I have washed up put the washing on and tidied up!! Sick of anything on TV, Facebook and Alexa!! I need a real job hopefully n 2022 will be a good year!! 😄😄

My teenagers are still at school and neither me or DH work from home. However yesterday was our last day of isolation after DD1 tested positive for Covid (luckily she wasn't really ill) and the amount of food they got through was unbelievable.
Constantly asking what's for lunch /dinner? What time are we having dinner? When are we getting the food delivery?
None of them are able to wash up or put wrappers in the bin. My husband cooks once a week but I have to make sure he has the ingredients.
Blew my top last night when my husband asked how I'd managed to let the eggs go out of date, even though he's the only one who eats them.
I'm so glad they're back at work and school today!

Out of date eggs usually being perfectly edible for several weeks...

DD had soup, followed by truffle pasta and ice cream for breakfast this morning, when I asked dc to take some responsibility I did not envisage that menu before midday! Having troughed through most of the fridge and used up every pan in the process I am wondering what the others will now do for lunch...

Same.
I'm a SAHM to 3 DS (2, 7 and 11) and suddenly I feel like my "workload" has just doubled. I do all the cleaning, washing/ironing. Food shop (which now includes wiping it all down). Meal prep and cooking. That was all fine. It's my part in our marriage. But now I've got the 2 older ones at home and suddenly I'm a teacher.
The snack consumption in our house is unreal. All day long all I hear is "I'm hungry!" "I'm starving - can I have a snack?!"
Our food shopping bill has gone up by £30 a week just in snacks.
I have to constantly monitor what they're eating in a day.
DH is now working from home and does absolutely nothing to help out. Even tho he doesn't have to do his usual 90 minute commute every morning/evening.
He will literally step over the dumping ground that is the 2 elder ones room. Doesnt even attempt to tidy. I don't think he's done a load of washing in about a decade. No joking!
Despite me telling him several times that I am struggling - he doesn't do anything about it.
I'm actually kind of glad that I'm not the only one tbh.

I have been thinking about this thread and it's true that I need to get my kids to do more (although they aren't 100% lazy and do help already).

The actual truth is that I like my autonomy and time alone, which I normally get a reasonable balance of when school is open. I love my kids and we get on, but I struggle with interacting all the time. It's easier for me to feel in control and less harassed if I do most of the housework and cooking myself, rather than nagging them to do it and correcting how they do it. They are naturally messy and disorganised (and one has DCD/dyspraxia), and however much I teach them and show them, they aren't going to be as tidy as I am.

I get the posters on this thread saying we all should have trained our DC to pull their weight by age 5, but it's not always that simple.

@HerselfIndoors - what the posters who have their DC trained by 5 in advanced vacuuming and dishwashing don’t realise is that it’s all well and good teaching their DCs to be tidy and considerate (and definitely to be encouraged!) and it can be so adorable to see their delight in “helping”, but once they become teenagers even the best trained need CONSTANT KICKING AND PROMPTING AND REMINDING to get them to have anything to do with it.

Again, totally worth keeping at it but it does sometimes feel soul-destroying.

Yes - I'm exhausted with trying to keep up with my paid work, homeschooling and all the extra housework. But it's even more exhausting - for me - to run a housework school at the same time, because I get satisfaction and some of the sense of the control over my surroundings that I desperately need, from doing it - much faster and better than they would.

I am going to get them more involved in cooking, and I just got teen to do his room and clear out all the cups etc which is a start.

I get the posters on this thread saying we all should have trained our DC to pull their weight by age 5, but it's not always that simple.

It's absolutely not simple @HerselfIndoors, it's one of the hardest things to do as a parent! But what's the alternative? You turn them out into the world as hopeless adults, relying on future flatmates or partners to train them?

Also, you have to give them some autonomy. I don't like the way DD does some household tasks but unless she's going to break something or hurt herself I don't "correct" her.

She's 13 and can clean the kitchen/empty the dishwasher, vacuum, dust, do laundry, clean a bathroom, prepare some basic meals and care for the dog. It's made for a much nicer household.

Of course teenagers are by their nature lazy, selfish and inconsiderate, that's normal. What's sad is that there seems to be also a load of husbands on this thread who act like they're still 15..