I'm sick of running the 24hr "Corona Cafe" !

[Pebbles574]

DH and two young adult DSs at home and I am just TOTALLY fed up with all the food shopping (online), delivery & putting away, stocking, checking and constantly restocking the fridge, freezer and larder and the ENDLESS meals, snacks, cups of tea and coffee etc etc.

We take it in turns to cook dinner, but the mental load is still mine ("what shall I cook"/ "I don't know what to make"/ "how do a defrost XYZ" etc).

Also, I have a food intolerance which means that I can't eat a lot of ready meal type food (including soups and pasta sauces) so I tend to make stuff from scratch for me. But I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THIS!
So for example today I made a huge batch of bacon, tomato and lentil soup which I thought would see me well into next week for lunches.
I said there was a small bowl each for lunch today, but to leave the rest to cool.
Then I came downstairs to find them all having massive bowls and seconds, emptying the pan and finishing off the loaf of bread which only just arrived this morning!

And it’s a constant round of nagging to get people to load and empty the dishwasher, and anything that needs handwashing just gets left on the side.

I really am totally fed up!

Anyone else want to rant too?

@megletthesecond

The thing is you can train infant and primary aged children to cook and work as a team, that was easy. But my teens couldn't care less now. DS won't even mix up the cookie mix he loves, DD sneak eats things I've put aside. It's really hard.

If they dont care less then they wont get fed ! Simple.

Odd, to take on a project husband. I liked my husband and thought he was fabulous before I married him. Still do. I'm just pissed off with the lack of proper assistance/shared load

So, in other words, you’re a doormat who is jealous of women who have set healthy boundaries, insulting their “project husbands” who share 50% of the work at home?

If you’re pissed off with the “lack of proper assistance”... then be like those women with with the “project husbands” and do something about it. Seems logical.

@Templetree

Odd, to take on a project husband. I liked my husband and thought he was fabulous before I married him. Still do. I'm just pissed off with the lack of proper assistance/shared load

Im sure she thought her DH was fabulous but she set her boundaries regarding his lack of competence and sharing the load.
Its not odd at all.
Stop telling other women they are odd for having boundaries .
We put up with that shit from men all the time!

Firstly, I didn't tell her she was odd. I implied it was an odd thing to do. 🙄 Stop deliberate misinterpretation/twisting of comments. We put up with enough of that from men.

You seem to dislike everything you hear that doesn't mean a household/relationship is running the way yours is. Stop having such a narrow view of life and situations. We put up with enough of that from men.

You asked a question and then reminded women that none of them have yet answered you above anyone else in the conversation m. Then, when you got your answer, claimed you'd be doing differently and better. Stop doing all of that. We put up with enough of that from men.

@WizardOfAus

Odd, to take on a project husband. I liked my husband and thought he was fabulous before I married him. Still do. I'm just pissed off with the lack of proper assistance/shared load

So, in other words, you’re a doormat who is jealous of women who have set healthy boundaries, insulting their “project husbands” who share 50% of the work at home?

If you’re pissed off with the “lack of proper assistance”... then be like those women with with the “project husbands” and do something about it. Seems logical.

The other words you've provided me with couldn't be further from the truth. My DH has ADHD. He was in the military when we married. When he came out of the military, he floundered with not having a routine like that and doesn't seem to understand that my routine works for the house and there are jobs he can and should do. Our older DS has ADHD. Our daughter is disabled. Our other child is 5. Everyone except me is high needs, but I don't have the sort of interpreted authority to impose a strict regime because the house has always been seen as the place to get away from that part of daily life. I have no place to let off steam. I have no Me Time escape while we're all locked down. I'm here to rant about how difficult I'm finding it. You know, in the spirit of this thread. Not to be pulled apart by people who haven't a bloody clue and just expect that every household is capable of operating like theirs.

Stop doing all of that. We put up with enough of that from men.

Nope!
Just because you are furious at your situation doesnt mean that you can snipe and take your temper out on those who wont stand for it.
Blame them and yourself not those of us who stand firm and have boundaries in place .

The thing is I do have a clue!
DD and DH not NT ( not explaining what on here) but Im not prepared to sacrifice myself and my MH any longer.
Been there, done that.

Im not coming back to this so save your ranting.

Odd, to take on a project husband. I liked my husband and thought he was fabulous before I married him. Still do. I'm just pissed off with the lack of proper assistance/shared load.
He was just young and his parents had neglected what I consider some basic components of bringing up children. We were married shortly out of uni. He loves me and I recognise potential . Shame you’re sitting there pissed off at the unequal load, mine’s out there doing forms for dcs school while I’m about to do some work I need for tomorrow. One child started school last week and I worked school hours to be there for him, dh is doing that this week. (Not in the uk)

If I couldn’t communicate boundaries and what I’m worth in a relationship clearly then we’d be another one of the many divorced couples out there. Most of those women didn’t think they were taking on a project husband, but some of those marriages didn’t work out for lack of being able to set boundaries, after a while it’s too late and the love is gone.

I recognise potential is not instead of and I love him. Both obviously . We’ve been together a long time.

@Templetree

Stop doing all of that. We put up with enough of that from men.

Nope!
Just because you are furious at your situation doesnt mean that you can snipe and take your temper out on those who wont stand for it.
Blame them and yourself not those of us who stand firm and have boundaries in place .

😂

Oh, dear.

@BigWoollyJumpers

Or, like last week, the world's smallest cauliflower. Not much bigger than a tennis ball

I've cracked this one. I've started putting notes on my orders against things like this "If small, please can I have two - Needs to feed four".
"If you don't have brown bread, white is fine, in fact ANY bread will do". They actually did bring two the other day with a pointed cabbage.

@BigWoollyJumpers

What I great idea, I thought! But unfortunately there isn't that option with Sainsbury's

Anyway, today I've specifically ordered an extra large cauliflower, so let's see what that brings!

@timeisnotaline

I recognise potential is not instead of and I love him. Both obviously . We’ve been together a long time.

We've been together a long time too, but he's only left a very structured role in the last year and it's been a struggle. The military managed his ADHD quite well- he's floundering like mad on his own. All the help he and DS would ordinarily have had stopped due to Covid and they both seem to think I'm the manager of a small hotel dedicated to making their lives easier- probably because as I said, home HAS always been the sanctuary. However, when we're all home, all making mess, all eating and creating dishes and washing, those with capable bodies should help! I swallow down the irritation that I have to practically hand hold and spoon feed because it's unfair of me to be cross at something they can't help. But it rankles so much when I ask for something to be done and it takes them all day to get round to it, or they're distracted immediately. For example, I didn't do the dishes last night. I told DH I wasn't because I had cooked and the load was to be shared. He agreed merrily. Didn't lift a finger. Has come down this morning to the dishes not magically done, got himself in a bit of a flap, I still said it's fair that he do them.....he's been in there an hour and a half, music blaring, various banging sounds. I've tidied all through the house, bathed and dressed DD, put a Disney film on for DS and wanting to sit down with a coffee for a bit before I get the meat in the oven for lunch. So, I enter the kitchen and the dishes are not done. DH has pulled everything out of the cupboards, insisting there's a better way to organise things in here, except now that it's all in front of him he doesn't know what to do with it, so with music still blaring he's put headphones in and is watching a YouTube video on how to dig your own swimming pool.

I can't project manage a grown man and a teenage boy while I have a disabled daughter and a youngster to also care for! It's driving me mad! And, as seems to be the way things are at the moment for me, as I've been writing this I've had three messages from DD asking for hot sweet tea, buttered toast, hobnobs and a different pillow.

So glad other people are over this. I'm sick of planning and shopping and prepping for what feels like endless meals and snacks.

We've taken some of the strain off by basing DC's dinners around what they'd have had at school for lunches that week for some kind of a routine.

Thankfully DH will do most of the cooking for us, he's not necessarily always home for when the DC eat. But he draws an absolute blank when it comes to planning! It drives me insane!!!

Oh my god, this thread is absolute insanity.

Completely with you op. Sick of it! And it’s like everyone is getting lazy. They finish eating and just leave plates in the side. Leaving it all to me to clean up after doing all the cooking in the first place. (I do of course get them back to clean up. But sometimes easier just to do it myself). Then DH says ‘what have you done today. I sorted my wardrobe, did this or did that’. I’m thinking ‘I spent all day f’ing cooking and cleaning up after you all’. It’s like all this stuff happens by bloody magic. Urgh!

I am with you op. I can't do it anymore. I have told the family to sort themselves out next week the hotel catering company is closed. I have ordered stuff that they can warm up and make quickly.

What a crave even more than an orderly fridge and well stocked larder is silence. I have forgotten what the sound of actual silence sounds like, there is constant constant noise, it is a form of torture. My heart starts to sink the minute I hear the wail of Mummy (which is every 30 seconds) even the dog is annoying me.

I have even stopped eating myself (no bad thing to be fair) because I can not stand the sight of food any longer. I can't even look at it.

So op, I am with you.

Agree that cooking and thinking what to cook and planning what to buy so you can cook it, is worse in covid times. I think cooking 7 days a week is such a thankless task anyway. I would so love a holiday in a hotel where it all gets done for me and the most taxing thought I have is "what do I fancy for dinner off this menu?" that has been thought out already and I will not have to lift a finger to prep/cook/serve up/clear away

The sheer CONSUMPTION is horrific.

I am still shocked at the speed of the consumption, the shopping turns up, and it is like a dark cloud of frenzied locusts arrive hoovering up and sucking up every last edible crumb until the fridge is stripped bare, and we start again.

My pet hate is when DH says "we've run out of coffee"
I don't drink coffee. He knows this. I have told him again and again to let me know when it's running low and I will get some. He never does.
Told him he'll have to go and get some then because the weekly shop has been delivered now. Sick of popping to the bloody shops every day.

‘We don’t have any food just ingredients’ has been a complaint in our house🤔

God that sounds very annoying OP. Probably been said , but they need to cook something for you to replace it.

They probably naturally eat more than you but they need to do a proportionate amount fo the cooking and shopping.

I’m a single Mum to 2 dc (12 and 6) and have got really sick of all the cooking! Lots of easy options have happened last week.

Last night 12 yo cooked at her own instigation and that was so nice!

She’s probably cook more if I asked her to, but doesn’t want to pander to dc2’s fussy eating which is understandable!

Hello again - OP here - well, I didn't expect this thread to kick off so much!

Just to clarify a few things, as a few incorrect assumptions seem to have developed along the thread:

• everyone gets their own breakfasts and lunches
• we do have a rota for cooking evening meals, but DH and the DSs cook dull, quick, basic stuff really, and never enough for leftovers. We can't have a totally strict meal plan, as it depends what 'life' food has left on it when we take delivery. Time isn't really an excuse, as all working from home and around from 5.30/6 pm.

It just really annoys me that I can remember to put a joint in the oven at 4.30pm but nobody else can! DH is always "oh woe is me, is it my turn to cook, it will have to be something quick then!" and it's bloody pasta again!

To the poster who said this - YES! 100% agree!
I am still shocked at the speed of the consumption, the shopping turns up, and it is like a dark cloud of frenzied locusts arrive hoovering up and sucking up every last edible crumb until the fridge is stripped bare, and we start again.

Another annoying trend I've spotted is the DSs heading for lunch earlier and earlier (e.g. 11.45) so they can hoover up whatever leftovers there might be from something nice I cooked the night before.

Grrrr....

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

God that sounds very annoying OP. Probably been said , but they need to cook something for you to replace it.

They probably naturally eat more than you but they need to do a proportionate amount fo the cooking and shopping.

I’m a single Mum to 2 dc (12 and 6) and have got really sick of all the cooking! Lots of easy options have happened last week.

Last night 12 yo cooked at her own instigation and that was so nice!

She’s probably cook more if I asked her to, but doesn’t want to pander to dc2’s fussy eating which is understandable!

OP you need to sit down and tell them that their behaviour is selfish and inconsiderate. Hoovering up the "nice things" is just awful. Like you are not a real person or a member of the family. You put thought and care into making nice meals while they make basic ones.

Please, lay it out for them and then go on strike. Make nice meals for yourself. Lock away your own treats etc.

I presume if the offspring are working then they are paying rent? You need to charge them a premium if they're eating more. And your DH needs to pay more into the joint account if he's making the shopping more expensive.

I'm furious on your behalf at how you are being treated in your own house by your own family.

I started out cheerfully enough nearly a year ago when the pandemic started, like everyone else stocking up and planning 'fun' meal times, back when we thought the lockdown was going to be THREE weeks.....remember those sunny days when lockdown was a novelty and we were fighting for pasta. What were we thinking?? Now I would happily hand over the pasta, and my whole trolley of food and skip out of the supermarket never to be seen again!

This pandemic has killed my love of walking, it has killed my passion for cooking and even now warming up tinned soup feels like a huge effort

This behaviour from some of the DH and DC's on here - it isn't just annoying or irritating or fatigue inducing etc.

It is lazy, disrespectful and selfish. Their behaviour just shows the kind of person they are and what they think of the person they are basically wiping their feet on. It's a fucking horrifying lack of respect towards someone they are meant to love.

Fuck that. I don't treat people I love like that - I won't accept being treated like that, either by my teen/adult DC or my DH.

There are zero excuses (and that's what they are, excuses not "reasons") for this behaviour. Working all hours, disabilities, never being brought up to do (and this is always the mother's fault of course) - it doesn't fucking matter. Those excuses all exist in our house too but they won't be used as excuses to behave so fucking selfishly with such little regard for others, especially those others they are meant to love.

Women here need to realise they deserve better and this selfishness is not inevitable or acceptable.

Don't know why I quoted in my last post, sorry!