Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

I walk past the park every day and it’s quite busy - if they didn’t want kids playing they’d have locked them up again.

You’re being silly to not take them out.

We are the same as you

I work from home husband is furloughed and so schooling the nine-year-old

I know exactly what you mean OP. It’s hard when people ask to meet up, to come to my house or go in their car to a drive thru. It feels as though no one else cares about the rules, and then I feel like people think I’m the weird one for actually following them. 🤦‍♀️
I always have bad luck so I’m convinced I would end up catching it the second I break the rules lol, but it does make me feel like a mug when sooo many other people are kind of living as normal and I’m not 🤷‍♀️. I just feel like an idiot. 😞

I want kids activities and sports back for them.

We’re complying because my kids aren’t bothered. They adore each other and play together.

I've got one friend doing what you're doing and they have been doing so since March last year. My toddler plays on average once a week with one other child.

Lots of people are in similar positions. 5is a hard age as younger children can still go to nursery and play. But they aren’t old enough to chat virtually very much.

Are you in the North/midlands OP?
We saw friends and family in the summer when rules were much less strict, but I realise not everyone could.

I don’t think children are all meeting up but I do think most families are going to the play park and children are playing together or forming childcare bubbles (where children get to play) or have a support bubble with a single grandparent.

My daughter is 12 (Scotland, so not counted as a child) and she's still going outside with friends. Half of them are at school together several times a week so I'm not punishing her any more by not even allowing a couple of hours outside.

Mine haven't met another person/child since the lock-down started. My DS hasn't left the house in months. My DD goes out for a run most days but apart from that hasn't left the house. It's been months since they last saw their friends. So, no, you're not the only one doing this.

@Katie517

“Why do people insist on making harsher rules for themselves then complain about it and moan that others are doing things that are allowed?”

But in England you are only allowed to meet one other person for exercise. You are not allowed to meet other parents in the park for play dates, you are not allowed to meet another parent with theirs & your own child/children for a walk/scooter/cycle.

People are trying to do the right thing & keep to the rules & reduce transmission of the virus.

I think most sensible parents are trying to balance the well-being of their children as well as sticking to the rules and everyone has their own comfort zones with this.

It’s not black & white and it’s not easy.

You can take your children out. Either individually or both together. You are choosing to stay at home rather than taking your reception age child out and then getting upset about other people being out?

We are doing the same as you. It’s raining and heavy wind constantly so barely managing walks. Kids been nowhere, I’m wfh, H furloughed. This has been it for weeks now. Seen no one and been nowhere.

I know it's hard op but you're not unusual and from a homeschooling point of view you're in a better position than many in that your DH is there to do it all.

DS who's yr 1has had the same schooling at your daughter. 1 year old twins don't know anyone besides us and DMIL, an elderly widower who in turn see's no one else. The highlight of me floodingy house out wasy Mom and sister helping clean up and seeing my m once a week to sd pass washing to be washed because our washer can't be repaired.

I'm sorry your struggling but no, you're not unique

We're all at home here. DH wfh, I'm a SAHP, DC are 7 and 4. No family nearby. We haven't seen anyone since school broke up in December. The DC haven't been in a shop in months. No zoom calls (DC aren't interested), no "bumping in to" anyone. It's just us. Luckily the DC have each other and get on really well. I don't really feel like we're being left behind, we're actually just finding out who all the secret arseholes are that we'll never bother with again.

Dh goes out to work, I stay home and home school dd (10). She hasn't played with anyone but I do let her go for a walk with her friend who is 15, half an hour, chatting. If I didn't have the older friend I would meet up with the mum and make sure the children were walking 100m ahead (they walk at least this on the way to our cars out of school) so it was 2 groups of 2. However, she has only been for 2 walks and I probably won't do it again as she gets upset that they can't hug or they try and sneak a hug which is stressful.

She has played with nobody but games online, chats to her friends on the phone etc

We are sticking to it like you

@Shibees yes I know it’s not “allowed” in England but in all honesty what is the difference between a 4 year old being able to go out and not be “counted” or a 5/6 year old? Just because its a rule doesn’t mean you mindlessly follow it when it makes no sense and when your child is distressed and getting no social interaction.That’s why Scotland have the right idea with not counting under 12s.

Just read the ages of your children. I would just meet up with someone, she's only 5, pretend she is 4. And your teen can go for a walk with a friend.

I decided after the last lockdown that it was a cruelty to keep my 6 year old from friends of his own age. That I wouldn’t do it again.

So he’s playing with friends in the park, the road and occasionally inside. My child’s needs are obviously very low priority for the powers that be. They aren’t for me.

We are the same here. And we don't go to the shops either, we get it delivered. My son speaks to his friends on facetime and skype. It's far from ideal and I know everyone is suffering but we are taking this seriously. I appreciate not everyone is. In the summer when the rule of 6 existed i met my friend our children played, and they played with other kids at school during the term school's were open. It won't be long and they'll be back to school and things will look better in the Summer.

It is frustrating seeing others flout the rules or their own safety, but you do you.

Is this an overly dramatic version of the common "are we the only ones following the rules now" or faux naïve "have the rules changed and nobody told me?" threads?

Inventive.

Look after your mental health before it cracks, let your daughter have a day off home school once a week and go to the park (if you aren't shielding) and do some baking to take along as a nice snack, let your older one go for a walk with a grandparent maybe? The 5 year old might find other kids to play with at the park for a bit. You have to do as much as you can but equally you can go to the park and stay within the rules.
It's rubbish seeing others have it easier but it is what it is right now, fingers crossed we can get a bit more out of the restrictions next month.

Exactly the same as you.

My only DS hasn’t seen another child or been in a shop since December.

Heartbreaking, but I want lockdown to end and I believe that it will be over sooner if everyone follows the rules.

Unless you or your family have underlying health problems I feel you are being over anxious.
Let the children meet up with friends.

My DD age 10 has seen no friends face to face in person since 11 December as her class bubble closed due to a covid case.
She spends a LOT of time on video calls and chat with her friends in addition to online classes at least 3 times a day. And I take her to the park most days but so far we haven't run into anyone we know at all. So generally I don't think kids are playing out, not round my area, we hardly see anyone.

We saw my mum for whom i am support bubble at Christmas, but then as she is over 80 we took a 22 day break from seeing her, waiting for her first vaccination jab to take effect. She had 22 days where she saw absolutely no one except the supermarket delivery driver.

I do sometimes take the kids to the Post Office or the supermarket but only for small trips, when I have to.

My husband goes into the office 2 or 3 days a week. Neither of us have met anyone for a walk.

My toddler goes to nursery twice a week.

And that's it.

So no, you are not alone and your friends meeting up and bending the rules - well, it's a bit like the black market in WW2, understandable and for many people it was the only way if getting through, but it isnt 100% ethical.

My dc hasn't met a child /person since the Xmas hols started either. We do a click and collect once a week which dh picks up, and I go and pick up my medication from the pharmacy every two months. That's about it.