Are we being left behind? Be honest

[Whitecup4]

I’m sitting in my back garden right now trying so hard not to fall to pieces, fighting back the tears but I’m cracking at the seams. Me and my DH are now arguing about it. My heart can’t cope- please tell me your opinions.

I will try to keep it short- sorry.
We are a couple with 2 children. One teen, one reception at school. Since March last year the kids have only been at school September - December so far.

We don’t have many friends, probably around 8 couples, so 16 people ish. All with children too.

My partner is on furlough and has been from the start. For around a year we have all been home, indoors, apart from when the kids went to school. I work from home.

Now this is the part that’s breaking me and causing rows.
All of our friends, 16 people, go out to work apart from 2, one is a SAHP the other works from home. All of their children apart from one couple send there kids to school, either a full week or part of the week. The one couple that doesn’t send them to school sends them to grandparents.

I don’t care about me or my partner but my kids have literally, and literally being the correct word,.... I can’t emphasise that enough, ...have gone nowhere and played with no one since leaving school in December. (We go for walks, the weather is cold so not for long, but they haven’t been to any place, nans, relatives, anything and nothing) they don’t even get to go to the shops which my DH does, yes it’s a chore food shopping, but he still gets out the house, the kids haven’t at all apart from walks.

Yesterday I saw from my front room window a mum with her two kids walking down the road towards our home, she was with another women and her child too, I looked again and I saw that it was 2 women from the school and the children were from my daughters class- the kids were smiling, walking along together and on there way to the park. I had to shut the front room curtains so my daughter didn’t see, as she is young and wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t go and play- it fucking killed me.

I genuinely feel like no one else is doing what we are doing!! All other kids are at school, going to grandparents, seeing other children on the sly and my kids are prisoners in there own house. No one else is seeing no one, no one else is going nowhere (to work) and having no interaction with any people at all.

Today my youngest lost control and had a full blown tantrum as she didn’t want to do her school work- she screamed at the top of her lungs she is bored and run upstairs crying her eyes out. I said to my partner it’s too much, they don’t even get to have a 5 minute wonder a round a stupid shop, they get nothing, see no one- he said we are being safe...I screamed we are mugs!! We’re cutting our nose to spite our face- no one else is doing this to the extent we are!!! No one!! Home schooling is hard because she HAS to do the work- the pressure.

Am I right or wrong? Is anyone out there, single parent or a couple with children where everyone is in the house and no one really does see anyone else- just the weekly shop by themselves and back again? Have your children really not seen anyone or played with anyone? Be honest please!!!

I can’t handle this for my kids anymore- they will hate us....please tell me what to do? I’m so broken.

@Emmie2021

Dd (11) is currently at the park with her friend

Ds (16) went for some rugby practice earlier with a friend

I’m going for a run with my friend in an hour or so

You a find a way (if it’s not crappy weather !)

@Emmie2021 one on one meet ups are much easier when you have children older than primary school ages - its kids aged 5-10 that are being screwed by the restrictions

DS 16 met a friend for a walk this week. First time since the xmas holidays. He's an only child, DH is wfh and I work outside the home p/t. It is hard.

@NaughtipussMaximus your ds is not special he will cope just fine within the guidance. The little girl a couple of miles from me who lost both her parents to Covid within two weeks , she will never fully recover. Neither of her parents were ECV.

Stop being a martyr and arrange to meet up at the park with your friend/their children. You’re not going to get a medal at the end of this and it sounds like you and your kids would benefit from a bit of interaction.

@MyDcAreMarvel does it feel nice to stick the boot in? Did you get a happy glow from it?

I feel for you and your children, OP. It's a horrible time. I hope the advice people are giving here helps you find a solution that works for you.

When I read these threads it makes sense why the situation is so bad in the UK.

We had a strict second four month lockdown with schools closed in my city (not UK) in our winter. Other mini lockdowns and rules lasted longer.

I don’t know anyone who broke the strict lockdown rules.

DCs (14, 10, 8) saw friends on house party, zoom etc and never IRL. They did go for walks with me sometimes (max 1 hour, had to stay 5kms from home, 8pm curfew- but dark by then and supermarkets started closing early so curfew was not hard).

It wasn’t easy.

We now have one Covid case in our city of 5m.

You poor thing. I think an arranged play date outside with one child would be fine if you can find a friend to do it with.

I think this is the thing too. I’ve suggested it to a couple of people but it would need to be at the weekend, so our husbands could look after the other children and it’s still 4 people meeting (which people aren’t keen on) if I take my 6 or 8 year old. People also aren’t keen mainly because there is just nowhere to go in walking distance which isn’t under water or like a swamp. But also because at weekends they are doing family stuff. Lots of them are bubbling with family or seeing cousins so seeing more people is increasing their risk. So it’s just us.

The schools are closed (to us, anyway) to stop the spread among children and the adults with them in school. If it's fine for them to mix in parks and share play equipment etc, why are the schools closed? Advice to bend/ignore the rules and mix with other people 'because we want to' will just delay schools opening again! Call me selfish but I want my DC to go back to school and be taught by teachers instead of by us at home who don't know WTF we are doing and are trying to work at the same time. While people are pissing around doing what they like, everyone else has to make sacrifices for longer. If there's a family in the playground with Covid but no symptoms, what are the chances of others catching it by standing chatting to them, using the same play equipment and the kids running around together. Just because it's within the rules doesn't mean you should do it!
OP you're doing the right thing and I feel for you, it's a long slog now.

I'm a key worker. So my kid is going to school and then younger one is going to nursery.
Also it's just me at home. So we are visiting my mums house as a support once a week.
And also my sister lives close by so we do visit her as well.
I'm sorry but I think you have gone to an extreme. Kids need social interaction.

Well, as far as you have stated, none of you are at risk from the virus, so yes, you are prioritising the welfare of other people over the welfare of your own DC which is a questionable choice IMO.

I do think in the future, our DC will ask us why we did this, when with the benefit of the hindsight they will undoubtedly have, this form of isolation is extremely harsh on them.

It will be impossible to get them to undersatnd that we just couldn't throw our elderly to the wolves, as they will never undersatnd the nationwide panic this virus unleashed.

To answer your question, sadly yes I do think you will be 'left behind' to an extent if you continue down this path, as so many other people have decided to apply a more common sense approach to our DC mixing socially.

I feel you!!

My kids are 4 and 1 and so we could go out and walk with someone else but we are trying to be as responsible as possible. Obviously we don’t have the pressure of home schooling, just daily activities from nursery, but we went through a stage where my 4 year old thought it was mummy being mean even though we had explained a lot. This does suck, and some people are allowed extra bubbles what with single parents and childcare etc. But a lot of people are breaking the rules, and it makes me feel like crap. You’re not alone!

@Shibees I disagree somewhat. I think the government is largely responsible here for the way the British public have dealt with risk but I digress.

The point still stands that the OP and her family unit are suffering and something needs to change.

I’m following the rules. The rules allow me to:

• Form a support bubble as I have a baby under 1
• form a child care bubble so DC1 (5) can have a play date
• put DC1 (5) in school
• take DC to the park
• meet a friend (without DC) for a walk
• take 1/both DC if I go to the shop

So I am following the rules but not having anywhere near as intense a time as you.
You are having an unnecessarily shit time because you are not using some of the caveats written into the rules. Some of these caveats were not in place for lockdown 1, presumably this time someone in PHE/sage felt these were necessary to try to mitigate the absolute hell that is lockdown for children/parents of young children.

@WalterWalter

When I read these threads it makes sense why the situation is so bad in the UK.

We had a strict second four month lockdown with schools closed in my city (not UK) in our winter. Other mini lockdowns and rules lasted longer.

I don’t know anyone who broke the strict lockdown rules.

DCs (14, 10, 8) saw friends on house party, zoom etc and never IRL. They did go for walks with me sometimes (max 1 hour, had to stay 5kms from home, 8pm curfew- but dark by then and supermarkets started closing early so curfew was not hard).

It wasn’t easy.

We now have one Covid case in our city of 5m.

@WalterWalter after a month of lockdown we've still got over 20,000 new cases per day

Did you know schools were going to be closed for 4months over winter in advance, or did they just keep extending closure? If you don't mind saying what have they done about schools reopening where you are?

@MyDcAreMarvel you have literally no idea what issues my DS may have or whether he will cope fine. So I suggest you button it.

I take DC to the park whenever weather allows. Chances are some families we know will be there and we and they are happy for them to run around together. We do nothing else as there is nothing else to do. I am happy with the level of 'risk' we are taking.

@WalterWalter
"When I read these threads it makes sense why the situation is so bad in the UK."

Completely agree.

@GreenWillow To answer your question, sadly yes I do think you will be 'left behind' to an extent if you continue down this path, as so many other people have decided to apply a more common sense approach to our DC mixing socially

Flipping heck. I can't believe people are standing in judgement against other people actually following the lockdown rules. I agree the rules are especially harsh on primary aged children but if we all start doingaCummings applying common sense to what suits us best personally in lockdown then where would we be? For a start lots more kids would be back in school as who in their right mind would choose to wfh and homeschool?

@Whitecup4

I feel better lots of people are finding themselves in the same position as us, due to following the rules.

If it’s not rude to ask, and I don’t mean this nastily, I really don’t....but do you feel like mugs? Like your the ones who are the fools? That’s how I feel. How can I pull myself back around?

@Whitecup4 My daughter is an only child, she hasn't seen anyone face to face apart from DH and myself since she broke up from school in December. I absolutely do NOT feel like a mug or a fool, we are doing what is necessary to try and reduce possible transmission. What I DO feel is angry when I go to the park and the kids are all over each other and the parents are sat on a bench within a metre of each other chatting...

OP honestly you’re not being left behind you are being really sensible. Our family are doing the same as you and following the guidelines. Take care

@VaVaGloom, we didn’t know it would be so long, they kept extending it. It was such a hard slog. But people really did comply much more than in the UK. Also with everyone wearing a mask all the time outside the house.

It was horrible and never-ending.

People complained a lot.

I’m would have been so annoyed if I had been making a lot of effort. And other people had undermined our family’s sacrifices by not complying.

My DCs missed a lot school. My mental health suffered (lone parent and no bubbling was allowed until the last few weeks).

But it was worth it. DCs are all fine. They are a bit behind at school but is everyone, and it’s actually okay in the scheme of things.

My advice: go out walking as much as you can. Don’t worry about the school work.

When the weather turns to spring everything will seem better and lighter and the slog will be worth it. This won’t last forever. Sunny, bright days are coming

We are following the rules and have all 4 kids at home despite being key workers. We go for a walk nearly every day and play on the park but don't meet anyone. We are in a childcare bubble with my parents who are in their 60s.

But you wouldn't have seen us having fun in groups or posting on social media about going to coffee shops because we aren't doing those things.

You are doing the right thing OP, but there are ways to legally and safely (or safely-ish) live a little more. A walk with friends or a childcare bubble with a likeminded family (so not introducing heaps of extra risk with shopping, working or attending school outside the home) could really help.

My 9 and 7 year olds have been screwed by all this as they can't see their friends at all. Too old to be excluded from numbers but too young to go out alone. It's shit.

Op, I do the shopping and I take my kids with me. I take them to the park and we go for walks even when people are there - you just keep ur distance. You are being hard on yourself by going to the park when no one is there. I have never seen or read that you can't go to the park when other parents and children are there.

Please don't be hard on yourself and go to the park with your little one. Just keep your distance x

I am really shocked at how blasé so many people are being about "using common sense", which is basically a more palatable way of saying "ignoring the rules I don't like".