Crying over school closures

[Fuckallofthis]

Firstly I don’t want an argument or masses of people piling in with ‘think of the teachers’ or their vulnerable people. I fully understand WHY schools can’t/won’t open, I’m just so so upset about it all.

The idea of continuing like this. Working, homeschooling a young child and having a toddler. It’s just impossible. I saw the news about the return being delayed and burst into tears, am currently in the bathroom trying to compose myself for my families sake.

I’m struggling so much, I’m just so tired. I’m failing at home school and had a call yesterday letting me know that I have to send his work back by the end of the day, my toddler is just left to be entertained by the TV and my own work is slacking.

I can’t escape the feeling that when this is over I’m going to be left unemployed, with a stunted toddler and a child very behind in his learning.

What do you prioritise, how can you decide which person/thing is most important? I never thought I’d choose work over children but how else will I pay the bills. This feels like it’s never going to end and I just can’t cope.

It’s just impossible. I can’t be furloughed, school and pre school won’t take the kids and DH is out all day. I feel like I’m drowning.

First of all your toddler will be fine.

With school work, email the head and let them know you are struggling, you are doing your best, the content is not intuitive enough and since you are working all day you are cutting back. Tell them,don't ask. You will try to do maths and English everyday and anything else is a bonus. It could be that the teacher is unreasonable, or that they were asked to do this and put pressure on parents. To upload work,either do it at night when they're in bed or try and see if you can teach DS how to do it.

Work wise , do you have set hours or can you be flexible? If flexible can you work around the kids at all? Wake up earlier , or doing it after their dinner/when they're in bed.with another session mid day when the kids can watch a film or something.

You prioritise yourself, then their wellbeing , then work,then school work.

It's really difficult. And school is bring ridiculous putting extra demands on people. Tell them to * off. Do your best. Its all anyone can do.

What did you do with your toddler before? Nurseries should be open. That would at least help a bit?

I still don’t understand how this isn’t also DH’s responsibility. Why is he gone all day but you have to work from home? Can that be shared? Can he do some school work in the evenings with your y2 child?

work out what your baseline is for a succesful day. For me, I try to end every day with story time - my son practices reading to me and then I read to him in bed. That way however shit the day has gone he has at least practiced his reading and Ive had nurturing one to one time with him. If it goes horribly wrong (random tantrum and then falling asleep mid-tears) then tomorrow is a new day.
And I know it probably lools like I have very low standards. I do.

It’s just terrible . Feel the same . Big hug xx

Take heart. Your child will not be behind if he or she is still a toddler, plenty don't go anywhere near school learning until they are four or five. It must be terribly hard working at home with a child, not much more than a baby, with you all the time. I've no suggestions there except to do your work when the little one is in bed which is no use if you have to have zoom meetings.

Things will improve, there is talk of schools opening on 8th March.

Take heart.

I'm in the same boat. I've no advice for you, but you're not alone. Don't be hard on yourself, it's a completely shit situation. You do what you can and that's it. Take victories in the everything you accomplish - even if the only accomplishment that day is simply getting through the day. I had a complete emotional breakdown over it all yesterday, I don't know how you could through all this without it. And ignore everyone telling you your selfish for wanting the schools to open. It's not.

I called the school and said I was struggling and they were wonderful. I am a single parent and the children only go to their dad's for two evenings a week so all the daytime and school and my own work is down to me. My two are 8 and 6 and unable to work without me, maybe some other children are more independent at this age but mine certainly aren't. Mentally I was just not going to cope. They have said please don't worry and do what you can. I have completely slacked off the school work. They are attending most online classes when there are any and also the morning and afternoon video calls - no work just to check in - and that is it. We are not submitting any work and barely doing any. I just have to hope they will catch up. But there was no physical way I could do it all and do my work and stay sane.

Can u put the toddler in nursery? Or find a childminder

I feel for you OP.

3 children here, DH self employed and out 6 days a week and my job extremely busy.

I am exhausted and hate it all in every way and not doing a good job anywhere

@Fuckallofthis

Thank you everyone for the support. It’s so shit. I’m in a new job on probation and terrified I’m going to lose it because of how shit my work is becoming.

DH is gone all day so it’s not that he’s not pulling his weight, it’s just that he’s never here to do so.

I told the teacher that I was working and he said it’s compulsory this time around so the work needs to be submitted and that he has to call me
If it’s not. We’re trying but there’s no recorded lessons or verbal instructions with it and DC is y2 and doesn’t understand it all so needs a lot of input from me to know what he’s supposed to do.

Trying to do school work on the weekend is a good idea, I might email school again and say that’s what we’re going to try and do.

Totally understand the permanent breakdown thing, so sorry to hear of others struggling too. .

Do what you can.

If school rings and says it's necessary it's in by x time and date just say that's impossible with the current situation.

If they insist just say "well then give him a place and it will be" then say nothing.

Just do what you can, and prioritise your new job. That is what is going to ensure that you can eat and have a roof over your head, your children are little so anything they miss out on can be caught up. Every family is in this position, so at some point they will have to adjust the curriculum to account for any shortfalls in attainment. Are you able to make your days more flexible? Ask for a 2 hour lunch and try to log on early and for an hour or so when they've gone to bed?
It's an absolute nightmare, and you are not alone. As others have said, speak to school, explain the situation, and say you will do what you can. Good luck!

I feel like this OP and I don't have a toddler - mine are year 10 and year 4 and like you I'm so worried about them falling behind especially my year 10 who is understandably worrying about next years GCSEs (whatever is going to happen with them, no one knows).

I feel like I can't do this for ever. Some of the work I do means I HAVE to be available at certain times but since I can do it from home and I'm not a key worker the children are at home. DP is fortunately more flexible but if we lose his income we're screwed.

We're all exhausted. I just said to DP that its all very well for Johnson to say parents are heroic (or whatever platitude he dished out this time) but perhaps he'd like to home educate a few children for a while whilst trying to juggle his job and see how he gets on he can borrow my year 4 for a start

I keep focusing on the 12th February. I never really thought they'd go back after half term and if I'm honest I'm begining to doubt they'll get any meaningful time in school in this academic year... but the 12th of February marks the start of half term... 9 glorious days of NO HOME EDUCATION. .keep holding on for that.

Reach out to the school tell them you and your child are struggling and you are worried about losing your job. They can help.

Absolutely prioritise your new job / probation - no question. Use TV as a babysitter and don't think about school work unless you or DP have time to do it around your work - whenever that may be. Tell school as much and don't let them bully you. Your children will be fine but not if you lose your job!

I know it is so upsetting and we're quite well set up to cope, but I don't know how parents with kids just starting school and/or toddlers are supposed to manage.

I am glad my kids are not at any vital point in their education (just starting school, doing exams) but I know it means they are last in line to return to school if it's gradual or part time and I am feeling sad that this thing will probably affect DS's last 3 years in school (lockdowns in Y4, now in Y5 and, quite possibly in winter of Y6 as well) and DD's whole time in lower school at secondary.

but what I am absolutely raging about is the lack of acknowledgement that it is women who are suffering the most!

Rishi mentioned women bearing the brunt in context to a question and that has been criticised but the pathetic what about men club, but I agree.

OP sorry you feel this way, absolutely understandable though, it's a shit situation. I would echo what others have said, definitely speak to the school, and is there any flex at work? Schools are being pressured to provide a lot of work, and for some that's great, but for others it's not managable; but most you would hope would be reasonable if you explain. Are there any childcare provisions your toddler can access, even for a few hours a week to give you some respite? A childminder maybe?

Anyone struggling needs to go to the teacher or above their heads.
The teachers are told.. Dc must work but that's probably it, unlike last time..

However they may not be aware of the nuances, caveats and details in that.... There is no way anyone would r should force anyone with primary age dc to get all the work done each day and.. Submit it that day!!

Also I keep repeating because I think it's so important, giving your dc 1:1 attention is gold in teaching terms.

It's bespoke attention they won't get in a classroom, so do not worry if you are not ploughing through hours and hours of work.

It's not necessary, concentrate on the basics perhaps do work on the weekend to eek out the load in the week or just work on the week and let them run feral in the week.

Currently I try and get dd to do one of the works set on Saturday and Sunday.. They are about 20 mins each and it takes off the pressure in the week...

20 mins to sit with her on Saturday in a day of play is nothing... But really takes of the load.
We don't even contemplate the extras and just do English, reading, maths.

1. Don't be pushed by an ignorant teacher (ignorant in its pure form)
2. Be flexible and be aware your 1:1 attention is with gold.

1. Read, read, read and the basics covered.

And for maths times tables.

PS if you can't fit in with the school's timetable then don't. THere's only so much any of us can do. DS's class teacher sent the whole class the lovliest email last week saying he knew that they were all trying hard and doing their best to do as much as they could and that was all he asked of them. He also said that if the work was making them sad or they were finding it hard to ask for a video call with him and he'd help because mums and dads sometimes don't know the answers and sometimes don't have time.

It was the loveliest email and it made me cry (again) but made me feel better about not managing everything.

I know how you feel OP, I've been crying this afternoon too. Even though we were all expecting an announcement like this, it doesn't make it any easier.

Could you form a childcare bubble with family members to take the toddler?

Comments like the above make me so angry. People who have family support just don't get what it's like for those of us who don't have that option.

@Cattitudes

My priorities would be:

1. Self care
2. Children's wellbeing
3. Work
4. Schooling

Don't let the school bully you.

Exactly

I knew when I read the title of this that I’d not get past the first page of comments before ‘get paid in home childcare even if just a few hours a week’ popped up!

Utterly ridiculous suggestion for most normal families struggling to keep their heads above water in the times of covid. Not to mention incredibly difficult to source.

Hiring an employee even for a few hours a week is a huge legal liability, requires time, paperwork and energy to sort and mining wage to pay. Even for just one day per week that’s £250 per month. Massive amount out of an average family budget.

OP just be dramatically upfront with the school.
‘I’m am on the brink of losing my job. If I do we’ll be homeless and have no internet to school X anyway. I have a toddler at home too. I am unable to facilitate X’s school work so either you accept that, allow them to attend school, or you have me arrested. Those are your choices.’

My child is dyslexic, aged 13, and has anxiety about using Teams chat. Then he gets marked as absent by teachers because he hasn't responded to questions. He doesn't stop crying the whole time. I am working full time trying to hold down a job by my finger tips. I am scared my son has fallen so far behind HD will never, ever catch up. OP - you are not alone in feeling this way

The school have a bit of a cheek. They can’t expect you to police the work being turned in and work full time. Kids can catch up, toddlers are fine in front of the telly. Don’t worry about letting things slip.