Crying over school closures

[Fuckallofthis]

Firstly I don’t want an argument or masses of people piling in with ‘think of the teachers’ or their vulnerable people. I fully understand WHY schools can’t/won’t open, I’m just so so upset about it all.

The idea of continuing like this. Working, homeschooling a young child and having a toddler. It’s just impossible. I saw the news about the return being delayed and burst into tears, am currently in the bathroom trying to compose myself for my families sake.

I’m struggling so much, I’m just so tired. I’m failing at home school and had a call yesterday letting me know that I have to send his work back by the end of the day, my toddler is just left to be entertained by the TV and my own work is slacking.

I can’t escape the feeling that when this is over I’m going to be left unemployed, with a stunted toddler and a child very behind in his learning.

What do you prioritise, how can you decide which person/thing is most important? I never thought I’d choose work over children but how else will I pay the bills. This feels like it’s never going to end and I just can’t cope.

It’s just impossible. I can’t be furloughed, school and pre school won’t take the kids and DH is out all day. I feel like I’m drowning.

I can cope with the schools being off (we don't have much choice?) but what I am absolutely raging about is the lack of acknowledgement that it is women who are suffering the most!!!

I have a Y3 and Y1 child and a toddler and I work from home. My DP is self employed and works out of the house (he is also main earner and if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid) so it all falls to me.

My situation isn't unique and many, many people are in similar situations. It is women who are being shafted. The kids will be alright, but I suspect my performance review this year isn't going to take into consideration I have spent March - July and now Jan - March home schooling alongside trying to do my job (not to mention all the other grunt work which comes with being at home!)

I am using annual leave, my DP is actually taking a few weeks off (unpaid) and we'll muddle through but I feel it will be a mainly my detriment.

And yep my kids will probably need some help to catch up but at least we can throw some cash at that (not that we have the cash but hey ho!)

It’s actually shit.

Our nursery is shut (Scotland) and I’m trying to work full time and I’m 29 weeks pregnant 😫 such a crap situation.

Can your DH not do some of the homeschooling when he gets home?

I feel exactly as you OP, and I too burst into tears at the announcement. I feel like I'm having a permanent breakdown. I don't recognise myself in the mirror, I've aged so much. I'm beyond exhausted. I am failing on all fronts - parenting, homeschooling, work, home. It's awful.

it must be very tough if you had your hopes pinned on a date, to hear it extended further away. A good cry always helps.

Thank you everyone for the support. It’s so shit. I’m in a new job on probation and terrified I’m going to lose it because of how shit my work is becoming.

DH is gone all day so it’s not that he’s not pulling his weight, it’s just that he’s never here to do so.

I told the teacher that I was working and he said it’s compulsory this time around so the work needs to be submitted and that he has to call me
If it’s not. We’re trying but there’s no recorded lessons or verbal instructions with it and DC is y2 and doesn’t understand it all so needs a lot of input from me to know what he’s supposed to do.

Trying to do school work on the weekend is a good idea, I might email school again and say that’s what we’re going to try and do.

Totally understand the permanent breakdown thing, so sorry to hear of others struggling too. .

My priorities would be:

1. Self care
2. Children's wellbeing
3. Work
4. Schooling

Don't let the school bully you.

That’s very difficult op

Where was your toddler before re childcare?

I would go above the teacher OP, and email the head (copy in the governors if you have to). It's unrealistic to say that it's compulsory across the board. No two households or homes are alike, some manage, some don't. Some have two parents around a lot to help, others, like you, don't. Like I said before, don't be dictated to - only you know what is feasible. As long as you prioritise literacy and numeracy when you can, that's fine. Teacher needs a good talking to imho. And actually, I wouldn't do school work at weekends, you all need a break from the working week then. (And I'm a teacher too - but I live in the real world

Op don't feel guilty about needing to prioritise your job over the schoolwork. Don't hesitate to inform your child's teacher that's what you need to do and to say you'll just send in bits and pieces as and when.

I know some schools are pushing an 'attendance at online lessons is mandatory, your child must submit this work by the deadline' line but it actually isn't true. There won't be any sanctions. Do what you can while showing some engagement with your child's teacher on a regular basis.

The only tasks set by school my DCs are completing are spellings and timetables on Spelling and maths Shed and the tasks that are set for them on Developing Experts for Science and a musical education site. Other than that we're watching the BBC Bitesize programming, the educational games and interactive lessons on the Bitesize website are brilliant for KS1 and 2, doing lots of reading of our own books and I've bought Maths and English Collins workbooks for Year 4 and 6 DCs and Abacus Maths workbooks for my Year 2 daughter. They're far more engaged with those and work more independently than with Teams and endless worksheets from school. We get out for walks and do PE with Joe and keep it all relaxed. I'm in touch with their teachers each week.

It is hard, the weeks just stretch in to the distance. Deja vu from last summer. I'm feeling quite positive about the 8th of March date though and have literally counted the weeks on the calendar! Would be so good for them to get a little time back in the classroom before Easter.

My understanding is that’s it’s compulsory for the school to set work but not compulsory for your child to do the work. You are doing your best in a tricky situation

The teacher is wrong, it's not compulsory for you to do anything. Also if there is no recorded or live input they are in breach of DfE guidelines, so perhaps point that out if they are being heavy handed.

You need to ask the school to step down the work for you and what you need to concentrate on - which will be usually - Reading English, Maths,

You need to say you absolutely cannot do the work set or in the time frame and the should work with you on that.

I bet you're doing a great job OP. If at the end of the day you're left feeling like everything wasn't as highly prioritised as it should have been,that probably means you've got the balance as good as it could be. This is not forever. You clearly care deeply, your little ones are so lucky to have you as a parent.

Its a horrible horrible situation, I actually expected my DS to go back after Easter so hearing 8th March has given me hope - that's only 5 weeks away. I know it will probably be delayed or staggered but its better than I was expecting. Hang in there, this is a nightmare situation and we are all doing the best we can and our children will be ok even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Try not to worry. I’m a teacher, my primary children get a KW place but they are supervised by TAs and other non teaching staff and are provided education like the rest of their class.

I don’t worry. They are happy, they play, have some education. It is what it is. I’d rather their teachers, their supports staff and most importantly them, be safe.

@WaterBottle123 That isn’t true. There is no requirement for recorded or live lessons.

I agree though that the school are not being supportive and are taking the wrong approach and I say that as a teacher. They are probably worrying about the gap that will widen between pupils doing work and pupils not doing it but that’s something that all schools will have to overcome and hassling parents won’t help that.

Sounds like the head is being a twat. I am in a similar position and the school have put no pressure on me. All they have asked is if it can be sent, great, and prioritise maths and English work. We do try to get as much done and catch up on weekends where possible though.

I know she had a chat with a few parents that weren't doing anything. As long as you're doing something with your child, don't be too hard on yourself. Explain again to the head and if he doesn't like it, say tough and you'll be explaining why you can't do the work as per his timings to Ofsted if he's that concerned about meeting targets. Millions of us are in the same boat and schools (that I know of!) Are being flexible with their approach to learning. Remind him of that.

@Leodot

If you read the government guidelines they state a mix of live, recorded and independent work. So yes, there is, but the quantity isn't prescribed.

@WaterBottle123 So sorry, you’re actually right! I’m on mat leave and haven’t properly read the Jan guidance 😳.

@Leodot thank you for checking:)

Totally with you op. I am on my knees all be it with an older only child (Y6) but who just won’t work unless supervised. My work is manic and I lost a really good friend recently. Don’t know what to prioritise and whatever I do I feel guilty and like I am being crap at everything. Also close to tears today.

The school is being very unreasonable here and there's no doubt this has just put additional pressure on you and made you feel utterly shit! I'm furious that some schools are bullying in this way! It is absolutely impossible to focus on a job and homeschool! If it were at all possible we'd all take our kids to work!

Go above the teacher stand up for yourself and tell them how furious you are at the lack of support and expectations set! Be completely transparent with regards to your situation and ask them for support and where they expect you to fit a full day of school work in.

Your DH needs to pull his weight when home.
Sit down and tell him what he needs to do when he gets home. If he doesn’t you will end up broken 💐

I think you might have misunderstood the teacher. It IS compulsory… for schools to set the work and to follow up with contact. However, they can't physically squeeze the work out of your DC and it's not the end of the world if you don't submit work. Be firm, tell the school that you're struggling and ask that they show some understanding.

I think the teachers and schools do a fantastic job, but you do need to remember when a child is in a class with 30 other little ones of mixed ability, there can’t be a great deal of one to one learning going on - that’s nobody’s fault, it’s just a fact of life. So, I think whatever you do, no matter how little you think it is, you’re making a difference. My children are adults now, but there is not a day goes by when I don’t think of all of the parents like you and am totally in awe of how well you’re all managing. Please be kind to yourself, you are doing your best.