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Original poster

MIL is an antivaxxer.. and I'm not!

188 replies

mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 13:05

Help please! My MIL is a fierce antivaxxer and always has been (she's 63 and fit and well). I am 100% pro vaccinations being medically trained and having several friends and family members currently on the front line, exhausted, terrified and stressed about what each day will bring.

She's saying she won't have the covid vaccine because it's 'not safe', 'not tested enough' 'contains metals that are toxic to us' and 'we don't know the side effects yet so she wants to let others try it and get those side effects first before making her decision'.

I am struggling with her selfishness about the whole situation, partly because I don't want her to catch it and give it to us (when restrictions lift- we're not seeing her at the mo), partly because I don't want my kids to give it to her (they go to nursery) and mostly because I cannot comprehend how someone cannot care about our poor healthcare workers having to treat people like this who may end up in hospital just because they 'didn't believe' in the vaccine. That, alongside the people who are ill with other conditions who wont necessarily get a hospital bed because she or other antivaxxers are filling the wards.

What do I do?! She's not eligible for the vaccine yet so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt to change her mind, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen (my husband only found out he hasn't had the MMR jab when he was at uni and there was a mumps outbreak).

I feel like if she doesn't have the vaccine then I should continue to keep the kids at a distance from her, which I know she will take as me 'punishing her' for her choices (and maybe I am 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I don't want to fall out with her about this but I think this is going to drive a massive wedge in between us, and when our well-being (not just our belief) is on the line, I don't see why I should compromise?

Am I being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
LetItGoGo · 20/01/2021 19:30

Uncontrolled transmission, yes but at the point where 80 odd percent of adults who want a vaccine are done mil role in any mutation will be vastly less important.

Let us keep individual decisions in proportion.

If there are whole communities with low take up there will need to be campaigning.

The odd person surrounded by family and community with high take up won't be as risky.

Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 19:32

@Marmunia1975

What about people taking up beds because they've had a reaction to the vaccine? I'd prefer to take my chances with an illness that for me has a 99 per cent survival rate. And yes I have had it, and unknowingly went out running so it didn't have much of an effect on me.
There are 39000 people in hospital in the uk right now with covid. Are you telling me the number with adverse vaccine reactions is similar?
OP posts:
LetItGoGo · 20/01/2021 19:33

Also until such a point as there are vaccines going unwanted there's no point worrying about mil.

There are lots of people ready and eager to go get vaccinated right now!

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 20/01/2021 19:40

I am pro vaccine or whatever we are calling it.

However it is up to people want they chose to do. There bodies and all that.

All you can do is make sure she has all the correct facts and then let her decide.

It won't help the country get back to normal if lots of people decide not to be vaccinated. That is terrifying and the deaths will be so much worse. Hopefully I don't think we should force people ever.

Namechangeforte · 20/01/2021 20:00

[quote trulydelicious]@Namechangeforte

Why should OP and her family take any risk at al for a person who is no idea what she is talking about

The OP and her family are willing to take the vaccine so they will be protected.

It's irrelevant to the OP's 'risk' whether the MIL is vaccinated or not as the current vaccines have not been proven to stop transmission

It's none of her business really[/quote]
And this is why critical scientific analysis should become mandatory in schools.

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 20/01/2021 20:03

To be fair my 14 year old has been taught a lot about the virus and how vaccines work at school.

He often comes out with really insightful stuff I hadn't thought about.

It is some adults and our old science curriculum that is the problem.

ktp100 · 20/01/2021 20:07

Her opinion is based on absolute bollox she's read on the internet so I'd be giving it zero respect.

Unfortunately for her, you get to decide what's best for your family. If you're not happy with taking the risk of your children giving her Covid then you have to keep them separate, really. I can see why that would piss her off and she might think you're 'punishing' her but the consequences for your DH and the kids if she were to become very ill would be huge.

I'm so glad none of my close friends or family are antivaxxers - I just couldn't deal with that shit!

ktp100 · 20/01/2021 20:12

However it is up to people want they chose to do. There bodies and all that.

All you can do is make sure she has all the correct facts and then let her decide.

What if many people reject the vaccine and the NHS remains under pressure with Covid cases in hospital though? I'd rather all who refuse the vaccine be refused access to NHS services unless it's an emergency and the NHS focus on the backlog of people waiting for cancer treatment.

Sounds harsh but when you've turned down medical intervention can you really expect the NHS to deal with any consequences?

It's a moral thinker, for sure.

trulydelicious · 20/01/2021 20:54

@ktp100

What if many people reject the vaccine

But people are not rejecting the vaccine, so it's a non issue currently

lcdododo · 20/01/2021 20:57

@ktp100

However it is up to people want they chose to do. There bodies and all that.

All you can do is make sure she has all the correct facts and then let her decide.

What if many people reject the vaccine and the NHS remains under pressure with Covid cases in hospital though? I'd rather all who refuse the vaccine be refused access to NHS services unless it's an emergency and the NHS focus on the backlog of people waiting for cancer treatment.

Sounds harsh but when you've turned down medical intervention can you really expect the NHS to deal with any consequences?

It's a moral thinker, for sure.

Well by that logic, lots of your cancer patients would also be refused care if their cancer was due to their lifestyle

And the man who breaks his ankle on his bike, because he chose to go for a bike ride

And the person in the car accident, because they chose to drive the car

LH1987 · 20/01/2021 22:47

At 63 and healthy she is very far down the list, so I imagine she will get to see that there aren’t side effects by the time it’s her turn.

Personally, while I will definitely get the vaccine as soon as it is available to me, I don’t think it’s entirely illogical to be a bit fearful of a new medication. People will be more comfortable in a few months when no ill effects are seen.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 20/01/2021 22:48

Well by that logic, lots of your cancer patients would also be refused care if their cancer was due to their lifestyle. And the man who breaks his ankle on his bike, because he chose to go for a bike ride. And the person in the car accident, because they chose to drive the car

Last time I looked, nobody's going to catch cancer, a broken ankle or a car accident just from being breathed on by the patients in those situations. But all of those people (and the medical/support staff helping them) could catch - and potentially die - of Covid from the daft woman.

TidyOmlette · 20/01/2021 22:57

She’s completely entitled to refuse the vaccine, it’s her body after all.

I however would not be going near her or letting her near me or my kids. I’ve seen first hand how devastating cv19 can be to all ages.

timeisnotaline · 20/01/2021 23:05

I wouldn’t be coming into close contact with unvaccinated people if I could help it, including my kids. Selfish perhaps but I do think adults can make decisions for themselves, so I think it’s up to mil if she wants to expose herself, my concerns are more for my family and the nhs impact of people like her. Children are spreading this new strain, they won’t be vaccinated so until dh and I were vaccinated it would be out of the question, after that with caution depending on community rates (which will hopefully have dropped considerably!) Not punishing anyone, but protecting my family.

Girlyracer · 20/01/2021 23:10

Just give her the option. Say to her that when you, DH and the children have had the jab, is she content for you all to still see her knowing that you could still be carrying the virus and pass it on to her? And she might be come ill? Her choice, her risk.

BluePheasant · 20/01/2021 23:25

Before I got halfway through your OP my answer was already going to be tell her you won't be going back to normal visiting at least until you and your DH have had vaccine. Also, point out that she could still catch covid from you or the children even once you have been vaccinated.

Always feel there's something quite selfish about antivaxxers. Yes, it's their body, their choice. But I think more often than not, their confidence is fuelled by the knowledge that most people will have the vaccine and therefore they will be protected by herd immunity anyway. I've never been convinced that most of them truly believe all these antivax theories, they just don't want to conform. Bit like the mask refusers. Some people just seem to naturally want to oppose everything.

lcdododo · 21/01/2021 06:32

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

They also can from flu.

Don't see people getting angry because people haven't had the flu vaccine

Onlinedilema · 21/01/2021 06:44

I wouldn’t discuss it with her. I don’t agree with her but I would leave her to it.

Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 21/01/2021 08:06

[quote lcdododo]@NeverDropYourMoonCup

They also can from flu.

Don't see people getting angry because people haven't had the flu vaccine [/quote]
Flu (and people turning down the vaccine) is something the NHS are prepared for. Covid isn't. Also, I think you'd find that most NHS staff would strongly advocate that everyone eligible takes the flu vaccine. But that's another topic.

OP posts:
Arobase · 21/01/2021 08:36

What about people taking up beds because they've had a reaction to the vaccine?

How many of those are there, @Marmunia1975?

lcdododo · 21/01/2021 09:00

Also, I think you'd find that most NHS staff would strongly advocate that everyone eligible takes the flu vaccine

Nope. I have 8 doctors in my family, and over 20 in friends.

Every single one of them doesn't advocate getting the flu vaccine

DenisetheMenace · 21/01/2021 09:06

Arobase

I think you're perfectly entitled to keep away from her till everyone in the family has been fully vaccinated. If she feels that's punishing her, tough. You will presumably explain your reasoning, and if she doesn't like it, the remedy lies in her hands.“

Agree.

Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 21/01/2021 09:34

@lcdododo

Also, I think you'd find that most NHS staff would strongly advocate that everyone eligible takes the flu vaccine

Nope. I have 8 doctors in my family, and over 20 in friends.

Every single one of them doesn't advocate getting the flu vaccine

I'm intrigued. Could you tell me their reasoning please?
OP posts:
LetItGoGo · 21/01/2021 09:36

So much stirring.

ItsGoingTibiaK · 21/01/2021 09:42

She is incorrect about the COVID-19 vaccines containing toxic metals. While some vaccines do use tiny amounts of aluminium and mercury as adjuvants (and there is very little evidence that these are, in fact, toxic to us), none of the three vaccines licensed in the UK have these ingredients. They use different technology that does not require a metal adjuvant. But if she identifies as an antivaxxer, she's very unlikely to let actual facts get in the way of her baseless conspiracy theories.