Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

MIL is an antivaxxer.. and I'm not!

188 replies

mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 13:05

Help please! My MIL is a fierce antivaxxer and always has been (she's 63 and fit and well). I am 100% pro vaccinations being medically trained and having several friends and family members currently on the front line, exhausted, terrified and stressed about what each day will bring.

She's saying she won't have the covid vaccine because it's 'not safe', 'not tested enough' 'contains metals that are toxic to us' and 'we don't know the side effects yet so she wants to let others try it and get those side effects first before making her decision'.

I am struggling with her selfishness about the whole situation, partly because I don't want her to catch it and give it to us (when restrictions lift- we're not seeing her at the mo), partly because I don't want my kids to give it to her (they go to nursery) and mostly because I cannot comprehend how someone cannot care about our poor healthcare workers having to treat people like this who may end up in hospital just because they 'didn't believe' in the vaccine. That, alongside the people who are ill with other conditions who wont necessarily get a hospital bed because she or other antivaxxers are filling the wards.

What do I do?! She's not eligible for the vaccine yet so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt to change her mind, but I'm pretty sure that won't happen (my husband only found out he hasn't had the MMR jab when he was at uni and there was a mumps outbreak).

I feel like if she doesn't have the vaccine then I should continue to keep the kids at a distance from her, which I know she will take as me 'punishing her' for her choices (and maybe I am 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I don't want to fall out with her about this but I think this is going to drive a massive wedge in between us, and when our well-being (not just our belief) is on the line, I don't see why I should compromise?

Am I being unreasonable?!

OP posts:
Yohoheaveho · 20/01/2021 17:40

I agree with the PP, anti vaxxers are free riding on the collective immunity created by those of us who ARE willing to take one for the human team!

LilQueenie · 20/01/2021 17:59

how is she putting you in danger if you are clearly going to take the vaccine. The vaccine does not stop you passing the virus on to others so are you going to keep yourself and kids away from absolutely anyone? Give her a break. There are always risks and as a trained professional in the medical field you are well aware of that. You will also be aware of the fact that patients are allowed to ask questions and refuse vaccinations by choice.

Unsure33 · 20/01/2021 18:11

As others have said the chances of her passing on to you I don’t think will change . But if she continues I would make it quite clear that NONE a of you will feel guilty if you accidentally pass the virus on.

It is her decision to put herself more at risk , not yours .

Hopefully she will change her mind by the time her age range is covered .

Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 18:16

@LilQueenie

how is she putting you in danger if you are clearly going to take the vaccine. The vaccine does not stop you passing the virus on to others so are you going to keep yourself and kids away from absolutely anyone? Give her a break. There are always risks and as a trained professional in the medical field you are well aware of that. You will also be aware of the fact that patients are allowed to ask questions and refuse vaccinations by choice.
She (and all the other vaccine refusers) are putting the mental health of my sisters and many of my friends at risk from having to work in extreme conditions in the NHS when there is a way to prevent this. Yes we have a choice, but thinking about others and working together to get this disease under control surely has to be a priority. There's no point us all being in lockdown if we don't back the vaccination program. It's a team effort and I just don't get people who aren't team players.
OP posts:
trulydelicious · 20/01/2021 18:25

@mummyoftwotinkers

I just don't get people who aren't team players

What does being a team player have to do with taking medical treatment you do not believe is appropriate for you?

Your reasoning is flawed and infantile. Let her be

Namechangeforte · 20/01/2021 18:29

She can make her own choices and face their consequences, which includes staying away from all of you, no help from family if she catches covid and no financial contributions to anything that happens as a result of her decision.

3littlewords · 20/01/2021 18:32

@Yohoheaveho

DO NOT LET THIS COME BETWEEN YOUR CHILDREN AND THEIR GRANDMA yer but, she sounds like the sort of grandma that children need protecting from!!
Oh fuck off don't be so dramatic she's declining a voluntary vaccine not joining isis!
Namechangeforte · 20/01/2021 18:33

@Watermama

So you will use your children as a weapon against your mil to enforce your will upon her? There is very little risk to your children, the risk is your mil surely she has the right to her own body autonomy.
Why should OP and her family take any risk at al for a person who is no idea what she is talking about? People are entitled to their own opinions and choices. They are absolutely not entitled to facts and the consequences of making those choices. Hmm
Namechangeforte · 20/01/2021 18:34

@3littlewords
ISIS? Grin and you are calling others dramatic? Biscuit

Notmoreuodates5 · 20/01/2021 18:36

Your MIL is 63. You have no business making decisions for her despite a medical background or not. You don’t know if the vaccine works at this stage. Leave her to make her own choices OP.

3littlewords · 20/01/2021 18:39

[quote Namechangeforte]@3littlewords
ISIS? Grin and you are calling others dramatic? Biscuit[/quote]
Both as equally dramatic that was the point to highlight the ridiculousness of PP comment

trulydelicious · 20/01/2021 18:40

@Namechangeforte

Why should OP and her family take any risk at al for a person who is no idea what she is talking about

The OP and her family are willing to take the vaccine so they will be protected.

It's irrelevant to the OP's 'risk' whether the MIL is vaccinated or not as the current vaccines have not been proven to stop transmission

It's none of her business really

lcdododo · 20/01/2021 18:47

Not just mine or my families sake, but the NHS's sake. If someone gets sick (not with covid) and they can't get a hospital bed (it's getting to that point and already has done in some areas) because the hospital is full of people with covid who didn't need to be there because they could have had a vaccine, then that's selfish.

Not really. More people will have the vaccine than not, meaning covid will spread less and cause far fewer problems for the NHS.
Surely being medically trained you understand that not everyone has to have the vaccine in order for it to be effective?

Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 19:02

[quote trulydelicious]@Namechangeforte

Why should OP and her family take any risk at al for a person who is no idea what she is talking about

The OP and her family are willing to take the vaccine so they will be protected.

It's irrelevant to the OP's 'risk' whether the MIL is vaccinated or not as the current vaccines have not been proven to stop transmission

It's none of her business really[/quote]
So you'd be alright to let your MIL get sick if she hung out with your kids who'd caught it from school?

To be honest, I feel like that IS my business and I'd be pretty heartless if I was to say it wasn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 19:04

@lcdododo

Not just mine or my families sake, but the NHS's sake. If someone gets sick (not with covid) and they can't get a hospital bed (it's getting to that point and already has done in some areas) because the hospital is full of people with covid who didn't need to be there because they could have had a vaccine, then that's selfish.

Not really. More people will have the vaccine than not, meaning covid will spread less and cause far fewer problems for the NHS.
Surely being medically trained you understand that not everyone has to have the vaccine in order for it to be effective?

Sure. But the more the better right?!
OP posts:
Yohoheaveho · 20/01/2021 19:09

Oh fuck off don't be so dramatic she's declining a voluntary vaccine not joining isis!
shhh
shhh
calm down, you're gonna be ok sweetie:)

LetItGoGo · 20/01/2021 19:10

Let her be op.

There are plenty of people itching to get the vaccine.

No need to fan the flames, here or irl.

CovidHalloween · 20/01/2021 19:16

You are NOT being unreasonable.
She’s a nut case. It’s has been proven Time and time again that Vaccines save lives.... (unless you read Mr Nobody’s article on Dr google - all based on fluff evidence and crystals 🤣🙃)

lcdododo · 20/01/2021 19:16

Sure. But the more the better right?!

No, not really. There will come a point where there is such a large amount of people getting the vaccine that the amount infected will plateau and then decline anyway.
Not everyone needs to have it. You don't even need to be medically trained to know that

Notmoreuodates5 · 20/01/2021 19:19

@LetItGoGo

Let her be op.

There are plenty of people itching to get the vaccine.

No need to fan the flames, here or irl.

Exactly what is making it worse is other people kicking up a fuss.
Original poster
mummyoftwotinkers · 20/01/2021 19:22

@lcdododo

Sure. But the more the better right?!

No, not really. There will come a point where there is such a large amount of people getting the vaccine that the amount infected will plateau and then decline anyway.
Not everyone needs to have it. You don't even need to be medically trained to know that

There is no evidence either way to prove or disprove that the vaccine stops transmission. What it does do is lessen or eliminate the symptoms and (sorry to bang on about it again) but reduce the pressure on the NHS.

So actually, yes, the more people vaccinated the better, as all us vaccinated folk could unwillingly be passing it on to those more vulnerable and unvaccinated who end up in hospital as a result.

OP posts:
CovidHalloween · 20/01/2021 19:22

@lcdododo True until it mutates, which is what viruses do and that’s what is happening now if you read the news today. And they are looking into updating this vaccine to work on these mutations. every time the virus jumps from person to another, it can mutate.

LetItGoGo · 20/01/2021 19:23

Icdododo that's very true.

It's probably more important to keep positive towards one another at this moment in time.

3littlewords · 20/01/2021 19:24

@Yohoheaveho

Oh fuck off don't be so dramatic she's declining a voluntary vaccine not joining isis! shhh shhh calm down, you're gonna be ok sweetie:)
Yes and them children will be ok too! Think its you that needs to shh and calm down love stating the children need protecting from their Grandma Biscuit
Marmunia1975 · 20/01/2021 19:25

What about people taking up beds because they've had a reaction to the vaccine? I'd prefer to take my chances with an illness that for me has a 99 per cent survival rate. And yes I have had it, and unknowingly went out running so it didn't have much of an effect on me.