Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Proving you need to shop in pairs

137 replies

Comefromaway · 13/01/2021 08:22

Was just wondered by if there was anything father in law could print out or carry to say that he needs to go to the supermarket with mother in law.

Just to save him the distress of having to explain each time. Plus mil gets very aggressive if she hears him talking about her as she is in complete denial of her condition (Alzheimer’s)

Don’t really want to ask the dr as it’s hard enough to get an appointment as it is.

OP posts:
BalconiWaferAddict · 13/01/2021 08:26

How about a sunflower lanyard? Most supermarkets know what they mean (hidden disability that needs a little more help, time etc) and shouldn’t question it.

BalconiWaferAddict · 13/01/2021 08:26

You can buy one here
hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/

broccolibush · 13/01/2021 08:33

I asked my treatment service for a letter - all via email so I didn’t need an appointment or anything. The speed with which it came back suggests that I wasn’t the first and that they are prepared for this.

I know you said you didn’t want to ask the doctor but there are ways without an appointment.

Unescorted · 13/01/2021 08:34

I am not sure there is any official document, but he could mock up a letter explaining to anyone who asks so that he doesn't have to deal with you MIL becoming aggressive.

To whom it may concern

Today I am shopping with my wife who cannot be left alone due to her medical condition. I do not have any other support options at this time. I appreciate that this appears to be a breech of government guidance but I have no other choice.

Put some NHS / Gov Logo in the corner & print off in calibri font so it looks to MIL that it is an official letter if she catches sight of it.

Alzheimer's is a bastard of a disease.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 08:38

I don't suppose he has power of attorney? I carry my POA copy whenever I take my Nanna out just in case.

BlingLoving · 13/01/2021 08:47

Will he be asked? When I see elderly couples shopping together it always seems quite obvious that one or both need help.

JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat · 13/01/2021 08:48

Does he have to take her shopping with him? The obvious solution is that he goes alone.

Lalliella · 13/01/2021 08:49

Phone the doctors for help, I phone them quite a lot for my mum (also Alzheimer’s) and they’re really helpful. Flowers for FIL, Alzheimer’s is awful, and you’re a lovely DIL (oops or son-in-law maybe!)

ineedaholidaynow · 13/01/2021 08:49

I assume she can’t be left alone

Lalliella · 13/01/2021 08:49

@JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat

Does he have to take her shopping with him? The obvious solution is that he goes alone.
She probably can’t be left alone 😢
ImAllOut · 13/01/2021 08:50

@JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat

Does he have to take her shopping with him? The obvious solution is that he goes alone.
Yes that's the whole point of the thread.
ineedaholidaynow · 13/01/2021 08:51

Can they get click and collect, so not having to go round the whole shop?

PoppiesinOctober · 13/01/2021 08:55

I doubt they'll even be asked

Mackerelpizza · 13/01/2021 08:55

Today I am shopping with my wife who cannot be left alone due to her medical condition. I do not have any other support options at this time.

If you take this suggestion, end the text here. The apologetic final line is not necessary, and reduces the clarity of the message. These two lines are simple, clear, can be read and digested quickly, and contain all anyone needs to know.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 08:56

@JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat

Does he have to take her shopping with him? The obvious solution is that he goes alone.

Jesus Christ.

treeeeemendous · 13/01/2021 08:57

The Alzheimer's society have some free credit card sized help cards. They are on their website Not quite what you want but could be adapted.

I would just order one of those and FIL could just produce it if questioned.

GreenClock · 13/01/2021 09:00

This is awkward and I’m sorry to read about your MiL diagnosis.

I’d hope that staff would assume that elderly couples shopping together would have a good reason to be doing so ie one party can’t be home alone.

I think that a letter would irritate her as much as words tbh - she’d want to know why it was being shown and what it said, I imagine.

Could they obtain deliveries? At the risk of overstepping the mark I’m wondering whether your MiL should be out and about anyway pre-vaccine given her vulnerability.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/01/2021 09:02

If a person has dementia, a small card in a pocket that can be shown discreetly is often recommended.

Having said that, though, most people who haven’t lived with it are completely clueless about dementia, and the needs/behaviour of people who have it, so I wouldn’t bank on that necessarily working with Joe or Jane Public. They may not understand that the person cannot be safely left alone at home at all.

I’d still try it, though.

‘X has dementia and cannot safely be left alone at all.’ (Because they’ll go wandering off/get lost/lock themselves out/try to cook something and burn the house down.’)

StacySoloman · 13/01/2021 09:05

Click and collect or delivery?
Or are you close enough to do a click and collect for them? Lots of church groups have volunteers who will collect shopping.

I wouldn’t want my elderly relatives wandering round a supermarket right now.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:06

@StacySoloman

Click and collect or delivery? Or are you close enough to do a click and collect for them? Lots of church groups have volunteers who will collect shopping.

I wouldn’t want my elderly relatives wandering round a supermarket right now.

OP isn't asking anyone's opinion on them going shopping, just how to make it as easy as possible.

minnie465 · 13/01/2021 09:15

I can't believe you even have to think about this :( what is wrong with people. I'd never dream of approaching an elderly couple and chastising them for going out together Angry

TonMoulin · 13/01/2021 09:34

@Comefromaway I feel for you and your parents.

Hidden Disabilities are hard in the best of time (I have one myself) but in the actually context, it’s even worse. Mainly because of all the righteous people who have no idea what a disability is but still think they can judge or tell you what to do.

I think the card linked up thread (or from the Alzheimer’s society) is the best bet. It’s easy to show and so obstructive that your gran will get upset. If she can grasp it, he might want to explain the letter is just an authorisation to go shopping and sometimes, the shop asks for it?

GetOffYourHighHorse · 13/01/2021 09:34

I see older couples shopping together all the time, surely staff wouldn't approach them? It's the younger couples with 3 kids running about who should be told pleasantly to decide on one of them waiting outside with their dc imo.

RugsEverywhere · 13/01/2021 09:39

Just a small card that clearly says 'My wife has alzheimers and cannot be safely left at home', he can discreetly show it on his way in. If they always shop at the same shop it won't take long for the security guards to recognise him anyway.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:41

I see older couples shopping together all the time, surely staff wouldn't approach them?

They might now, all it takes is one power hungry jobsworth on the door tbh. Of course people shouldn't be challenged in this situation but you just have to read shopping threads on here to realise how bitter people are towards older folk going about their day. A thread running right now about taking an 81 year old shopping had thrown up several posters who thing old people should never leave the house. Imagine one of those posters being the door steward at Sainsbury's today, they would be having a field day.

It's awful and it shouldn't happen, but it will.