Page 4 | Proving you need to shop in pairs

Comefromaway · 2021-01-13T08:22:54+00:00

Was just wondered by if there was anything father in law could print out or carry to say that he needs to go to the supermarket with mother in law. Just to save him the distress of having to explain each time. Plus mil gets very aggressive if she hears him talking about her as she is in complete denial of her condition (Alzheimer’s) Don’t really want to ask the dr as it’s hard enough to get an appointment as it is.

MrsJBaptiste · 13/01/2021 11:18

Do people actually get stopped if they're out in a supermarket shopping together? We generally do it as a two so we can whizz round in half the time, scanning as we go and get out of there as soon as possible.

SomeFucker · 13/01/2021 11:18

Makes me quite sad to read that people consider my job as crappy

I don’t think most people think that, if anyone does then they’re not worth worrying about. 💐

LonginesPrime · 13/01/2021 11:23

OP, at the beginning of the first lockdown, our local council provided a letter 'to whom it may concern' for unpaid carers to carry around in case they needed to go into shops, etc with the person they support.

It might be worth contacting your council or local carer's centre if you can't get hold of the GP.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 11:25

I don't agree, I think its an insulting word people like to use at others who are doing their jobs, because they don't like the job they are doing.

That's how you used it.

That's not how I used it at all.

I said they should not be challenged but they might be if they came up against a jobsworth. Which is absolutely true. I'm not having a go at retail workers. I don't have an issue with the job they are doing. I am thankful to every single person who is going out to work today, in whatever industry they work. I said there is potential for elderly people to be unnecessarily questioned by someone power hungry on the door. That's not an insult, that's a fact.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 11:26

@MrsJBaptiste

Do people actually get stopped if they're out in a supermarket shopping together? We generally do it as a two so we can whizz round in half the time, scanning as we go and get out of there as soon as possible.

Rules have changed. Supermarkets are saying they will be challenging people at the door now re mask wearing and shopping in 'groups'

CleverCatty · 13/01/2021 11:27

@GreenClock

This is awkward and I’m sorry to read about your MiL diagnosis.

I’d hope that staff would assume that elderly couples shopping together would have a good reason to be doing so ie one party can’t be home alone.

I think that a letter would irritate her as much as words tbh - she’d want to know why it was being shown and what it said, I imagine.

Could they obtain deliveries? At the risk of overstepping the mark I’m wondering whether your MiL should be out and about anyway pre-vaccine given her vulnerability.

Online shopping is what my DM and DStepfather have had in place since this virus began but then she is high risk and shielding.

bobbojobbo · 13/01/2021 11:29

I am thankful to every single person who is going out to work today, in whatever industry they work

Except for the, what did you call them? Power hungry cunty ones?

CleverCatty · 13/01/2021 11:30

charliespie - that was because a few people were using a shopping trip as an excuse for a family outing.

It might seem picky but 2 adults and 1 child - where 1 adult and 1 child could stay at home etc is the first scenario that springs to mind.

I've seen groups of 3 or more adults and associated children - no idea if related or not - meandering around my local supermarket.

MarshaBradyo · 13/01/2021 11:31

@RugsEverywhere

Just a small card that clearly says 'My wife has alzheimers and cannot be safely left at home', he can discreetly show it on his way in. If they always shop at the same shop it won't take long for the security guards to recognise him anyway.

This, but it’s so sad this happens to elderly couples who depend on each other.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 11:33

@bobbojobbo

I am thankful to every single person who is going out to work today, in whatever industry they work

Except for the, what did you call them? Power hungry cunty ones?

Yes. And I stand by that. There are power hungry cunty people in every industry. I don't appreciate them anywhere.

I'm not really sure what your issue is with me, or what I said. It's not untrue. It wasn't a dig at retail staff in general.

MarshaBradyo · 13/01/2021 11:35

I wouldn’t blame the staff. They are probably dealing with their own aggression from public.

But the supermarket could help staff with guidelines on how to help people in op’s PIL situation.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 13/01/2021 11:39

Leave it bobbojobbo I think you're being disingenuous here
And I believe it was you who said "crappier jobs" which is telling. Stop mithering charliespies, they haven't done anything wrong

GoldenLabbie · 13/01/2021 11:51

Unfortunately this is because so many people are treating trips to the supermarket as a family day out. Yesterday in Sainsbury’s I saw a man a woman’s and a little aged about ten shopping together. Some families really are so enmeshed and can’t do anything without each other can they?

IReallyNeedMoreGin · 13/01/2021 11:56

all it takes is one power hungry jobsworth on the door

It's got nothing to do with being power hungry! We had strict instructions at the first lockdown that it was individual shoppers only. No pairs, no families. These were government guidelines we had to enforce and we were being regularly checked by Trading Standards. Non compliance would have got us closed down.

It's eased up as time has gone on but wouldnt be surprised if we end up having to do it again soon.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 13/01/2021 11:56

Speak to the manager and ask for their permission, and that they'll make others aware. That was your FIL can make himself known to the person on the door and say they have permission to be there together.

We had to do something similar for my nan. She was banned from her local shop for 'shoplifting' - she couldn't cope with her shopping trolley and another one, so put the food straight into her trolley. Was spotted by security and taken to the manager. My mum arranged it that she could still go there, but had to ask for help when she arrived so she could be supervised.

bobbojobbo · 13/01/2021 11:56

Yes. And I stand by that

You stand by what? You said you were thankful to every single one but then agreed that you weren't thankful to the "power hungry cunty ones"...so which do you stand by?

charliespie · 13/01/2021 12:03

You stand by what? You said you were thankful to every single one but then agreed that you weren't thankful to the "power hungry cunty ones"...so which do you stand by?

Oh give over, it's boring. Of course I can't mean both; but I think you know exactly what I did mean. Your obsession with me pointing out some people are power hungry is a bit weird.

JinglingHellsBells · 13/01/2021 12:03

Apart from the dementia and fil's pancreatitis they are not actually that old. Not being able to go out during the March-August lockdown led to a bit deterioration in both their mental and physical health until it got to crisis point

How old is not that old? They are clearly over 60.

Maybe you and they are underestimating the risks?

You said your MIL started with dementia at 60, so she is over 60.

The risks of death rise quite sharply with age and certainly over 50.

If she and your F are in their mid-late 60s they will be (like me) in group 5 for the vaccine, which means they are at a relatively high risk.

They really ought to try to shop online or family do it for them because if they catch it, there is a high risk they will need a hospital bed.

I full get the mental health issues - but people have to find new ways of dealing with that, by going walking, or whatever they can do, which avoids contact with others.

Original poster

Comefromaway · 13/01/2021 12:11

Well my parents are also only slightly younger but both hold down full time jobs, in fact they employ over 30 people in an essential industry. Fil only stopped work a few years ago as mil deteriorated as needed someone with her 24/7.

Going for a walk when you live in what is essentially an industrial slum type area with drug addicts as neighbours isn't really an option.

OP posts:

TronaldDrump · 13/01/2021 12:21

I am younger but due to mental health problems I cannot manage a supermarket alone, so I take a copy of my latest clinic letter and my disabled badge (physical disability too), I've only ever had to show it once at Sainsburys around April time, since then people haven't even asked.

puffinkoala · 13/01/2021 12:30

@Comefromaway

Father in law looks frailer than she does as he walks with a stick and has more physical conditions. Mil is younger (the dementia started when she was only about 60) and is physically in excellent health apart from diabetes.

They won't get asked if he has a stick. I know it's wrong, but shop staff will just assume he's the vulnerable one and MIL is helping him.

HSHorror · 13/01/2021 12:49

If they come to yours at weekend cant you have the delivery and hand it over then?
Or leave mil with you and fil can shop?

movingonup20 · 13/01/2021 12:53

To be honest if you go at a quiet time nobody asks here. Lidl never ask - is that an option. I went with my dd this morning and the shop was very quiet

JinglingHellsBells · 13/01/2021 12:54

@Comefromaway

Well my parents are also only slightly younger but both hold down full time jobs, in fact they employ over 30 people in an essential industry. Fil only stopped work a few years ago as mil deteriorated as needed someone with her 24/7.

Going for a walk when you live in what is essentially an industrial slum type area with drug addicts as neighbours isn't really an option.

I'm sorry and I know you will not agree, but it's instances like this that really annoy me because these older people are adding to the overall risk and swamping the NHS.

Your FIL and MIL are clearly not fit if their physical health deteriorated from march to august ( lockdown was not for all of those months). They are also over 60.

Shopping is not a social event in a pandemic. For the sake of everyone else, they ought to shop alone or go in for an online or click and collect food order.

That IMO ought to be your husband's priority- to make them appreciate their risks and the impact on others.

We are very fit for our age but I am not going to shops unless absolutely vital and then only alone.

JinglingHellsBells · 13/01/2021 12:55

@HSHorror

If they come to yours at weekend cant you have the delivery and hand it over then? Or leave mil with you and fil can shop?

Her MIL cannot come to her house as no one is allowed in anyone's house unless they are a single adult living alone.

But I agree that the son should try to sort the shopping for them in some way.