Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
charliespie · 12/01/2021 20:17

@WingingWonder

NO And also- the staff won’t appreciate you being in a pair

Good god. They won't be in a pair. They will be 2 adults from 2 households.

MrsMiaWallis · 12/01/2021 20:18

Bloody hell. Seriously, You're turning old people into something other than normal human beings

Don't be hysterical.

It's against the supermarket rules for two adults to shop together.

During lockdown it's against government guidelines to share a car with anyone not in your household or support bubble.

As I've said, I know plenty of independent 80 year olds. But they go shopping under their own steam.

Robbybobtail · 12/01/2021 20:18

And also- the staff won’t appreciate you being in a pair

I honestly don’t think the staff will notice or care. The people I know who work in supermarkets wouldn’t care less about someone shopping with their elderly mum, it wouldn’t even register.

SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 20:18
  • NO And also- the staff won’t appreciate you being in a pair*

I think it's perfectly reasonable that an elderly lady would need help. I expect they'd prefer this to having to escort her around the store as they used to with my grandmother.

saraclara · 12/01/2021 20:18

@Flowersandtea

No unfortunately not, although your Mum is now potentially protected there as yet is no confirmation whether she can still act as a vector for the virus. Everyone is still following the rules to reduce transmission for everyone. Sorry it’s awful for young and old alike.
She is no more likely to be a vector than an 18 year old. She's been indoors for weeks and has had her vaccines so I'd say the risk of her passing anything on is close to zero, while the 18 year old...

Need I say more?

PaddingtonsSister · 12/01/2021 20:18

I think its Her choice Not yours Assuming she is compos mentis of course and wears her mask etc

Quaagars · 12/01/2021 20:19

During lockdown it's against government guidelines to share a car with anyone not in your household or support bubble

How do you know the OP isn't in a support bubble with her mum?
(Unless I've missed where she said)

QueenPawPaws · 12/01/2021 20:19

To add to what I said I would...

Say maybe wait a week and see if rules change/what the cases are looking like
Chat about the fact that (yes I know she isn't shielding) shielding people are still having to shield even after the vaccine so it isn't bulletproof
Then see, if she still wants to then yes because it's her own decision

And yes, to above posts, the elderly have never been required to shield from age
Shielding people are any age

TheKeatingFive · 12/01/2021 20:20

No, shielding people are back shielding again.

She has had the vaccine.

Those asked to shield were for their own protection in the face of Covid. It’s not some kind of permanent status.

PickAChew · 12/01/2021 20:20

@Handcarthell

The basic lack of understanding on this thread is amazing

We need to go out only when necessary. As little as possible.

What's so hard to understand?!

She wants to go and buy food. Give it a bloody rest.
MrsMiaWallis · 12/01/2021 20:20

@Quaagars

During lockdown it's against government guidelines to share a car with anyone not in your household or support bubble

How do you know the OP isn't in a support bubble with her mum?
(Unless I've missed where she said)

I don't, she might be.
charliespie · 12/01/2021 20:20

It's against the supermarket rules for two adults to shop together.

It should be against the rules to post on here without bothering to read the information given by OP.

They will not be shopping together.

middleager · 12/01/2021 20:21

Why are people saying the OP's mother has not been out in ages. She went for her 2nd Jab on only the 11th, where was this? how did she get there? Did somebody take her? Had they not seen anybody either?

My teenage DS has had Covid. It would be easy to be blasé and take him shopping with me.

Katie517 · 12/01/2021 20:21

Yes take her. The staff won’t mind as you aren’t shopping together you are giving her a lift. I agree with some other posters we must stop treating older people like children and let them make their own decisions. I also think we should stop asking mumsnet for permission to do things as well.

Melroses · 12/01/2021 20:22

My 81 yo mother has been shopping all the way through - just goes late at night to a local supermarket when there is only 1 or so other people there.

If she is fine going round on her own, I would act as a taxi.

Handcarthell · 12/01/2021 20:22

@middleager

Why are people saying the OP's mother has not been out in ages. She went for her 2nd Jab on only the 11th, where was this? how did she get there? Did somebody take her? Had they not seen anybody either?

My teenage DS has had Covid. It would be easy to be blasé and take him shopping with me.

OP said it in her original post
saraclara · 12/01/2021 20:22

Car sharing is not permitted with anyone from outside your household or support bubble of course OP and her mum might have bubbled

That's rubbish.

I'm a volunteer with our local Good Neighbours Scheme. Most of what we do is to give a lift to older people who need to shop or attend a medical appointment.

If you won't take her OP, then I'd love to give her the number of her local Good Neighbours scheme. Fortunately they won't treat her like a child.

Sewrainbow · 12/01/2021 20:22

Yes take her if you dont shop together and even if you dont want to take there is nothing to stop getting the bus or a taxi there anyway

MrsMiaWallis · 12/01/2021 20:22

Yes, my dd has had it too. I could take her, we live together so I wouldn't be breaking the driving rule. If someone has to wait longer in the queue because she fancies a trip out that's fine right?

jazzandh · 12/01/2021 20:22

Is she bubbled with anyone?

So if she becomes infected whilst she is out, what is her subsequent risk of passing it in to anyone?

I would say, first trip out, she is unlikely to be a carrier - but she could pick it up. Who would she then come into contact with - even unthinkingly - after that.

That is really the primary point of the stay at home message at the moment.

Lovemusic33 · 12/01/2021 20:23

I would take her, my Nan was so upset during the last lockdown as she couldn’t go on her weekly shopping trip, she was worried she would never go again. She’s now had her first vaccine and I’m sure after her 2nd she will go shopping again.

As for the shopping alone, a elderly person can shop with a carer.

MrsMiaWallis · 12/01/2021 20:23

@saraclara

Car sharing is not permitted with anyone from outside your household or support bubble of course OP and her mum might have bubbled

That's rubbish.

I'm a volunteer with our local Good Neighbours Scheme. Most of what we do is to give a lift to older people who need to shop or attend a medical appointment.

If you won't take her OP, then I'd love to give her the number of her local Good Neighbours scheme. Fortunately they won't treat her like a child.

Read the guidance. It's quite clear.
chipsandpeas · 12/01/2021 20:24

yes i would
ive been taking my 85 yr old mother to the supermarket shes not yet been vaccinated she wears a mask and needs to get out for her mental health as staying in for months on end wasnt doing her any good, she was losing her mind, not knowning what day it was and she has decided to take the risk to go even if its once a week

Handcarthell · 12/01/2021 20:25

If she's in a bubble then that's one household.

And one person should be shopping per household.

Yes I know that's not how it's being interpreted generally but it
Would make sense to me if it were.

Robbybobtail · 12/01/2021 20:25

I have been taking teen dd with me almost every week to help with the food shop, we are a large family and I need an extra hand as often have two trolleys. No one has ever commented, or even glanced in our direction - plenty of couples/adult with one child. The general population and people working in supermarkets etc are really not the hysterical, sad so-n-so’s portrayed on mumsnet!
People will not be whispering behind their hands about someone shopping with their elderly mother or waiting to pounce with an on the spot fine for sharing a car.
People need to use an ounce of common sense.