Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

[Icequeen01]

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

Whats the difference between a bored 18 year old who wont get severe covid and a bored 81 year old who wont get covid.

And its possible that both could still transmit it.

And both would be breaking the rules.

There are no rules that she can't go bloody shopping.

The problem is that others seeing people breaking the rules encourage them to also break the rules.

Which rules?

And thats why we shouldnt be going 'well im alright now Jack, i can ignore things' because you lead to a breakdown in compliance which has consequences for other people who have not had a jab.

What would she be ignoring?

Tell her she needs to grow up and take responsibility just like 18 year olds are being asked to do for the community.

Erm, 18 year olds are allowed to go shopping too

My parents are 89 and 85 and have been going to Sainsburys twice a week all through this. I'm not too delighted about it, but have no way to stop them and they've come this far making their own decisions.

I would probably take your mum in the circumstances.

I have said it's not bloody ok to suddenly start doing what you having been doing (call it what the hell you like) just because you've suddenly had 2 vaccines.

And my point t is she didn't have to do it in the first place.

Which rules

The rules that say one adult only in the supermarket. Imagine I'm speaking very slowly.

I take my 80 year old nan.
She didn’t go in first lockdown and it really affected her walking as she was sat on her bum watching tv all day!!!

She wears her mask, I sanitise her trolly and hands. Seen a real difference in her mental health!

That’s the only place she goes tho. Morrison’s on a Tuesday!!

The rules that say one adult only in the supermarket.

Only one adult? Just one adult? My god the queues will be huge

Imagine I'm speaking very slowly.

Maybe you should read really slowly

Not yet. Unless you’re okay with her needing a ventilator and not getting one.

As a GP who is trying to vaccinate as quickly as we can get the vaccine - I say NO, don’t be stupid. There are still people catching covid and dying in their droves. No vaccine offers 100% protection and particularly whilst it is circulating so widely in the population.

@MrsMiaWallis

Which rules

The rules that say one adult only in the supermarket. Imagine I'm speaking very slowly.

What is the harm if they are both off doing their own shopping separately? My mum comes with me sometimes and we both go off to get our own bits, then meet outside.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Yes I would take her. She is an adult, she can make her own decisions. I would be fucking pissed off if my child told me at 81 I couldn't go to the shops.

This^

Most sensible comment I've seen on MN!

She's an adult. Treat her like one.

Either I have completely lost touch with reality, or some posters on this thread are doing the making up "roolz" thing again.

Handcarthel my DH has not been out for weeks because he is vulnerable and chooses not to. If he decided to go out tomorrow he would not be breaking any rules, nor would he be if was officially shielding. Shielding has only ever been advice not law.

@charliespie

The rules that say one adult only in the supermarket.

Only one adult? Just one adult? My god the queues will be huge

Imagine I'm speaking very slowly.

Maybe you should read really slowly

🤣🤣🤣

Just to,put the record straight, my DM has never had a 'shielding' letter. She has self isolated due to her age.

Yes.

The rules are Sainsbury's rules!

Do you know what, I don't care OP. Do what you like.

No but it didn't stop her and DF "popping in" to Tescos on their way home from getting their second jab. I just despair of the older generation.

Whats the difference between a bored 18 year old who wont get severe covid and a bored 81 year old who wont get covid.
It depends what household they live in. If the 18 year old lives alone, you'd expect them to shop for themselves even if their support bubble gave them a lift. The 81 year old wants to get back to looking after herself and that has significant cognitive benefits, especially after all this time it's really important for people to get out again. OP only did her mum's shopping because of covid risk to her mum, we don't make our neighbours shop for us because we can do it ourselves and there is no rule to say that we must. The risk is now very small for OP's mum, she can get back to living her life more normally. In a mask, socially distanced and in all other ways following rules and guidance.

(I'd still leave it an extra week, the benefits of the first jab take about 2 weeks to have full effect so I would expect a possible minor benefit in that timeframe for the second jab also.)

@MrsMiaWallis I hadn't realised I had been arguing with you? I have been reading each and every post as I wanted everyone's views. I promise you I am taking this all in.

The rules are Sainsbury's rules!

Sainsbury's don't have any jurisdiction when it comes to who drives people to the supermarket.

I wanted to say yes, because if she is shopping for her own household, why shouldn't she.

But...

She's very lucky to have had the vaccine. Lots of people haven't. If everyone does what she wants to do, the rest of us will be considerably closer together, won't we? And we have all been going to considerable lengths to help the NHS and people like your mum. This is the time to pull together and that includes her. So for that reason, I don't think we can have people who were previously shielding out and about unless there is a real need. Yes, she can technically do it. But it's not quite cricket, in my view, when there are so many people who need the vaccine and can't have it yet. When everyone has been vaccinated, it would be completely different. But for now could she recognise that the fewer people out and about, the further apart and safer the unvaccinated can be.

Yes, I would take her.

No.

So you could go and do the shopping separately thus not breaking the letter, but very much breaking the spirit and intention, of the rules.

Your mum has you to shop for her, she does not need to go, so she shouldn’t go.

Honestly OP I do understand this is hard for you, but things are at crisis point and we all need to do our best. As pp have said, your DM is an adult, with that comes responsibility as well as rights. Personally I would tell her that. This isn’t forever and the more we do what we want instead of what we should the longer it goes on.

The rules are Sainsbury's rules!

I seem to have missed the Sainsbury's rule which says single adults from seperate households can't share transport.

Yes of course I would.

For the people saying NO can I ask why please? She's an adult not a child if she's been in for weeks I don't blame her wanting a bit of normality!! If she is fully aware of the risks etc then I would let her make her own decisions!! She's had the vaccine & I understand she still can carry the virus but so can each & every person that goes into the supermarket!! If she's been stuck in doors for months then she is prob very safe to be around! Personally if your mum really wants to then let her she's 81....& no one knows for a fact that in 6 months time even a year we still might actually be in this situation with mutation etc..she can't stay locked away forever!!