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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/01/2021 23:50

I'm going to hit my head against the wall now.

Sorry @Bonnieonthelam, I can''t really expect you to have read 700 posts. But SO many people have said the same/similar, and the OP has already said that her DM was told at the time of the second vaccination, on what date she could assume that the vaccination would be effective. And she's not planning to go out until a week after that.

I think we can assume that what she was told at her vaccination is more accurate than the many different time perids that various poster have postulated.

VinylDetective · 14/01/2021 00:35

Tedious isn’t it @saraclara?

yoyo1234 · 14/01/2021 00:35

Spoken to Consultant NHS doctor ( very relevant specialty) this change and increase in behaviour more likely to spread infection when transmission still high was described as a "kick in the teeth". Vaccine should not alter behaviour.

VinylDetective · 14/01/2021 00:37

If it’s a “kick in the teeth” why are we bothering with vaccination?

yoyo1234 · 14/01/2021 00:39

The change in behaviour.introducing an extra vector into the equation ( previous low risk behaviour for transmission of the virus).

PickAChew · 14/01/2021 00:52

It's not though because there will be no more people inside the supermarket than normal. Meantime, OP's mum gets to remember how to adult and not slowly slip further into delirium caused by isolation and loss of agency.

Handcarthell · 14/01/2021 00:54

@VinylDetective

If it’s a “kick in the teeth” why are we bothering with vaccination?
Because if you can transmit it without being ill to increase social contact will Increase transmission to those still waiting for their vaccination.

Wait a while until more vaccinated and then that do t happen.

saraclara · 14/01/2021 01:09

There is no evidence at all that you can spread it after vaccination. The data isn't in yet because not many people have been vaccinated. But based on similar SARS vaccines it's thought that it's highly unlikely to happen. But of course, the scientists can't say that for certain because they don't have the evidence yet.

DM is going to behave sensibly. She's going to go to the supermarket, she's going to wear her mask, she's going to distance. She is NOT going to be more of a risk than all the unvaccinated people all around her now, is she?

Waspnest · 14/01/2021 01:12

Why don’t we have one designated neighbour or family member shopping for 2 or 5 or 10?

You know what, having fucking shopped for two other elderly households since March having dodged the non-mask wearers and heavy breathers at THEIR request whilst one of them still visits sweet shops but won't visit supermarkets because their nurse says that may be a 'bit risky' and the other insists they must have fucking Kerrygold butter I am done with it. Let them get vaccinated and do their own fucking shopping. If keeping vulnerable people safe is abusive and agest, let them fucking suck it up.

Jesus, really like doing shopping at the moment is a fucking treat.

Handcarthell · 14/01/2021 01:13

@saraclara

There is no evidence at all that you can spread it after vaccination. The data isn't in yet because not many people have been vaccinated. But based on similar SARS vaccines it's thought that it's highly unlikely to happen. But of course, the scientists can't say that for certain because they don't have the evidence yet.

DM is going to behave sensibly. She's going to go to the supermarket, she's going to wear her mask, she's going to distance. She is NOT going to be more of a risk than all the unvaccinated people all around her now, is she?

Quite right.

There is no evidence because they have no data. Either way. So in the meantime the EXPERTS are asking us to not risk it.

Simple

saraclara · 14/01/2021 01:23

DM isn't risking anything, @Handcarthell. She's going to be behaving within the rules, just as if she hadn't been vaccinated, and like the rest of the customers in the supermarket (who won't have been vaccinated) will be.

saraclara · 14/01/2021 01:25

@Waspnest

Why don’t we have one designated neighbour or family member shopping for 2 or 5 or 10?

You know what, having fucking shopped for two other elderly households since March having dodged the non-mask wearers and heavy breathers at THEIR request whilst one of them still visits sweet shops but won't visit supermarkets because their nurse says that may be a 'bit risky' and the other insists they must have fucking Kerrygold butter I am done with it. Let them get vaccinated and do their own fucking shopping. If keeping vulnerable people safe is abusive and agest, let them fucking suck it up.

Jesus, really like doing shopping at the moment is a fucking treat.

Don't tar OP's DH with the same brush as the people you are dealing with.

And if you've been isolating for months and months and haven't left the house, yes, doing your own shopping for the first time IS a treat. I was housebound for months years ago, and the first time I went to Tesco after that was bloody wonderful.

Handcarthell · 14/01/2021 01:28

@Waspnest

Why don’t we have one designated neighbour or family member shopping for 2 or 5 or 10?

You know what, having fucking shopped for two other elderly households since March having dodged the non-mask wearers and heavy breathers at THEIR request whilst one of them still visits sweet shops but won't visit supermarkets because their nurse says that may be a 'bit risky' and the other insists they must have fucking Kerrygold butter I am done with it. Let them get vaccinated and do their own fucking shopping. If keeping vulnerable people safe is abusive and agest, let them fucking suck it up.

Jesus, really like doing shopping at the moment is a fucking treat.

If the neighbour who I've been shopping for decides she's suddenly going she can take my list with her.
Waspnest · 14/01/2021 01:28

In fact it'll be very interesting to see whether all these elderly vaccinated people so keen to get out and about offer to do the shopping for us unvaccinated more vulnerable people.

Waspnest · 14/01/2021 01:30

Yes OP, perhaps she should offer to get your shopping now she is theoretically less at risk of Covid than you?

Waspnest · 14/01/2021 01:34

and the first time I went to Tesco after that was bloody wonderful.

It palls after 9 months I can assure you.

Waspnest · 14/01/2021 01:41

And I'm guessing that going shopping after all those months didn't carry the risk of Covid with it.

Anyway, I'm done with this thread, all the talk of abuse and ageism when people are just trying to protect those they care about has pissed me off just too much this time.

Handcarthell · 14/01/2021 01:42

@Waspnest

Yes OP, perhaps she should offer to get your shopping now she is theoretically less at risk of Covid than you?
She's certainly less likely to be made ill for the pleasure of queuing in the cold with it pissing it down than me.
Waspnest · 14/01/2021 01:50

She's certainly less likely to be made ill for the pleasure of queuing in the cold with it pissing it down than me.

Yes, maybe those of us against the OP's idea should look on the bright side, no more having to do stuff for the vulnerable. Yay.

24HoursInPoliceCustody · 14/01/2021 02:04

@Handcarthell

No!

Which bit of needing to wait to see if it stops transmission is hard to understand?

Ffs the rest of us stand no chance of getting out of lockdown if people see is as a ticket to mix already

Odfo Hmm
24HoursInPoliceCustody · 14/01/2021 02:22

@MrsMiaWallis

Which rules

The rules that say one adult only in the supermarket. Imagine I'm speaking very slowly.

Who the hell are you talking too like that you goady little troll
24HoursInPoliceCustody · 14/01/2021 02:24

@Mummydoctor

As a GP who is trying to vaccinate as quickly as we can get the vaccine - I say NO, don’t be stupid. There are still people catching covid and dying in their droves. No vaccine offers 100% protection and particularly whilst it is circulating so widely in the population.
Then perhaps her own GP should get off his arse and tell her that seen this lady has not seen her GP in a year!
Torvean32 · 14/01/2021 02:47

No. They dont want groups of ppl in supermarkets Could you drop her off then pick her up.

Or could you go somewhere else?

TheKeatingFive · 14/01/2021 05:03

when people are just trying to protect those they care about

The vaccine is doing that. That’s its job.

Time for the OPs mum to look after more general well-being and mental health that have taken a huge beating.

TheKeatingFive · 14/01/2021 05:04

They dont want groups of ppl in supermarkets

One person doing the shopping for their personal household is perfectly within guidelines.