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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
charliespie · 13/01/2021 22:50

No , regardless of the speed either of you shop when separate it's still another person in the shop potentially causing other people to be crowded or feel crowded .

Oh here we go again, another one who thinks this lady should not go shopping in order to make other people's experience easier.

The supermarkets are limiting the amount of people inside so OP DM won't be contributing towards any crowding.

Handcarthell · 13/01/2021 22:51

@saraclara

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

You have just 'othered' the DM because she's old. She's not one of 'us'.

What on earth leads you to believe that she's not sensible? Let's guess. You think that someone over 80 can't possibly be like you and me. She must be stupid because she's old.

She lives independently. She has every right to do her own shopping.
Do you have neighbours? Do they go to the supermarket? If so, why are you going? You don't need to. They could do it for you.

This has got nothing NOTHING to do with her age.

Read all my posts and you'll see I've not mentioned it.

I frankly don't care if she's 21 or 101. She's changing her habits because she's had the vaccine.

And she doesn't need to.

nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 22:51

Based on a new strain 80,000 dead lockdown like March nhs at breaking point what don't you understand? what rules and guidelines don't you get this is madness the point is your told you shop on your own where possible end offfffff stores do not know if you've had the injection wether you can pass it on or not so the simple solution is to shop alone

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:52

@MrsMiaWallis

You have just 'othered' the DM because she's old. She's not one of 'us'

God you must be exhausted 😅

Not remotely. I will fight sexism, racism and ageism wherever I see it. It doesn't tire me at all. It does, however, depress me that the last of those is condoned and even supported, where the other two are not.
MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 22:52

This is what Sainsbury's say

"To help manage the number of customers in our stores you must also shop on your own, this will help make your shop quicker"

Literally this is all I've been saying, and the amount of abuse is frankly staggering.

Handcarthell · 13/01/2021 22:52

@TheKeatingFive

Why are any of us going to the supermarket?

Why don’t we have one designated neighbour or family member shopping for 2 or 5 or 10?

Wouldn’t that be ‘safer’?

Great idea.

Where do I sign up

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:53

@nottoday3000

Based on a new strain 80,000 dead lockdown like March nhs at breaking point what don't you understand? what rules and guidelines don't you get this is madness the point is your told you shop on your own where possible end offfffff stores do not know if you've had the injection wether you can pass it on or not so the simple solution is to shop alone
She's going to shop alone. She just needs a lift there from her daughter. When she's finished she'll meet her at the chechouts.
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:53

God you must be exhausted

Not at all, consider your argument.

‘I am justified going to the shops, even though other alternative are available to me, because reasons’

‘The OPs mother, on the other hand, is not justified and should take one of the alternatives available to her, because, erm, yeah’

The key difference between you is age.

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:54

you must also shop on your own

She IS shopping on her own

nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 22:57

I love how it's been turned into an age issue when it is an age issue as they are all being vaccinated and quite rightly so and reading the various store emails it's shopping alone as it's safer not quicker

littlemisslozza · 13/01/2021 22:58

I would give it a few more weeks. I thought it was 2-3 after vaccination that you had protection, not one week. Also, cases look to be starting to decrease so holding fire for a few more weeks seems safer and sensible as she doesn't need to go.

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:59

@littlemisslozza

I would give it a few more weeks. I thought it was 2-3 after vaccination that you had protection, not one week. Also, cases look to be starting to decrease so holding fire for a few more weeks seems safer and sensible as she doesn't need to go.
For the fiftieth time*, it has already been established when the DM's vaccination will become effective, and she's not going out until well past that date.

*apx

nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 23:01

She's not shopping on her own as the op says she can't manage the tills even she's not convinced it's a good idea her mum going shopping

nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 23:02

Anyhow wish you all the best and stay safe

saraclara · 13/01/2021 23:04

@nottoday3000

She's not shopping on her own as the op says she can't manage the tills even she's not convinced it's a good idea her mum going shopping
She is shopping on her own up to that point. If OP helps her at the till, it means a checkout operator has one less customer to face. Which is good, surely? Alternatively DM can go to a staffed checkout and meet OP outside, if that makes you happier.
SnoozyLou · 13/01/2021 23:05

Christ on a bike, this thread is insane.

Most people, irrespective of age, have someone who could do their shopping for them. That fact doesn't suddenly make it illegal to leave the house.

You've got people saying they go twice a week (which usually means they go a lot more than that), but insisting OP's mum shouldn't be "allowed" out.

Do none of you, who insist OP's mum should be confined to her quarters, work? Or socialis... sorry, exercise, meeting up with a friend for a Starbucks or two?

I bet you bloody do.

To put this in context, I've left the house twice since Christmas. Once to drop the car off for an MOT (because you still have to), and once to pick it up. I am by no means a piss taker. This is my choice. It doesn't mean that someone else should be denied the right to make their own decisions though.

Lonelykettleshed · 13/01/2021 23:05

My dad, 86, does his own shopping. I drive him because if I didn't he would use public transport and I would prefer to minimise the risk. I know that the risk would be further reduced if he didn't leave the house but he suffers from depression, has attempted suicide in the past and hates being stuck at home on his own since his wife died.

For me, popping him to the shop once a week at the quietest time and trying to pick the quieter supermarkets is the lesser of two evils.

There isn't an easy answer but your mother is an adult not a child and should therefore make her own decisions.

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 23:07

She's not shopping on her own as the op says she can't manage the tills

She can go through a manned checkout, which, last time I checked, was also allowed

tiredqueen · 13/01/2021 23:08

Yes I would.
To not do so is infantilising your mum who I'm sure just wants to get back to some stage of normality in her life.

She's in her 80s. Let the woman enjoy her twilight years. Sainsburys is about the most exciting thing anyone's got going on right now. Let her feel normal again

nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 23:12

@saraclara I literally cannot tell you how happy that makes me I'm over fucking joyed well done fuck what they are asking you to do for the safety of everyone maybe ask all her sisters and brothers to join in as well but I'm deeply over joyed

littlemisslozza · 13/01/2021 23:18

@saraclara there's no need to be rude. I gave my opinion, as the OP had requested. I did not read everyone else's opinions first.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 23:29

You've got people saying they go twice a week (which usually means they go a lot more than that), but insisting OP's mum shouldn't be "allowed" out

Rubbish.

SnoozyLou · 13/01/2021 23:32

@MrsMiaWallis

Do you work? Go out for exercise?

Just curious.

Bonnieonthelam · 13/01/2021 23:35

@Icequeen01

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

Someone cleverer than me can correct me, but don’t you need the jab to have been given 4 weeks to achieve full effectiveness and that includes the second vaccine? So on that basis, and without that basis I would say no. Why risk it?
MRex · 13/01/2021 23:50

@MrsMiaWallis - why aren't you just getting food deliveries? I don't understand why you wouldn't given your great concern over busy supermarkets and your multiple trips because it's all too heavy for you.

@Handcarthell - anyone can change their habits, they just need to stay within the law.

I think some of you have gone a bit mad honestly. Logically the chances of giving off high viral load after vaccination are miniscule, the point of the vaccine is that it fights off the infection. You should worry about all the other potentially infected people in your household, neighbours and friends you chat with, as well as unvaccinated in the supermarket; they are your actual risks.