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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:32

You are bloody rude. Hopefully in real life you aren't as nasty.

In real life I don’t come across people as patronisingly ageist as you.

Thankfully.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 22:32

Would they be telling a man not to let his wife out? That he should be the only person allowed to go to the shop, because his wife doesn't need to?

You can froth off down this rabbit hole if you like but the two situations are not remotely comparable and it's beyond offensive to both victims of domestic abuse and the worried daughters on this thread, trying to look after vulnerable parents.

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:34

You can froth off down this rabbit hole if you like but the two situations are not remotely comparable

Both controlling. Both think they know ‘better’. Both denying agency to a grown adult.

Sounds pretty similar to me, got to say.

Handcarthell · 13/01/2021 22:36

I'm hearing something really different here. I'm hearing posters saying 'oh dear poor old person has had a miserable time, off you go now, do what the hell you like, never mind all these nasty rules'.

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

Don't go out unless you have to.

I'd bloody love someone to get my shopping.

PrincessNutNuts · 13/01/2021 22:38

It depends how she feels about following the Lockdown rules, and helping to overwhelm the NHS still further by risking hospital with covid I guess.

Is this an essential journey?

Would she be "acting as though she's got it" as we are told to do?

Infection levels are still very high in most of the country. She can still catch it and no one knows yet how much she will then pass it on.

If you think she would have been hospitalised and in ITU before vaccination if she caught covid, then now she's vaccinated she would probably still be hospitalised for weeks but perhaps require less invasive treatments.

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:38

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

What rules are they breaking, households are allowed to do their own shopping.

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:39

@Handcarthell

I'm hearing something really different here. I'm hearing posters saying 'oh dear poor old person has had a miserable time, off you go now, do what the hell you like, never mind all these nasty rules'.

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

Don't go out unless you have to.

I'd bloody love someone to get my shopping.

So you think it's fine for OP to go shopping, but not for her mother to? That's ageism at work and nothing else. Right now her DM is safer from Covid (and less of a risk to others) than OP is.

Mum needs a lift, that's all.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 22:40

Is this an essential journey?

God, don't ask that. It's abusive and controlling (according to certain posters).

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:40

Would she be "acting as though she's got it" as we are told to do?

Why are you asking that about her, and not about OP and everyone else on this thread who's food shopping?

Handcarthell · 13/01/2021 22:40

@TheKeatingFive

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

What rules are they breaking, households are allowed to do their own shopping.

Go back and read the original post. This isn't about doing their own shopping. There's no suggestion she couldn't have what she wanted.

It's about wanting to change her habits because she's had the injection

We have specifically been asked not to do that yet

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:40

If you think she would have been hospitalised and in ITU before vaccination if she caught covid, then now she's vaccinated she would probably still be hospitalised for weeks but perhaps require less invasive treatments.

This is something you’ve entirely made up,

She has been vaccinated. It is 95% effective. No one who has been vaccinated went on to have serious illness.

PoppiesinOctober · 13/01/2021 22:41

@Handcarthell

I'm hearing something really different here. I'm hearing posters saying 'oh dear poor old person has had a miserable time, off you go now, do what the hell you like, never mind all these nasty rules'.

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

Don't go out unless you have to.

I'd bloody love someone to get my shopping.

Oh, piss off.
nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 22:41

For gods sake the stores are saying please shop alone if the op mother was to come in alone no one would batter an eyelid it's the issue of collecting her because rightly or wrongly she's been shielding a prisoner of her own home whatever ... that now during the worst time of any she thinks is she unreasonable to collect her and take her shopping now. NOT really the best time is it??for all concerned, back in the summer no problem but now....

Handcarthell · 13/01/2021 22:42

I'll take that as you agree then

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:43

This isn't about doing their own shopping

Erm, yes it is Confused

It's about wanting to change her habits because she's had the injection

Changing her habits entirely within the guidelines.

pissoffwhydontyou · 13/01/2021 22:43

No , regardless of the speed either of you shop when separate it's still another person in the shop potentially causing other people to be crowded or feel crowded .

nottoday3000 · 13/01/2021 22:45

Please god someone do my shift I'll pay ya double 😂😂it's exhausting I feel for you all being told what to do I do as well let's be honest we hate shopping at the best of times ! What we all want is to go back to normal don't we x

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:45

NOT really the best time is it??

Based on what?

She’s protected. She’s much less likely than any of us to pass it on. It’s entirely within the guidelines for people of any age to do their own shopping. You aren’t making any sense.

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:45

Instead I'd like them to be expected to behave as the sensible adults they are and follow the guidance like the rest of us.

You have just 'othered' the DM because she's old. She's not one of 'us'.

What on earth leads you to believe that she's not sensible? Let's guess. You think that someone over 80 can't possibly be like you and me. She must be stupid because she's old.

She lives independently. She has every right to do her own shopping.
Do you have neighbours? Do they go to the supermarket? If so, why are you going? You don't need to. They could do it for you.

JengaJanga · 13/01/2021 22:46

This situation is different with the 1 person rule!
Its a elderly person and someone who is looking after her

I would maybe maybe leave it atleast two weeks after her 2nd jab

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:47

it's still another person in the shop

People are allowed to shop for their own household. I’ve seen nothing on the guidelines that people are required to double up with someone else. The shop has a limit to the amount of people it can allow in at one time, so entirely in control of that.

saraclara · 13/01/2021 22:48

@pissoffwhydontyou

No , regardless of the speed either of you shop when separate it's still another person in the shop potentially causing other people to be crowded or feel crowded .
No. Shops are deciding how many people they let in. It makes no difference whether it DM or anyone else. She will not be causing any 'crowding'. You're being ridiculous.

Again, do you accuse your neighbour of causing crowding by going to the supermarket? Are you accusing any posters on here of crowding people by going to Tesco? So why are you saying that DM's presnce there is 'crowding'?

I think we know why. It's because she's old. She doesn't have the same rights, for some reason.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 22:48

You have just 'othered' the DM because she's old. She's not one of 'us'

God you must be exhausted 😅

JengaJanga · 13/01/2021 22:49

Its going to the shops

Which you are allowed to do !

TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 22:50

Why are any of us going to the supermarket?

Why don’t we have one designated neighbour or family member shopping for 2 or 5 or 10?

Wouldn’t that be ‘safer’?

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