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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
tinselearedcow · 13/01/2021 12:05

@cptartapp

She may be moderately protected but most people aren't. She could pick up and transmit it to others not as fortunate as her. I fear we'll see more of this attitude as the vaccine rolls out.
What attitude? I don't understand what you mean. Everyone is allowed to go shopping for food. Everyone. There is no law or even guidance against it. CEV people are advised not to or ay least to be cautious I think, but even then it is just advice.
GabriellaMontez · 13/01/2021 12:08

Yes. It's her decision.

saraclara · 13/01/2021 12:12

@lovemirage

This elderly person is just tip of the ice berg. Soon twenty million other vaccinated elderly emerge and fill up supermarkets.
WTF?

What an absolutely appalling thing to say. This probably wins 'most ageist post of the year'

bumblingbovine49 · 13/01/2021 12:17

Of course you can take her. She is doing her shipping and you are her carer helping her. The argument about her possibly still being able to transmit the virus is irrelevant. That is true of everyone doing their shopping so she needs to follow masks and social distancing rules of course. The only reason you have been shopping for her is to protect her. She now has the vaccine protecting her. She is as entitled to selected her own food as anyone else .Take her to the supermarket and let her do her own shopping while you do yours. Meet her outside and take her home in the car

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 12:18

[quote SnoozyLou]@MrsMiaWallace Why can't you do click and collect or shop online if it's too much to manage. I've had deliveries all through this, you just have to be bothered to find the slots.[/quote]
Is this the famous MN magical thinking? Where have I said it is too much to manage?

SnoozyLou · 13/01/2021 12:20

@MrsMiaWallis You said it's too much to manage in one go, therefore you go out multiple times.

tootyfruitypickle · 13/01/2021 12:21

@lovemirage god forbid elderly people should have any independence and do their own shopping for food !!

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 12:22

[quote SnoozyLou]@MrsMiaWallis You said it's too much to manage in one go, therefore you go out multiple times.[/quote]
Yes, twice a week. Then it's fine. Why would I take up a delivery slot that could go to someone less able to shop? If you don't understand that one person going twice a week is less risky than 6 adults going once a week, I can't help you!

SnoozyLou · 13/01/2021 12:30

@MrsMiaWallis If you can do it in 2 trips, then it wouldn't take 6 people. It would take 2. And as I explained to you before, there would be less risk if 2 people from the same household went once rather than 1 person going twice, because if one or both of you has it, by going just once, you're exposing one shopfull of customers rather than 2. It really isn't too hard to wrap your head around.

Iceland and many others have upped their delivery capacity. They have had a year now to sort out logistics. You can often get a slot with Iceland for the next day now. You preach around people visiting supermarkets unnecessarily - get it delivered then.

Can we take a break from polishing the halo for a moment. You go there because you want to, simple as that, but you begrudge an 81 year old lady doing the same.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 12:32

[quote SnoozyLou]@MrsMiaWallis If you can do it in 2 trips, then it wouldn't take 6 people. It would take 2. And as I explained to you before, there would be less risk if 2 people from the same household went once rather than 1 person going twice, because if one or both of you has it, by going just once, you're exposing one shopfull of customers rather than 2. It really isn't too hard to wrap your head around.

Iceland and many others have upped their delivery capacity. They have had a year now to sort out logistics. You can often get a slot with Iceland for the next day now. You preach around people visiting supermarkets unnecessarily - get it delivered then.

Can we take a break from polishing the halo for a moment. You go there because you want to, simple as that, but you begrudge an 81 year old lady doing the same.[/quote]
Don't be weird.

starfishmummy · 13/01/2021 12:41

No. The guidance says the vaccine takes a few weeks to be effective. Also it reduces the risk of catching covid, not a guarantee that she won't

saraclara · 13/01/2021 12:45

@starfishmummy

No. The guidance says the vaccine takes a few weeks to be effective. Also it reduces the risk of catching covid, not a guarantee that she won't
It's already been established that the vaccine will be effective by the time she goes out.

She has not needed to shield, nor does she have any health problems. She has exactly the same right to go food shopping as anyone else. She is at less risk to herself and to others than 98% of the population.

Freetodowhatiwant · 13/01/2021 12:47

Yes I would definitely do this. She had had her jabs and she will be careful as will you. It also sounds like it will be important for her mental health.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 13:14

@starfishmummy

No. The guidance says the vaccine takes a few weeks to be effective. Also it reduces the risk of catching covid, not a guarantee that she won't
It doesn’t. It says 95% immunity seven days after the second jab. More MN made up facts.
WaxOnFeckOff · 13/01/2021 13:26

does anyone have any understating that living is not without risk? and that there are other things than Covid?

What about all the folks that missed cancer diagnosis and are now terminal, what about the suicides because of lockdown? what about the pain and misery people are in whilst waiting on operations? Does none of this matter?

A visit to the shops could risk all manner of things, falling on the ice and breaking a hip, being in a car accident, alcoholism or food disorders/heart attacks because of what you buy when you are in there. A life without interaction and hope and joy isn't a life

Comefromaway · 13/01/2021 13:28

@WaxOnFeckOff

does anyone have any understating that living is not without risk? and that there are other things than Covid?

What about all the folks that missed cancer diagnosis and are now terminal, what about the suicides because of lockdown? what about the pain and misery people are in whilst waiting on operations? Does none of this matter?

A visit to the shops could risk all manner of things, falling on the ice and breaking a hip, being in a car accident, alcoholism or food disorders/heart attacks because of what you buy when you are in there. A life without interaction and hope and joy isn't a life

You do appreciate too @Comefromaway* that your MIL is not in excellent health as diabetes is listed as a big risk factor for Covid.

Diabetes, heart conditions and being overweight.

Top of the risks.

Sorry but they ought to stay at home and your H ought to be dealing with their shopping.*

This is what I'm being told on another thread!

buzzandwoodyallday · 13/01/2021 14:04

Yes, take her. Without a doubt. Allow her to have some semblance of normality while she can.

blueberryporridge · 13/01/2021 19:26

So many posters here in denial of the dangerous situation we are in.

We should all be doing our very utmost to limit transmission and obey the spirit of the guidance - not trying to find as many ways to thwart them as possible. And that includes people in their 80s, who are lucky enough to have received the vaccine first because the country has been doing its utmost collectively for almost a year to protect the most vulnerable.

Just because you want to do something and think you can justify it doesn’t mean you should. Because you are still risking transmitting the virus to people who have to be in the shop, be it staff or people who have no one to do their shopping for them.

Dunnowhatsgoingon · 13/01/2021 19:30

Haven't they said that it can take weeks after the jabs before it kicks in. Going days later after a second jab seems a bit premature. I get that she's not been out in a while but surely she could wait a little longer. Also, I agree with others about people shopping in groups. It puts others at more risk.

MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 19:35

@blueberryporridge

So many posters here in denial of the dangerous situation we are in.

We should all be doing our very utmost to limit transmission and obey the spirit of the guidance - not trying to find as many ways to thwart them as possible. And that includes people in their 80s, who are lucky enough to have received the vaccine first because the country has been doing its utmost collectively for almost a year to protect the most vulnerable.

Just because you want to do something and think you can justify it doesn’t mean you should. Because you are still risking transmitting the virus to people who have to be in the shop, be it staff or people who have no one to do their shopping for them.

How is she going to transmit it when she’s not been anywhere to catch it?

People on here have taken leave of their senses

charliespie · 13/01/2021 19:38

So many posters here in denial of the dangerous situation we are in.

Yes. The cognitive decline many older people are experiencing is particularly dangerous.

I realise that didn't reach you and all your efforts are centred elsewhere.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 20:13

And that includes people in their 80s, who are lucky enough to have received the vaccine first

Nothing to do with luck, what’s lucky about being the most likely to die?

saraclara · 13/01/2021 20:20

@Dunnowhatsgoingon

Haven't they said that it can take weeks after the jabs before it kicks in. Going days later after a second jab seems a bit premature. I get that she's not been out in a while but surely she could wait a little longer. Also, I agree with others about people shopping in groups. It puts others at more risk.
For goodness' sake, RTFT. She's been told when the vaccine will become effective, and she's not going out until that date has passed.
saraclara · 13/01/2021 20:23

the country has been doing its utmost collectively for almost a year to protect the most vulnerable.

No. We've basically been doing our utmost to protect ourselves and the people we love. I doubt that anyone's really given much of a damn for old people they don't know. Those old or sick people who've been basically stuck in their homes for a year while the rest of us have had at least some freedom.

Those people should be the first to be able to get out and enjoy fresh air and choosing their own damn food as soon as they're vaccinated, frankly.

username1909 · 13/01/2021 20:55

OMG take her. Get her to wear a face shield and an N95 mask. She'll be be fine !