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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/01/2021 09:12

@MrsMiaWallis

She’s not going out “unnecessarily”. She’s going to buy food!

It is technically unnecessary as she has someonw else to buy food for her.

Virtually everyone in the UK can ask someone else to do their shopping. I suggest that you ask everyone you see in Tesco why they're there and why they haven't asked someone else to shop for them.

The attitude that somehow an elderly person has fewer rights to their own independence and decision making is bloody terrifying on here.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 13/01/2021 09:12

I think the problem here is that people are focusing in on the "elderly mum" bit. The question really is "should I be taking someone else with me to the supermarket when I normally do their shopping for them?" to which the answer is "no".

But the patronising tone towards older people is very sad.

I think the OP has been brilliant in her responses.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/01/2021 09:13

@MrsMiaWallace and you going once instead of twice would be even less "spready". Or maybe when schools open, just send one child instead of two.

Ffs she is a grown adult who is as entitled as anyone else to go to buy her groceries.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:13

But who is she putting at risk? No one

You could use that argument for many things. Husband going with his wife, both wfh, teens going with their parents, not going anywhere except home

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:13

@MrsMiaWallis

But why does this seem to apply to the elderly more than anyone else?

It doesn't

Ig I started a thread about wanting to take ny 18 year old to tescos to cheer her up, I doubt I'd get more than one or two supportive replies.

Oh come on, you are really trying to twist things here.

Let me tell you though, if you 18 year old had been home alone, in their own house, for months then I would absolutely agree that you could take her shopping.

It's not about 'cheering people up' btw, you are minimising what has turned out to be quite serious declines in function and ability of many m at old people as they have been staying at homes alone, for months.

But yes, if your 18 year old was in the same circumstances as OP mother I would tell you to take them shopping too.

CorianderBee · 13/01/2021 09:14

She's had her jabs and is probably fucking bored out of her mind so yes I would.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:14

@MrsMiaWallace and you going once instead of twice would be even less "spready". Or maybe when schools open, just send one child instead of two

I couldn't manage a weekly shop for a total of 9 people in one go, so two trips it is.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 09:15

As I said she is privileged to have had both jabs

It’s not a privilege, it’s a right. She’s done her staying at home, it’s time for her to reclaim a tiny sliver of her life. If everyone who thinks she should stay at home is so concerned about protecting other people, you do it. But you won’t, will you?

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:15

Oh come on, you are really trying to twist things here

No, I'm not at all.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:16

@EmmaGrundyForPM

I think the problem here is that people are focusing in on the "elderly mum" bit. The question really is "should I be taking someone else with me to the supermarket when I normally do their shopping for them?" to which the answer is "no".

You know the person in question is an adult, with capacity, so it's not up to anyone to say 'no' to her going to the supermarket, right?

Your question has no relevance as it is the lady's choice and her choice only.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:17

@MrsMiaWallis

Oh come on, you are really trying to twist things here

No, I'm not at all.

You were. If you put your 18 year old into the same situation as the 81 year old there would be no difference.
saraclara · 13/01/2021 09:17

Absolutely the only reason people are saying that this low risk vaccinated person shouldn't be given a lift to the shops, is because she's 81.

It's absolute ageism, and nothing else. I'm horrified that while sexism and racism are rightly abhorred and jumped on, many many posters on here think it's absolutely fine to control this woman's movements because of her age.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 09:18

@MrsMiaWallis

Oh come on, you are really trying to twist things here

No, I'm not at all.

You are.
MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:18

Your question has no relevance as it is the lady's choice and her choice only

Ok fine, let them crack on, no point in discussing it then is there?

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:19

I'm actually not, but you are so angry you can't see the wood for the trees vinyldetective.

Clearly everyone has lost their marbles even more than ever on MN aibu.

MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:19

[quote MrsMiaWallis]**@MrsMiaWallace and you going once instead of twice would be even less "spready". Or maybe when schools open, just send one child instead of two

I couldn't manage a weekly shop for a total of 9 people in one go, so two trips it is.[/quote]
Ah ok, so it’s OK for YOU to go twice to the shops, it not for the OP’s mum to go just once. What makes you more special than the OP’s mum or your shopping more important? Why don’t you get someone else to shop or do click and collect?

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:19

@MrsMiaWallis

Your question has no relevance as it is the lady's choice and her choice only

Ok fine, let them crack on, no point in discussing it then is there?

I'm only here discussing it because of people like you tbh.

You might not take anything away from this thread personally but maybe somebody reading it will, and that can only be a good thing.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:22

@MrsMiaWallis

Hold up a minute. You go to the supermarket TWICE a week but are suggesting this lady should not go once? And not even once a week, once for the first time in months Confused

Off you pop you absolute tool.

Musicaltheatremum · 13/01/2021 09:23

My 88 year old dad shopped throughout lockdown. Mum aged 84 who has had 2 lobes of lung removed has been doing the shopping since she got fed up of dad doing it. They could never get online shopping. Dad has had the vaccine X2 mum is getting hers next week.
They have to make their own choices within reason. They go when it's deserted.

Handcarthell · 13/01/2021 09:23

I really hope OPs mother decides not to go. Once it's dawned on her it would be the wrong choice, of course.

We can always hold out for that.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:24

[quote charliespie]@MrsMiaWallis

Hold up a minute. You go to the supermarket TWICE a week but are suggesting this lady should not go once? And not even once a week, once for the first time in months Confused

Off you pop you absolute tool.[/quote]
You clearly don't understand anything about minimising the spread of a virus, so I'd think about that carefully before making vicious personal attacks. You sound charming.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 09:24

[quote charliespie]@MrsMiaWallis

Hold up a minute. You go to the supermarket TWICE a week but are suggesting this lady should not go once? And not even once a week, once for the first time in months Confused

Off you pop you absolute tool.[/quote]
Absolutely. And apparently I can’t see the wood for the trees.

saraclara · 13/01/2021 09:27

@Handcarthell

I really hope OPs mother decides not to go. Once it's dawned on her it would be the wrong choice, of course.

We can always hold out for that.

Explain to me why someone who has been isolating herself by choice, and has been vaccinated twice, would be making the wrong choice if she goes to buy food.

If I was to get too close to someone at Tesco today, i would far rather that it was this lady than anyone else. She poses far less risk to me than
a) anyone who does not live alone
b) anyone who's been out in the last fortnight
c) anyone who's not been vaccinated

I doubt there'll be anyone else in the supermarket who's as safe as her.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:27

You clearly don't understand anything about minimising the spread of a virus, so I'd think about that carefully before making vicious personal attacks. You sound charming.

Oh I absolutely understand about the spread of the virus. There are other factors at play though. They all need to be considered. Even in black and white, several times over, you can't seem to pick up on them.

Vicious personal attack? I said 'tool' Confused

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:28

Ok, I'll explain.

I shop for myself, and 7 other adults.

So i go twice = 1 person x 2 = 2 exposures. I mix with noone else other than my immediate family who I live with.

If I didn't do that then potentially 6 other adults would be going once a week and mixing.

It's fairly straightforward.