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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 13/01/2021 08:51

I bloody despair too. It’s not unnecessary. She’s going to buy food. And her mental health is important. Some people won’t be happy until we’ve all rocking and howling in the corner.

Exactly.

All the poor woman is doing is going to buy her groceries. Which is perfectly allowable and no doubt all those saying she shouldn’t have been doing that all along.

PoppiesinOctober · 13/01/2021 08:52

@blueberryporridge

The number of posters saying that it is fine for someone to go out unnecessarily shows exactly why we have such awful infection and death rates from Covid in this country. Op’s Mother does not need to go out. We are being told that we are at the most dangerous stage so far of the pandemic. She can hold on a bit longer to peruse the pudding aisle. FGS I despair.
Oh, give over. Some of you on here love to throw the blame card around. Yes, it's definitely a few MN'ers fault the death rate is so bad because they think an elderly woman should be able to buy her own food. Definitely. Hmm

And it's not an unnecessary reason - it's for food. Or have you forgotten that's essential?

Quaagars · 13/01/2021 08:53

@blueberryporridge

The number of posters saying that it is fine for someone to go out unnecessarily shows exactly why we have such awful infection and death rates from Covid in this country. Op’s Mother does not need to go out. We are being told that we are at the most dangerous stage so far of the pandemic. She can hold on a bit longer to peruse the pudding aisle. FGS I despair.
Unnecessarily! It's her food shopping!! , Why shouldn't she go if she's been vaccinated, and perfectly capable of doing her own shopping - why trivialise by going on about she just wants to peruse the pudding aisle? Who even said anything like she wants a (what, a "non essential" trifle or cheesecake Hmm ) It's people with posts like yours that make me despair. You're not the boss of another adult fgs.
MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 08:54

I bloody despair too. It’s not unnecessary. She’s going to buy food. And her mental health is important. Some people won’t be happy until we’ve all rocking and howling in the corner

I think this is unfair.

People are trying to stick to the guidelines and this is borderline. I should think everyone posting on here knows (or is!) someone suffering with their mental health during this pandemic. Most people (including the OP) just want to do the right thing.

I've got to shop for my PILS tonight like I do every Wednesday despite them having 2 doses of vaccine, but they are shielding and have been told to continue to shield, so clearly doctors do think there's a chance they could still catch it.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/01/2021 08:56

Why is her journey less necessary than anyone else going to the shops? Maybe you should stay in and protect the rest of us and get someone else to do your shopping?

LoudBatPerson · 13/01/2021 08:57

As she has now had the jab, is she likely to start mixing more with people? Would this trip be the first of her essentially getting back to life before Covid, as she is no longer concerned about getting ill herself?

If so, I think that raising a potentially serious infection issue for the wider community as more and more people get the jab.

Right now we just do not know if people can still contract and pass on Covid even once they have had the jab.

If a lot of people who have had the jab start mixing and doing trips that are not essential, we stand the risk of driving up infections, putting more pressure on services.

Hopefully the vaccines will impede transmission too, however until we know this, those who have been vaccinated must follow the rules just as strictly as those who haven't.

I would have an honest discussion with your mum about the risk of her still contracting and spreading it and look for an alternative trip out, that involves less mixing with others.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 13/01/2021 08:58

I would - she's had her vaccination, has done her own risk assessment, and needs a bit of normality

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 08:58

@WaxOnFeckOff

Why is her journey less necessary than anyone else going to the shops? Maybe you should stay in and protect the rest of us and get someone else to do your shopping?
Her journey is less necessary because she has someone else to do her shopping for her.

Me going to the shops twice a week is less 'spready' than me, my mum and my Pils going once a week.

charliespie · 13/01/2021 08:59

@blueberryporridge

The number of posters saying that it is fine for someone to go out unnecessarily shows exactly why we have such awful infection and death rates from Covid in this country. Op’s Mother does not need to go out. We are being told that we are at the most dangerous stage so far of the pandemic. She can hold on a bit longer to peruse the pudding aisle. FGS I despair.

I despair too. This kind of backward thinking is becoming really boring on the thread.

HoppingOnSteppingStones · 13/01/2021 09:00

Yes because I'm not my mother's keeper. Because she has her own mind and would be fully aware of the risks.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:01

It's not backwards thinking to try and minimise anyone going anywhere at the moment.

MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:03

@KittyMcKitty

No I wouldn’t. She may be in the fortunate position to have had both jabs but now she needs to play her part in protecting others by not making unnecessary trips.
Why does this apply more to the OP’s mum than anyone else?
MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:04

@blueberryporridge

The number of posters saying that it is fine for someone to go out unnecessarily shows exactly why we have such awful infection and death rates from Covid in this country. Op’s Mother does not need to go out. We are being told that we are at the most dangerous stage so far of the pandemic. She can hold on a bit longer to peruse the pudding aisle. FGS I despair.
She’s not going out “unnecessarily”. She’s going to buy food!
MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:05

@MrsMiaWallis

It's not backwards thinking to try and minimise anyone going anywhere at the moment.
But why does this seem to apply to the elderly more than anyone else?
saraclara · 13/01/2021 09:05

What exactly is te point of vaccinations then? 98% of the UK population hasn't been vaccinated at all, yet they're still out doing their shopping.
OP's mum HAS been vaccinated, but apparently her doing her own shopping is putting the world and his wife at risk.

At risk of what? She doesn't have Covid. She's been isolating througout.
Are the same posters policing the queue at Tesco and telling everyone else that they shouldn't be there?

saraclara · 13/01/2021 09:07

I'm starting to realise that elder abuse can take many forms.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:08

But why does this seem to apply to the elderly more than anyone else?

It doesn't

Ig I started a thread about wanting to take ny 18 year old to tescos to cheer her up, I doubt I'd get more than one or two supportive replies.

KittyMcKitty · 13/01/2021 09:09

MadameBlobby I didn’t say it did apply more to her then anyone else?! The OP’s mother can’t shop independently- needs help scanning and has someone to shop for her. It’s an unnecessary trip. If she wants to go out then there are far better things she could do such as a gentle walk.

As I said she is privileged to have had both jabs and to have someone to shop for her. We have all been reducing contact to protect the elderly and this is the time for her to protect others.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:09

She’s not going out “unnecessarily”. She’s going to buy food!

It is technically unnecessary as she has someonw else to buy food for her.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 09:09

I've got to shop for my PILS tonight like I do every Wednesday despite them having 2 doses of vaccine, but they are shielding and have been told to continue to shield, so clearly doctors do think there's a chance they could still catch it.

In which case, why bother vaccinating them? It’s a waste of time and money.

MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:09

@saraclara

What exactly is te point of vaccinations then? 98% of the UK population hasn't been vaccinated at all, yet they're still out doing their shopping. OP's mum HAS been vaccinated, but apparently her doing her own shopping is putting the world and his wife at risk.

At risk of what? She doesn't have Covid. She's been isolating througout.
Are the same posters policing the queue at Tesco and telling everyone else that they shouldn't be there?

Well exactly

And as for “she might spread it!” well the chances are low if she’s not been anywhere and other people are also free to wash their hands, wear their mask, and keep their distance from her.

MrsMiaWallis · 13/01/2021 09:10

@VinylDetective

I've got to shop for my PILS tonight like I do every Wednesday despite them having 2 doses of vaccine, but they are shielding and have been told to continue to shield, so clearly doctors do think there's a chance they could still catch it.

In which case, why bother vaccinating them? It’s a waste of time and money.

Don't ask me, that's for the NHS to answer!
MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:10

@MrsMiaWallis

She’s not going out “unnecessarily”. She’s going to buy food!

It is technically unnecessary as she has someonw else to buy food for her.

But there’s no obligation on someone to have someone else shop for them.
charliespie · 13/01/2021 09:10

@MrsMiaWallis

It's not backwards thinking to try and minimise anyone going anywhere at the moment.

Which isn't what I said, not even remotely. But crack on if it suits. Fortunately the intelligent posters will understand exactly what I meant when I quoted one poster and made a comment about 'backwards thinking'

I will give you a clue, it had nothing to do with minimising outings and everything to do with not patronising and infantilising people based on their age.

MadameBlobby · 13/01/2021 09:11

@KittyMcKitty

MadameBlobby I didn’t say it did apply more to her then anyone else?! The OP’s mother can’t shop independently- needs help scanning and has someone to shop for her. It’s an unnecessary trip. If she wants to go out then there are far better things she could do such as a gentle walk.

As I said she is privileged to have had both jabs and to have someone to shop for her. We have all been reducing contact to protect the elderly and this is the time for her to protect others.

But who is she putting at risk? No one.
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