Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
charliespie · 12/01/2021 22:10

@Ickle37

Bless her. No. Its not the time. The lockdown is not only about keeping her safe, but stopping mixing. Sadly her wanting a trip out , as much as she deserves it, isnt on the table. She needs to stay home and allow key workers and people without support quick and easy access to the shops. Just for a few more weeks xx

I'm actually speechless at this.

saraclara · 12/01/2021 22:10

@Toptop498

Well, please ask your mum to remember that she's lucky to have had the vaccine and the more people in Sainsburys, the closer everyone else has to crowd together.
You stay home then. And everyone else you know.

This is quite deplorable. Do you tell everyone in the queue for the supermarket that they shouldn't be there? Care to explain why this woman has less right to be there than you or anyone else?

PoppiesinOctober · 12/01/2021 22:10

@Icequeen01

Can I just say that the Sainsbury's we use is a massive superstore and we go at around 7pm. It's never busy and the aisles are very wide. Hand on heart I can say we will not cause any longer queues if she decides she wants to go!
You don't need to keep justifying this to strangers on the internet. Just take her!
tootyfruitypickle · 12/01/2021 22:10

It’s not a trip out she’s doing her sodding food shop!

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/01/2021 22:11

@Icequeen01

Can I just say that the Sainsbury's we use is a massive superstore and we go at around 7pm. It's never busy and the aisles are very wide. Hand on heart I can say we will not cause any longer queues if she decides she wants to go!
and it wouldn't matter if it did OP, it's first come first served!

I saw a thing today about Guide dogs and saying they aren't trained to note that there is a queue, they are trained to go straight to the door, and they also aren't trained in social distancing so it's up to us folk that can see to make adjustments/not moan.

tootyfruitypickle · 12/01/2021 22:11

Sorry that to @Ickle37 not you OP!

Robbybobtail · 12/01/2021 22:13

Bless her. No. Its not the time. The lockdown is not only about keeping her safe, but stopping mixing. Sadly her wanting a trip out , as much as she deserves it, isnt on the table. She needs to stay home and allow key workers and people without support quick and easy access to the shops. Just for a few more weeks xx

Wow Hmm I imagine this being said in a ‘baby voice’.

CarlottaValdez · 12/01/2021 22:14

Bless her. No. Its not the time. The lockdown is not only about keeping her safe, but stopping mixing. Sadly her wanting a trip out , as much as she deserves it, isnt on the table. She needs to stay home and allow key workers and people without support quick and easy access to the shops. Just for a few more weeks xx

This is one of the more offensive things I’ve ever seen on this site. The kisses make it worse.

charliespie · 12/01/2021 22:14

@WaxOnFeckOff

I saw a thing today about Guide dogs and saying they aren't trained to note that there is a queue, they are trained to go straight to the door, and they also aren't trained in social distancing so it's up to us folk that can see to make adjustments/not moan.

Thanks for mentioning this. I bet there are plenty in this thread who would take umbrage in that situation.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/01/2021 22:17

@Ickle37

Bless her. No. Its not the time. The lockdown is not only about keeping her safe, but stopping mixing. Sadly her wanting a trip out , as much as she deserves it, isnt on the table. She needs to stay home and allow key workers and people without support quick and easy access to the shops. Just for a few more weeks xx
Ffs how patronising does it get. "Bless her", "isn't on the table"! Away you go!
WaxOnFeckOff · 12/01/2021 22:19

[quote charliespie]@WaxOnFeckOff

I saw a thing today about Guide dogs and saying they aren't trained to note that there is a queue, they are trained to go straight to the door, and they also aren't trained in social distancing so it's up to us folk that can see to make adjustments/not moan.

Thanks for mentioning this. I bet there are plenty in this thread who would take umbrage in that situation.

[/quote]
yes, that's why it was posted. Obviously a bit of a departure from OPs thread but just occurred to me to mention whilst we were talking about queues.

Also witnessed folk taking umbrage at a bloke who was literally running in to grab his prescription from the chemist rather than wait in a long queue. I mean really! he was in and back out before they managed to finish their moaning sentence and he did explain both to the folk at the front of the queue and the person managing the queue.

SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 22:19

@Icequeen01 I'm not criticising you in any way, shape or form. I totally understand you have your mum's best wishes at heart. It is hard.

SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 22:20

*interests, even

saraclara · 12/01/2021 22:24

There's a whole new thread waiting to be had about what Covid will have done to relationships between the generations. It's absolutely scary how many people seem to have used it to infantilise and control their elderly relatives, and to bitch about the very existence of old people in their shops and wider environment.

I'm really glad MNHQ stepped in on this thread. But I am left really depressed about our old age.

MadameBlobby · 12/01/2021 22:26

It d have no issue at all waiting outside longer to let OP and her mum shop at the same time. In fact if they were behind me in the queue I’d let them go ahead. I’d far rather see a lot of older people who have had the vaccine and a bit of confidence to get their life back in the shops than dopey middle aged joined at the hip couples and mum, dad and the 2 kids going for a family day out, both of which still seem to happen frequently.

She’s wanting to go for some shopping ffs it is actually allowed.

CarlottaValdez · 12/01/2021 22:28

I’ve not even had to queue for any shops where I am so old ladies welcome in my town as they won’t be keeping important young people waiting.

VinylDetective · 12/01/2021 22:32

@Ickle37

Bless her. No. Its not the time. The lockdown is not only about keeping her safe, but stopping mixing. Sadly her wanting a trip out , as much as she deserves it, isnt on the table. She needs to stay home and allow key workers and people without support quick and easy access to the shops. Just for a few more weeks xx
Well that as ick as its poster’s name.
saraclara · 12/01/2021 22:32

My Mother in her 80s drivers herself to Sainsbury's - she wants to choose her own food. I let her because I think it's good for her mental health to leave the house. I might feel differently if we lived in a different area.

Jeeze. I missed this one earlier. That simple "I let her" simply confirms what I said about control and infantilisation of the elderly. Even if the poster isn't insisting her DM stays home.

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/01/2021 22:34

I've rarely had to queue either but I tend to do click and collect mostly now that's that's up and running well. I'm getting fed up of not seeing what I am buying/getting substitutes/out of date stuff that I'd like to go in again.

I struggle with masks though due to childhood abuse but I don't get any legitimate exception for that so prefer not to be wearing one if I can help it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/01/2021 22:42

@saraclara

There's a whole new thread waiting to be had about what Covid will have done to relationships between the generations. It's absolutely scary how many people seem to have used it to infantilise and control their elderly relatives, and to bitch about the very existence of old people in their shops and wider environment.

I'm really glad MNHQ stepped in on this thread. But I am left really depressed about our old age.

Absolutely agree. There are a few on this thread that seem to be enjoying controlling people a bit too much. I really hope they are not caring for any elderly people.
WaxOnFeckOff · 12/01/2021 22:56

Also agree re treatment of the elderly. I know it's not easy when dementia is involved but for most, the "othering" as if they don't have their own thoughts, wants and needs is really disappointing.

My DH works for the NHS in patient transport and nowadays takes a wide range of people, but when he first started it was mainly taking the elderly into day hospitals etc. he loves the chit chat with the patients and is happy to listen to their stories.

Pre covid, it was the little moments of human contact that some patients enjoyed the most. He got told often by some of the ladies how lovely it was to hold a man's arm again and the gents loved to be greeted with a handshake. It's the moments of being treated with respect and as a human being that are important to us all.

charliespie · 12/01/2021 23:00

@WaxOnFeckOff

Your DH sounds lovely. His manner will make many smile.

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/01/2021 23:07

He is lovely most of the time.. Grin

He used to be a mental health nurse but always regretted not doing elderly care instead. Its trying to avoid being tipped that's his biggest issue. He once tried to block this as he could see it coming, but a 92 year old woman dodged past him and chucked a fiver into the ambulance window and then ran away!

safariboot · 12/01/2021 23:15

Take her.

Everybody is entirely within their rights to do their own grocery shopping if they want!

Just don't look like you're together, or Sainsbury's will probably turn one of you away, even though you're two adults each spending your own money on your own food for your own home.

saraclara · 12/01/2021 23:39

There are a few on this thread that seem to be enjoying controlling people a bit too much. I really hope they are not caring for any elderly people.

Pretty much everyone on the first page (I see 100 posts per page) should never be let near older relatives. And many on the other three pages likewise. Absolutely horrible to read their posts, which have neither logic nor an iota of empathy or compassion. And of course it was a return to the 'making up our own rules and claiming them as fact'
They were discussing the older lady as if she was Typhoid Mary, not someone who'd not moved from her house or seen a soul for weeks, and had had both jabs, so couldn't be less of a risk to others if she tried.

You have to wonder what's going on with these people.

Swipe left for the next trending thread