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Original poster

Would you take your elderly mum to Sainsbury's

870 replies

Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 18:15

So I'm in such a quandary about this. My DM who is 81 has had both her jabs. She hasn't been out for weeks and weeks and I do her shopping each week when I do mine. She has told me she is coming with me to Sainsbury's next week as it will then be over a week since her booster. She knows she has to wear a mask, hand sanitise and socially distance etc.

I'm still not comfortable with taking her though. I've explained that they don't know if she can still transmit the virus but this is something she desperately wants to do, just to have a little bit of normality again and to be able to do her own shopping. She was very upset when I suggested she shouldn't come.

What would you do?

OP posts:
saraclara · 12/01/2021 21:16

@YouCanWorkItOut

I feel ill at the thought I could be trapped in my own home, dependent on someone who won’t let me do basic things. “No dear, you can’t go shopping.... it’s for your own good”. It’s like a horror film!

I’m guessing if she got a taxi or bus there she would be punished with a withdrawal of support?

That's exactly how I feel. I'm actually feeling scared about getting old having read this thread.
mumwon · 12/01/2021 21:16

just read info it says 7 to 10 days after second jab

Original poster
Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 21:17

@YouCanWorkItOut OMG no, of course I wouldn't do that. I honestly am not this awful daughter you all seem to think.

OP posts:
VinylDetective · 12/01/2021 21:18

@RedToothBrush

Whats the difference between a bored 18 year old who wont get severe covid and a bored 81 year old who wont get covid.

And its possible that both could still transmit it.

And both would be breaking the rules.

The problem is that others seeing people breaking the rules encourage them to also break the rules.

And thats why we shouldnt be going 'well im alright now Jack, i can ignore things' because you lead to a breakdown in compliance which has consequences for other people who have not had a jab.

Tell her she needs to grow up and take responsibility just like 18 year olds are being asked to do for the community.

What rule would she be breaking? There’s no rule that says she can’t buy food.
saraclara · 12/01/2021 21:20

[quote Icequeen01]@YouCanWorkItOut OMG no, of course I wouldn't do that. I honestly am not this awful daughter you all seem to think. [/quote]
I know you're not awful. But this is still what you're (potentially) doing. She wants to go to Sainsbury's. You want to say that no, she can't. You won't take her.

Because she's reliant on you to take her, she has no control over her life. That is a terrible way to live.

XenoBitch · 12/01/2021 21:21

That's exactly how I feel. I'm actually feeling scared about getting old having read this thread.

Same here. My grandad died 2 years ago, but if he had been alive during the pandemic then I can guarantee he would be off out doing his own thing. He would absolutely be asked to shield but would be off on his mobility scooter everyday to go to the shops. You would not have been able to keep him in "for his own safety", and he would have been insulted at that being suggested.

WaxOnFeckOff · 12/01/2021 21:21

I don't think you are overbearing OP, you can tell you really care, but it isn't your life here, as hard as it is, as long as your mum is able to take her own decisions, I think you need to allow her to make this one.

Eyes wide open in terms of her own risk obviously but being locked in isn't living and she wants to go.

I'd take her with a smile on my face and enjoy watching her rejoining society.

Original poster
Icequeen01 · 12/01/2021 21:22

And can I just say again, IF we go,together we will do what we have always done. We grab a trolley and separate whilst we do our own shopping. We meet up again at the scan and shop tills so I can help her with this.

OP posts:
SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 21:23

Read the guidance. It's quite clear.

There is nothing in the guidance to say people over retirement age are not allowed to do their own shopping or attend medical appointments, I can assure you.

Wineiscooling · 12/01/2021 21:23

Yes I would. I have taken the decision throughout this that my mum and MIL (both over 80) can make their own decisions about what they can and can't do. Both have insisted on doing their own shopping through this lockdown and the 2nd although me and siblings did it in the first. I've advised and insisted I can do it this lockdownbut they wanted to go out themselves and maintain independence. However, I am keeping away (I'm a nurse and most likely source of infection to them) I think when they get vaccine there will be no stopping them! Whatever the rights or wrongs, there is no way I can tell my mum what to do.

PinkTonic · 12/01/2021 21:24

Crikey OP, how dare she want to go out. What a notion! Bloody TwoJabsQueen will be killing toddlers!

Alternatively, she’s an adult who is now at lower risk than previously, who would prefer to do her own shopping and now feels comfortable doing so.

MNHQ
LouMumsnet · 12/01/2021 21:24

Evening all.

We're just bobbing on here to say that we've deleted some posts from the thread for ageism so we thought it was a good time to remind you to bear in mind our Talk Guidelines when posting.

Thanks all. Peace and love.

Robbybobtail · 12/01/2021 21:25

I feel ill at the thought I could be trapped in my own home, dependent on someone who won’t let me do basic things. “No dear, you can’t go shopping.... it’s for your own good”. It’s like a horror film!

Yep, a hint of “Whatever happened to Baby Jane!“

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 12/01/2021 21:25

Yes I would take her. She's been stuck in for a year. She's safe to go out. She just needs to be aware she can transmit so as long as she socially distances, uses gel and a mask etc. She's not a child and I'd be really angry if I were her and my child told me I couldn't go to do my own shopping.

YouCanWorkItOut · 12/01/2021 21:25

You’re controlling another person, one you love very much, and taking basic decisions over her movements, against her will.

There’s no justification for that at all. Pandemic or no.

Obviously you don’t have to take her, you don’t have to do her that favour. But you must say that clearly, and say she’s welcome to get a bus or taxi and there will be no repercussions from you.

Wineiscooling · 12/01/2021 21:27

Also, where is the rule that says those over a certain age can't go shopping. The advice is to shield to protect the NHS as they are the likely people to get very ill from this but there is no rule to say they can't go to a supermarket. My mum was offended when someone stopped her in the supermarket and told her she should be at home and there are people who will do her shop for her.

saraclara · 12/01/2021 21:28

@YouCanWorkItOut

You’re controlling another person, one you love very much, and taking basic decisions over her movements, against her will.

There’s no justification for that at all. Pandemic or no.

Obviously you don’t have to take her, you don’t have to do her that favour. But you must say that clearly, and say she’s welcome to get a bus or taxi and there will be no repercussions from you.

Exactly that.

And again, if you don't want to give her a lift yourself, contact your local Good Neighbours scheme, OP. Her lift will be free of charge (or possibly simply petrol costs)

SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 21:29
  • If someone has to wait longer in the queue because she fancies a trip out that's fine right?

Yes. It is. Why does your right to go to the shop trump the OP’s mums?*

This thread is unbelievable.

tootyfruitypickle · 12/01/2021 21:30

My DM still does her shopping! She’s never ever wanted me to do it and I would be the same. Only concession is that she gets a delivery when she can and tops up at the corner shop rather than a big supermarket. Great your Dm has had the vaccine !

Don’t understand all the posters saying it’s not an essential trip! It’s her shopping !!

Anonanon12 · 12/01/2021 21:30

In this scenario I'd say yes, she is an adult and has been living in an isolated way, let her have a bit of normality bless her. The risk of her passing on covid to others is much much smaller I expect than alot of the other un-vaccinated idiots in there I'm sure!!!
She has had her jabs, and if they don't work then we will be back to square 1 for another year or whatever and by that point I'm sure most people will just throw in the towel and stop abiding.

SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 21:30

We should lock up everyone after 60 and throw away the key. We all know this is all their fault with their wild bridge parties.

tootyfruitypickle · 12/01/2021 21:30

@SnoozyLou totally agree!

tootyfruitypickle · 12/01/2021 21:31

I meant to your previous post!!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/01/2021 21:32

@MrsMiaWallis

I really need you to explain why it would be ok for OPs mum to take a taxi to the shops and not ok for OP to take her? Where is the logic in that?

SnoozyLou · 12/01/2021 21:33

My 22 year old son is bored witless by lockdown. That doesn't make it OK for him to traipse round Tesco with me /at the same time as me.

It's completely unfair of you taking up space in the supermarket when your son could do it for you. You shouldn't have the right to do your own shopping - he should choose it all for you.

Do you get it now?