Fed up with being called selfish for having kids in school

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NC just in case

I’m so exhausted with people laying into other parents for being selfish for sending their children into school. Most of my friends ended up in tears daily, having to be furloughed and later losing their jobs and being fairly confident that having children contributed to that during the last lockdown. Parents cannot work from home effectively while homeschooling one or more children especially EYFS/KS1. These children are being failed. Parents who have important (but not key worker) jobs and who are reliant on both salaries are being thrown under a bus for months on end. I understand why the schools had to close but it’s almost unbearable on a daily basis for parents at the moment. Working every hour under the sun, attempting to keep up with home schooling, cook, clean, get some sunlight to help with MH. My standards have slipped but we still need to eat even if it’s just a sandwich for lunch and something for dinner.

Parents are seen as selfish for being anxious about living in mess, off ready meals, no time for exercise or health for weeks on end with no end point for the greater good. When did caring about your family become selfish. When did we have to think about every other person in the UK before ourselves.

I know it’s a pandemic and it’s shit for everyone. But I have to say day to day it’s got to be hardest for full time wfh parents with young children.

My three are in school as DH and I are paramedics. I see the impact of covid every day and it’s horrendous. But I also so friends who are shells of the people they once were and are weeks away from a complete breakdown. From losing jobs and their home. From their mental health deteriorating to the point that they can’t function. And that’s bloody terrifying too.

@newaroundhere2

I'm not referring to kids of HCPs or people who supply our food chain, or kids who have serious disabilities. But half the people in the list given by a PP should be able to look after their own kids. How long do they want lockdown to last for?

You have no idea about their jobs, whether in or out of home, hours, stress, responsibility, whether they have to spend all day on video calls and in meetings, whether they have teams of people who depend on doing their job. Your approach to this is so simplistic and so inconsiderate I don't even know why I'm bothering to try and explain.

@Onedaysomedaynowadays that’s a whole other thread... we shouldn’t have to be doing Brexit transition in the middle of a pandemic! They should have extended the transition period. One could argue the mess we are in now is because they were too focused on ‘getting Brexit done’ before Christmas rather than listening to experts like Sage about the public health catastrophe that was heading our way in the new year

@newaroundhere2

Btw why do all the posters here assume the woman will be looking after the kids? You could choose men as partners who will be SAHDs. I, for one, will not be settling for a partner who wouldn't be prepared to be a SAHD.

Oh so your not even married, in a relationship or have kids?

DFOD

@whittystitties but everyone’s job is hard to some level...there are very few people that get paid for doing nothing! So by that logic pretty much all kids should be in. But we are in the middle of a huge public health crisis and we have to do something to get the infections down or we are at real risk of collapsing the health system. Which will have an impact on everyone.

@newaroundhere2 I agree. I am the main earner in our family under normal circumstances. My OH would have taken the parental leave for our baby if he didn't have such useless nipples!
But still I don't think it's right that a SAHP can take up a space.

@newaroundhere2

Btw why do all the posters here assume the woman will be looking after the kids? You could choose men as partners who will be SAHDs. I, for one, will not be settling for a partner who wouldn't be prepared to be a SAHD.

Unfortunately all the research is showing us that it is women that are taking on the majority of childcare and homeschooling AND their careers are disproportionately disadvantaged.

This is due to deeply ingrained societal expectations around men and women's roles at home and in the work place, the gender pay gap and the types of jobs women do (they are the most affected at the moment)

The decisions on how to handle the pandemic are not solely made by and for those with kids.

No sorry, don't agree, we've being trying this intermittent lockdown shizzle for nearly a year now, it's not working, virus mutates, they need to find another way that doesn't include shutting up shop, breaking everyone economically, fucking up our kids.

Taking one for a team who doesn't give a sod about you, no thanks.

@newaroundhere2

The decisions on how to handle the pandemic are not solely made by and for those with kids.

It's quite clear the people making the policies have never had to concern themselves with childcare.

I work in the NHS for a mental health crisis team. DH is a social worker in adult social care. I work 15 hour shifts 4 days per week, sometimes nights, sometimes weekends. Last week I had a weekday off but I sent DS to school for the full week and I feel SO guilty but honestly if I don’t do it I don’t know if my own mental health will survive and then I won’t be at work at all and surely that’s worse? I’m keeping very quiet about it though because I don’t want to be judged for it 🙈

I think we should either give up on lockdowns as they aren't working or do them properly. But not this halfway house where we accomplish not yet still have to bear the pain of our lives being curtailed.

If the government wants a proper lockdown, they need to be much stricter about which kids can be in school, and stricter with companies who are forcing people who could WFH to go into the office.

I don't care if the school says yes, fine, we will take them. That doesn't mean everything is fine with that in terms of handling the pandemic.

@Mooey89 you are an actual keyworker, thank you for all you do. You should not be judged for needing a day off.

@newaroundhere2

I think we should either give up on lockdowns as they aren't working or do them properly. But not this halfway house where we accomplish not yet still have to bear the pain of our lives being curtailed.

If the government wants a proper lockdown, they need to be much stricter about which kids can be in school, and stricter with companies who are forcing people who could WFH to go into the office.

I don't care if the school says yes, fine, we will take them. That doesn't mean everything is fine with that in terms of handling the pandemic.

The government won't do this, it all costs money and who will pay the nations firms to close shop completely, as that's essentially what it means, if your workers stop working.

It's all hypothetical nonsensical claptrap to even suggest that's a viable option - we need to eat right? Which means we need to shop, we need fuel to get to the shops, we need money for both, which means banks need to keep working, which means financial services needs to keep working, which means bank office and accountants need to keep working, which means HMRC needs to keep working... and so on

@newaroundhere2

I think we should either give up on lockdowns as they aren't working or do them properly. But not this halfway house where we accomplish not yet still have to bear the pain of our lives being curtailed.

If the government wants a proper lockdown, they need to be much stricter about which kids can be in school, and stricter with companies who are forcing people who could WFH to go into the office.

I don't care if the school says yes, fine, we will take them. That doesn't mean everything is fine with that in terms of handling the pandemic.

But you're assuming if you can wfh you can look after your children and homeschool. I'm a university lecturer and I am teaching from home - for hours at a time. I can't leave my 6 year old unattended for that long so he's going into school on my teaching days.

BTW I'm Not a SAHP but my children are going to school as my DH works outside of the house as a keyworker, v long hours.

I WFH in a role where if I do my job I'm essentially neglecting my young children for hours and hours on end, there's no scope to school them in what I do, tried that in spring, almost killed me mentally

But if the kids are older enough, they can entertain themselves while you work. If they are very young, can't you just stick them in front of the TV while you work?

Yes it will be difficult but be grateful you can work at all, some people are having to sacrifice everything for this half-hearted lockdown. We all have to make sacrifices

@newaroundhere2

But if the kids are older enough, they can entertain themselves while you work. If they are very young, can't you just stick them in front of the TV while you work?

Hahahaha you really don't have kids do you 🤣

@newaroundhere2

But if the kids are older enough, they can entertain themselves while you work. If they are very young, can't you just stick them in front of the TV while you work?

Are you kidding me, they cannot be stuck in front of a tv for 12 hours. I'm working 7am to 7pm most days, sometimes longer. I barely get a break or lunch some days, a 5 year old cannot be put in front of a tv for 12 hours a day. I cannot do the required 3 hours of school work and it is mandatory this time and the teacher calls those who haven't at 2pm every day. I cannot be furloughed, and if I don't do my work it doesn't go anywhere else.

It is clear to me that many people have absolutely no understanding of working in a reactive role, it's also very clear that there some pretty shitty parents around who think neglect is ok!

@newaroundhere2

Yes it will be difficult but be grateful you can work at all, some people are having to sacrifice everything for this half-hearted lockdown. We all have to make sacrifices

I made my sacrifices last time when I lost the plot and one of my children ended up with anxiety

@newaroundhere2

But if the kids are older enough, they can entertain themselves while you work. If they are very young, can't you just stick them in front of the TV while you work?

So I should stick my 6 year old in front of the tv for 6 hours?? Haha firstly, there's not a chance he'll sit there for that long and secondly he's meant to be doing school work and joining in with live lessons which need an adult present.

Neither me nor DH have perfected the art of being in two places at once yet.

And by the way, I stick them in front of a tv after I pick them up at 3pm for 4 hours whilst I continue working until DH is home, I chuck them some food prepared the night before - it's the tucking hi life right here, I'm literally in a permanent state of exhaustion, loving every minute

If less kids were in school, cases would drop quicker and restrictions could be eased sooner. In the long term that would be better for the children than this horrid current situation.

@newaroundhere2

If less kids were in school, cases would drop quicker and restrictions could be eased sooner. In the long term that would be better for the children than this horrid current situation.

Lovely, she's on repeat

That's your opinion, thank god my school don't agree and want to provide what they can for those who really have no alternative

And being sat in front of the TV isn't great for them but neither is trashing the economy so everyone suffers. We all have to do our bit.