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Original poster

There is nothing in my children’s lives

708 replies

Howdydooo · 05/01/2021 01:01

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/01/2021 05:42

Also, book clubs (kids read, who knew?), cooking clubs for various language classes - French, German, Italian, Chinese, etc

Schehezarade · 05/01/2021 05:43

We are ahead in the vaccination process - so, unlikely though it seems now, we are ahead of Europe, let alone the non-western world where many millions need vaccinated. So, bad though it seems, we could be one of the first to come out of this.

whatkatydid2013 · 05/01/2021 05:44

It is rubbish but agree with previous posters that looking for any positives does help a bit. From my point of view a fortnightly call with work friends who also have kids to moan and to laugh together about trying to homeschool and juggle helped a lot with staying upbeat for the kids

RememberSelfCompassion · 05/01/2021 05:56

@AuntieFesterAdams I see your point. But most of our kids have already had 4 months out of school. (March - July) and yes mine did "bounce back. " But then the sept- Dec term has veen interupted by isolating and school closures, and looks very different to normal. And now again are heading into lockdown with schools off. We're doing it all again. They won't have had school sports or clubs for a year. They are missing so much.

Its quite different to Victoria. Australia (for various reasons) is far more in cotnrol of covid than here.

To the rest of the thread yes we need to focus on the positives and things we can do etxc.

Attictroll · 05/01/2021 06:05

We are the same trying to focus on positives but suddenly there are moments when ds 8 cracks snd gets very sad and angry about it all. His loneliness is palatable snd we are just not a substitute for his friends in imaginative running around outdoor play as kids his own age. He and his friends just can’t engage the same way on a call either. We try our best but my heart aches for him.

RememberSelfCompassion · 05/01/2021 06:07

My 9 year old is similar. Just wants to play with her friends. Sad

MusicalTrifleMonkey · 05/01/2021 06:14

@Beebityboo

My DD was 4 when this started and she'll be 6 in June. Her childhood is being completely defined by this fucking virus and its devastating.
Please don’t think of it like this. Her childhood isn’t defined by this. Yes it’s tough, but this won’t affect her for life. Children are so resilient. Enjoy all the time you can together, I know it’s so hard but don’t think of it in this way as it will only make you feel bad. You are doing everything you can do her, this won’t affect her long term. Xxx
ScienceSensibility · 05/01/2021 06:19

@PinkyU

Honestly I think you’re massively catastrophising. Your kids aren’t in danger, they’re not being shot at, smuggled for labour or paedophile gangs. They’re not suffering from a terminal illness or watching their sibling or parent die.

They’re in an uncomfortable and difficult situation that’s different to what they’re used to. They can safely access emotional or mental health support should they require it.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but surely some proportion is required here.

Having worked in a children’s hospice and seen actual childhoods be damaged.

I totally agree PinkyU

These children have their whole lives ahead of them. Depending on their ages, many won’t even remember this into adulthood.

What they might remember is how their parents reacted.

joystir59 · 05/01/2021 06:25

Give your children more responsibility for chores

yawnsvillex · 05/01/2021 06:27

@bluebird3 your post has just made me cry. You couldn't be more right. I needed to read that this morning. Thank you Thanks

I need to keep calm AND carry the fuck on! With resilience and less whinging.

yawnsvillex · 05/01/2021 06:28

@happystone

Childcare bubbles are for child care ie young children or children who can’t be left alone, please don’t everyone do this as poster above I need my child back in school ASAP we don’t need bubbles of teenagers everywhere they may as well be in school

The age is 14 and under according to the website

TammyTwoSwanson · 05/01/2021 06:28

@bluebird3

The people who the going to do the best coping with this lockdown are going the ones who are able to alter their mindset.

Instead of - we can't go to restaurants, it's let's see what we can learn to make at home

Instead of - we can't go to the playground, it's let's see what physical challenges we can do at home

Instead of - my kids can't play with friends, it's let's see what my kids can play together or with me

Believe me, I know it's shit but in times like these attitude is 90% of the battle. This is your greatest moment to shine as a parent to teach your kid about resiliency in the face of adversity.

It's more damaging to teach them to whinge that it's the governments fault/ it's not fair/ that rules should be ,changed just for them.

This. @bluebird3 I couldn't have said it better. We have an opportunity to teach our kids resilience. Mindset really does dictate how we experience things. Maybe learning about how others have coped with or even thrived in tougher circumstances might help you catastrophize less, OP?
ChangingStates · 05/01/2021 06:29

Sorry, haven't read all the replies do this may have already been suggested. You are allowed to go for a walk with one other person. If they are old enough (did see you mention at the start older than 11) could they not arrange to go for a walk on their own with a friend every other day or something? I know it's cold and not the same but it does mean both a social contact and getting out for some exercise every day.

HermioneMakepeace · 05/01/2021 06:37

Our schools shut without even any provision for key worker/vulnerable children.

Is this so? Our school is still accepting some SEN children and key worker’s children.

redcandlelight · 05/01/2021 06:37

op they have you.
to them you are the most important person!

as pp say, you are allowed to meet one person outdoors. can you meet up with one of their school friends to kick a ball in the park?

can you do 'pe' with them? roller skating? skipping rope?

blueangel19 · 05/01/2021 06:46

The children needs their parents to be strong to begin with. That would make a huge difference to them.

Randomrebel · 05/01/2021 06:46

It is hard but loosing a family member would be so much worse.

I got my Secondary school age children to watch the announcement with us and we had a talk afterwards. DS 17 is really motivated with his schoolwork and his GS are brilliant he has two or three lessons starting lunchtime today at exactly the same times as the school day and a test. I have suggested he get up at a reasonable time and tidy/rearrange his bedroom and maybe take the dog out for some fresh air and exercise beforehand. He also has XBOX, iphone and ipad for socialising. He can also do some driving theory.

DD is the problem at a comp in her GCSE year she really struggled last time. Her school are next to useless in terms of organising any remote learning (its all read this email, click on this attachment then click on another email and go on X learning platform all hard work and sent in no order. She got quite down moody and angry last time and she won’t talk about it with us. I tried to give DD the same advice as DS about getting fresh air and exercise, keeping up with her school work, opening her blinds, keeping her room reasonably tidy so she has space to work and keeping in touch with her friends etc but she wouldn’t listen. She doesn’t even have a friend nearby that she could go for a walk with.

I said to them both to talk to us if anything bothering them, said we knew it was much harder for them than us and asked them to let us know if we could do anything to make things any easier for them or if anything they needed etc.

For myself I have decided to lead by example. As well as working home PT I am volunteering for telephone support for vulnerable people and I am going to loose some weight and get fitter.

Its not easy but we will all get through it.

Remmy123 · 05/01/2021 06:53

It's dreadful.

They should have sent secondary school kids back.. all in masks.

That age I feel mental health and education is crucial.

TanglinOrchards · 05/01/2021 06:57

@PinkyU

Honestly I think you’re massively catastrophising. Your kids aren’t in danger, they’re not being shot at, smuggled for labour or paedophile gangs. They’re not suffering from a terminal illness or watching their sibling or parent die.

They’re in an uncomfortable and difficult situation that’s different to what they’re used to. They can safely access emotional or mental health support should they require it.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but surely some proportion is required here.

Having worked in a children’s hospice and seen actual childhoods be damaged.

I needed to read that.

Thanks PinkyU

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 05/01/2021 07:05

@tolerable

ok.they\you are looking at it wrong.pick a song with a dance to go with it and team effort learn it then do 2-3 times a day.keep a happiness journal-simple down two 2 reasons you smiled today. i dont understand the misery when the alternative is clear
I am sure my 16 year old las would love to learn a dance and do it everyday with his mother.......
Rainbowqueeen · 05/01/2021 07:10

I love the lead by example idea

In addition to the great ideas already on here:
Mad fit is a dance based ytube channel. Only 15 minutes or so each episode
6 minutes podcast is a story aimed at 10-12 year olds. For older kids you could try Just the gist. Dan snows history hits might have topics related to something they are studying Or just have a search.
Pretty sure yoga with Adrienne has some episodes aimed at kids
Teach them how to do practical things eg knit, sew on a button. Make cards instead of buying them.
Jet punk.com is a quiz website. I’ve used it to learn flags of all the countries in the world by doing those quizzes.

Google growth mindset for ideas on resilience. The happiness lab also has good ideas.
Remind them it’s ok to have bad days or bad moments - our feelings are our feelings but if we can’t change a situation then we can only change how we react to it

MsTSwift · 05/01/2021 07:11

Humans are adaptable and resilient.

I am abit of a history buff. This is nothing to what other generations have lived through.

There is an end in sight not like last March. Wailing all is lost doesn’t help. January and February are quite shit anyway. At least they have been in school since September.

DecemberSun · 05/01/2021 07:12

DS1 missed a considerable amount of school due to illness. Sometimes months at a time. He was well enough most of the time to do workbooks, arty stuff and he read a lot. When he was older he was able to keep up with his school work in bursts.

He's a PhD now. He remembers a lot about his enforced confinement over his early years but remembers some of it as being enjoyable. He worked and played at his own pace.

I agree with Pinky that there is a lot of catastrophising going on.

Some children are home schooled permanently and they do fine.

It's saving lives and saving the NHS. At the moment that matters more. I'm surprised at how many people seem unable to see that.

yeramuppetharry · 05/01/2021 07:14

What the fuck do you want to happen then? Your kids go to school, 'play with friends' and thousands more die? Christ the selfishness of people is ridiculous.

MsTSwift · 05/01/2021 07:15

I have 12 and 14 year old girls. My 14 year old did mad fit or Chloe tang everyday at 5 in last lockdown

They are planning and cooking a meal each a week.

We watch stuff together like Agatha Christie and have a prize for who guesses the murderer. We play scrabble and articulate

At least they have the internet to communicate with friends