There is nothing in my children’s lives

[Howdydooo]

It’s all been taken away again.

I know it’s a pandemic. I know it’s temporary (but don’t know how temporary).

Screens are no substitute for friends.

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling. They have nowhere to go, no one to see and nowhere to go. And they know how long it went on for last time.

It's incredibly difficult. Try to help them see some positives, they each have a sibling to talk to whereas some of their friends could be only children.
I too am fed up of the same old walks, is there absolutely anywhere you havent been with them yet close by.
Are they old enough to go for a walk themselves? As they can walk with 1 friend socially distanced.

Its shit. My five year old cried yesterday which I wasn't expecting and it has brought it into focus how much it actually is affecting her. My eldest has cerebral palsy and autism- lockdown is a struggle and her mobility took some impact last time despite my best efforts.

I suppose as parents its our responsibility to empathise but also show them some resilience but it's incredibly tough when I feel like I don't have much left myself

Spare a thought for the thousands of children in this country whose lives are not made different by these lockdowns.

There are many children many of whom are disabled that have no school place because of a lack of suitable provision.

No one cares about their education or their lost childhoods or the fact that their parents can't go to work.

This is temporary for your children. They will go back to normal at some point.

Kids are stuck out in war zones. They see their families blown up and their mothers raped. Yes it's not great but it's not going to do them long term harm unless you make it out to be this huge catastrophe. I don't like it either but there's not much choice.

@Porcupineintherough @Lindtballsrock

Don’t be silly. Of course I’m not saying that.

And as far as I know, at least in the UK, unremitting bombing raids didn’t go on for weeks.

Suffering isn’t a competition and telling someone to be grateful that they’re not being bombed or starved isn’t always helpful.

I don't think the parents being negative would help their children. This is out of our hands. Out of anyone's hands. We need to stay positive and do our best.

It is hard on peoples mental health - I shed a few tears in private last night when the lockdown announcement came, as I don't qualify for keyworker status but I am a single parent working from home and now have 3 kids to homeschool including a yr 10 who's very worried about next years exams.

I'm using this as an exercise in teaching resilience though. I've come across parents that are so determined to catastrophise this, saying the adults in charge are taking away children's rights and we must fight for them... this isn't the lesson I'm teaching my children. I'm teaching them that sometimes lives gives us hard knocks, but they were born into a relatively rich country and many others weren't. They will get their freedom back, but right now we need to restrict what we do for the greater good.

No we don't have to do a race to the bottom to compete with children being raised in third world countries, but we do need to apply some perspective. Our children aren't losing their lives to Covid aside from the very rare few and they will get their freedom back. Compared to some of the things our previous generations have had to do to secure our freedom, this is small fry and its temporary.

If my kids were saying some of the things I've seen such as "the old people have had their life I want mine back" I would be ashamed.

This is so harmful to our children and they are the ones who will be paying for this for the rest of their lives. I suggest you write / email a short message to your MP to tell them how damaging this is. People need to speak out to those in power in my opinion!

@Serendipity79, great comment.

@IrisAtwood totally agree that suffering isn’t a competition. But if people post about their children being tortured and their lives being defined by this they are bound to get some responses from others saying this isn’t the worst situation that children could be in, or have been in. It’s just a case of there being another perspective from which to look at the same situation.

OP, your kids can still meet their local friends one on one for exercise.

I am encouraging my DC to do this.

In the first lockdown we also had weekly family film nights, family hikes, a regular takeaway night, and the kids took turns to cook dinner for the family once a week.

If you give them some challenges they will rise to it.

They are resilient and flexible.

My 18yr old DS is on a gap year. He had a job in Europe which has been withdrawn, he can't find a job here, he has submitted over 30 applications. He has mental health issues which I'm worried will escalate. He is so bored.
It's terrible for every age group. As parents we need to try and be as positive as we can, I'm trying to do things with him, but there isn't much we can do. Absolute nightmare, but I can't see any other way.

You know, it's ok to have a moan, it's healthy to acknowledge to your kids that this isn't great. But I think we have reason to be cautiously optimistic that life will by stages become more normal this year.
My DD is a teen and has fared pretty well through this, at times her anxiety and OCD have gone through the roof, but she's enjoying the time at home in lots of ways too.
She keeps to a structured timetable, spends spare time doing art and chatting to friends. She's found a podcast she likes - was recommended by a friend and they all listen to the new episodes and then talk about it. We bought her a ukelele which has been a hit and she has a lesson online which is actually great fun (ace teacher).
Every day we break up the schedule with lunch together and a dog walk after school hours. I'm working at home too so the house is quite quiet and studious during the day.
I'm also enjoying the time with her as this is the most time we've had since I was on maternity leave!
Overall I think we need to dig deep and find a bit of grit and purpose, but it's ok to feel a bit crap every now again and vent your frustrations.

@IrisAtwood the comparison with being bombed was your comparison!

@Olivestone

This is so harmful to our children and they are the ones who will be paying for this for the rest of their lives. I suggest you write / email a short message to your MP to tell them how damaging this is. People need to speak out to those in power in my opinion!

Paying for the rest of their lives?! Get a grip FFS.

If you're acting hysterical like this around your children, because they have to stay home for a few weeks, it's your own fault they don't cope too. Buck up.

And I'm not, for a second, trying to downplay how hard this is for some families. I understand this is going to be harder for some than for others, and some people are truly in dire situations, suffering. But so many others in this thread are just being over dramatic and weak.

I'm so, so worried about my children and there's nothing I can do. It's knowing I can't commit to making it better for them because I can't. We're stuck in this situation for the foreseeable. Their hearts are broken whereas I had a carefree childhood.

Paying for the rest of their lives?! Get a grip FFS.

Well, of course they are going to be paying for this--debt has soared and will have to be paid back, the economy is in ruins, their education will suffer long-term damage, China is coming out of this with a smug smile on its face.

Yes, it's true that they are better off than kids in war zones, but that cuts both ways---COVID19 is nowhere near as scary as smallpox or other plagues of the past which killed and maimed far more people. My point is not that we should brush off the risk of COVID19, but rather a more general point about ALL of us have much higher standards for life and comfort than we used to. Kids and their parents naturally have higher standards as well.

There is less than you want to be in their lives but there is not nothing. There's you. For all the sneering at screens, via them they have contact with people all over the world and access to years and years worth of learning and entertainment. I know it's shit. But it could still be worse and as parents we have a duty to help our children get through this as best they can, and part of that has got to be presenting a positive face. That doesn't come naturally to me, I am a mardy cow who enjoys a moan and a rant, but somehow we have to manage it.

We will get through this op, we will.

[quote IrisAtwood]**@Porcupineintherough* @Lindtballsrock*

Don’t be silly. Of course I’m not saying that.

And as far as I know, at least in the UK, unremitting bombing raids didn’t go on for weeks.

Suffering isn’t a competition and telling someone to be grateful that they’re not being bombed or starved isn’t always helpful.[/quote]
In the Blitz London was bombed 56 out of 57 days at one point, including one day that went on for 15 hours. That could be day or night. That's 8 weeks straight.

Haven't read the whole thread, so this has probably been said — but lots of us need to get a grip. I count myself in that when I start to feel sorry for myself.

My mum and her family and most of the people she knew lived in London during the war. She was a schoolgirl and had to go to school with a gas mask and practice for gas attacks and face the prospect of a horrible death. Her sister, out for a walk with friends in fields where the M25 is now, was strafed by a German plane and my mum spent night after night in a cold, damp air-raid shelter while bombs fell around them. Houses in her street were hit and neighbours and friends died. Her dad was fighting in North Africa and they didn't hear from him for weeks at at a time, her older brother was injured in Northern Italy. And they had rationing and were short of food. AND this went on for five years.

Yes, things are really horrible for many of us as individuals at the moment. But we are, despite how it might feel, some of the most privileged people on the planet and this will begin to ease slowly. It will affect your child's life for 18 months, say, and then they will have another 80 years to get over it and realise how fortunate they were to go through Covid in the UK, with a loving mum, free medical care and a safety net.

I listened to a radio programme on life in Homs in Syria yesterday. About how people couldn't leave their houses for weeks and months and had no food. Don't want to do a simple 'Things are worse in Syria/ South Africa/Brazil' number on you, but having a sense of perspective is vitally important for mental health. The best thing you can do for your child is model a healthy response to adversity. Instead of 'We're all doomed' try 'Yup, this is pretty bad, but it will be over and soon we'll be fine so let's just get through today as creatively and with as much laughter as we can.'

OP it is really difficult, and some moaning and anger is normal for them- if they are teens, they aren't getting to be proper teens and that's frustrating!

However, there is a lot they can still do. I encourage mine to think about what we'll do when it all opens up again, make plans for future college or uni, what vacations we might have and so on, and just pitch this as a necessary evil we all have to get through til then. I don't mean fantasy stuff, but they aren't at high risk themselves directly, so if the pressure comes off hospitals and the death rate falls, then they will be the best positioned of anyone to get out there and live interesting fulfilling lives (unlike their overweight over 50 mum who might get covid and longer term effects!)

Practically- they can still meet one friend and go for a walk, cycle, jog, mooch about the park and so on. Mine have been doing that for months, after a lull in the first lockdown, so we are just going to continue sensible one on one contact (they have to be old enough to do this, but old enough could be 12 upwards, no?) Walking anyone's dog?

I know it's not ideal, I'm not that thrilled my social life consists of trudging round in the freezing cold with an equally cold friend either, but that, plus phone calls/zoom is better than nothing.

Structure your day, model taking exercise and eating healthy, get takeaways and have a movie night as a treat, get them back into their interests (one of mine is crafty, the other socializes a lot on Zoom), yes, it's not party central but all that time with family might have other benefits (like they aren't out doing illegal things for starters, this is not a joke, some of my children's friends were getting into all types of trouble recently and lockdowns do put a stop to that).

Get them help through school, websites, local mental health charities for teens, or even therapy online if they are struggling, or contact their GP, again, you might think there's nothing out there and whilst the provision isn't great at the severe end, if you have a mildly depressed teen, there's stuff you can do.

I don't want to make out we do all this stuff all the time, and are happy about going back into lockdown, because we are not. We are resigned to it, though, making the best of the situation we are in, and looking forward to the party central that's coming...

@TammyTwoSwanson
Have you any idea of the debt this country is in? Government don't have a pot of money...its our money they are handing out! Of course our children will bare the cost!!

They will not be fooled again by home structure and schooling this is an odd thing to say, they aren't being 'fooled' by it, that's what's on offer right now, lots of home based activities and online schooling. Lots of places in the world people have to learn from home as schools are too far away from school, or they are in stage school (I looked into private online schooling years ago and there's a lot for this type of child) or the winters are too harsh to get in all the time. It's not ideal but it's not a 'fake life', it's a different and temporary life.

If you let them know you think there's nothing in their lives and their lives are shit- then that's what they will think.

It is hard though, and I think moments of despair are quite forgivable.

@FortunesFave

It's like Flowers in the Attic isn't it!

Erm, no 😱😂

They will be absolutely fine. Instead of thinking of them as poor victims, maybe take on board some of the above suggestions. As others say, there are kids who are home schooled their entire education, there are kids who grow up in rural Australia on cattle ranches with not a soul for hundreds of miles around....your kids will be absolutely fine, just as they are. Take this as precious time to spend with your kids. There are many abused and neglected kids who use school as somewhere to escape to. It's them I feel for.