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Original poster

‘You’ll have to give your job up.’

227 replies

Despairandchocolatecake · 04/01/2021 17:39

I’m so fed up. So fed up.
Found a job in october, only 25 hours a week, not exactly high powered but a stepping stone and I’d been a sahm for 4 years so I was pretty pleased.
Now I’m going to have to give it up. I’m a key worker but dh isn’t but is job is important and he won’t be able to watch the dc and do his job. There’s just no way.
He said ‘youll have to give your job up.’ Just like that - as though it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t, I know it doesn’t, we are lucky to have one income but I could weep. It was meant to be a step to independence and now I’m back to square one.

OP posts:
SunKeepsShining · 04/01/2021 19:23

@Despairandchocolatecake

I already know he won’t - it’s not a negotiable thing. He will say it’s safer for me and the children at home anyway, which I suppose is true, but this was mine. It was finally some money of mine that I had access to. It was a bit of freedom and confidence.
This reply is more telling, I think you have bigger relationship problems if he is on that wage and you don’t have access to half of it. If he is financially controlling you, just think how much better off you would be with his contributor you divorces.
ArosAdraDrosDolig · 04/01/2021 19:24

Some of my friends’ dc attended the keywirker club at the school their parents teach at rather than the school they attend.

megletthesecond · 04/01/2021 19:24

If news reporters and MP's can work with kids at home, then your dh will have to get used to it.

There will be lots of screen time and snacks but he can muddle through.

Lemonpiano · 04/01/2021 19:24

I'm going to take a wild guess that it's not especially out of character for him to be controlling, and that's why this job was so important to you...

grapewine · 04/01/2021 19:25

It was finally some money of mine that I had access to. It was a bit of freedom and confidence.

If you don't have access to money, then you have bigger issues in the marriage tbh. You sound very sad. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

PistolKnight · 04/01/2021 19:27

He can afford a nanny.

Why don't you have access to any money apart from your wages? You should have equal access.

Thanks
Lindy2 · 04/01/2021 19:27

I haven't read the whole thread but at age 5 and 3 and you being a key worker potentially a child minder might be able to have them. I expect Early Years care will be allowed to stay open even if it's only for key workers. A child minder can make her own decision regarding whether just 1 or 2 key worker parents are required.

I appreciate the childcare fees might absorb all or potentially even more than your salary but this is hopefully a temporary emergency and your job is longer term.

ParlezVousWronglais · 04/01/2021 19:27

In the last lockdown there was a legal obligation for schools/ centres to take children of critical workers if they needed it. It’s not optional.

WeAreShiningStars · 04/01/2021 19:27

Use your salary to hire a babysitter for the time being. It won't be forever.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 04/01/2021 19:28

Your husband is a twat. He should at least attempt to look after his children. I’m sick of hearing about men who just have no flexibility in their working day. My partner has an high paying job and has worked at a few companies. Generally the higher up you are, the more flexibility you have. Unfortunately it makes some people behave like self important pricks though. I’d be very fucked of that he’s not even willing to try.

chillied · 04/01/2021 19:28

It's the lack of respect for what you want to do that he's showing, isn't it.

£1,200 a month is a reasonably normal wage out there in the real world. Plenty (of part time working parents who I know) earn less.

'9 times that' is an unusually high income.

It still doesn't mean that he unilaterally gets to decide that you should give up a job.

cptartapp · 04/01/2021 19:29

You're trying to convince the wrong people OP.
He's got you right where he wants you.
No access to money of your own, no freedom and no confidence? Jeez what a life. No amount of big money would make me live like that.

AntiHop · 04/01/2021 19:29

It was finally some money of mine that I had access to. It was a bit of freedom and confidence.

It sounds like there's a back story here. Is he controlling? Is he refusing access to his wages?

In understand why you're upset.

Fluffyhairforever · 04/01/2021 19:29

Pay for childcare even if it leaves you a deficit. It will be worth it in the long run for your career and confidence.

Torres10 · 04/01/2021 19:31

Simplest solution is hire in the help, you have plenty of family income, so you can get back to the workplace and get your confidence back.

I would simply not hand in your notice, but so ask your husband if he would like help finding a suitable nanny before you start?

pelosi · 04/01/2021 19:32

This pandemic has really screwed women over.

womaninatightspot · 04/01/2021 19:32

A teacher friend of mine was allowed to take her kids to her school in lockdown one so even if your school says no you could ask your employer.

Pusspot · 04/01/2021 19:33

OP I would contact your HT as a priority. Have a chat with her/him tonight and explain your situation. I doubt your school will want to lose any staff members during this time.

Misandrylovescompany · 04/01/2021 19:33

What a controlling shit your husband is, OP. Hang onto the job, you will need it when you divorce him. And in the meantime, as others have said, hire help. I wish you the best of luck.

GreenClock · 04/01/2021 19:33

At the beginning of this thread I thought the husband was an unempathetic twit, but as it unravels the guy sounds more sinister. Please try everything to maintain some financial and physical independence from him, OP.

pelosi · 04/01/2021 19:33

Dh’s pays about 9 times that - which means it makes sense that my job is the one that gets sacrificed.

Could you get a nanny? £10k a moth is a massive salary.

museumum · 04/01/2021 19:35

What do you get per hour? If it would cover a babysitter I’d seriously consider it even if it leaves you with nothing. Also combined with asking for a temp reduction in hours (they don’t need all staff in 100% just to cover keyworker children).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/01/2021 19:36

He needs to stump up some cash for this. He can more than afford to pay for childcare for the hours you are out of the house.

Why can't you normally access money?

Also, 1200 is good money for school staff 25 hpw.

rwalker · 04/01/2021 19:38

Sorry but if he's earning 9k a month he's must be very senior at that level companies won't accept kids running round in background or him bouncing one on his knee in zoom calls.

Changechangychange · 04/01/2021 19:39

@cptartapp

How will he cope with sole charge of two DC 24/7 his half of the week if you were to split? His attitude would seriously have me considering the relationship long term. He'd have to juggle childcare alongside his big important job then wouldn't he. Point that out to him and watch the panic. He's shown his true colours alright. You sound very passive. I suppose that's why he speaks to you like that.
Men like this don’t see their children in the event of a split. They sail off into the sunset with their new girlfriend, without a backwards glance.