So I've had to lie to the school

[WankPuffins]

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

@Floralnomad

I can’t fathom why you lied and I also can’t see why your daughter can’t go to school whilst your dad is staying , how do you think other people who live with elderly relatives or vulnerable relatives manage .

Because I just panicked. I think I've spent too long on here worrying about schools and risk.

Ask to see their GDPR proceedure for handling medical information of people that don't attend their school.

That will confuse the tin pot school office Hitler who made this request sufficiently to shut them up.

Outrageous

I don’t blame you and I was first to send mine back last year when I could.
What’s right for one situation isn’t another.

I hope your dad gets some peace now he’s with you all

I think you're doing what you need to do and others should stop judging if they're not in that situation. Hope everything works out OK for you OP

And like I said, I was faltering and had the "what if" scenario in my head. And then it all kicked off.
I'm just not thinking and yes, it was stupid.

Sounds as f the school has accepted the absence.

I would leave it now unless they call me.

Try not to worry OP, you have enough on your plate.

@Grobagsforever

Ask to see their GDPR proceedure for handling medical information of people that don't attend their school.

That will confuse the tin pot school office Hitler who made this request sufficiently to shut them up.

Outrageous

Great idea... thought might back fire if they have one 😂

For the record I don’t think it was stupid at all.

What’s stupid is the current schools open/closed hokey pokey and parents in situations like yours still being fined when it looks like the school will shut soon anyway.

Schools are in a shit position here, it’s possible they were always going to say ‘ok’, but need to be seen to be following LA, DfE, Govt guidance while not actually fully enforcing it.

@WankPuffins

And like I said, I was faltering and had the "what if" scenario in my head. And then it all kicked off. I'm just not thinking and yes, it was stupid.

I don't think what you did was stupid. You wanted to do what was best for your father. Shame on the government for forcing parents to send their children to school. I'm fortunate that my children are in an area where schools are closed. If schools were not closed, I would have made up a lie too to keep them off.

With some individuals it's extremely difficult to administer a test - e.g. someone with severe learning difficulties or dementia that means they cannot cooperate with the procedure.

So if a household member like this has the symptoms, but cannot be tested (for whatever reason) then I think household contacts just have to isolate anyway for the 10 day period. And of course there is no test to show anyone.

Your dad must be due CV vaccine soon? That might help? I'd do the same as you too.

Honestly OP it will be ok.

I would just do nothing now.

Basically they have now sent written acknowledgment that your DD is isolating. It's fine. Probably whoever asked for the test result then realised that they actually can't do that - you can provide that email with the dignified silence it deserves and if it's followed up, I would reply that you had thought it best not to answer as the request was a clear breach of GDPR and you thought it best to ignore. That will shut them up.

She's isolating. That's it. Really there is absolutely NO place for 'heavy-handed emails' at the moment.

Just leave it, they are aware that she won't be in, and it's entirely your decision to take.

I do this. I should've waited an hour and calmed down.
But I've had a really awful few months with various things. I shouldn't have even posted here but it's been the only place I can vent over the past few
Months.

Nobody is forcing anyone to send their children to school , if you don’t want to send your children don’t and then either pay the fine or deregister , plenty of choice .

@Pumpertrumper

I’d email the school back along the lines of.

‘Unfortunately the relative showing symptoms is elderly and bluntly refusing to be tested. I have asked them to seek a test but am unable to force them to do so.
Either DD can self isolate for the required 10 day period or, if the school is willing to accept the risk that she has been exposed to covid, I can send her back in now.’

They cannot reply saying it’s ok for you to send her back in. They can’t accept a risk of covid. You are not able to force another adult to have a covid test.

Don't do this.

I know of schools who DO suggest you send children in if the contact isn't that extensive or child them self has no symptoms .

@Miranda15110

Your dad must be due CV vaccine soon? That might help? I'd do the same as you too.

His GP sent out texts to say they would be in touch.

You were thinking of your dad OP. What's the worst that could happen? School don't believe you and what?

Your poor Dad. It sounds like a very good job that he has you to look after him. Regardless of what's been said in the email, I feel that you're absolutely right to put the health of your loved ones first. Try to make sure your DD does any home learning required obviously. If you can be brave and honest and email the school back then it would be a good idea. Tell them you were worried about your Dad and the potential financial strain it would put on your family if you were to be fined. The HT may insist it's 'unauthorised' but I don't think you'd get a fine. If by any chance it's a C of E school then it might be worth CC-ing someone from the parish or a church governor in there too.

Good luck OP. I've got a vv poorly old Dad in my support bubble and we do all the shopping etc for them. I'm currently in a similar situation as I don't want to send my DC in for similar reasons. I really feel for you.

www.norfolk.gov.uk/education-and-learning/schools/behaviour-and-attendance/attendance/school-attendance/coronavirus-school-attendance

I don't know if this is any use to you, op. This is the attendance policy from my LA. There is a section that states that attendance is not mandatory if it goes against public health advice. I think there is a strong case that school attendance is against public health advice. Maybe not PHE, but local public health advice in our area.

You did the right thing, op. I hope you all remain well.

OP, it's sorted.

The school have accepted it and sent the requisite response.
So, just go easy on yourself, and look after your family.
You did what most of us would have done, so don't defend yourself - you did nothing wrong.
I hope your dad improves, and it all works out well for you.

I would have done the same if that was my dad. Common sense and compassion to a vulnerable person potentially in danger has to come first.

If you have changed your mind just email them back and say the family member in question is elderly, easily confused and what they thought were symptoms, after further conversation with them, turns out they are not actually symptoms listed on the NHS website (something like sore throat or one of the other non symptoms).

However if you do want your child off school can you just be honest about the situation?

@StatisticalSense is talking absolutely no sense.

I’m not sure why you lied but it’s done now.

I would have done the same thing with family member and think you can if you really think he’s a suicide risk.

I thought people living alone can be in a support bubble. The rules change so often it is hard to keep up. If your dd stays home for 10 days you can just home school her. I think we will all be in a tier 5 lockdown by the end of 10 days. Lots of people have had enough. Hopefully your Dad can have the vaccine soon.