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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:22

Dd will return after ten days.

I'm hoping (!) to get my dad some support where he lives. Or try and find ways to make him feel safer staying here long term.

OP posts:
Lottie4 · 03/01/2021 18:22

You've told one lie, so I guess another won't hurt, tell them your relative doesn't agree to someone else seeing the result, so DD will isolate for 10 days from Friday (and be careful not to get caught out in local supermarket, going for a walk as obviously you'd have to isolate if it was true). Might work in your favour though, by the time DD is due to go back either the government will have made a decision on schools, or we'll have more information on the variant/how it affects children and this could keep you all safer for longer.

wherewildthingsare · 03/01/2021 18:22

You shouldn't lie to the school

tisnotthedamnseason · 03/01/2021 18:22

I would be honest, tell them that you are not willing to send your child to school with the current situation and because you have your vulnerable dad there.
The schools will probably be closed soon anyway. If they do fine you, I would contest it,

Gunpowder · 03/01/2021 18:23

YANBU! Don’t beat yourself up. Some things are more important than telling the truth or missing school for a couple of weeks.

Beebityboo · 03/01/2021 18:24

Hmm. I was going to lie about DD having symptoms so we could self isolate. Now I'm wondering if it would raise safeguarding concerns as I won't test her (she has sen, no way I could do it safely even if she was unwell) Fucking hell. Can't believe we're in this position!

JazzleRazzle · 03/01/2021 18:25

That’s appalling! As everyone says they have absolutely no right to see any of your family members medical information that is private. So you reply and say that the family member does not give permission for you to share their private medical information with the school so you will not be doing that. You will be following the guidelines and self isolating for 10 days. Your relative isn’t obligated to get a test anyway. That isn’t law as far as I know. They can just choose to isolate instead.

They are trying to scare you with a heavy handed email. They know they have a no right to demand private medical information of anyone that is not a student.

That gives you a week and I suspect schools will have closed by then.

For what it’s worth, I would absolutely do the same thing. Move Dad in with you and keep her at home. It isn’t worth upsetting your Dad at his age, for a few days before schools all end up closed anyway. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Phoenix21 · 03/01/2021 18:25

@Noellodee

13th January is several government U-turns away at this point. That's future Wankpuffin's problem.
I agree with this.

I would have done the same as you OP. I hope you all feel less stressed soon.

wonderstuff · 03/01/2021 18:25

YANBU, tests can take ages to come back, my mum has just got a result after 5 days, we never got a result from one taken in September. I agree schools probably be remote within 10 days.

I'm a teacher and we have a family not attending due to fear of infection with a vulnerable family member who isn't classed as extremely vulnerable, we are marking it down as a covid related absence. There might come a time when we're forced to put pressure on the family, but currently it's standing.

MrsWhites · 03/01/2021 18:26

I would tell them that you have spoken to the member of the family who tested positive and that they do not give permission for you to share their results. Data protection, what can they do?

I’ve emailed my Ds’s school to say he won’t be in this week but I told the truth, I can’t believe that they will fine people for being unsure of school safety at the moment with all the news stories today!

Stinkyjellycat · 03/01/2021 18:26

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
What?!
Pumpertrumper · 03/01/2021 18:28

I’d email the school back along the lines of.

‘Unfortunately the relative showing symptoms is elderly and bluntly refusing to be tested. I have asked them to seek a test but am unable to force them to do so.
Either DD can self isolate for the required 10 day period or, if the school is willing to accept the risk that she has been exposed to covid, I can send her back in now.’

They cannot reply saying it’s ok for you to send her back in. They can’t accept a risk of covid. You are not able to force another adult to have a covid test.

bossyrossy · 03/01/2021 18:29

You have done the right thing by taking your elderly father in. You should keep your daughter at home, isolating for 10 days, as you don’t know who your father has had contact with. Unless someone is showing symptoms of covid, a test is not necessary. The school is being unreasonable in demanding evidence for your DC staying home.

TheFuckingDogs · 03/01/2021 18:30

You’re doing the right thing. Hope your dad is a bit happier and settled now he is with you all

Saylethewayles · 03/01/2021 18:31

YANBU. Ignore anyone holier than thou telling you you shouldn't have lied.

In all likelihood all schools will be shut in 10 days time so you won't have to make any more decisions about it

yankeedoodledandee · 03/01/2021 18:31

@Pumpertrumper

I’d email the school back along the lines of.

‘Unfortunately the relative showing symptoms is elderly and bluntly refusing to be tested. I have asked them to seek a test but am unable to force them to do so.
Either DD can self isolate for the required 10 day period or, if the school is willing to accept the risk that she has been exposed to covid, I can send her back in now.’

They cannot reply saying it’s ok for you to send her back in. They can’t accept a risk of covid. You are not able to force another adult to have a covid test.

Don't do this. Lies on top of lies.

SophieB100 · 03/01/2021 18:32

OP, you are naturally feeling stressed right now.
But take a deep breath and step back.
Your family comes first.
You have done the only thing possible in the circumstances.

Say, like PPs suggest, that your F is refusing to be tested, or have any medical information shared with a third party.

Schools will be closed by the end of the week, latest.

Focus on your family for now. This will all blow over.

Glenthebattleostrich · 03/01/2021 18:32

They can ask for whatever they like. In my childcare setting I ask for proof of a negative or ask that families isolate for the full ten days. Families are free to disagree and seek care elsewhere if they dont agree.

OP, you have done absolutely nothing wrong in collecting your Dad. The mental health impact the isolation is causing cant be underestimated. I'm possibly more sensitive to this as while I dont know anyone who has died with Covid I know 2 people who have taken their own lives because of the isolation, one an 18 year old. My ten year old has also developed depression and anxiety because of lockdown so I am very much put your own family first in these situations.

If school ask again just say no. They aren't your personal details to share so you can't hand over this information. You will however isolate in line with government guidance.

Best wishes and I really hope your Dad is ok

Londonnight · 03/01/2021 18:33

I would do exactly the same for my parents. They live 150 miles from me. But I would go and get them instantly if needed.
I hope your dad feels better now he has family around him

MeanMrMustardSeed · 03/01/2021 18:33

You are doing exactly the right thing, OP. Hope you can get your dad back on an even keel.

Jennygentle · 03/01/2021 18:34

OP, you have my complete sympathy, I have a 90 year old dad in similar circumstances. You’re only trying to care for an elderly, vulnerable loved one. Just keep your kids at home and (rightly) refuse to divulge any medical records.

Grobagsforever · 03/01/2021 18:34

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
@StatisticalSense

Don't be ridiculous. How will other children be affected given ITS THE HOLIDAYS and their DD hasn't seen any of these kids?

Floralnomad · 03/01/2021 18:34

I can’t fathom why you lied and I also can’t see why your daughter can’t go to school whilst your dad is staying , how do you think other people who live with elderly relatives or vulnerable relatives manage .

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:34

Thank you.

I do feel shit.

I should have waited rather than panicking and firing off an email.

Frustratingly, I've just received another email which look a like it's an automated one (the other one was for the dedicated covid address the school has) which says:

It has been identified that your child, or a member of their household/support bubble has COVID-19 symptoms. Please follow the attached guidance of what to do next.

The return date for your child will be: 12/1/21 as the last day of contact was 1/1/20

or unless you can provide us with a negative test result and the child is not displaying symptoms.

The attached guidance was for what to do if the child displays symptoms

OP posts:
chaosisaladder · 03/01/2021 18:35

Eh, you’ve done what you thought is best. What has become abundantly clear during the pandemic is how little authority people feel they have over their lives and the lives of their family. Even Boris the Bastard would balk at the idea of such an authoritarian government bearing down on people.

Hope your Dad feels more settled with you OP Flowers