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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
JhsLs · 03/01/2021 19:03

Say you had a phone call from test and trace and there is no hard evidence. This is what happened to a colleague of mine.

Oreservoir · 03/01/2021 19:04

@StatisticalSense has none.

RaffertyBear · 03/01/2021 19:06

Just 'fess up now - you've lied, take responsibility, explain the situation and that you were extremely stressed.

If you keep telling lies on top of lies, you are likely to be found out and it could lead to further issues.

I think you will find school will be understanding about the situation.

EmmanuelleMakro · 03/01/2021 19:06

Why not just.... tell the truth?
Lying cause massive problems for other people.
You are being selfish and cowardly.
Put your family first - all good -but suck uo the gone -surely your dad is worth you just paying the fine?

Scbchl · 03/01/2021 19:07

I think your dad being here and surviving this is more important right now. Schools will surely be closed shortly. They are here in Scotland.

RaffertyBear · 03/01/2021 19:07

@JhsLs Test and Trace does get onto medical records eventually, and there is hard evidence from the phone calls itself...

SirVixofVixHall · 03/01/2021 19:07

In your place I would have done the same, and would be keeping my child home until my Dad was vaccinated.

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:08

Well I feel sorry for who ever is doing the admin at dds school. They are working over time.

Another email to say half the classes will be taught online for the foreseeable
due to "staff shortages". Not dds class,
But all 3 other year 2 classes included in it - Sod's law.

In regard to getting my dad help - I'm both in the fortunate and unfortunate position of working in mental health. So while I know who and how to get to help, I also know that the help is pretty much non existent at the best of times.

OP posts:
MellowYellow101 · 03/01/2021 19:08

Don't be too hard on yourself. To be honest, family always come first and given everyone wants schools to close for THIS VERY REASON, I'd be inclined to call the school and tell them the truth. Explain your DF has moved in and he is vulnerable.

One of the teachers in my DD school has been in isolation since March because her OH is vulnerable, everyone understands and she offers to teach remotely (she doesn't teach a full class now, I think she's more marking, observations etc not sure how its all managed internally but the school have no choice otherwise her husband could die!)

RaffertyBear · 03/01/2021 19:09

Also be prepared that if we go into Lockdown / T5 your dad may be with you for a while, if schools remain open during this it is going to be a very long time that your daughter won't be in school...

VinterKvinna · 03/01/2021 19:10

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
How do you work that one out?

OP ('s DH) has collected a single person, who by the sound of it has been isolating, and OP wants to keep her dc at home? I'm not following your logic?

Original poster
WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 19:10

@EmmanuelleMakro

Why not just.... tell the truth? Lying cause massive problems for other people. You are being selfish and cowardly. Put your family first - all good -but suck uo the gone -surely your dad is worth you just paying the fine?
I know. And it's a problem of mine. I get caught up in things and panic. I've not been holding it together all that well myself recently and it's clouded my judgment abs behaviour.
OP posts:
HotPenguin · 03/01/2021 19:11

I don't think you were stupid, I think you were right to lie. You are faced with either not helping your dad, exposing him to covid, getting a fine, or lying. You've done right imo. It's not your fault, the govt have put you in this shit situation.

GabsAlot · 03/01/2021 19:11

yes go gt your dad but unless you deregisteryour dd this could go on for a while if you want himt o stay with you-she cant isolate permanently

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 03/01/2021 19:11

Statistical Nonsense hasn't been back, as they're off doing a very red-faced name change, for not actually understanding the thread...

Wheresthebeach · 03/01/2021 19:12

[quote Oreservoir]@StatisticalSense has none.[/quote]
Grin

Branleuse · 03/01/2021 19:12

i wouldnt reply to the school email. Youve told them youre isolating for covid related reasons, and thats enough. I would just keep her home for the next 10 days if you are all anxious, and tbh, i think so much will change between now and then anyway. If you think the risk is too much after that, you could consider degistering her for the year and home educating. A lot of people are doing that

Edgeoftheledge · 03/01/2021 19:13

You have done the right thing. The school are out of order, our school have said no fines will be issued if you choose to keep dcs off.

CallmeAngelina · 03/01/2021 19:14

I'm sorry that there are some wankers on here giving you a hard time.
I don't see that you've done anything wrong. These are unprecedented times and you are doing the best you can.

Hope you feel better about things once your dad is back and safe with you.

JhsLs · 03/01/2021 19:14

[quote RaffertyBear]@JhsLs Test and Trace does get onto medical records eventually, and there is hard evidence from the phone calls itself...[/quote]
A school cannot request medical records of someone who does not attend it 😂 If OP says the family were contacted by test and trace, it could be any member of that family, not necessarily the child in question...

Allmyfavouritepeople · 03/01/2021 19:15

I don't think you've done anything wrong OP. You've kept your DD off school with a reasonable excuse to keep your suicidal and vulnerable father safe. I despair of people who can't understand that.
Who knows what will happen with schools in 10 days time, they may all be off by then anyway.

Your family needs this breathing room. I hope you all manage to get the care you need.

tsmainsqueeze · 03/01/2021 19:16

@WankPuffins

Well I feel sorry for who ever is doing the admin at dds school. They are working over time.

Another email to say half the classes will be taught online for the foreseeable
due to "staff shortages". Not dds class,
But all 3 other year 2 classes included in it - Sod's law.

In regard to getting my dad help - I'm both in the fortunate and unfortunate position of working in mental health. So while I know who and how to get to help, I also know that the help is pretty much non existent at the best of times.

I feel so angry that the school has caused you so much worry when they will probably end up closed for whatever length of time anyway . Look after your dad and don't spare school another thought , you will look back on this without regret , you have had no choice . He is lucky to have you and your family x.
JONSAR · 03/01/2021 19:17

I would do the same in a heartbeat. Look after your Dad ( he clearly needs you) and yourselves.

confusednortherner · 03/01/2021 19:17

Are you on Facebook? Look up One Voice- supporting vulnerable adults and children. Lots of advice and template letters.
You've done exactly what many of us would have done.

fluffi · 03/01/2021 19:17

@WankPuffins You are absolutely doing the right thing, it sounds like you Dad is at real risk and bringing him to your home was the only option. Given your Dad’s age, health and that your are in a Tier 4 area with rising infection rates then keeping your DD out of school is absolutely the right thing to do to keep him safe while you’re supporting him in your home.

As for what you do in 10 days time ... you’ll probably find it won’t be an issue and schools in Tier 4 areas with rising case numbers will be closed anyway.

I can see why you panicked but don’t worry, don’t engage with the school any further for now.

Flowers Take care of yourself and your family

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