So I've had to lie to the school

[WankPuffins]

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

@WankPuffins

He's very dehydrated and he had treatment for bowel cancer 18 months ago. He told me he's been having symptoms again which is another reason he was afraid to eat or drink. So they will do tests but he had to stay in. And will there be people who will come at me for bringing him here and him ending up in my local hospital instead of his? I'm past caring to be honest. I don't know what we could have done.

No, there will not be people coming at you for that. Absolutely everything you did comes under providing care for someone, even if you'd done it during the full lockdown.

You did the right thing and now the schools have closed, you can be there for him when he comes out too.

OP it's a shit show all round isn't it? I think you did the right thing for your Dad

bloody hell. looks like you only just got to him in time. Well done. You have given him a chance at survival, and prevented him form dying on the floor at home alone. Don't you dare feel guilty about that.

Well done for getting him. Just in the nick of time as others have said. You did exactly the right thing. I also agree that it is a bad system that tries to make you choose between the welfare of an 82 year old and being fined for keeping your child at home in a pandemic or lying about it. Which I can absolutely see why you did it. If they had already said they weren't going to accept children being kept off. I hope that your dad is home with you soon and that his symptoms are simply some piles. Hugs from me.

@WankPuffins.

Sincere best wishes to you, your dad, and the whole family. Hoping your dad will pull through.

You did the right thing, and I hope you will be able to shrug off the shocking posts that have been posted here.

Hope your dad is improving this morning.

Thank goodness you made that decision and he was with you when he collapsed. He is clearly very ill and has made some irrational decisions that have exacerbated his problems but those decisions are absolutely understandable. As are yours. Please don't beat yourself up. I hope he feels better once they can rehydrate him and get some nutrition in. He must have been terrified about the cancer returning. Of course it isn't ideal him being in hospital but he needs to be and they will want to get him tested, better and out as soon as possible.
Be kind to yourself, it must be a big shock.

OP you have done absolutely nothing wrong. No-one in their right mind would blame you for wanting to look after your dad. I hope he gets better soon

I hope he's out soon , then you can look after him.
Is it possible he could move nearer to you ?
Big upheaval I know especially at the moment.

So glad you got him. Thank goodness he is now getting looked after in hospital. I hope he is feeling better today. I hope you are too. You absolutely did the right thing.

@EbenezerSnooze - thank you for your kind words. I try not to dwell on what ifs and thank goodness I have support. Reading OPs post just took me back.

He's still in hospital. Awaiting MRI and tests as the cancer has spread. That's all I know at the moment. He's in quite a bad way. The deterioration since we dropped him home Boxing Day to now is alarming. Obviously not eating abs hardly drinking for five days didn't help.

oh no op im so sorry-you done the right thing when you went to get him imagine if you hadnt and he collpased all alone

id say you saved his life

So sorry to read your update @WankPuffins.

@WankPuffins

He's still in hospital. Awaiting MRI and tests as the cancer has spread. That's all I know at the moment. He's in quite a bad way. The deterioration since we dropped him home Boxing Day to now is alarming. Obviously not eating abs hardly drinking for five days didn't help.

And people were telling you you were being selfish to go and get him. It's horrifying what Covid has done to people's priorities and risk perception.

I'm so sorry to hear that the cancer is back and has spread. My best wishes to you all.

I read your thread when you first posted and thought how sad it is that people feel pulled in competing directions about which member of their families to prioritize, you shouldn't be in that position.

I was very saddened to hear the update on your father, thank goodness you intervened when you did. It makes me wonder how many other older people are keeping things to themselves and needing more help that we realize, its really upsetting. Best wishes to your dad OP - hope he's getting all he needs now.

Thinking of you
I think you did the best thing.

It makes me wonder how many other older people are keeping things to themselves and needing more help that we realize, its really upsetting.

That's actually very scary. I have a 92 year old aunt living alone 100 miles away from me, and from my SIL. She's very independent and capable, but we're checking in with her much more often than we used to. She has a good next door neighbour who will also be keeping an eye and will be able to see beyond any pretence that DA might hide behind to us, thank goodness. But many will not be so lucky.

Thinking of you @WankPuffins - hope your dad is ok

Sorry to hear your update. It reaffirms how correct you were to go and collect him. Sending all good wishes.

So sorry to hear your update. Wishing you and your dad all the best.

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?

You’re having a joke ..right?

@StatisticalSense
I hope you’re thorough ashamed of yourself.

What a miserable excuse of a human being you are

Op ..you did the very right thing.
Your poor dear dad
He sounds like a brave, stoic old soul.

You had no choice in this at all unless of course leaving an elderly person to suffer and perhaps die due to self-neglect or suicide is now acceptable.

If your Dad is looking really underweight then Complan might be an idea as it helped me when I was seriously underweight.

Good luck