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Original poster

So I've had to lie to the school

503 replies

WankPuffins · 03/01/2021 18:06

My dad is 86 and isn't coping.

He's in our support bubble but lives two hours away (which I know some people don't agree with and I've been jumped on on her about it before, but I am his only family so what can we do).

Dh has had to go and get him just now. He called us saying he can't take this anymore, he's worried about my baby in all this with her having two older siblings at school/college, he can't sleep and he can't eat. He's scared to leave his house and he's got no food in. He said he was considering taking all his sleeping pills but he couldn't when he thought of my children.

We then FaceTimed him so we could actually see him after he called and he's visibly lost weight. It's clear he's not been eating. We can't leave him alone. I honestly think he'll end his life if we do. So he's coming here.

Dd is supposed to go back to school tomorrow. I've just posted on another thread that they sent a heavy handed email basically pre emting people making excuses.

I don't want her going to school while my dad is here. We've not left the house apart from one click and collect since Dh took him home on Boxing Day. So we are as safe as can be.

Our area is now in T4 and cases are rising.

I've emailed to say a family member in our support bubble showed symptoms today after seeing us on Friday.

They have emailed back asking for proof of the relatives positive or negative test so they can say when Dd returns to school.

Obviously there is no test. But we couldn't be honest and risk a fine.

Flame away at me lying. But I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place with Dd and my dad.

And now I feel like I'll be under scrutiny from the school.

OP posts:
Starsky82 · 03/01/2021 21:45

As far as I understand it, schools cannot ask to see proof of a test result, so you should not feel pressured to provide anything. Also, they have a duty to provide remote learning for any pupils who are isolating-check their remote learning policy.

FestiveFruitloop · 03/01/2021 21:45

OP, I don't see what else you could have done in the circumstances. You've done the right thing and you're not a dick. Sorry to hear how hard this has hit your dad.

Feministicon · 03/01/2021 21:47

And just ignore that Labia creature, no one knows how much time anyone has left do they, all the more reason it is precious. Whoever they are the shock reaction is probably exactly what they want and that’s really to be pitied

MartiniDry · 03/01/2021 21:49

You've absolutely done the right thing. Your father's health and that of yourself, DH, and children is far more important than the demands of the school. They won't be the ones grieving if you do as they tell you to and the shit hits the fan.

They've no right to see any medical test results, which it might benefit you to remind them.

May I congratulate you on your tolerance. I'm usually the most easy going woman this side of the moon but I wouldn't be able to rein it in if in your shoes!

EmJay19 · 03/01/2021 21:51

Don’t let the school bully you. Like others said you don’t have to and it’s not your information to share

RickOShay · 03/01/2021 21:51

@WankPuffins
Well you are certainly not a twat, but the person who posted that about your dad probably is.
Everything is heightened at the moment, we all feel trapped and the world has tilted. Don’t blame yourself. You are trying to balance the differing needs of your family, hard enough in normal times, let alone now.
Take care of yourself and be sure that you have absolutely made the right and only decision you could have made.
Flowers

blablablaa · 03/01/2021 21:53

For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing OP. He is your dad for FFS. If DD can learn online and it saves your dads life then do what you need to do! I don't think the school has a right to ask for his test results. As PP say, confirm you cannot divulge 3rd party medical info and ignore them. Don't think they will insist if you tell them that.
Hope everything works out for you and your dad turns this round Flowers

DrJump · 03/01/2021 21:53

@WankPuffins you are not a twat. You are dealing with an extraordinary situation. You are doing the best you can.

duckme · 03/01/2021 21:55

@MarieG10
Our LA have told us that we are not to request proof of negative test results before 'welcoming students' back to school. That was the guidance before Christmas, christ knows what it is now. A lot of our parents offer to show us their results anyway, but we're not supposed to ask for proof. Obviously employees at school are required to provide proof of their positive test results if they're required to isolate. I think it gets a bit murky when they're isolating due to being a close contact. In this case they should show the test and trace email.

ImHereForTheEntertainment · 03/01/2021 22:00

Our la have announced no fines if dony send children on if you think its too risky.

ImHereForTheEntertainment · 03/01/2021 22:02

Fwiw I agree with your choice too

MintyCedric · 03/01/2021 22:04

@DecemberSun

I understand your position and agree with you.

Say your father is too frail to have swabs jammed up his nose and down his throat so he's going to isolate as are the rest of the family.

Absolutely this.

I really feel for...am caring for elderly parents too and praying they shut schools before DD has to go back, but equally she's 16 and taking her GCSEs this year.

It's shit.

I hope your dad settles well with you and is happier. Take care Flowers

Satlie2019 · 03/01/2021 22:06

@WankPuffins I really feel for you. We had to move my father in with us and then be very careful ourselves to protect him. Luckily we don't have school aged children. You are in a very hard place. I think lots of children will not be going into school as parents will not want to risk it for various reasons.

You have told the school someone in your support bubble has has had symptoms (not a test). I hate lying and personally would just have said I was not bringing my daughter in due to a vulnerable relative. However, now you have said what your said, could simply say that your relative has not currently had a test (the truth), so no test result to show. I assume that they will then advise that your family needs to self isolate for 10 days from the onset of symptoms (they should know what to do but just to be clear they should count 10 whole days with day one being Saturday) unless your relative gets a negative test. If they ask again just say your relative did not get a test (which is true). Hopefully things will resolve slightly in the next 10 days.

Also, if your dad has not had it already, make sure his GP surgery know where he is and can contact him if it is his turn for his COVID vaccine (you could also call your local surgery to see if registering him as a temporary resident would enable him to have the vaccine there instead but definitely make sure his surgery can contact him). Make sure your school send you the work your daughter needs to do at home, and look after yourself, caring is exhausting.

Hailtomyteeth · 03/01/2021 22:09

What matters to you is caring for your family. So lie if you have to. I am right with you.

TheLevyEyebrowsFancIub · 03/01/2021 22:10

Unless you are in a very popular oversubscribed school and had to fight for a place - whereby there may still be waiting lists for in-year transfers - then just off roll for now, home educate as best you can, take all the pressure off x

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 22:11

Op doesn't need to lie though

IME you don't even need a concrete reason.

Keep your kids off if you need or want to but plase don't pedal the idea of kids having symptoms or being at risk because this wastes our valuable time tracing.

Satlie2019 · 03/01/2021 22:18

@Wheresmykimchi she has not said that the child has symptoms (and the child has not been in school for well over 48 hours), so no need for the school to contact trace as far as I can see. Completely agree she should not have lied, but she panicked, she was scared. People should not be being put in this situation.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 22:20

[quote Satlie2019]@Wheresmykimchi she has not said that the child has symptoms (and the child has not been in school for well over 48 hours), so no need for the school to contact trace as far as I can see. Completely agree she should not have lied, but she panicked, she was scared. People should not be being put in this situation.[/quote]
I've said repeatedly I think OP is right here

I'm referring to other posters saying 'just say they have symptoms' please don't.

AlwaysLatte · 03/01/2021 22:22

Just ring the school and tell the truth, say that you panicked because you were trying to do the right thing for your Dad. They'll understand. I can totally get why you want him close to look after him.
My Dad lives with my brother now but with my brother having a son aged 13 who is splitting his time between him and his mother, and me needing to go in every week day to take him lunch and take him to appointments (and having two children myself at different schools as well as having to do the same care for my mum 30 miles away) it's really difficult to look after them but at the same time keep them safe. We're basically doing the same - staying indoors with grocery deliveries and I'm so relieved that all three boys' schools are now shut. We're having minimum contact with my parents though - my Dad for instance has his own room downstairs and we all wear masks when we take him his lunch etc. It's so difficult

AlwaysLatte · 03/01/2021 22:26

Anyway, if you say there are symptoms when there aren't, won't that cause panic with them trying to establish who your DC had contact with?
Always be honest.

Wheresmykimchi · 03/01/2021 22:27

@AlwaysLatte

Anyway, if you say there are symptoms when there aren't, won't that cause panic with them trying to establish who your DC had contact with? Always be honest.
OP didn't do this and it wouldn't matter if she did with Christmas but yeah , I object to people suggesting this moving forward.
Satlie2019 · 03/01/2021 22:28

@AlwaysLatte this probably is the most sensible advice, lying would make me really uncomfortable for the next 10 days, but I still don't think the school have a right to request the notification.

grannyfan1 · 03/01/2021 22:31

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
You are so unbelievably unempathetic. She has said her father is at risk and leaving him alone is not a feasible solution. She’s only speaking about the implications for her child. No other children will be affected so either read the post before you reply or do some research. Either will show you you’re incorrect🙄
Satlie2019 · 03/01/2021 22:32

@Wheresmykimchi then I agree with you. I have a great deal of sympathy with the original poster, but people should not be lying and making work for schools (or anyone else) with contact tracing. The OP should not have lied (although luckily her lie will not have created additional contact tracing work).

However, people (and schools) should not be being put in this dreadful position.

stevalnamechanger · 03/01/2021 22:32

@StatisticalSense

You have potentially destroyed the education of hundreds of other children so that you can transport in a relative from hundreds of miles away?
Who is at potential suicide risk . Wobble your head!