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Original poster

Cancelling mum coming for Christmas

157 replies

DonkeyMcFluff · 21/12/2020 12:09

Tier 3 here. We’ve been very careful to stay safe so we don’t get ill over Christmas. We booked holidays in order to have a week off work before the 25th. DC finished school at the same time. Pre-ordered most of the food weeks ago and froze it. Pre-booked a fresh food delivery which arrived today. Wrapped gifts early and dropped them off. We literally don’t need to go out again for the rest of the year. So we can be safe and healthy over Christmas, enjoying films and walks and games with DC.

My mother (our bubble, retired, never goes out) has announced that she’s off to the hairdresser on Wednesday 23rd. We’ve had a huge argument because it’s an unnecessary risk. If she catches Covid at the last minute it’ll ruin Christmas for all of us. So I’ve said if she goes to the hairdresser she needs to isolate away from us and not risk our Christmas bubble.

AIBU? It’s just a stupid hairdo and it’s not like she’s going out anywhere or seeing anyone except us. I’m not having my hair done, it looks awful and I’m just putting up with it because the world has gone to shit and I have to prioritise safety over looking pretty. I’ve gone to huge effort to make sure DC have a lovely safe Christmas that’s not spoiled by getting ill and I’m not willing to risk that for her fucking hair.

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 21/12/2020 12:14

Unless you are ECV I think YABU

I went to our local hairdressers last week. Booked in advance, well ventilated, temp taken on arrival, all staff and clients in masks. Way less risk in my mind than living in a home with school aged children.

JacobMarley · 21/12/2020 12:18

YANBU

I made the decision at the beginning of Dec that I wouldn’t be having anyone around for Christmas. There are way too many Covid cases in my area. I’m not taking the risk.

Aren’t hairdressers closed now? They are in my area. Obviously I don’t know about other areas. I’m having problems keeping up with the ever changing “rules”.

PotteringAlong · 21/12/2020 12:19

Yes, YABU

QuantumJump · 21/12/2020 12:30

Well, personally I wouldn't have bothered going to all that effort. BUT given that you have done, I agree it's really annoying for her to go to the hairdresser!

So overall I think YANBU.

PandemicPavolova · 21/12/2020 12:35

Why is she getting her hair dove? Is it to visit you?
If feel for you both and yes unfortunately I'd be uncomfortable with this.

damnthemanatee · 21/12/2020 12:38

I did get my hair done in the summer but absolutely wouldn't now. I agree it's an unnecessary risk to take, especially if she knows the efforts you have gone to.

She has a choice doesn't she, she knows how you feel so it's up to her now.

user1493413286 · 21/12/2020 12:39

I think you’re being unreasonable but then I haven’t taken the precautions that you have so I guess if I’d gone to all that effort I then wouldn’t appreciate the potential of it being risked.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/12/2020 12:41

It all sounds a built extreme unless someone is extremely clinically vulnerable. If you've been isolating to protect her then there's been a breakdown communication and she should be doing the same. If ruining your Christmas is the issue then it won't really, if you catch covid from her on Christmas day you don't start with symptoms for a few days. I'd be worried about catching covid, not ruining one day but in honesty she's going to be very low risk and it's a bit mean to exclude her now on the basis of a haircut.

merrygoround51 · 21/12/2020 12:43

Unless you or a family member are extremely medically vulnerable then YABU. However everyone’s levels of anxiety are different so I can sort of understand if you are anxious generally

Dovesandkisses · 21/12/2020 12:45

YANBU and she is being selfish!

LadyLazaruss · 21/12/2020 12:46

YABU. Madness.

DirtyDancing · 21/12/2020 12:47

It’s 70% transmission rate. I know someone who got it in a local park talking to a Nanny. If she comes to your house, during a pandemic, then she has to respect your rules. The problem with the spread of this virus is that everyone thinks they won’t get it. If we all act as individuals, rather than the sum of our whole parts, we are never going to get out of this cycle.

YANBU

ElliePhillips · 21/12/2020 12:47

YANBU getting hair done is not essential at all and presumably at her age she is vulnerable too. I feel for you OP.

LittleRen · 21/12/2020 12:47

It seems that you have done all that so you don’t get it over Xmas not to protect your mum. I think it’s over the top personally but that’s just me. Unless of of you is vulnerable??

Scarby9 · 21/12/2020 12:48

YANBU
My mum was over the moon that she had a hair appointment booked for 9am on Christmas Eve. That was the prompt for us to tell her my DB , SIL and I had managed to arrange to come north to see them over the Christmas bubble period. We had been holding off telling them in case the rules changed (yes, well...) but we needed them to isolate as well as us in order for us to meet indoors (only outdoor visits from March to now).

She was so disappointed but we explained that it was a straight choice between having her hair done or seeing us. She chose us and the appointment was cancelled (although I am sure she will moan about the state of her hair all over Christmas!).

With the late rule changes, only I can now visit them as I am in their support bubble, but she has still understood that no hair do or trips to the garden centre are the prices that have to be paid.

Lumene · 21/12/2020 12:51

It’s 70% transmission rate.

No it isn’t.

Lumene · 21/12/2020 12:51

YANBU OP

Bettydot · 21/12/2020 13:06

I think everyone has their own level of comfort. It’s your house and therefore your decision, it’s not about whether people feel it’s reasonable or not it’s about whether you’re comfortable or not. We invited my parents for Christmas Day but on the condition that we all isolate for 14 days beforehand, bar going out for walks and getting food deliveries. My mum initially wasn’t happy about this idea but I explained it wasn’t up for negotiation and she we’d love to have them over but this was the condition of the invitation. She accepted the invitation and has since said she actually thinks it’s very sensible. Have you discussed this previously with your mum as if not it may have come as a surprise but I still feel you need to do what you’re comfortable with. I wanted to be able to have a Christmas without social distancing knowing that we had all been careful and were fairly confident no one had Covid instead of worrying on the day. Though I’m slightly less concerned about my parents passing it to us as we are lower risk but want to be sure we won’t pass it to them.

KitKatastrophe · 21/12/2020 13:09

@DirtyDancing

It’s 70% transmission rate. I know someone who got it in a local park talking to a Nanny. If she comes to your house, during a pandemic, then she has to respect your rules. The problem with the spread of this virus is that everyone thinks they won’t get it. If we all act as individuals, rather than the sum of our whole parts, we are never going to get out of this cycle.

YANBU

It's not a 70% transmission, its 70% higher So if it was 10%, it's now 17% (I dont know the actual numbers)
TheDinosaurTrain · 21/12/2020 13:12

It’s 70% more transmissible, not a transmission rate of 70%.

But any which way, you have to do what you are comfortable with. And you have to work with the person who is most risk-averse. For us this is my mum, who isn’t comfortable with seeing us inside so we are going to exchange presents in a park (we actually already have the presents but we’ll open them in front of each other in a park). You’ve said what you’re comfortable with and she now has to choose

MarcelineMissouri · 21/12/2020 13:12

YABU and sound a little over the top unless anyone is vulnerable? You are allowed to go to the hairdressers!

SRK16 · 21/12/2020 13:16

Yanbu

Maisieme · 21/12/2020 13:18

Yanbu from me too

Tavannach · 21/12/2020 13:19

YANBU. Your house, your rules.
Tell her you'll treat her to a hairdo some time next year. Or you could watch a YouTube video and try and do each other's.

Mother40 · 21/12/2020 13:20

Yanbu. I wouldn't have my hair done right now either Op.

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