Cancelling mum coming for Christmas

[DonkeyMcFluff]

Tier 3 here. We’ve been very careful to stay safe so we don’t get ill over Christmas. We booked holidays in order to have a week off work before the 25th. DC finished school at the same time. Pre-ordered most of the food weeks ago and froze it. Pre-booked a fresh food delivery which arrived today. Wrapped gifts early and dropped them off. We literally don’t need to go out again for the rest of the year. So we can be safe and healthy over Christmas, enjoying films and walks and games with DC.

My mother (our bubble, retired, never goes out) has announced that she’s off to the hairdresser on Wednesday 23rd. We’ve had a huge argument because it’s an unnecessary risk. If she catches Covid at the last minute it’ll ruin Christmas for all of us. So I’ve said if she goes to the hairdresser she needs to isolate away from us and not risk our Christmas bubble.

AIBU? It’s just a stupid hairdo and it’s not like she’s going out anywhere or seeing anyone except us. I’m not having my hair done, it looks awful and I’m just putting up with it because the world has gone to shit and I have to prioritise safety over looking pretty. I’ve gone to huge effort to make sure DC have a lovely safe Christmas that’s not spoiled by getting ill and I’m not willing to risk that for her fucking hair.

I think some people think that because these places are open and measures are put in place like screens that makes it completely safe. Obviously there is still risk, especially with a long appointment.

Dh parents are the same, over 80 and vulnerable, won’t come to us at Christmas (understandably) but went for pub meal indoors the other day? Weird set of priorities and I think they believe it’s covid safe, whereas we know that it’s impossible to be 100% safe.

I’m just so sick of all the mask wearing, social distancing, thinking every little cough is Covid, that we’ve done all year. I want to have a week with my family with no worries and nobody at risk. Just a week to let our guard down and not wear fucking masks. A mental space to relax and not think about it. Because quite frankly next year is shaping up to be equally hard to cope with and I need a break from it all. By the 25th we’ll be in the clear and we’ll have a full week to just forget about it all. That’s what I don’t want to risk: that mental space.

DM is late 70s and cases are high at the moment. We all know that the government says things are safe then five minutes later they go “Oops, our mistake, it’s not safe after all”! I’m using my own judgement and even if it’s technically permitted I don’t think it’s safe. She had her hair done in the summer when cases were low and I was fine with it. I’d be happy for her to go to the GP if she needed to because that’s essential and unavoidable - but going to the hairdresser isn’t. “Covid Safe” is a load of shit - nothing is really safe.

She had her hair done in the summer when cases were low and I was fine with it. I’d be happy for her to go to the GP if she needed to because that’s essential and unavoidable - but going to the hairdresser isn’t

Did you make it clear to her that her invite was dependent on her isolating like you are doing? That’s the pertinent question.

Your house = your rules.

@MassiveSalad

Your poor mum. She’s looking forward to Christmas with you and so she got her hair done by someone with a visor on

^^ this. How heartless can you be.

The amount of effort that hairdressers have gone to in order to be classed as "covid safe" is phenomenal.

This.

Jesus, I couldn't imagine commandeering to my mother like that, and making her sit at home alone over Christmas for the crime of having her hair done.

Your poor mum!!!!

i think you should get your hair done. maybe your lovely mother is using this as a chance to outshine you. good on her. there's no cases of people catching covid at the hairdressers so relax hun and get a cut.

Did you make it clear to her that her invite was dependent on her isolating like you are doing?
I’ve been clear all along that if she took unnecessary risks or broke the law I would insist on isolating from her. I actually did this not long ago because she went on an illegal car ride with her friend. She knows the effort I’ve made to create this “safe zone” for us to relax over the holidays. I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to take a risk on the 23rd then expect to have close contact with us over the holidays. So I’ve told her to choose between her hair or Christmas. She’s furious.

@3rdNamechange yes I stand corrected. Badly written 70% MORE transmissible.

Which is means it’s A LOT more easy to catch. Hence why all need to a lot more careful. I still stand by everything else I said

I’ve been clear all along that if she took unnecessary risks or broke the law I would insist on isolating from her.

Getting your hair done isn’t against the law.

Whether it’s an ‘unnecessary risk’ or not is entirely down to interpretation.

Unless you absolutely spelt it out to her that you expected her to isolate, for a specific period of time, prior to the event then yes, YABU.

The amount of effort that hairdressers have gone to in order to be classed as "covid safe" is phenomenal
Sorry but that still doesn’t make them safe. “Covid Safe” is a lie.

there's no cases of people catching covid at the hairdressers
You have no way of knowing that. I’d argue that it’s a huge risk to spend a couple of hours indoors with a stranger who sees several different people every day and has close contact with them, leaning over them and breathing less than a foot away from their faces.

@3rdNamechange she went to park with person who was later positive. Spent the morning together, did not go inside & person lives alone. I would say has been very careful, but can not vouch for every move. Informed as a close contact now positive.

SE London parks are like a bank holiday on Brighton beach when there is an inch of sun. Over 100+ people in the playground some days (I have photos). I’m convinced hearing the story that this was highly likely to be where it happened.

God what an over reaction!

Sorry but that still doesn’t make them safe. “Covid Safe” is a lie

I don't disagree but for very different reasons.

My point is that they were told they could open if they followed rule x, y and z, so they did. Spent £££££ to do so and implemented all the ridiculous procedures they were told to. It is OP who is talking about "safe zones" and so choosing to leave her mother alone at Christmas for getting her hair done in a government approved "safe zone" is just beyond cruel, IMO. However, I am regularly called a covidiot on here so i'll bow out.

I don’t think it would be enough to worry me (unless someone in your household is very vulnerable) but it is your house so your rules.

I’d just explain that we all feel differently etc but it’s how you feel, to hopefully diffuse the row.

YANBU

24% of infections are picked up in hospital (so avoid those like the plague). practically none in hairdressers, shops or hospitality. i fear that covid has triggered the neurotics into spasms of insecurity that will take mountains of prozac to cure.

i've lost three people this year in that generation: one from dementia, one from cancer and one fell off a ladder. none from covid, which is still only responsible for around 10% of deaths - much less if you discount the people who were dying anyway and picked it up in hospitals and care homes.

but your house your rules.

think you should get your hair done. maybe your lovely mother is using this as a chance to outshine you. good on her.

That's a petty way to look at it. Why would she be in competition with her daughter?

You can make whatever decision you are comfortable with. There’s no benefit to checking with others on here as everyone has different things that they are ok with or not. You’ve made your choice, now your mum can make hers.

YANBU

@PusheenLove honey you are right no mother in the history of the world has ever been jealous or resentful of their daughter in any way and never have they tried to influence, control or undermine them. sorry, sometimes i forget i am living on planet roses not planet earth.

I would be annoyed at the unecessary risk and ask her to cancel or not come. I think. Easier said than done however. My daughter wants to go to an exercise class tonight and I don't want her to go for the same reason.

@PandemicPavolova

Why is she getting her hair dove? Is it to visit you? If feel for you both and yes unfortunately I'd be uncomfortable with this.

OP mother is retired. She’s entitled to have her hair done if she wants even more so if she has been stuck at home for months on end.

I suspect she assumed OP wouldn’t mind...

Ladies please stop this outpouring of fear and anxiety. Getting your hair cut and doing an exercise class will not kill you or your Nearest and Dearest. Being miserable and unfit will. Get a perspective before you worry us all to death please.

Does it matter if YABU or not OP? You've said your piece, you've set out your rules for Christmas and your DM has decided to flout them so you've pushed back. Who cares what anyone else thinks?