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Original poster

Cancelling mum coming for Christmas

157 replies

DonkeyMcFluff · 21/12/2020 12:09

Tier 3 here. We’ve been very careful to stay safe so we don’t get ill over Christmas. We booked holidays in order to have a week off work before the 25th. DC finished school at the same time. Pre-ordered most of the food weeks ago and froze it. Pre-booked a fresh food delivery which arrived today. Wrapped gifts early and dropped them off. We literally don’t need to go out again for the rest of the year. So we can be safe and healthy over Christmas, enjoying films and walks and games with DC.

My mother (our bubble, retired, never goes out) has announced that she’s off to the hairdresser on Wednesday 23rd. We’ve had a huge argument because it’s an unnecessary risk. If she catches Covid at the last minute it’ll ruin Christmas for all of us. So I’ve said if she goes to the hairdresser she needs to isolate away from us and not risk our Christmas bubble.

AIBU? It’s just a stupid hairdo and it’s not like she’s going out anywhere or seeing anyone except us. I’m not having my hair done, it looks awful and I’m just putting up with it because the world has gone to shit and I have to prioritise safety over looking pretty. I’ve gone to huge effort to make sure DC have a lovely safe Christmas that’s not spoiled by getting ill and I’m not willing to risk that for her fucking hair.

OP posts:
Lifeispassingby · 21/12/2020 15:57

Tbh, I understand your annoyance at her but you have been mixing with others at work and school etc and haven’t isolated for 10 days prior to seeing her so you are also a risk to her

Carrotcakey · 21/12/2020 15:58

My Mum is a keyworker, working up until Christmas Eve. Hadn’t occurred to me to not let her come for Christmas. It would break her heart & she’d be alone otherwise.

It’s a very privileged position you are sitting in being able to take all that leave before Christmas. If none of you are vulnerable then YABVU.

Original poster
DonkeyMcFluff · 21/12/2020 16:35

The only reason we are able to take leave now is because we worked right through lockdown while others were furloughed. It’s been non stop stress all year. I can tolerate essential unavoidable risk such as going to work or the doctor etc but having your hair done just seems unnecessary and frivolous.

OP posts:
PusheenLove · 21/12/2020 16:37

[quote ethelredhead]@PusheenLove honey you are right no mother in the history of the world has ever been jealous or resentful of their daughter in any way and never have they tried to influence, control or undermine them. sorry, sometimes i forget i am living on planet roses not planet earth.[/quote]
There's no evidence what so ever that OPs mum is motivated by spite to get her hair done. I'd hate to be in your head.

Jrobhatch29 · 21/12/2020 16:46

I think you're being over the top

Ellieboolou33 · 21/12/2020 16:51

Yes your unreasonable and unless extremely vulnerable I have no idea why your over reacting so much.

I'd love to have Christmas with my mum but she died suddenly last year, I can only assume you don't have a great relationship with your mum in the first place.

Tierrasfuente · 21/12/2020 16:53

You are going to leave your Mum on her own at christmas because she has been to a hairdresser? One where they wear visors and she will be wearing a mask, and they don't let anyone in unless there is an appointment, and then only if they sanitise their hands? If so, YABU and very over the top. For a moment, I thought you cancelling your mum coming over was because you were worried about her, not the other way around.

Moondust001 · 21/12/2020 17:01

@DirtyDancing

It’s 70% transmission rate. I know someone who got it in a local park talking to a Nanny. If she comes to your house, during a pandemic, then she has to respect your rules. The problem with the spread of this virus is that everyone thinks they won’t get it. If we all act as individuals, rather than the sum of our whole parts, we are never going to get out of this cycle.

YANBU

And this sort of trivia is why we need people to stop posting hysterical rubbish. It isn't a 70% transmission rate, and nobody can say where or when they may have caught, never mind that a nanny gave it them in a park.

This virus is serious yes. But it really isn't all that dangerous and it certainly isn't dangerous to the vast majority of the population. Instead of having hysterics on Mumsnet, why not calm down and have a chat with your mum about this? But I think it's a bit rich acting like she is Typhoid Mary for going to the hairdressers, since you have been going to work (you booked holidays to have a week off) and the kids have been going to school. If going to work and school didn't give it you, your mothers trip once to the hairdressers is hardly a significant factor. If you don't want your mum to come, just tell her, don't dress it up in hysteria.

baublesbaubleseverywhere · 21/12/2020 17:23

@Lifeispassingby

Tbh, I understand your annoyance at her but you have been mixing with others at work and school etc and haven’t isolated for 10 days prior to seeing her so you are also a risk to her
And this.
PerveenMistry · 21/12/2020 18:25

OP are you concerned she might lie and go to salon but say she did not?

PerveenMistry · 21/12/2020 18:27

@Tierrasfuente

You are going to leave your Mum on her own at christmas because she has been to a hairdresser? One where they wear visors and she will be wearing a mask, and they don't let anyone in unless there is an appointment, and then only if they sanitise their hands? If so, YABU and very over the top. For a moment, I thought you cancelling your mum coming over was because you were worried about her, not the other way around.
It only takes one microscopic particle to cause disease and often death.

A new hairdo is not worth risking an entire family over. If granny believes otherwise, that is entirely on her, not the OP.

Kjc39 · 21/12/2020 18:28

Personally if I was your mother. I would decide not to come unless of course you are more vulnerable then her. If she is older and more vulnerable then surely it’s her who is more at risk. Perhaps she needs her hair cut to make her confident and happy.

ImNotCutOutForThis · 21/12/2020 18:29

Yabu. Going to the hairdresser is fine. If it wasn't they wouldn't be open.
Ours are so busy it's a long wait to get an appointment. And they've been working till 10pm from 7am to fit people in.

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2020 18:32

YANBU. It’s a completely unnecessary risk. Ffs when will people get it...

DappledOliveGroves · 21/12/2020 18:33

Why are you so worried if you catch it? Odds are you'll be fine. And if she catches it then surely that's her prerogative - again, she'll likely be fine and if she isn't, then she's in her late 70s and presumably has had a good innings?
YABU - she wants her hair to look nice, just let her get on with it.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 21/12/2020 18:43

OP you do realise that if your mum catches covid, whether at the hairdressers or elsewhere, all of your household will have to self isolate because you're in a support bubble with her? If one member of a support bubble tests positive everyone else in the bubble has to self isolate. As far as I know there is no exception for people who haven't spent time with their support bubble (I will double check this).

RichardMarxisinnocent · 21/12/2020 18:47

I've doubled checked and the gov.uk website doesn't have an exception, but the NHS one does specify time frames for contact with the postive person www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-and-treatment/when-to-self-isolate-and-what-to-do/

IAmBeatrixKiddo · 21/12/2020 18:49

Your poor mum. You don't sound very nice.

LadyLazaruss · 21/12/2020 18:51

@IAmBeatrixKiddo

Your poor mum. You don't sound very nice.
Indeed. Domineering too.
starfish4 · 21/12/2020 18:53

We still haven't got our heads around seeing my DM on either side. Putting that aside, she's been to the hairdresser today and had been food shopping as neither of us are into ordering food online. DM doesn't have any friends or family to walk with, so mentally this is good for her. We're very careful but all of us have to work on the run up to Xmas. It's such a hard balance, but if your DM is on her own, it's probably done her good to get out, as you obviously have family for regular human contact.

Tierrasfuente · 21/12/2020 18:58

A new hairdo is not worth risking an entire family over.

Oh please. Presumably the OP has sent her kids to school all term. I can't help feeling the OP would find it quite convenient for her DM not to come and ruin her little bubble.

katy1213 · 21/12/2020 19:07

You can be as unreasonable as you like in your own house.

Heffle · 21/12/2020 19:47

I’m afraid you can’t control what your mum as an adult does, and I’m not sure why you think you can - so if you don’t want her there, just tell her that, and she can make her own choices.

YouDidWHATNow · 21/12/2020 20:19

I'm torn with this one, your house your rules, however, I went to the hairdresser two weeks ago for the first time this year. I honestly felt safer than I feel just walking in the park or in a supermarket. I felt safer than I felt when I had to go to A&E after an unfortunate incident with a knife (don't try to separate frozen bagels with a sharp knife but that's another tale!).
I had to fill out a covid questionnaire the day before. As I got to the salon, they had someone take my temperature and do a full hand wash. Masks worn at all times. Social distancing so only 3 stylists working at a time in a salon designed for 16 chairs. Seat wiped with clinell wipes before I sat, disposable gown on me. No drinks as per usual, no magazines. In and out within 2 hours, and all details taken incase of an outbreak. All staff checked twice daily for temperature and 15 minutes for a deep clean between each client on the same chair. Even all scissors went into a sanitiser bath and I saw them wiping the straighteners / driers with clinell wipes.

Not all hairdressers will be as thorough I know, but a good salon knows it's stuff. I wouldn't automatically rule it out as "safe"

Littleyell · 21/12/2020 20:30

@Tierrasfuente

A new hairdo is not worth risking an entire family over.

Oh please. Presumably the OP has sent her kids to school all term. I can't help feeling the OP would find it quite convenient for her DM not to come and ruin her little bubble.

It’s true unless OP home schools. She should get things into perspective. People need to remember tomorrow is not promised.
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