I have a terrible pandemic secret. Maybe you do, too?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Have seen many threads about lockdowns and pandemic fear, plus being cooped up together, creating challenges for marriages and romantic partnerships.

Is anyone else having the opposite thing happen? I'm probably much less in favor of lockdowns and covid measures than the average person, but in the home, things couldn't be much better. Probably the strangest thing is that DH and I have been having sex like horny teenagers...at least once a day, sometimes even staying up all night. This state of affairs has gone on for weeks now, with no end in sight.

On paper, circumstances sound absolutely dire for a sex life: nearly 10 years together, 3 children under 5 including a 10 week old baby, "rule of six" social limits in a household where there are already 5 people, drama with in-laws, work from home + home schooling stress. But spending so much time practically on top of one another has somehow led to us wanting to spend more time, well, literally on top of one another. We talk more, bring up issues sooner, and by evening we're both feeling the spark every night.

For the sake of so many people I know, in so many situations, including my own children, I want this lockdown to end. But I have a guilty, secret wish that it continues a while longer because of this second honeymoon period I seem to be in with DH, which I know can't last forever and I worry will dissolve when pandemic measures end. I also feel like even bringing up this nice bit will make people angry, since there's a certain bizarre feeling of "if you're not miserable all the time, you're not sacrificing enough" in the air.

Does anyone else have guilty secrets over their pandemic feelings? A friend of mine feels awful for not being able to see her mother in a care home, but also a guilty relief over being able to work from home (she's in a high pressure, high stakes job where her hours and commute are long normally).

Yes, yes, we all want this awful year to end, of course we do...but I can't be the only one who's got a touch of mixed feelings. Tell me yours, and maybe I can stop feeling so ridiculous!

I moved 40 miles away from my office and we went into lockdown the very same week. The timing honestly couldn't have been better because my company have now decided we can continue to work from home as it's going so well. I never have to commute again!

I’m actually quite introverted. I have a very busy social life and most would you I am outgoing - have been told I’m ‘brilliant socially’. Truth is is takes it out of me - have always needed time ‘off’ to myself. I’ve actually loved quite a bit of this being alone much much more.

Meant to say op well done Re your secret - sounds fun.

Oh and we are saving so much money from bot paying for petrol/not being able to go on holiday/no cinema or meals out etc.
This one i feel relieved but guilty about as so many are struggling financially while we are splashing out on doing up our house

I have been very lucky I think as I do not have to go to work and do not have to see anyone.

I have lost weight in lockdown, no takeaways all year
Managed to save over £7000 so far since March, no holidays, no takeaways, no need to buy any clothes, got plenty
Not had to see my parents, yeah!
As I cannot go to a hairdresser and I have always wanted to try it, I shaved all my hair off! Its great, so liberating and no fuss, although now there is a vaccine coming, I am going to grow it a bit

Interesting you should say that OP as I know of two families who were done having children but now are expecting a third child! One family have secondary age kids.

Loved having my son at home over Lockdown 1, felt it was a real treat to get the extra time with him. Fab having DH at home all the time. Loved not shopping as much and having deliveries. Enjoyed less social pressure to go out and do things I really can't be arsed to. And oh my days, the pure JOY of no school assemblies/meetings/fetes/sports days etc!!!

We have to take the silver linings where we can find them!

@cushioncovers

Op I work in a lab where we receive blood samples from pregnant women and I can confirm we've seen a huge rise in the number of samples from older mums in their forties in the last few months. Seems people are 'entertaining' themselves more often during this pandemic 😂

I work in maternity services. I was reading this thread thinking “uh-oh - 2021’s going to be a busy year!”.

We've enjoyed the calmness of lockdown. DH has life limiting illness and as I've been WAH I can be more involved in his care and juggle it with work more easily. Shopping is delivered so no traipsing round the supermarket unless we forgot to order something. I commuted for 30 years and used to be on the train by 6.15am and now don't get up until 7.30 - when I'd usually be at my desk! DS was home from Uni doing exams over the summer so we could help him manage any exam stress and make sure he ate properly rather than living on pasta! Social group activities and family calls all continued via Zoom. I've saved cash this year with no travel costs, commuter coffee or sandwich lunches. Also had the opportunity to learn new technology and up my presentation skills.
The only thing I really really miss is being able to visit and hug DM who is very frail and has been in lockdown in a nursing home virtually since spring.

I was only saying to my mother earlier that although 2020 has been dreadful for some people, lots of people, for us personally it has been good.

We've saved thousands, not going out, fuel for DH (who drives 1.5 hours each way every day normally), holiday refunded, not needing as many new clothes etc and we've actually put it aside. So savings boosted by quite a lot.

DH is working from home full time giving him an extra 3 hours with the children each day. He's not as tired. How also been a reminder to him how busy I am as a SAHP, that I don't just occasionally run the vacuum around and drink tea! His sport is all cancelled so even more family time there.

We have both lost weight, me nearly 4 stone! Because I have time with him here to prepare more fresh, healthy food for us and I also have time to exercise (leaving the house for runs etc) with him here whilst the baby naps.

I also enjoy the personal space thing and I hope that stays! I can go forever without shaking hands or hugging a stranger as a greeting thanks. I'd quite like to hug my Gran again though, I haven't been near her since March (she's 90, in a care home) only waved and chatted through windows.

It's nice to have a positive thread.

@CatMuffin

I also like that delivery men will just leave stuff in my porch and go now, rather than wanting signatures

Dear god, yes! I hope we won't ever have to do that signing with your finger on a filthy pad that hundreds of other people have wiped their fingers on and is kept in the pocket of the delivery driver. There was no choice and I even tried a couple of styluses from old electronic devices, but the fingerpads need a warm moist finger to work - urgh and norovirus heaven at the best of normal times. I have brilliant delivery drivers and they have been happy to leave my parcels in the porch without any fuss (or direct contact!).

I love that I'm now WFH, I've lost 3 stone since June! I have more time to spend cooking healthy meals and going on walks/runs at lunch or in the evening, I'm saving money on commuting (although redirecting it towards online purchases but that's far more fun ) and I get to stay in bed for longer, so I go to bed later which suits me just fine.

@feelingsomewhatlost Wow, not bad if you can get it!!! So many people have done well out of this.

I hate almost everything about the restrictions except wfh - I hope to never commute again, and related to that- masks. I’ve long thought that masks are a good idea on crowded commuter transport, especially in winter.

There have been some aspects of lockdown I've loved. Some bits have been rubbish but all in all I've not completely hated it. I've always been an introverted homebody so this has really been my year! I can be as un-social as I want to be and it's fine because of social distancing. Not one single person has asked me about holidays. It's brilliant. 😂

I even quite like the masks.

I've loved lockdown. My job's been unaffected, as has DPs, so that's a massive positive.
It's saved me 14 hrs a week commuting, I'm saving on petrol and car repairs as well. DH would have had just as long a commute but was able to work from home a couple of days whereas I never could. Until now.

His car is on it's last legs but we've been able to push out buying a new one that we can't really afford because he's not doing the mileage he was before.

I'm able to do the school run for the first time ever and get to hear about DS's day, and help him with his homework, keeping up to date with his progress. I'd always have left the house early before DP and DS got up. And because of covid there's no congregating at the gate allowed, drop and go with a wave to other parents so no cliques or anything like that.

I'm able to be more creative with lunches, and try new dinner recipes that would be a bit more time consuming to try coming in at 7pm every evening.

I've been able to do some baking and craft projects with DS after school, or during midterms when normally I'd be working and he'd be at childcare.

I don't get invited anywhere. I've loved the extra time hanging out with DP and DS so much. We've all enjoyed it. If everyone we know stays healthy and gets through this then we'll look back on this virus as a golden time for us.

There have been some benefits for me.

• I've been able to pick up two work contracts that I wouldn't have been able to do previously (too long a commute)
• I've saved money on petrol, kids clubs and other activities

I've been thinking a lot about how WFH makes work more possible for a range of people who might not be able to do full days in the office or commute, e.g. those with long term pain, illness or disability. Also carers and parents. WFH could be a massive enabler and create a more diverse workforce.

I have loads more sex when it’s not a pandemic. We see less of each other..... absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Plus I like my own space. I would be a little worried if my husband suddenly turned into a horny teenager when all that was available was me at home.

In normal times why does his sex drive decrease?

I’d never admit this to anyone in real life for fear of sounding smug but I’m so thrilled, like many previous posters, to have fully paid off our overdraft and two credit cards. We’ve been in debt for 20+ years. Plus extra money saved we have spent on the house and garden.
Another more trivial thing I would never admit was that I’m so happy to not have the work Christmas party this year. I get so anxious about forced mingling with colleagues from other departments I drink too much. Always glad when it’s over and I can finally look forward to Christmas.

@CoolShoeshine

Just don’t go to the Christmas party, it’s that simple. No ones forced are they? Just make up an excuse if you feel bad.

This thread is an eye opening to me.

My life hasn’t changed at all with the lockdowns. Because of my chronic illness, I haven’t been going out in the evening/simply doing things for many years.
And what people are feeling relieved to not have to do are often things I’ve been dreaming to be able to do again.

@LimeLemonOrange

There have been some benefits for me.

• I've been able to pick up two work contracts that I wouldn't have been able to do previously (too long a commute)
• I've saved money on petrol, kids clubs and other activities

I've been thinking a lot about how WFH makes work more possible for a range of people who might not be able to do full days in the office or commute, e.g. those with long term pain, illness or disability. Also carers and parents. WFH could be a massive enabler and create a more diverse workforce.

As someone with a chronic illness, wfh only helps with the commute. It doesn’t allow me to work longer days or too work shorter days.

My own commute is about 15mins. I can’t say it made any difference.

On the sex thing, I don't think there's a good or bad way. In our case, lockdown meant fewer evening work or social commitments, so we're more likely to curl up with a bottle of wine on the sofa. We're back at work now, but in 'proper' lockdown we were both wfh so had later mornings (no commute) and were therefore happier to have later nights. And we just generally had more time to spend together during the day, even when we were working - time for a quick kiss or a chat or a flirt, just lots of time to feel closer together, free of the relentless school run, clubs, evening commitments, early mornings - which in turn led to us being in the mood more often. So it's not so much a sudden increase in sex drive - more a reduction in stress and time pressure, plus an increase in time to just hang out together.

It's also really easy to hide a pregnancy when you can't see anyone, work from home, and there's no nights out! That's my secret since I've not told anyone yet

Yes absence makes the heart grow fonder here too! I’m impressed that when you see someone day in day out with no break that you are constantly in the mood.

Though DH used to travel lots for work so I’m used to my own space.