I have a terrible pandemic secret. Maybe you do, too?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Have seen many threads about lockdowns and pandemic fear, plus being cooped up together, creating challenges for marriages and romantic partnerships.

Is anyone else having the opposite thing happen? I'm probably much less in favor of lockdowns and covid measures than the average person, but in the home, things couldn't be much better. Probably the strangest thing is that DH and I have been having sex like horny teenagers...at least once a day, sometimes even staying up all night. This state of affairs has gone on for weeks now, with no end in sight.

On paper, circumstances sound absolutely dire for a sex life: nearly 10 years together, 3 children under 5 including a 10 week old baby, "rule of six" social limits in a household where there are already 5 people, drama with in-laws, work from home + home schooling stress. But spending so much time practically on top of one another has somehow led to us wanting to spend more time, well, literally on top of one another. We talk more, bring up issues sooner, and by evening we're both feeling the spark every night.

For the sake of so many people I know, in so many situations, including my own children, I want this lockdown to end. But I have a guilty, secret wish that it continues a while longer because of this second honeymoon period I seem to be in with DH, which I know can't last forever and I worry will dissolve when pandemic measures end. I also feel like even bringing up this nice bit will make people angry, since there's a certain bizarre feeling of "if you're not miserable all the time, you're not sacrificing enough" in the air.

Does anyone else have guilty secrets over their pandemic feelings? A friend of mine feels awful for not being able to see her mother in a care home, but also a guilty relief over being able to work from home (she's in a high pressure, high stakes job where her hours and commute are long normally).

Yes, yes, we all want this awful year to end, of course we do...but I can't be the only one who's got a touch of mixed feelings. Tell me yours, and maybe I can stop feeling so ridiculous!

[YellowHighlighterPen]

Awful things happened in my life before lockdown. And some during it. But because I didn't have to mix with people and everything was on pause, I had the time and space to process them. I'll be in a much better place to carry on with normal life when it happens than I would otherwise have been.

[RednaxelasLunch]

Wfh has really boosted my confidence and assertiveness. Without people physically there I don't get the same fight or flight adrenaline dump during meetings.

[Goatinthegarden]

@VashtaNerada

Ooh, nice thread! I’m a teacher and I secretly love that there’s no school trips and no Christmas concert this year, much less stress. I’m also loving that I can get a seat on public transport now. And my mask keeps my nose warm in the cold weather!

I used to hate the stress of a school trip, but I am desperate to go somewhere, ANYWHERE with my class other than the four walls of the classroom.

It’s like bloody Groundhog Day every day. We can’t even trot along to the assembly hall for a change of scenery.

That aside, I haven’t been too bothered by the pandemic. I never had to properly lockdown though as I was in the keyworker schools. I have quite enjoyed being forced to do less at the weekends and enjoy my house more too.

[Whatliesbeneath707]

@WombOfOnesOwn - I totally understand where you are coming from! I could have written this post myself 😆 As a family we were so used to dashing about and there was hardly any time just to sit and chat etc. I think having/being forced to spend time together has brought me & my OH so much closer together. Like you, we’ve reverted back to being like teenagers in the bedroom again! Although we’re both working from home, this has allowed us time in the day to make the most of our teen daughter being at school. I have fabulous memories of being in bed with OH all afternoon in the summer, whilst teen dd was at her friends. And like you, the more we have sex, the more we want it. My OH thinks lockdown has been the making of us - and we’ve been together for several decades so we’ve had a few ups and downs. He’s very pleased with the sudden up turn in our sex life that started around June and hasn’t shown any signs of slowing down - thankfully 😂
I do think it’s given us all time to think and reflect. I am certainly grateful for all that we have and I think lockdown has been like pressing the reset button. We hardly watch tv anymore and we can go weeks without turning it on - quite unheard of pre-pandemic! I’ve rediscovered my love of reading, whereas before I couldn’t concentrate enough to get into a book, as I was so busy dashing about. I’ve also gone back to listening to music and I’m having an 80/90s revival which the family are less pleased about 🤣When the first lockdown lifted, I joined a gym and started exercising regularly for the first time in my life. I’ve really enjoyed it too and I’m looking forward to them opening up soon. Exercising has been a great bit of calm salvation, whilst things have been unpredictable.
Strangely, the pandemic has made me crave a few things that I certainly wasn’t bothered about beforehand. I’ve got an urge to get drunk & go dancing! This is certainly not something I thought I would want but there we go! We’ve not been abroad on holiday for a few years for various reasons, and now I’m almost regretting this as I’m desperate to visit places. I’m craving city breaks and walking on warm beaches. It’s possibly wanting things we can’t have atm.
I certainly agree with you OP, the current situation has certainly thrown us some massive curve balls and for some people it’s been truly devastating. As I’m one for looking at the positives in life, I’ve used this time to lean into the lockdowns and reassess where we are at and how fortunate we are. As a family, we tend to be less cautious now and very much “seize the day!” I frequently remind them that we are alive in a pandemic and life is for living!

[exLtEveDallas]

I’m quite a controlled/controlling person where my own life and environment is concerned. I get anxious/stressy when things are messy around me or I’ve got too many things on the go. I end up procrastinating and then doing everything one one fell swoop which causes enormous amounts of stress and bad feeling.

This year, because of the slower pace I’ve been able to get things done that I have put off for years in the home and months in work. Just yesterday I looked around my office and realised that every single thing had its own ‘place’, all the files coordinated, and all the little jobs had been done. It has made me so bloody happy!

[hopeishere]

Another one here no loved not having to do a school run. I also quite like working from home and my employer is looking at ways to make it more permanent for everyone.

[Figmentofmyimagination]

My work make me work from an office in central London even though it costs between a fifth and a quarter of my salary and takes nearly two hours each way, once you add on the journey to the station - and when I get there I sometimes don’t see anyone all day. I have absolutely loved wfh. I’m not sure I will feel safe on a crowded train with long commute (that’s where I caught covid in March) even with a vaccine.

[ReadWritePlay]

I've found my peace this year. I've been in some sort of lockdown or other since March and it's forced me to slow right down. I realise now how much I was oh so busy doing before that didn't actually bring me joy or take me forward. Plus how bad things are has made me much more grateful for my lot. I feel luckier than I did this time last year.

[thekoalassocks]

I love working from home and not having to waste 2.5 hours a day in the car.

I've saved loads of money on commuting.

I love being home every day to chat to my son when he gets in from school and there in the morning when he leaves to give him a kiss and wish him a good day; our relationship is so much better for it.

I love not having to buy or wear corporate clothes.

I love not spending money on coffee and takeaways and lunches.

I love having more energy and the time to workout at home.

I love not having the pressure to spend my precious weekends visiting relatives or going out for meals with friends, rather we meet for walks and fresh air now so I can walk the dog, exercise, and catch up with friends in one fell swoop.

Phew! Lockdown has been shit in some ways but wonderful in others for my own life. And I'd never voice these things normally because I know how tough it's been for others.

[maddiemookins16mum]

I get a parking space at work, right outside the front door.

[rc22]

Yes. Pre-lockdown my husband and I were living separate lives. We would socialise separately on a Saturday night a day and husband was often at the pub on a Friday night too. We went from that to cooking together, watching films and box sets together, we've even had the board games out! We have committed to continuing to make time together after the pandemic ends. We've also had more time to prepare healthier meals so we have lost weight.

[Giggorata]

Wfh is so much less stressful for me and my secret is that I’m not going back.

[boymum9]

I love that school drop off and picks ups are all staggered and you can't go into the school and it's all over quickly.
I love that there's less pressure (or no pressure) to do social stuff.
I enjoyed so much spending time with dc's while there was no school during the first lockdown, we laid in bed having breakfast and watching films almost mornings, it was lovely!

[housemdwaswrong]

I'm not in lockdown now, but had firebreak and local restrictions before that. I live with my parents, mum has dementia and dad has mobility problems so it's been tough.

But I'm really grateful for this extra time with mum. I think this will be the last Christmas she will be able to engage with/ appreciate and understand, so I'm grateful that I'm able to help prepare for it, and help to make it a special one for her and us. I'll never have this time with her again, not while it means anything to her. So even though I feel like screaming at least one a day lol, I'm happy to have these negotiations to bank. (But I don't feel guilty in the slightest ;) ).

[Indecisivelurcher]

It's actually been really good for us financially, we haven't had any childcare costs and now the free 30hrs has kicked in, no commuting costs, we actually sold one of our cars. I think we've cleared about £7k of debt! Plus spent a little bit on the house, and got an emergency fund of £1k. I've also permanently rearranged my work hours so I can pick the kids up at 3, which is much better for us as a family. Totally can't tell people these things in real life. I do feel lucky.

[australis]

Yes, lots more sex here too (and we definitely weren't having affairs before!). I'm fitter than I've been in years because I have time to exercise. I've lost a stone because I have more time to cook. I do miss a few things (mainly holidays, some family and a few close friends) but not much else - very lucky to still be in work and kids in school. It's very telling that the first slight tiff that DH and I have had in six months is over sodding Christmas bubbles.

[CryHavoc]

I worked from home anyway, and have really enjoyed husband working from home since March. He's saved an absolute fortune on commuting and coffee.
Child is currently remote learning from home because of a positive case in her year and the short break from the alarm feels like a gift. I should be about to send her out to the bus stop, instead we're all still in bed.

[Lindy2]

I've actually been able to spend more time with my mum or talking to her on the phone.

Before all this I was usually rushing around in the evening dropping the kids ar various clubs and collecting them, so was often short of time and tired. I'd only phone my mum occasionally.

Since March I've phoned her several times each week and it's been really nice having the time to chat. She's in our bubble so I have visited more often too, although not with the kids since they've been back at school, because of the Covid risk.

When life goes back to normal I need to make sure I still phone as often as possible. I can tell she's really looked forward to our chats.

[Charleyhorses]

I've started commuting by train during lock down.
Empty trains. Plenty of space. Everything is clean. Wi-Fi works.
Trying not to get too used to it

[BalloonSlayer]

DH started a new job with a horrendous commute just before the start of the pandemic. I am not sure how he would have coped long term and I was worrying about it before the lockdown hit. Now he is WFH. I went full time a year ago, was a bit worried how my teen DC would cope with me not being there when they got home (they'd have been fine, but mum guilt) but DH has been there so no issue at all.

I feel like I have spent a fortune online but I have still saved quite a bit of money.

[Rolopolo2000]

Lockdown has given so many people an excuse

An excuse not to see family they don’t like
An excuse not to have visitors post birth
An excuse not to deal with a work issue / presentation / event

I could go on.


Yes, I quite enjoy slower pace of life, and having more time with my children after school as no activities but I had no issue with navigating difficult situations so no needed lockdown to act as an excuse.
I wonder how people will fare when they don’t have lockdown as an excuse!

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

I love not having to invite ex mil in for a cup of tea and a long boring one sided conversation when she picks up ds

[Lemonylemony]

We bought our first house last month and saved £10K stamp duty as well as being able to snap it up at a decently reduced asking price due to their previous buyer falling through in lockdown and them needing to sell. It means we have a nicer/bigger house now than if we’d bought last year, and more money left for doing it up. Thankyou covid for that.

I also very much appreciate the physical distance from people, especially at work.

There’s another horrible plus side at work where I will ultimately benefit from a situation that means other people are being made redundant, that is a very bittersweet feeling.

So you’re not alone OP. I think there will be quite a few quiet upsides for people in all of this. Ultimately it doesn’t make the overall situation any less shit though, or mitigate the stress and loss and misery people are experiencing.

[Sara2000]

I love the fact I call my GP, he calls me back and then send my prescription to the chemist. No more having to go to the surgery..
I also love the fact I dont have to hug freinds and relatives when I see them.
Loved virtual parent evening. I wo der what teachers thought of it?

[Ynwa12345]

My in laws were so horrible to my DS7 for so long to the point of banning him from their home because he said a bad word. But now we can't go they're desperate to see the kids. And I know it's cruel but I'm laughing inside thinking karma bitches!!!! Also I think it's great you and DH are having a fab rship. However much I want my H to go to the office as not had one min in house to myself him being her has also helped our rship a little. He's there for the kids showers bedtime etc I used to get so stressed doing it all by myself. So no don't worry about thinking all these things. It's pretty shit for a lot of ppl but there's nothing wrong with being happy!