I have a terrible pandemic secret. Maybe you do, too?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Have seen many threads about lockdowns and pandemic fear, plus being cooped up together, creating challenges for marriages and romantic partnerships.

Is anyone else having the opposite thing happen? I'm probably much less in favor of lockdowns and covid measures than the average person, but in the home, things couldn't be much better. Probably the strangest thing is that DH and I have been having sex like horny teenagers...at least once a day, sometimes even staying up all night. This state of affairs has gone on for weeks now, with no end in sight.

On paper, circumstances sound absolutely dire for a sex life: nearly 10 years together, 3 children under 5 including a 10 week old baby, "rule of six" social limits in a household where there are already 5 people, drama with in-laws, work from home + home schooling stress. But spending so much time practically on top of one another has somehow led to us wanting to spend more time, well, literally on top of one another. We talk more, bring up issues sooner, and by evening we're both feeling the spark every night.

For the sake of so many people I know, in so many situations, including my own children, I want this lockdown to end. But I have a guilty, secret wish that it continues a while longer because of this second honeymoon period I seem to be in with DH, which I know can't last forever and I worry will dissolve when pandemic measures end. I also feel like even bringing up this nice bit will make people angry, since there's a certain bizarre feeling of "if you're not miserable all the time, you're not sacrificing enough" in the air.

Does anyone else have guilty secrets over their pandemic feelings? A friend of mine feels awful for not being able to see her mother in a care home, but also a guilty relief over being able to work from home (she's in a high pressure, high stakes job where her hours and commute are long normally).

Yes, yes, we all want this awful year to end, of course we do...but I can't be the only one who's got a touch of mixed feelings. Tell me yours, and maybe I can stop feeling so ridiculous!

10 week old baby and you're having sex every night...I call BS...your must be very sore down there is all I can say..

I feel guilty that we've never been better off financially - having our youngest out of nursery in the first lockdown was hell, but we cleared two overdrafts and a credit card. It's also demonstrated to us how much we fritter on nights out/lunches out, and made us feel like saving isn't pointless - we can actually achieve something.

Funnily enough, back in February my lovely hippy yoga teacher had us doing full-moon manifestations - mine was to spend more time with the family and save some money....

I secretly enjoyed homeschooling the kids during the first lockdown, and really enjoyed the extra time together... Knowing it was temporary probably fuelled my enthusiasm, and since they've gone back, I shudder at the thought of having to drag the phonics and maths books out again, and pray their year group doesn't have to isolate, but I genuinely enjoyed the first lockdown. Definitely wouldn't have admitted it to any of the other school mum's, as most were tearing their hair out a week in! Think having very enthusiastic DDs, and being off work for 4 months made the situation as enjoyable as it was though.

I would love to be having the effect of more sex! Lucky you 😁

My secret is that I've moved jobs because I had time to prepare adequately for interviews and have found my perfect job! I'm WFH which I love, my house is tidy and the washing is done. I'm earning more and can actually afford nice things for xmas this year.

I don't feel under pressure for social engagements and I've ended a friendship that stressed me out having realised I only want to keep in touch with people who are actually nice!

I am quite happy in lockdown apart from missing family who live in another country.

Am I also allowed to say I am happy no work christmas party this year. We have to pay for our own christmas party - it's always food i don't like and i have to pay towards everyone else's alcohol though i am Teetotal. Then everyone else gets drunk and i get bored very quickly.

Congratulations @ivfbeenbusy! That's lovely news.

I've enjoyed the slower pace, more time with my partner, lovely long walks together and with close friends (when permitted). We've discovered so many new routes through beautiful places. I wfh pre-pandemic, so the only thing is it's a little annoying that we now have to queue at our local cafe for lunch!

I'm in Melbourne, coming out of lockdown and while not being keen on my Covid fat arse, am grateful for the perspective that teaching remotely since March has given me. I'm approaching retirement but my part-time this year was eaten up by how much time it takes to do the job remotely. What I see now is how much the students love being with each other, and, amazingly their teachers: never so many waves and Hey Miss.

I'm going even more part-time next year, to hand in my gun and badge at 67, and Covid has given me a better sense of what I need to do for me. I am fortunate in being debt-free as I have not endured what others have, though living alone is no joke but it's given me the heads-up about retiring.

You have been battle tested and battle hardened.

I am much richer! No major travelling cost, no money spent on hobbies, unnecessary shopping, not need for new clothes, no frittering money on fancy coffees. I've saved £2500 since lockdown.

I am loving how WFH has made my life so much more relaxed . Saving so much money on the commute as well. And also on food I think because although I cringe at the cost of my online order, I do it once a fortnight and that includes everything . Previously I would be in the super market next to my office everyday , meal deals for lunch and picking up an extra ready meal and bottle of wine on the way home just cos I fancied it.

Would be good to be able to meet with my colleagues down the pub occasionally though !!

Feel terrible saying this but I'm secretly loving the fact my dc aren't able to go visit mil. ( Horrible, manipulative woman).
I've also noticed dc are much better behaved without her influence.

Before Covid I felt like life was like a conveyor belt that kept on rolling by itself. We couldn’t jump off or stop anything and it felt like the kids were growing up without me noticing. Life was happening without me appreciating anything.

Suddenly with lockdown the conveyor belt stopped. It keeps starting up again with all the rule changes but never gets properly going. And although that’s really annoying it also makes me feel like I’m holding on to time now. Finally. This last year feels like it’s been about 5 or 10 years and I’m oddly pleased about that.

Love this thread, nice and positive Lovely to see amongst all the doom and gloom school threads.

To the poster concerned about OP's partners sex drive..... why do you jump to it being DH who dictates the frequency of sex? You do realise it might be op? There are two people involved here - I really feel for you that you think men get to dictate the sex life Looks like you need to have a good think about what is happening in your own home.....

OP thank you for this thread, it has made me smile this morning

I LOVED the first lockdown. It was exciting and like being in a movie. Not being allowed to leave the house, having to buy essentials only was thrilling.

I was wfh on full pay but due to the nature of my job I was doing maybe 1hour of work a day.
The rest I spent outside sunbathing in the beautiful weather, doing workout videos or nice long walks with my dog.
I had never been fitter, more tanned or more relaxed.
I got gardening and house redecorating done that I had been putting off.

I love people having to give space in shops and outside.

This lockdown isn’t so good because the weather isn’t as nice so I’m mostly stuck indoors.

We've had some real battles to manage this year, none covid related, and being at home with no work (self employed, clients cancelled) has allowed me to tackle them all and be on hand for everyone's needs.

Had this not have happened, juggling a career and all the rest of it would been totally impossible and totally broken me, and everyone would have suffered more as a result. As it is, we've coped, just, and there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Savings are spanked, which is a pain. But it's only money. In the grand scheme of things, having everyone still functioning right now feels like a massive achievement!

Oh, and I've discovered that I look way younger, fresher and just BETTER without makeup. A slap of moisturiser, bit of mascara and some bronzer now it's winter is the way forward. This is a revelation.

Put a full face on the other day and looked really weird. Took it all off. Massive time, money and arseache saver!

I’m betting the teachers love it too!

Oh we do! It's astonishing how much of a difference it makes. None of the mollycoddlers can get past the front door, bliss

Saving money for the first time

Realising when reality bites next year and prices and taxes soar my savings will diminish

Sionn

Op I work in a lab where we receive blood samples from pregnant women and I can confirm we've seen a huge rise in the number of samples from older mums in their forties in the last few months. Seems people are 'entertaining' themselves more often during this pandemic 😂

I also am a carer for a disabled daughter. Life is locked down for us all the time in many ways. It’s always felt very unfair and nobody but parents of disabled kids have had any idea of what it feels like.

This lockdown and all the rules have been a pain in many ways. But suddenly we’ve become like everyone else because we’ve all been disabled by this pandemic in some way or another.

It’s a relief to feel one of the crowd for a while.

Yep... lockdown has been brilliant for me. As a disabled person who is also hugely introverted, going to work was so very draining for me. Working from home means I have my evenings back! I have also managed to totally change my career and now after this is 'all over' I'll still be working from home pretty much all the time... such a win!

I think though because work was taking all my energy beforehand, I wasn't able to see friends, go on holiday, make social/cultural plans that others are missing. I am looking forward to being able to do those things for the first time in years, thanks to the space the pandemic has given me to change things up and make my career work for me for the first time in my life.

This will sound awful, but I like the fact that all pressure to visit family is off this year. I probably visited my parents every couple of weeks before the pandemic, and my dad in particular used to emotionally blackmail me into going more, talking about how he lives alone and he hates it. I know he does, but he shouldn't be leaning on his kids - we have to live our lives. He'd be round every day if he could. Bear in mind we have a family chat that's active all day every day, plus phone and video calls as well, so popping round seems pointless!

Now it's literally illegal and we're stuck to video calls, and I'd be lying if I said the pressure wasn't off.

@Graphista Brilliant, brilliant post.

Until second lockdown we were definitely saving money. DH not drinking, no travelling and my normal money pit hobby of theatre was curtailed. I even got about £800 refunds on tickets for cancelled performances.

However, just before this lockdown I went to a workshop for a new craft I hadn’t tried before. Since then I’ve spent a good chunk of the £800 on materials, equipment and storage for this craft. I’m practicing a lot and improving every day but I still haven’t managed to produce a finished piece I’d show to anyone. I have to keep at it now because I don’t want to carry on being the woman with all the gear and no idea. Luckily I’m loving it and it makes the days fly by.