Family breaking lockdown rules

[PandemicPalava]

My family are not following the guidelines as they've had enough of it. I'm finding it really difficult.

Mum and sister plus family live together so are in a bubble with my Nan. However my Nan and mum have both had my other sister and cousins in their houses.

I'm so worried for them all. Walks outside would be fine but they're popping round for a cup of tea like there is no lockdown.

I broached it with my Nan earlier and she said her mental health and my cousins are more important than Covid and she'll suffer any consequences, health, legal or financial.

I'm so torn as I don't want anyone falling apart buy equally don't want anyone to fall ill. Nan is 82 and mum has asthma.

I don't know what to do or say. Probably nothing will make any difference and they're all adults. I just think it's insulting to all those struggling that they've just chosen not to bother and are being flippant about it all.

Urgh. Just needed to rant.

What would you all do / say if anything?

There a sizeable minority not following guidelines, but the majority across the country are still largely following guidance.

It's hard when we realise that we don't see things the same way as our close family and friends, but it is pointless arguing with them.

Many people on here are repeating the line that it is a 'miniscule risk' etc., even as one in six UK deaths are currently from Covid. Covid rationalisation is very common. In the USA people are apparently saying they can't be dying from Covid as Covid doesn't exist. There is nothing you can do to argue with people who don't believe mainstream science.

My Nan was telling me on the phone last week that she hates how she can't hug the kids but I just can't do it. Id never forgive myself if she fell ill
Would you ever forgive yourself if she died of something else (not unlikely at 82) without hugging your kids for 9 months?

@JS87

I would also expect my 83 year old parents (if they were 83) to have a number of years of life left and absolutely would have no problem with not seeing them for a year if it meant they got to live another 5-10 years instead of 5-10 weeks.

Life expectancy is 82 years so I wouldnt be "expecting" anything.

@StrippedFridge what has the alcoholism got to do with it? No, haven't considered codependency, can you elaborate? I don't live close to them, about 15 miles away whereas they all live a stones throw from each other, maybe easier for me to stay distanced for that reason. I'm acting negatively because it worries me. They also are very bad at making decisions. They will often come home instead of eating in a restaurant because they can't choose, or eat something they don't want so as not to upset anybody... I would say they are co dependent, not me

@KitKatastrophe yes I would as she has the other kids in her bubble and is very fit and well at the moment. She didn't mean mine in particular, she meant generally, and I think my other sister has started to let her have hugs. I don't honestly feel bad about it, I worry my dd will pass something on as she is tough as an ox and never ever gets ill, so I am concerned about asymptomatic transmission

This is a real 50/50 split and the opinions on here really do reflect the split in my family right now. It is like a religion has been introduced and we're all thrashing out our moral and ethical boundaries live on stage.

I am going to back off from them and see what happens, not bring it up... maybe even lie and tell my Nan I understand to make her feel better. I don't want her to be upset with my opinion of what she's doing.

How has it come to this? I feel for my own peace I need to follow the rules 100% and listen to the science. The scientists always seem to be holding back on the briefings and I think without policy their guidance would be much stricter than it is.

It's hard as my husband's family are following it 100%, and we are supporting each other through it all.

@PandemicPalava the only person I know who is consistently breaking the lockdown has an underlying condition. I dont get her thinking, it's like she has decided that her underlying condition makes her immune from Covid. Like a person with a terminal diagnosis not looking both ways when they cross the road because they already know what is going to kill them.

But it is a supremely selfish act. There is no thought for the people who could get sick because of her. The people who will have to look after her dont get a choice. The people who die of Covid dont suddenly drop dead. They get progressively sicker. First their family look after them (risking their own health) then they are taken to hospital. All the while they are coughing, spreading virus particles. These particles are then a risk to people who didnt make the choice.

@GnomeDePlume exactly this. My family are mixing more, indoors, risking transmission more, then everyone they see is at higher risk of catching it as their circle is bigger.

@PandemicPalava

Some degree of non-compliance with rules can be factored in. I follow the rules and to be fair it doesn't bother me too much because i'm happy in my own company and not majorly sociable, although I miss having a night out and catching up friends.

The way I see it, is as it's not a major imposition to me to stay at home or keep my distance from others, i'm happy to help to subsidise others who are in exceptional circumstances and need to see x, y or z.

What i'm not happy to do is subsidise people are just bored with it now and can't be bothered. We all are.

There's also a difference between just seeing your Mum and/or Dad and whole families or groups of friends still freely mixing in each others houses. That's grossly irresponsible.

@User158340 me too, not overly sociable so not finding it too hard. Happy to stay home. My family I feel are those people you reference, they're just bored with it

This covid hysteria has made people insane and cruel... As the poster who described the terminally ill person wanting to live their last days around other people as being "selfish". Ffs. What a lack of humanity in that mentality.

@ReneeRol my terminal, underlying condition. I would feel selfish giving my Nan Covid when I can cope alone and she can cope with my mum

*Not terminal

I was referring to a different poster who called a terminally ill person selfish for wanting the company of others.

@Flittingaboutagain

"Is this it? Is this how I'm going to go out? Alone in this room? This is not how I thought I was going to die. Oh my god I'm so scared. Can you check my oxygen, I can't breathe. I wish my mom was here" ~ Covid patient to a Critical Care RN today.

You are doing all you can OP. We have to focus on what we can control though as others have wisely said.

Someone's sister on fb whose friends a nurse?

They also are very bad at making decisions

This isnt limited to covid.
You don't seem to respect any of your families decisions.
What if your Gran wants to help your cousin?

our family aren’t following the rules. i’m still seeing my mum and sister and grandma for a cuppa most days. we’ve all had covid anyway. plus if i can stand in a clump of fifty parents at the school gates and go and stand in a queue in the chippy then i don’t see why i can’t see my family. if the government had issued a tight lockdown like last time i would have stuck to the rules, but this is barely even a lockdown and the new rules barely make any sense.

@GabriellaMontez I do respect them but they are indecisive. The decisions are rarely based on anything other than settling on something after an eternity of dithering about, not well thought out. She does want to help my cousin and last time she did he has a massive seizure at her house and nearly punched her as he was confused so yes I'm worried about how sound her decisions are.

@GabriellaMontez I don't get this concern being construed as me being some kind of disrespectful control freak. I have no input into their lives whatsoever

@sunshineandshowers21 I think that's exactly it, the lockdown is not strict so it doesn't really feel like there is anything to follow to lots of people

I'm so surprised by this, I honestly didn't think I was in the minority

I'm worried about how sound her decisions are.

Are you really??

Or do you just not agree with them?

Because earlier in the thread you presented your Gran as an intelligent woman with clear opinions who you fully expected to live until 90.

She is but she's fickle and changes her mind every five minutes.

Those were her clear opinions yesterday and they'll likely change tomorrow

So the general consensus is

1. What they do is none of my concern
2. I don't respect them as adults or their decisions
3. I am co dependent
4. I am jealous
5. I am interfering
6. I am depriving my Nan if joy in what looks like the year she will die - thanks guys
7. I am in the minority
8. Concerns about Covid are unfounded and it's all blown out of proportion
9. I need to generally butt out of my families lives and let them get on with it

10. That the government have no idea 11. That even though they've said they just don't want to any more I'm not supposed to express that I think that's a bit shit as they're adults 12. I should just watch them mix 13. I should support my Nan in helping my cousin who is an alcoholic even though this puts her at great risk

I realise some of you expressed the opposite and understood where I was coming from but I feel the above is the crux of the thread

Is this something else you disprove of ?!