Family breaking lockdown rules

[PandemicPalava]

My family are not following the guidelines as they've had enough of it. I'm finding it really difficult.

Mum and sister plus family live together so are in a bubble with my Nan. However my Nan and mum have both had my other sister and cousins in their houses.

I'm so worried for them all. Walks outside would be fine but they're popping round for a cup of tea like there is no lockdown.

I broached it with my Nan earlier and she said her mental health and my cousins are more important than Covid and she'll suffer any consequences, health, legal or financial.

I'm so torn as I don't want anyone falling apart buy equally don't want anyone to fall ill. Nan is 82 and mum has asthma.

I don't know what to do or say. Probably nothing will make any difference and they're all adults. I just think it's insulting to all those struggling that they've just chosen not to bother and are being flippant about it all.

Urgh. Just needed to rant.

What would you all do / say if anything?

[Topseyt]

They are acting like normal human beings. They have had enough of this shit and want to see their own family.

Like many of us, they are less on board with this second lockdown and have had enough. I sympathise fully with that and I wouldn't do anything about it. In fact, I wouldn't even have broached it in the first place.

There is no dilemma here. You have already asked them about it and they have answered you. Leave it alone. Either join them or don't. That is all there is to it in the end.

I do see your grandma's point about wishing to hug the kids.

[PandemicPalava]

@user1493494961 yes they do. I can't shake the feeling it will happen to them!

[SaveWaterDrinkGin]

Okay, so this so clearly something you’re struggling with. But even beyond this pandemic you can’t be responsible for other people’s life choices and you need to find a way to make peace with that. This really is a situation where everyone needs to do what they’re comfortable with and respect the fact that might not look the same for everyone. And that’s okay. I’d try to find a way to stop this taking up your energy.

[PandemicPalava]

@Topseyt I don't think they'll tell me about it anymore anyway as they clearly think I'm judging them. When does concern become judging? How do I turn a blind eye when my Nan gives someone from the village a lift in her car without her mask on? Urgh. Seems like the consensus is butt out.

How do people do that?! I honestly understand how people have had enough, I really do, but it's not that bad to voice a concern surely.

[Fuckitsstillraining]

It amazes me the amount who think covid is a minor issue and the guidelines should be ignored. I had a viral infection when I was 12, that's 38 years ago, I recovered from the infection but was left with lifelong chronic illness as a result. At 25 I was advised my body couldn't manage another pregnancy, I'm reliant on prescribed opioids for pain relief, I suffer constant exhaustion, never have a pain free day, I was medically retired in my mid 30's and regularly need my husbands assistance for normal every day chores, sometimes he even has to cut up the meat on my plate for me, this is all as a result of a minor viral infection. I dread the number of people going to have longterm consequences to thinking the covid guidelines are ridiculous and shouldn't be followed because of boredom.

[Hayeahnobut]

Can you turn a blind eye and still be terrified?

Definitely. I feel the same about my family. I respect their right to do as they wish, but am very fearful of what might happen if they fall ill.

[PandemicPalava]

@SaveWaterDrinkGin thank you, you're right, I am struggling with it. That's good advice. I'll try and recognise that they've put thought into weighing up their own actions to take it off my shoulders, inside or post pandemic. Hard work to come I think

[PandemicPalava]

@Fuckitsstillraining yes completely. This is the other side of the argument without doubt. There is a risk which is what I can't shake.

[PandemicPalava]

@Hayeahnobut my Nan is not strong and would struggle without a doubt. My mum is fit as a fiddle with asthma and when she goes she hits rock bottom with it. It's all I can think about

[HumanFemale1]

@PandemicPalava

Thanks all. I also know lots of people not following the rules but am not going to join in with my family as I don't want to add to the mix which could potentially impact their health.

The thing which gets me is that they are very poor at dealing with consequences, and I think if anyone was to fall ill they wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt and would wish they had done different.

It's true they are adults and I have said enough. My Nan was telling me on the phone last week that she hates how she can't hug the kids but I just can't do it. Id never forgive myself if she fell ill

With respect, your grandma is 82 which means she can die of anything any time (well we all can but you get my point), will you be able to forgive yourself if she dies tomorrow of natural causes and you have denied her a hug in her last few months despite her wishes?

[PandemicPalava]

@HumanFemale1 yes I think I will to be honest as if she died from Covid I would blame myself. Anyway I'm pretty sure she's hugging my nieces and nephews so she's just missing out on my dd.

[likely]

I'm so pleased to see so many sensible replies on here.

Your nan is an adult who can make her own decisions. She's assessed the risk and it happy with her odds. My fil recently passed away (not covid) with these ridiculous rules his family shouldn't have been there.

[Delatron]

This has gone on far too long for most people and they are making their own risk assessments. If I was 83, I would see my family if they were happy to. We can’t stay shut away for months and months. Who knows how long you have left at that age. Time with family, watching grandchildren grow up is so precious.

A month or so fine. But we have been in and out of restrictions since March.

We’re not seeing in-laws as they don’t want to take the risk. We respect that. Everyone is just thinking for themselves now.

[JS87]

@lughnasadh

You've already said plenty, and you know what they think.

Covid kills a miniscule minority of people. They know their own minds, and their choices are their own.

I think the majority of us are behaving as your family are.

According to ONS one in six deaths this week are due to covid-19. Not really a miniscule minority. It might still be a very low percentage of the population but lets stop pretending that it is all a big fuss about nothing.

OP I feel for you but I imagine there is nothing you can do to change their minds.

[Flittingaboutagain]

Hi OP, if you want to see what others who are really being impacted by the primary effects of Covid would say, have a look at ICU Steps and Critical care recovery on Twitter. Even if they don't listen and one of your relatives die a lonely painful death in CCU, you will know you tried. We lost one of my relatives in the first wave. I hope your family are OK.

[JS87]

I would also expect my 83 year old parents (if they were 83) to have a number of years of life left and absolutely would have no problem with not seeing them for a year if it meant they got to live another 5-10 years instead of 5-10 weeks.

[Cuddling57]

I can't believe the posters saying it's no different to a few weeks ago.
Yes it is - cases are rising, hospitals are getting fuller. Thus there is more risk of catching it and more risk you won't get a hospital bed if you need it!

[HumanFemale1]

@JS87

I would also expect my 83 year old parents (if they were 83) to have a number of years of life left and absolutely would have no problem with not seeing them for a year if it meant they got to live another 5-10 years instead of 5-10 weeks.

But there is absolutely no guarantee that by not seeing them for a year means they will live another 5-10 years, can't you see that's the problem.

You expecting someone to live another xy years does not make it so, especially when you are 80+

They can literally die after a year and one day of you not seeing them.

[PandemicPalava]

@likely sorry for your loss, what a shitty year

[PandemicPalava]

@Delatron yes they seem to be. It feels so messy

[PandemicPalava]

@JS87 it's scary and this is what I am swinging wildly between... all a big fuss and nothing to worry about or terrifying. Can't seem to strike a balance

[GabriellaMontez]

Your Nan is 82 and has articulated her feelings very clearly to you. Do you think she's doing the wrong thing for her? Or are you just annoyed that you're following rules and isnt?

[PandemicPalava]

@Flittingaboutagain thank you, I am sorry for your loss. People I know who have lost someone are being more careful I think as they've seen it. So tough

[PandemicPalava]

@JS87 this is what I feel too so am staying away. I call her every day and drop groceries off occasionally, send her mail etc

[amicissimma]

You prefer not to see your Mum and Nan to save yourself the pain of feeling responsible for them catching a virus. You've made that clear to them and they have to accept it. Presumably they know and love you and know how you are.

OTH, the rest of your family prefer to risk feeling the guilt so that they can be with your Mum and Nan. And everyone else seems OK about that.

So, you expect them to accept your decision. And presumably they hope you will accept theirs.