Family breaking lockdown rules

[PandemicPalava]

My family are not following the guidelines as they've had enough of it. I'm finding it really difficult.

Mum and sister plus family live together so are in a bubble with my Nan. However my Nan and mum have both had my other sister and cousins in their houses.

I'm so worried for them all. Walks outside would be fine but they're popping round for a cup of tea like there is no lockdown.

I broached it with my Nan earlier and she said her mental health and my cousins are more important than Covid and she'll suffer any consequences, health, legal or financial.

I'm so torn as I don't want anyone falling apart buy equally don't want anyone to fall ill. Nan is 82 and mum has asthma.

I don't know what to do or say. Probably nothing will make any difference and they're all adults. I just think it's insulting to all those struggling that they've just chosen not to bother and are being flippant about it all.

Urgh. Just needed to rant.

What would you all do / say if anything?

@PandemicPalava

I can't believe how many of you think this is no concern of mine. I'm not judging, I'm concerned. Yes a few weeks ago I would have been round there too but it's the push back like I'm in the wrong for wanting to abide by the advice which gets to me.

You're not wrong, they are. What ever reasons people are going to put up, they are breaking the rules and contributing,in a tiny part,to unnecessary contacts. And it's the millions doing that which is making it worse than it could be. Also, the "you do you" argument works really well...if you're alone on an island:if you happen to be part of a multi connected society, your actions can, actually, impact others.

I would leave them to it, I would not be visiting and I would not be supporting if anything happened

@Susanwouldntlikeit do you think I'm not being kind or realistic?

@Ridcully82 yes! This is the other side of how I feel about it all! It's not just about them it's about the hundreds of other people doing it too. I'm struggling with the 'you do you' argument and I'm also struggling to believe it's hysteria. Numbers are low I thought because of the rules not in spite of

@Chloemol I will go for dog walks and take groceries but won't be going in for a cuppa

@BogRollBOGOF

But there is absolutely no guarantee that by not seeing them for a year means they will live another 5-10 years, can't you see that's the problem.

You expecting someone to live another xy years does not make it so, especially when you are 80+

They can literally die after a year and one day of you not seeing them.

This is my concern at not having seen MiL for a year and counting. We have the logistical complication of travel to another country and staying there. At 87, with a mother who lived to 96, I hope we can go over and see her again, but there are no guarentees when her health is already fragile.

DM is 82 and until this lockdown had since the summer begun seeing friends again. I'm pleased because I don't want her being understimulated and lonely, they're great ways at accelerating aging. Going out for walks in November is not great on arthritic joints and I'd rather she has a good quality of life now while she can. She's already outlived DF by nearly 30 years and losing him to a heart attack when I was 11 taught me that life is unpredictable, and to make the most of the opportunities you have. DM won't see two of her friends again. Rapid progression on Cancer got them, not Covid.

There is no point in trying to dodge Covid to the extent of heavily compromising other areas of your health that are already vulnerable.

(The only rule I've broken on this round is using a friend's toilet at the start of a legal walk together)

Well said and I hope you get to see your MIL

My friend still went to work when her she was unwell and waiting for test results she kept her dd off school but told me they needed the money she had no choice I didn’t say anything as I know they struggle financially

dh not she

@KingdomofIsolation

My friend still went to work when her she was unwell and waiting for test results she kept her dd off school but told me they needed the money she had no choice I didn’t say anything as I know they struggle financially

But couldn’t she have called in sick? Seeing as she was sick

@KingdomofIsolation I can understand this side of things as the support is not there

Sorry it was her dh not she autocorrect changed it !
My friend was well as was her dc but she had to go to work the test was luckily negative though but still she technically broke the rules but they needed her wages it’s very difficult and she felt bad

[quote PandemicPalava]@tigger1001 how do you do it? I genuinely don't know how to stop myself at least expressing my concern. [/quote]
Because the damage to their mental
Wellbeing was clear to see. Covid isn't the only thing that can cause damage.

It's not my business to say you shouldn't do xyz. They know the rules and they've weighed up the risk to them against the crushing loneliness and have made their choice.

The thought that something might happen to them and they've not seen the kids etc in months is heartbreaking.

These are grown ups not little kids and they've made their choice. I respect their right to do so.

@tigger1001 thanks for your reply, food for thought.

Is there a part of you that is a little bit bitter that they are spending time together, living a more normal existence? Or that your piety in observing the rules is not garnering the approval from your relations that you feel is your due?

On a rational level it seems you understand that they are adults, free to make up their own minds and accept the consequences of any rule breaking. Yet you seem to struggle to let it go.

The government has shown us time and time again that they dont follow their own rules. It is also apparent to see that the rules may (arguably) benefit society ove but they certainly don't always benefit each individual. Not everyone is minded to the hitherto unheard of levels of civic responsibility we would need to adopt if following said rules to the letter. Some people, understandably, feel that they can assess the risks and benefits for themselves (in the very same way we do all the time) and are comfortable doing just that.

My friend still went to work when her she was unwell and waiting for test results she kept her dd off school but told me they needed the money she had no choice I didn’t say anything as I know they struggle financially

Not to derail the thread, but sadly, this is the position the government have put so many people in. Not everyone can afford two weeks off work if they don’t get sick pay. I can fully understand why people feel they need to do this.

@newwnamme no not at all! I genuinely am quite a loner and an introvert so I'm not bothered at all. (May be why I underestimate the draw to see each other). I don't need their approval but feel a bit silly as they think I'm being silly and keep 'forgetting' there is a lockdown every 5 minutes.

Yes you're right, the rational side of me gets it, but the emotional side of me is struggling.

I do struggle with the lack of social responsibility - I know benefits for all mean it's better for some and worse for others - I think it's their attitude which I don't like. Saying that, based on these responses, I may need to re examine my consideration of their mental health. They are clearly needing to see each other. It's just that I know my mum is just doing it as she thinks it's stupid not because she is struggling so I'm torn

@SaveWaterDrinkGin me too, it's awful. Covid has highlighted disparities in income and living like nothing else. There was an article in the Times today discussing exactly this, higher cases in poorer areas etc

@PandemicPalava it’s going to leave it’s mark on society for a long time I think.

Wishing you peace and hope all your family stay well

@SaveWaterDrinkGin thank you, and thanks for your perspective on all this

Like I said, the commitment we are all being asked to make to the greater societal good is immense. It seems like you see the value in it. You struggle with the fact that they don't. I struggle to understand how we got to a place where it was just accepted / expected that everyone does?

You can say #inittogether as much as you like but does that make it so? Am I 'in it' as much as you? As much as the people next door? I don't we are equally affected and I dont think equal attention is being paid to rule observance. I never signed up to care more about wider society than I do about the people living under my roof and the people close to us. If you did, that's great. But lots of people didn't. And I find it strange that there is this assumption that we now have this community mindedness that we never had before?! And to be honest, it has been immensely reassuring to read your thread and see that actually my hunch that there are a lot of people out there quietly doing exactly what I'm doing is accurate.

@newwnamme I suppose it's never come up and I am surprised that they're all so different in their take on it. Not necessarily wrong but this pandemic has brought out sides of people, and me, I didn't know were there. You're right, I don't know why I thought everyone would do the same.

The community mindedness hasn't existed for a long time and the first lockdown was a temporary blip I think.

I care both for society and my family but if I asked my family I'm pretty sure based on recent events they'd say they don't give a shit about society. This is their general response to most things anyway and they do live in a bubble most of the time. Their bubble life is something I struggle with anyway so I guess this is an extension of it. I think you've hit the nail on the head. I am interested in the social contract and lived political ideas, so maybe am taking a different perspective.

You don't need to control them. They have made a perfectly sensible decision given their circumstances. If you don't like it, you don't have to join them. If it backfires on them, that's the chance they took as adults.

@newwnamme also, my hunch was that most people are following it to the letter but it looks like my families behaviour is the new norm

@katy1213 yes I'm beginning to realise this. Hard thing to do but I'm realising the consequences are theirs even though I don't like it.

I'm not so sure the first lockdown was a blip. I think at first it was shock and awe, people scrambling around for supplies and figuring out what to do about their children, their finances and so on. But quite quickly I think it became about showboating your commitment to saving the nhs by banging on your saucepans on thursday nights. And after not too long, the rules were being bent and twisted here and there. It was around VE day here that the bbqs, driveway drinks and other garden gatherings started in earnest. I stayed at home because I had no choice - for various reasons - but it wasn't done out of any community mindedness on my part and I resented from the off being co-opted into that. It's almost as if the powers that be have come up with a new state religion and decreed that we are now all practising members of the faith. And some people believed in that religion all along, so they're ok with that and maybe havent even noticed the difference, and there are others who actually have come to faith as a result of what had gone on and are now passionate believers so they are ecstatic in their validation but then there are a third group who cant see what this supposed 'god' ever did for them, never asked for a religion and resent very much that this is now being forced upon them. But it seems the only option left to these people is to continue to live their heathen lives being closed doors and try to avoid conversations with believers. I guess that's where your relations are at.