How to people stay so calm?

[Chaosalloveragain]

I'm a mess. Really struggled during the lockdown. Wfh with dc and found it beyond horrible. Dh working long hours in a key worker role. Employer didn't give a shit but what could they do I suppose?

Things felt much better in July and August, but now everything is so, so very bleak again.

No family support, during the lockdown no one bothered with us, dcs grandparents didn't so much as ask about the dc.

I'm getting so depressed, anxious all the time, scared for the future and trying to keep my employer happy and care for the dc.

Mental health just doesn't seem to matter to anyone.

Some people just seem to be so normal and taking all of this in their stride.

I appear to be coping absolutely fine and outwardly I'm extremely calm and cheerful.
I cry at home, on my own, constantly. I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night since March and I'm barely eating. The face people portray to the world isn't necessarily true.

We have the same situation here but in reverse DH is the SAHP and I'm a key worker. His anxiety is through the roof (very understandable), he is dreading if the schools get closed again. I'm sort of in a head space where I'm just so exhausted (mentally and physically) that I just exist day to day. Unfortunately due to the sector I work in work went up and hasnt really come down again and I don't think it will tbh.
I think so many people are in the same position you just put your head down and carry on (with a cuppa of course 😉)

You're not alone. The way I've started trying to manage, to avoid anxiety going through the roof, is to focus on living in the moment. Right now, I'm having a lovely cup of coffee/cuddling DC or the cat/having an interesting chat with DC/sort out simple, practical things for the week, like the laundry etc.

Try not to focus on how htings were or how they might be. When something crops up that reminds you of how different life is right now, just find a way of coping with that particular issue, just as you would with any problem that cropped up in normal circumstances.

Not ideal, but it's the best I can come up with and it has reduced my anxiety a bit.

I hear you. I may look calm, but constantly on edge. Mood goes up and down like a yo yo. I have days when I am not productive at work because I cannot concentrate. The only thing I am looking forward to is the end of pandemic. I hate sports but started doing couch to 5k and that helps a lot. Probably not the running, but just having a bit of headspace and something to focus on. I nevr thought I’d recommend it, but yes, I actually am! This is hard and a lot of people (probably majority) feel like you.

right back atcha, @Chaosalloveragain.

Other people just seem so calm and matter of fact about it all.

I think it's more like the old adage about swans - gliding along the surface while their legs are paddling frantically under the water.

I'm certainly feeling the same way, and I have much less to complain about - only one kid and an understanding employer.

@ikeairgin

As a recovering alcoholic I've been through plenty of drama and self inflicted crisis so now I treasure my wellbeing. So I take each day as it comes and I only stress about stuff I can change

I constantly count my blessings and I am really grateful that I live in the west with access to healthcare

I have my job. DH is a contractor and he got no help although he was unemployed for 6 months - we now have no savings buffer but we're grateful to be able to still put food on the table.

Music and gigs were what we did as our hobby - that has all stopped and we are trying to support musicians through bandcamp.

I guess the thing that really made the difference was that 2019 was a really shit year culmunating in a berievement and the surviving parent having to go into a home because it became apparent that the deceased parent had been a carer. That kind of put this whole shebang into perspective

I'm in a frontline job so you get over the fear factor quite quickly and get on with things

I'm pretty pragmatic and accept that fatalities will happen, and that I may be one of them. I have all my paperwork in order. There's nothing left to do except squeeze the slightest pleasure out of the day - like a good meal well cooked, my allotment, stay connected with friends and appreciate the good weather that we have had lately

I cycle to work and have been since February this year - it has really made a difference to my mental health.

My children are older and this means that I don't have to worry about childcare - I really feel that this has been the crux of many parent's stresses, especially women and I have written letters to my MP about this - I don't know what the answer is but I really feel for parents of younger children.

With you totally ikeairgin.

Keep it simple - one day at a time.

Try not to watch too much TV or read too much on social media and tabloid articles. I go to work in a school with no protection, exhaust myself, come home to family stuff, but teenagers who can’t live their life, eat and sleep then repeat. One foot in front of the other is a helpful strategy sometimes.

Walking my dog is therapy. Try yoga at home for beginners. The breathing is helpful.

Emergency First For Overwhelming Situations (ie life as it is now)

= box breathing.

Just google it and try it.

It switches off the fear/panic and helps to regain equilibrium.

Try it. It works.

The ever bouncy and cheerful Joe Wicks posted something on YouTube today about how his mental health was taking a hammering with all this.
It is ok not to feel ok. This is not a normal situation.
I'm a general prepper, as I trotted out before all this. It's fucking doing my head in and I call myself a tough guy.

I'm being pretty calm in public because it's easier...

Internally it's more a case of control what I can, try to stay organised and don't stress too much about what I can't actually do anything about.

I do have moments of "fuck it all" and "can't do this anymore" but they're all within the confines of my family, mostly aimed only at my DH - so no one else would know.

I guess I just refuse to let a year of my life be stolen from me. I am shielding still, local lockdown area and I lost a parent to Covid so it’s been pretty tough.
I do genuinely enjoy being at home with my dc more than I would going out with friends, and I love home educating them so that helps.
The way I look at in the circumstances are awful I can’t go out anywhere unless it’s a remote park etc and I am grieving . I can’t change those circumstances but I can decide how much I let it affect me and focus on being thankful for what I do have, my husband and children, my home and garden, my dh can wfh I haven’t contracted Covid and my health issues are stable.

Covid has brought mixed blessings for us.
We are heading into the worst of it now so I don't want to jinx myself.
However, getting back into work and seeing colleagues again, has been joyous. Being around the students has been wonderful. I really love my job and where it is.

I'm thrilled the dc have been having a fab time at school, reconnecting with friends, socialising, learning how too again!
But we are in that march cross over stage again where the danger is rising and as whitty said, this time the seasons are against us.

I am not comfortable with the ever decreasing conditions at work mainly due to student complacency, I think all doors where possible and all windows should be mandated to remain open where possible.

I'm feeling that same inner stress that I felt in march when some days they are cold and shuts a Window or someone sneezes and doesn't catch it.

I really think they need to remove the school fines again.

It's hard not to compare yourself to others, but many of the people who seem calm are enjoying very different circumstances - they might have heaps of family support and flexible employers etc. They may even have received a business grant they didn't really need! A hell of a lot of people are simply in denial. Some of us are putting a brave face on for the sake of our kids. My daughter told me today her teachers told them to sing happy birthday to school friend quietly so they didn't breath out too much - I felt so sad (and exasperated!) for her, but outwardly I had huge grin and said 'wow, that's a clever idea!' We're all performing our way through this - for our kids, our employers, friends, other parents, our government - but we are also crying in the shower, or screaming silently in the office toilets! You're most definitely not alone.

Covid has had such a bad impact on me (I have a wedding related job) that I just sort of laugh at how absurd the whole thing is.

I Try to take it day by day and be impressed with my capacity to endure multiple slaps in the face.

I suffer with severe anxiety and it's broken me down. I have to try keep it together but everything I do I question.
My son hasn't gone into a shop since February. He's 14 months old. I don't see anyone either. Even when restrictions got lifted slightly.

I think you just have to get on with it. Lots of people seem to have so little personal resilience. Wash your hands, keep your distance, stay mainly at home but take some exercise.

I'll be honest - I don't think I know anyone that is anxious or stressing over it.

Lots of people around me are fed up, or resigned, or bored or annoyed. But I don't know anyone overly worrying or panicking.

Depression or extreme anxiety over covid is not the norm, so seek help if you're struggling.

Yep, it’s shit. But then in March I honestly felt that if it wasn’t for the kids I’d end it. I didn’t see how I could live this way. I’m high risk due to my weight which I have yet again done fuck all about. My husband’s work was closed by the government and that was obv a worry before furlough. Then I was made redundant in May. The usual home schooling stress and my autistic child not getting any high school transition. My dad with cancer bit able to get his chemo.

But you know I am still here and despite still being stressed by it all I have got through it. More worries again about the virus but I know the odds are either I won’t get it or I’ll be OK. I got a new job. I’ve started running. All the worry is there still but I’m trying to find routes through it

Hang in there, it won’t be forever x just now is a bleak moment as it feels like the past 6 months were all for nothing and now we have winter with nothing but misery and bleakness ahead too. But one day we will look back on this and it’ll be in the past x

Anyone not experiencing at least low level anxiety at the moment either a) has an incredibly stable financial situation or b) hasn’t grasped the severity of all of this yet.

I'm digging deep. Covid came in two parts for me - the first lockdown days were good with my kids but tension started to rise as I was working full time and they made no effort to help me - one uni and one A level interrupted with nothing on their plate. And then with easing they went off and met with friends outdoors and had the most hyper social time. I was still just working away, keeping house and having occasional walks with my friends. No partner. Most evenings no company.

And now both are gone and I'm on my own. Totally. I had a work meeting on zoom for two hours this afternoon and that's my only social interaction. I'm digging really deep.

@ssd

The only people I know who aren't stressed with this are mums with teenagers that don't work.

Everyone else stressed to the hilt.

Absurd . Offensive . Shall I go on .....

I’ve surprised myself by how well I’ve coped with the situation considering I’m on long term anti depressants.

Then again I nearly had a nervous breakdown the beginning of the year over a very stressful personal situation. Covid didn’t seem so bad in comparison!

Of course the fact that my job hasn’t been impacted, no children to worry about and almost no chance of actually catching Covid where I am (not in UK) helps.

You are not alone OP - the only reason I've been able to stay pretty calm is that I'm very privileged. Have a large space to live, got enough savings to cope even with an extended crisis, no one in household is in a vulnerable group and we can both work from home. Things a lot of people don't have; I wouldn't blame anyone lacking even one of those things for being in bits right now.

You're not alone