How to people stay so calm?

[Chaosalloveragain]

I'm a mess. Really struggled during the lockdown. Wfh with dc and found it beyond horrible. Dh working long hours in a key worker role. Employer didn't give a shit but what could they do I suppose?

Things felt much better in July and August, but now everything is so, so very bleak again.

No family support, during the lockdown no one bothered with us, dcs grandparents didn't so much as ask about the dc.

I'm getting so depressed, anxious all the time, scared for the future and trying to keep my employer happy and care for the dc.

Mental health just doesn't seem to matter to anyone.

Some people just seem to be so normal and taking all of this in their stride.

@BestOption

I am firmly focussing on Spring & how lovely that's going to be 🌼

But I'm also trying to do/make/get nice things for the Autumn /Winter. Reading some of the 'nice' threads on here has helped a bit too

Being Diabetic I cant join in with any of the enjoyable food/treats threads-sadly & I don't do 'beauty products' so that counts out most advent calendars for example.

Making the most of things helps too - so not feeling sad about what you can't do for Bonfire Night/Christmas etc, but planning for the best Bonfire Night/Christmas you can have.

I'm vulnerable, so it's very scary, but I'm
just trying not to focus on that, other than taking as many precautions as I can.

There was a lovely thread today about someone taking up
Cross stitch & people were just being nice &
Posting pictures of what they'd done. So ok it's not everyone's thing, but posting about something that IS your thing, might find you some likeminded people to chat to.

Is there anything that you can think of that would make this a bit better for you?

That's nice. Can you link some of those threads please

Nieburr's prayer...

Give me please the strength/energy to change what I can change for better, the patience to accept what I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve been prescribed antidepressants for the first time in my life. Some people are taking this in their stride, I dare say some are enjoying it, but many are struggling.

I just want to hug my mum.

I'm trying really hard to stay calm and see the good bits of lockdown.
Spending more time with my ds
More fresh air and exercise
Getting the redecorating done
Getting fitter (as a result of time not working)
Getting all those things done that were on the endless to-do list

I'm a lone parent with not much support but I have to try to make the most of this situation. I'm trying to go to bed each night having made some progress - painted a room or a skirting board or serviced the bikes or repointed a wall - It's the only way I can stay positive and not worry my ds.

It's hard work

I'm probably one of those irritating calm people but to be honest it hasn't really had a huge impact on us.

DH worked throughout. I closed my (newly opened) business for ten weeks but reopened in June and am now busier than ever. We don't have children so none of that to worry about. My parents are fit and healthy and while DH's are not, we see them and check on them regularly and they're managing just fine too.

I was off sick at the end of last year with severe stress and anxiety and I think lockdown was actually a huge help for me as it gave me a huge chance to reset myself.

@BikeTyson: depends on your circumstances, but if I had a mum who didn't have underlying healttlh conditions, I probably WOULD hug her, if she felt the same. Rules or no rules. This time round, I have made my own risk assessment and for some people I think a hug would do the WORLD of good!

You are not alone lots of people feeling the same even people that don't suffer mental health xx

A final thing. If your anxiety is unmanageable talk to your gp. I recently went on antidepressants. Was really reluctant to initially but my gp pointed out that the normal things he would recommend to help me just weren't possible (seeing friends, going in to work, the type of exercise I like) so I agreed to try. 6 weeks later my anxiety has gone and I feel like my old self. I feel like my brain has been reset. Medication isnt right for everyone but definitely seek advice if your mood is permanently low.

Eloquently put @CurlyhairedAssassin. I think most people share at least some and probably most of your worries.

no im the exact same im absolutely petrified! i wasn’t this bad march/april! July and August felt so positive but now im scared shitless and im completely going into isolation, and only going out for walks x

Focus on today, or just the next hour if it helps.
Prioritise yourself. If you’re not well you cannot help anyone else. You main focuses should be sleep, exercise and nutrition in that order.
I cannot over emphasis how important sleep is.
Take care

I’ve not particularly felt stressed but I am anxious about my dd’s education as due to sit her gcse’s next year
I’ve worked right through (nhs) and to be honest work has kept a little bit of normality and routine in my life.Dh is in the music industry so hasn’t had any work as such but has enjoyed being at home doing things he normally wouldn’t have time to do.
I have enjoyed the pace of life without having to rush here there and everywhere and having the time to just do simple things like baking,catching up on housework,reading and researching my family history,going for family walks and even just sitting together to eat a meal.
I hope those that are struggling soon have brighter days

CurlyHairedAssassin I would too - but she isn’t comfortable with it

I’ve been totally calm most of the way through this situation but I think that’s because my kids are grown up. I have every respect and empathy for those with young families. I keep saying to my husband how on earth would we have managed with little ones to care for along with working. You are all doing an amazing job. Big hugs to you all💐💐💐💐

This is why it is so unfair.. I have had an absolutely lovely lockdown.. civil service, work from home, no pressure to go back .. kids 18+ ?ask me three years ago and I would have give you a very different answer ...

I didn’t mind the first lockdown as just enjoyed the sun and nature

Now the nights are drawing in and I am worried mainly about education and job losses

I’m trying to help myself by practising yoga ,going for runs and swimming in cold sea, enjoying the kids

I think everyone is finding this week hard tbh

I’m stressed to the point of being ill, but each day I get up, get dressed, find makeup and for the sake of my kids I keep going. It’s hard but to the outside world I’m ok, inside I’m not.

Mental health just doesn't seem to matter to anyone.

That's not strictly true. Health professionals know there is going to be a mental health crisis amongst themselves, children and large numbers of the rest of the population.

In regards to why some of us are appear calm it's because we have had other really testing times in our lives and survived them, and/or have mental health issues, and/or have other chronic/terminal conditions.

OP, I am not calm. I'm not afraid of Covid - I couldn't care less about catching Covid (and have two very vulnerable people in my family - I'm just 'vulnerable'). But I am very, very angry. I'm angry because I have no income as a result of working in a sector which has been more or less completely ignored by the government (not a WFH job). There is no work, and no financial help. I had thought things were looking up a bit, but now they are not.

I am angry and frustrated and potentially very, very depressed (which I also was during lockdown - I can already feel it looming again). My teenagers have had a horrible time. I have been driven mad by my teenagers having a horrible time. And so on.

Two things helped me, a bit, when lockdown and Covid hysteria were at their worst. One was not listening to any news about Covid. The other was coming off MN for three months. The frothing was making my (already poor) MH far worse.

@Smaller, that would be true for me too.

I have always been positive with very solid mental health. I became very sick with anxiety in May. It took me 3 months to get on top of it with meds and CBT but I'm in good shape now and feel genuinely able for the coming months. CBT has given me a better understanding of my triggers and how my thoughts affect my feelings and ultimately wellness, so I can't recommend it highly enough. I went from perfectly well if a bit stressed and anxious to very unwell literally overnight so I do think it's important to address anxiety early.

As a recovering alcoholic I've been through plenty of drama and self inflicted crisis so now I treasure my wellbeing. So I take each day as it comes and I only stress about stuff I can change

I constantly count my blessings and I am really grateful that I live in the west with access to healthcare

I have my job. DH is a contractor and he got no help although he was unemployed for 6 months - we now have no savings buffer but we're grateful to be able to still put food on the table.

Music and gigs were what we did as our hobby - that has all stopped and we are trying to support musicians through bandcamp.

I guess the thing that really made the difference was that 2019 was a really shit year culmunating in a berievement and the surviving parent having to go into a home because it became apparent that the deceased parent had been a carer. That kind of put this whole shebang into perspective

I'm in a frontline job so you get over the fear factor quite quickly and get on with things

I'm pretty pragmatic and accept that fatalities will happen, and that I may be one of them. I have all my paperwork in order. There's nothing left to do except squeeze the slightest pleasure out of the day - like a good meal well cooked, my allotment, stay connected with friends and appreciate the good weather that we have had lately

I cycle to work and have been since February this year - it has really made a difference to my mental health.

My children are older and this means that I don't have to worry about childcare - I really feel that this has been the crux of many parent's stresses, especially women and I have written letters to my MP about this - I don't know what the answer is but I really feel for parents of younger children.

I'm retired and live with my daughter and her family. I don't have to go out anywhere but I go to the shops about once a week . I am not an anxious person but I do avoid watching the news or listening to anything about covid. I even came off Facebook because I was fed up with people going on and on about covid19 . To be honest i find it all very boring. My daughter is a nurse in our local hospital, and she has managed to not get covid all these months so I'm not expecting her to bring it home anytime soon . There is no point in worrying about something that may never happen.

I have to be calm about it because otherwise I'd totally lose my shit in all honesty

I’ve become calmer as more used to going out etc and stick to places I feel ok. If somewhere’s very busy I don’t mind missing it.,
We’ve also tried mintjulia’s approach since March and tried to actively do positive things and together as a family and this had led to good things for us such as our teen growing much closer and sharing a lot more and I’ve really really loved this as was too rushed with travel etc before. . And have given up coffee as realised it triggered anxiety which can be a common reaction apparently!
I do wish it would end though . It’s tiring and also lonely at times but I’d say we are all calm and being positive and purposeful and this helps.