I need to make a decision about school, please help!

[Beebityboo]

I've posted here a few times about my particular situation but now I have been in contact with all of my DC's schools I really need to make a decision in the next few days and I really need some help.

I have a disability that makes me prone to blood clots and that has also contributed to me having a high BMI (currently 37 after losing two stone during lockdown). I never got a shielding letter but I believe that both these things make me more vulnerable to Coronavirus. Though after getting hold of a support worker (finally!) apparently their official line is my disability doesn't make me any more likely to die of Coronavirus than the general population. However this guidance hasn't been updated since all of the scary evidence about blood clots began to circulate and when they thought it was mostly a respiratory disease.
My youngest DD (5) also has a terribly bad immune system and was in hospital a few times during reception with viral illnesses, including one really traumatic one, so this is where we stand with our health.

My eldest DD will be going in to year 8. She has Aspergers and is struggling with the idea of all the new precautions as well as not being able to deal with wearing a face mask 45 minutes each way on the bus every day. Her head teacher has agreed to let us keep her home for the time being and for various reasons we are happy to keep her at home for a while longer. She is happy to be at home and I don't see any major issues arising with this for the time being. She was previously home schooled anyway.

However, my two youngest (10 and 5) are also due back at their small village primary in two weeks.Their head is also supportive and I could probably have them at home for a little while longer too. The issue is my 10 yo is starting to become depressed and unmotivated and yesterday started sobbing his little heart out about wanting to go back. I'm ashamed to say I didn't really see how much he had been struggling as I was too consumed with my own bloody anxiety. I was leaning towards de-registering but it seems I've been a big ignorant on the subtle ways the last few months have taken their toll on him in particular.

So what do I do? Do I take advantage of the offer to keep them home a while longer and see what happens when schools go back, or do I send the younger two to school first day and accept the possibility I may get Covid and may succumb? What is the real risk now? We do live near Birmingham and cases are going up nearby.

Please help with any advice or reassurance, I have no one else to ask and it feels like such a big decision.

Thank you and sorry for the long post!

I feel for you.

I have lymphoma, so I'm high risk. My partner has high blood pressure, with live with my 82 year old mil, and my youngest has asthma.

But he will be going to school, as I really can't hold him back. Both for his future and his happiness.

I know the school will do it's best, but I know it will be a breeding ground for viruses.

All we can do is hope.

Oh dear @Newjez that certainly puts my health problems into perspective. I'm sorry you're going through all of that.

I would let the younger two go to school. Just my instinctive reaction to your post. At that age I believe they need it and should be able to adapt to the changes better than your older daughter. I would also (if this is doable at your house) make sure they get changed immediately after coming home and washing their hands before walking through the whole house.

My youngest is already back at school and I was worried because his high school is very crowded, but he is so much happier having social contacts again. He also needs the routine and the learning.

Unfortunately, I do think we need to accept that there will be more risk for us to live with now, and that for some (like you) these risks will be higher. But only you can make the decision here.

I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation and hope you will get the answers you need.

The difficulty is compounded by us living almost next door to the school, and I know it would break their little hearts to see their friends going in every morning and not be able to go too .

I have a feeling we may have the same or a very similar condition. I won’t say what to avoid jigsaw identification.

I’m guessing you have been told blood clots and thrombosis are a huge risk for years and been advised to exercise caution and now it’s suddenly fine.

I have no idea what to do either. It’s so hard. I just wanted to offer some moral support and a virtual hug.

Yes that's exactly it @Dazychain . Blood clot risks have been drilled in to me since I was a child. Painful blood thinner injections every day through three pregnancies, nightmare to find suitable birth control, no long haul flights - but a virus that increases risk of blood clots - A OK! It makes no sense and I don't feel confident with the advice I have been given at all.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so worried. It's good that you have a sympathetic headteacher. Could you ask the Head to go through your school's safety precautions with you to see if this might give you peace of mind? Could you contact your medical team again for advice? Are there any support groups for people with your condition (it might help to find out about fellow parents' plans)? I really hope you can come to the best decision for you and your family 💐

Send them back. Make sure they all stay on top of hand hygiene and whatever social distancing measures are in place of their respective settings.

My condition is very rare and it also differs in the way it was caused in the first place, so not really much in the way of support groups etc. The schools are both fantastic in their approaches but unfortunately this virus is airborne, so how much can they really do to eliminate the risk? I feel like I'm in an impossible situation and I am so incredibly risk averse by nature so this feels completely alien to me.

Treat the uniform like nurses treat scrubs? Straight into a scrub bag and machine wash wash and change clothing when they return? Practically speaking its all you can do

Nothing in life is without risk, and that's especially true of infection control. But the absolute amount of virus circulating is very low compared to previous months,and you can still control that risk to some extent by being scrupulous in your own adherence to social distancing and hygiene measures.

God, this sounds very hard for you.
I don't think you can keep the two youngest off school though. Who knows how long this could go on for.
Your DS is suffering. All you can do is take every single measure possible to reduce the risk. Scrubs bags is a good idea.
I really feel for you and wish you the best.

@Beebityboo I’ve had the same about flights and pregnancies etc. I don’t understand why suddenly it’s ok.

There’s differing causes of what I have too and I’ve had it since birth. Like you I’ve been cautious since I was a child. It feels weird to suddenly go against that.

It’s good to hear your head is being so supportive.

If our head is supportive I’d be tempted to home school at keep re assessing the situation, health advice and local transmission rate. That’s just what I would do though. You do whatever feels best for you. We’re all different with unique situations. I hope you manage to figure it out.

I do really want to send mine back and absolutely would if social distancing of at least a metre was in place in classrooms. But it isn’t.

Just adding - is there any way of only sending the 10 year old back as it’s having an effect. That would still hugely lower the risk for you.

I think it would upset my 5yo too much to be left behind. Feel like the only way to make it work is they both go or they both stay home. I'm not sure how long I'd be allowed to keep them home for, and when I do send them back what will be different?
My approach to all of this has been extreme caution and soon there will be a treatment, or a vaccine, or it will magically go away. I never expected it too last this long. I never thought I would be in this position .
I have to admit that I am not up to home educating for the long haul. We live rurally (isj) with no car, they would become horribly isolated.

You poor thing, such a difficult decision. However, the rates of infection are really very low nearly everywhere as a PP said. I would send the younger two, but be prepared to pull them out if your area has a significant rise in cases. I would also be removing and washing uniform on arrival at home and encouraging a quick shower etc., certainly hand washing, basically do anything you can to reduce viral load. I would also consider if there is anything else you can do to possibly boost your immune system/chances of having a mild case e.g. take vitamin D (perhaps have levels checked) and zinc, carry on with your weight loss, eat as healthily as you can and exercise as best you can, have a flu jab and make sure other vaccinations for you and the children are up to date so you don't catch anything else (there are also some interesting reports that MMR and some other vaccinations may potentially boost T cell activity). Finally, try and reduce your stress as much as you can (easy to say, but hard to do...). You may well have already been exposed and fought it off...

I would send the ten year old back, especially as they are old enough to be aware of social distancing and handwashing etc. A small village school is a much lower risk than high school, so perhaps you would choose to send the 5 year old too. You sound like you have already sorted a perfect arrangement for your eldest that makes her happy.

I would send them in. The difference in my DD this week has been incredible. We never really saw anything 'wrong', she was happy at home, suffers school related anxiety so being off suited her, or so we thought. I haven't seen her this happy in a very long time. I am high risk and DH was shielding, the benefits in the kids being back far outweigh the risks imo.

I see what you mean about the younger one feeling left out.

If you’re in an area with low cases, I think what testingtesting said could be wise. I’m in a high risk area but if transmission was low I think I’d do what she suggests too. Good advice about flu jab and vitamins etc too. You can book a flu jab appointment at Boots online.

You can't live in a bubble. Easy for me to say I know. Let the younger ones go to school. Be as hygienic as you can. I imagine you are pretty careful anyway. Unless you are prepared to de-register them and home school which it doesn't sound like they are keen on, legally you will have to send them back anyway. I hope you all stay healthy.

Small village primary? Back to school is the best for the kids, if possible can they walk together so you don't have to wait at the school.

As far as your teen with asd, do you know they won't wear a mask? My dd is autistic and happy to wear one, even outside when not necessary, she's rather anxious about covid. She socially distances anyway, not keen on people!

Eldest DD is a whole other kettle of fish for reasons I won't get into here but yes, the bus ride on it's own is causing her too much distress right now. We have support in place and really keeping her home is what is best for her for the time being. Much more difficult to know what to do about my younger ones.

I think I've posted on some of your other threads supporting you in keeping them away.

However, now it seems like the biggest risk factors have been removed (public transport and large secondary school). A rural primary school will (at the moment) be an almost negligible risk. You could find out if there are any cases in your area. It's very unlikely that there have been any cases in your village for a long time. I think you'd be absolutely fine to send them back for a while at least. You can always rethink if problems start to occur as they almost certainly happen in urban schools first so you'll see it coming.