Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

I need to make a decision about school, please help!

144 replies

Beebityboo · 20/08/2020 21:05

I've posted here a few times about my particular situation but now I have been in contact with all of my DC's schools I really need to make a decision in the next few days and I really need some help.

I have a disability that makes me prone to blood clots and that has also contributed to me having a high BMI (currently 37 after losing two stone during lockdown). I never got a shielding letter but I believe that both these things make me more vulnerable to Coronavirus. Though after getting hold of a support worker (finally!) apparently their official line is my disability doesn't make me any more likely to die of Coronavirus than the general population. However this guidance hasn't been updated since all of the scary evidence about blood clots began to circulate and when they thought it was mostly a respiratory disease.
My youngest DD (5) also has a terribly bad immune system and was in hospital a few times during reception with viral illnesses, including one really traumatic one, so this is where we stand with our health.

My eldest DD will be going in to year 8. She has Aspergers and is struggling with the idea of all the new precautions as well as not being able to deal with wearing a face mask 45 minutes each way on the bus every day. Her head teacher has agreed to let us keep her home for the time being and for various reasons we are happy to keep her at home for a while longer. She is happy to be at home and I don't see any major issues arising with this for the time being. She was previously home schooled anyway.

However, my two youngest (10 and 5) are also due back at their small village primary in two weeks.Their head is also supportive and I could probably have them at home for a little while longer too. The issue is my 10 yo is starting to become depressed and unmotivated and yesterday started sobbing his little heart out about wanting to go back. I'm ashamed to say I didn't really see how much he had been struggling as I was too consumed with my own bloody anxiety. I was leaning towards de-registering but it seems I've been a big ignorant on the subtle ways the last few months have taken their toll on him in particular.

So what do I do? Do I take advantage of the offer to keep them home a while longer and see what happens when schools go back, or do I send the younger two to school first day and accept the possibility I may get Covid and may succumb? What is the real risk now? We do live near Birmingham and cases are going up nearby.

Please help with any advice or reassurance, I have no one else to ask and it feels like such a big decision.

Thank you and sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 02/09/2020 00:31

You're doing the right thing. I don't really know how to reassure you but I really believe you are. Risk at the moment is negligible and benefit is huge. I'm sure your children will have a lovely day.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 02/09/2020 05:41

Thank you. I've had about two hours sleep so think I'll give up now and do the packed lunches!
I think it will be a really tough few weeks Sad.

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 02/09/2020 06:16

I would send your younger two kids in to school.
You can reassess as you go along? Risks are relatively low for now whereas his mental health sounds like he needs to get back.

IdblowJonSnow · 02/09/2020 06:18

Just seen your update! Hope they enjoy their first day back and you can have a nap!

HairyToity · 02/09/2020 06:47

My DH has type 1 diabetes, we are sending ours in, but if numbers increase in our area, we will reconsider.

Quartz2208 · 02/09/2020 07:42

You are doing the right thing as a parent OP that doesnt make it easy though.

Florrieboo · 02/09/2020 22:39

How did they get on? How are you feeling about it all?

Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 06:16

I still feel quite torn about it. The drop off was chaos and didn't feel safe at all. Big crowds, no social distancing, no masks etc. Hoping it was just because it was the first day back and it will get less chaotic. Kids were really happy to be back though, DS was absoloutely over the moon last night and has made a new friend already. Think the school are doing the best they can but I'll be never be fully comfortable, not until there is a vaccine.
I won't be sending my eldest to secondary tomorrow though. No idea what is happening there as her head teacher hasn't gotten back to me but she won't be going for a few more weeks at least.

OP posts:
Firefliess · 03/09/2020 07:15

Good to hear DS enjoyed it. If drop off continues to be a problem, could you just drop them off late each day (and explain why you're doing it) Or can your Y6 make their own way in without you?

But you're right, it may well have been a first day thing and get better soon.

minnieok · 03/09/2020 07:18

Please send your eldest, they need school even more. Older kids are able to wear masks in crowded areas if needed too. Your kids need an education and to see their friends

Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 07:38

I've heard back from the Head. He's sourced a seperate classroom for children with vulnerable parents or anxiety issues. There will be fewer of them so better social distancing and they can stay in this bubble all day as well as eat seperately so this feels much safer. Essentially remote learning, but with input and supervision from staff. It still leaves the school bus though.
So basically she has to go in or we'll be fined.
What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 07:39

Should also say this is for children with health issues also.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 03/09/2020 07:52

@Beebityboo

I've heard back from the Head. He's sourced a seperate classroom for children with vulnerable parents or anxiety issues. There will be fewer of them so better social distancing and they can stay in this bubble all day as well as eat seperately so this feels much safer. Essentially remote learning, but with input and supervision from staff. It still leaves the school bus though. So basically she has to go in or we'll be fined. What should I do?
That sounds good. I think you should send her in.
Firefliess · 03/09/2020 07:55

Sounds like your oldest's head is making every effort to try to help. I think you need to either send her in and see how it goes, or get properly into home schooling. That's a big job at secondary age (and she will need some form of social contact as part of it, to meet her social development needs), but possibly a bit more practical now your younger two are out at school all day? You clearly can't just keep her off and not home educate her yourself.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 08:01

We did home school for a while before but it was at the end of year six so not much pressure and she wasn't very motivated. The head is fantastic but up to now has basically told us we could keep her home for a bit longer.
Just feels so crazy after months of caution to be packing her on to a packed school bus tomorrow morning Sad. Really didn't expect to be doing it.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2020 08:25

You need to get help for your anxiety really.

Your children are at minimal risk. Medical opinion says you aren’t at increased risk either (and yes, there’s stuff they don’t know, but assuming you’re under 65, your risk is still pretty low).

School is hugely important. Sounds like the head is pulling out the stops to support. Your oldest shouldn’t be missing out on everything school can do for her.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 08:33

I don't think it's hugely abnormal to be worried about sending kids back to school during a pandemic. Even if I didn't suffer with an anxiety disorder I would still be worried.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2020 08:43

A bit worried, no. But worried to the degree you actually want to prevent it, despite medical reassurance that there are no vulnerabilities in the home, yes that strikes me as unusual.

Mindymomo · 03/09/2020 08:45

I do feel for you and in your situation I don’t know what I would do. I do feel going by what we’ve been told that although not 100% safe, it’s way better than it was earlier in the year and we have to believe in what information they are giving us.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 08:56

I've always been more worried about my eldest going back. It seems to affect them worse and with her aspergers I just don't know how she's going to cope with wearing a mask 45 minutes each way, all of the changes, the worry about me getting sick. But we gave up a lot and fought really hard to find a suitable school for her so if we have no choice I suppose she has to go. I know she won't meet her full potential if I keep her home and she was barely at school in year 7 as it is as we had to move her due to bullying.

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2020 09:02

Then you have your answer.

For what it’s worth, as long as this goes on for, I think we have to get used to taking decisions that are ‘least worst’ rather than ones we feel wholly confident about. That applies to everyone and it’s a tough shift.

But if the school environment is a good one for her, then that’s not something to let go of lightly. What the head proposes is very sensible, sounds like he’s doing his best for everyone in a tough situation.

TheKeatingFive · 03/09/2020 09:02

Good luck. I hope you feel better about it all soon.

Rae36 · 03/09/2020 15:22

I don't think it's hugely abnormal to be worried about sending kids back to school during a pandemic

Agree, especially if you have been making the effort to shield for all this time. Sorry you're in this position op. Your head teacher is doing more than any others I've heard of though, it's just a shame about the bus.

Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 16:44

Yes the bus is the major issue but one we have no solution for. She's got good quality masks and a bottle of hand sanitiser and that's all we can do Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beebityboo · 03/09/2020 16:47

And yes the head of her school is completely fantastic and saved her life I think, doing everything to accommodate her mid year and getting her away from her bullies. It's a big part of why I can't just deregister as we've struck gold with her school.
Originally we were going to be allowed to keep her home but I think he must have been read the riot act from the lea.

OP posts: