I need to make a decision about school, please help!

[Beebityboo]

I've posted here a few times about my particular situation but now I have been in contact with all of my DC's schools I really need to make a decision in the next few days and I really need some help.

I have a disability that makes me prone to blood clots and that has also contributed to me having a high BMI (currently 37 after losing two stone during lockdown). I never got a shielding letter but I believe that both these things make me more vulnerable to Coronavirus. Though after getting hold of a support worker (finally!) apparently their official line is my disability doesn't make me any more likely to die of Coronavirus than the general population. However this guidance hasn't been updated since all of the scary evidence about blood clots began to circulate and when they thought it was mostly a respiratory disease.
My youngest DD (5) also has a terribly bad immune system and was in hospital a few times during reception with viral illnesses, including one really traumatic one, so this is where we stand with our health.

My eldest DD will be going in to year 8. She has Aspergers and is struggling with the idea of all the new precautions as well as not being able to deal with wearing a face mask 45 minutes each way on the bus every day. Her head teacher has agreed to let us keep her home for the time being and for various reasons we are happy to keep her at home for a while longer. She is happy to be at home and I don't see any major issues arising with this for the time being. She was previously home schooled anyway.

However, my two youngest (10 and 5) are also due back at their small village primary in two weeks.Their head is also supportive and I could probably have them at home for a little while longer too. The issue is my 10 yo is starting to become depressed and unmotivated and yesterday started sobbing his little heart out about wanting to go back. I'm ashamed to say I didn't really see how much he had been struggling as I was too consumed with my own bloody anxiety. I was leaning towards de-registering but it seems I've been a big ignorant on the subtle ways the last few months have taken their toll on him in particular.

So what do I do? Do I take advantage of the offer to keep them home a while longer and see what happens when schools go back, or do I send the younger two to school first day and accept the possibility I may get Covid and may succumb? What is the real risk now? We do live near Birmingham and cases are going up nearby.

Please help with any advice or reassurance, I have no one else to ask and it feels like such a big decision.

Thank you and sorry for the long post!

Feeling really sick about tomorrow. Just feel sending my eldest is a step too far with cases rising like they are. I feel that if we send her to a large secondary on public transport it increases our risk hugely. I actually feel catching it will be inevitable . Just feel so overwhelmed.

Well DD went back to school yesterday.
She spent the entire day in a room by herself with a teacher. She was hardly set any work and said she read or doodled most of the day.
This isn't how I was told it would be, the head said there would be a little bubble of kids so she wouldn't be alone. At that point I might as well of kept her home. I may pull her out completely. She was so stressed by the end of the day. She hates school and has been so much more relaxed in lockdown. She said no kids were wearing masks on the bus and teasing her for wearing one, no social distancing.
Not sure what I'm going to do but this doesn't feel sustainable.

why was she in a room by herself?

I'm vulnerable to Covid and she has Aspergers and desperately didn't want to go back. The head at her school said that he would bubble children with health issues/sen etc in a class together to reduce infection risk and to make it calmer for them but it turned out it was just DD in the class by herself.

If that’s all the school is going to do for her, then I would not be happy for her to be on her own, she might as well have been at home. Did she also have lunch on her own and get time outside with others and does she want to go back on Monday? It seems like the school is doing their best.

Had lunch on her own and in the same room . She hates school so said she wasn't upset by it but as you say at that point she might as well be at home. I know schools are doing their best but I'm starting to wonder if de registering her would be the better decision.

No she doesn't want to go back, she would happily never set food in a school again if she had it her way!
Her mental health has been so much improved since she's been at home.

As I said earlier in the thread I would keep her at home.

Talk to the Head & say you were told earlier you continue as you were for a while & would rather do that. If he says attendance is mandatory, ask him to explain what your DD got out of attending the other day and compared to the downsides (list then all - bus trip/no masks/bullying/etc etc) ask if he really thinks it was worth it.

If he still says she has to go in, then ask him what the procedure is to de-Reg if that's the only option he's giving you.

Your eldest is vulnerable with SEN & doing better at home, don't be bullied by them.

After the rise in cases today its looking very likely that we'll be deregistering my eldest DD this week. Initially for a year. She's in year 8 so not an exam year and we should be able to afford a basic package of online school and then help to fill in the gaps. It's not sustainable or the right environment for her. I'm so sad (she's not!) but it feels like the wheels are already about to come off, especially where secondaries are concerned.

I’m in a similar position, I’m deregistering my ds today. Very upset by this, I feel like this virus has ruined our lives. My ds was happy in school before and I’ve had to make a decision to save our health or his education.

We are in the highest risk area in the UK.

I'm sorry to hear that @nicedayforawedding. It's terrible we've been put in this position.
It's easier for us where my eldest is concerned as she absoloutely hates school and has absoloutely thrived at home. Going to continue to send my younger two in but prepare to pull them out in the next few weeks if cases begin to rise.

OP, I really hope you don't mind me mentioning the fact that you said you were overweight? If so is to an extent that it make a big difference to your risk from bloodclots and the risk of COVID? I know you mentioned getting injections for blood lots during pregnancy so presumably the Doctors were ok with you being pregnant even though you had to have the injections and monitoring. I'm wondering if it would help if you could lose a whole. I KNOW that's easier said than done and can be extremely difficult but if it's something that would make a significant difference to your risk from COVID and therefor to your children it might be worth really trying to do something about it. Sorry that this sounds like a guilt trip but worrying about your kids mental health would be a huge motivator.
I have tried to phrase this tactfully. I hope I have - it strikes me that being overweight is something you have power to do something about that would be positive and have very real benefits.
Even if it's a slow weight loss it would help.

Ugh sorry for all the typos - hope you can decipher what I've written

Hi OP just found this thread. For what it's worth I think you are making the right decisions sending the youngest two in and keep the older one at home. This is not just about school but about their mental health and you have made your decisions (rightly) based on that. Hope it works out for you

Thank you. She had a change of heart yesterday and wanted to try one more day tomorrow but I've just gotten her to sleep after a huge panic attack and she has to be up at six so I don't know what to do. I think she feels she'll be letting people down if we deregister her or she's worried it will cause me stress or worry. She's terrified about the social aspect of school generally but add coronavirus in to the mix and it's just too much.
I want to support her in whatever she wants to do but she doesn't seem to know what she wants right now. It's all a bit of a mess .

@Beebityboo

I've didn't see your message last night- sorry.

How did she sleep? What did you decide to do?

I would have left her to wake up naturally & see what time that was/how she was feeling. She can always try Monday if she wants to, but I'd be doing what I said in my previous post.

Given everything, I'd be keeping her home personally.

Sorry realise I used a different name previously.

Anyway, I'd be keeping her home.

Some MNers (not in hot spots) have been getting shielding letters this week. Cases are rising, she was happier not at school. Don't send her out if any kind of guilt/pressure from the school.

Her head let her have this week off and is being as supportive as he can be whilst still having to listen to the LEA Re attendance.
He's set up a special bubble for the more vulnerable children and DD wants to see if she can manage it on Monday. If she can't then she won't be going back I don't think.
Younger two both already have a cold so won't be going in today. Wish I'd just kept them home if I'm honest.

Ffs DS has a cough! No postal tests available, we don't drive. School are 100% going to think I'm lying as my worry about them sending the DC's back has really damaged our relationship and my DC's primary head has constantly made me feel as though I am over reacting. Literally feel sick with anxiety. I know they are going to think I'm making it up. DS is never ill either so I'm slightly worried although almost certain it's just a cold.