I need to make a decision about school, please help!

[Beebityboo]

I've posted here a few times about my particular situation but now I have been in contact with all of my DC's schools I really need to make a decision in the next few days and I really need some help.

I have a disability that makes me prone to blood clots and that has also contributed to me having a high BMI (currently 37 after losing two stone during lockdown). I never got a shielding letter but I believe that both these things make me more vulnerable to Coronavirus. Though after getting hold of a support worker (finally!) apparently their official line is my disability doesn't make me any more likely to die of Coronavirus than the general population. However this guidance hasn't been updated since all of the scary evidence about blood clots began to circulate and when they thought it was mostly a respiratory disease.
My youngest DD (5) also has a terribly bad immune system and was in hospital a few times during reception with viral illnesses, including one really traumatic one, so this is where we stand with our health.

My eldest DD will be going in to year 8. She has Aspergers and is struggling with the idea of all the new precautions as well as not being able to deal with wearing a face mask 45 minutes each way on the bus every day. Her head teacher has agreed to let us keep her home for the time being and for various reasons we are happy to keep her at home for a while longer. She is happy to be at home and I don't see any major issues arising with this for the time being. She was previously home schooled anyway.

However, my two youngest (10 and 5) are also due back at their small village primary in two weeks.Their head is also supportive and I could probably have them at home for a little while longer too. The issue is my 10 yo is starting to become depressed and unmotivated and yesterday started sobbing his little heart out about wanting to go back. I'm ashamed to say I didn't really see how much he had been struggling as I was too consumed with my own bloody anxiety. I was leaning towards de-registering but it seems I've been a big ignorant on the subtle ways the last few months have taken their toll on him in particular.

So what do I do? Do I take advantage of the offer to keep them home a while longer and see what happens when schools go back, or do I send the younger two to school first day and accept the possibility I may get Covid and may succumb? What is the real risk now? We do live near Birmingham and cases are going up nearby.

Please help with any advice or reassurance, I have no one else to ask and it feels like such a big decision.

Thank you and sorry for the long post!

I thought it was that covid caused blood clots, not that it was more of a risk if you had them?

I'm more at risk of getting blood clots in general @minicat so I feel like with Covid I'd be pretty much guaranteed to get one. I'm also overweight which is a risk factor too .

I didn't email, I needed another day to think about it but really must do it tomorrow and I know I won't feel "better" sending them in in October because it's likely nothing will be different or things may be worse. I know I have been overly cautious and it won't be long until it really starts to make the DC's unhappy. I just want to feel like it's the right thing, I don't know how to cope with the fear. I also know the first cough they get is going to send me in to a complete spiral. DD2 gets every bug going at the best of times.

Ah I see - sorry for my confusion.

You don't sound pathetic, so stop thinking that 🌷

You sound (understandably)
scared & confused

Did you check your postcode on here?

phe.maps.arcgis.com/apps/webappviewer/index.html?id=47574f7a6e454dc6a42c5f6912ed7076

Do that & see what it is, let us know.

No cases in my immediate vicinity according to that site, but we live close to a West Midlands town that was hit very badly and last time I checked there were 15 cases per 100,00 people where the average is 8.

I'm terrible at statistics, assessing risk etc

What an awful decision. I would look into homeschooling them all. I know people in the US who homeschool their kids, often there are only 3 or 4 kids, they do have each other to be with. It is a big ask though for you so don't feel bad if you end up sending them back.

You don't sound pathetic at all. You sound like a very worried, stressed and loving parent. I can't imagine how hard this whole situation must be for someone living with an anxiety disorder. Perhaps you should just focus on making a decision about the first week at school - you don't need to think any further than that at this stage. Please do look at the map link posted above to check cases in your local area over the past week. If the cases are low and your dc are keen to be back at school, would you consider sending them back for a few days and seeing how it goes?

I think you should get some professional help for your anxiety, if you are not already. Covid and lockdown has been anxiety-inducing for most people, and it's understandably worsened anxiety for people with a history of it and/or with other health conditions.

These are anxious times but I think it's important not to let the anxiety consume you and it seems to me that you would benefit from support if you're not already getting it. For your own sake but also for your children, because you'll be a better place to support them and make decisions about their wellbeing if you are doing ok.

FWIW I think it sounds like the right decision to keep your oldest out of secondary school for now, but if I were you I would send the two youngest to primary school. I think the risks are very small and the costs of keeping them home even longer would be too high.

Also, 15 in 100,000 is minuscule. It's 0.00015%. Statistically, you would have to come into close contact with 6,666 people in order to meet just one person with covid.

Do you know roughly how many children and staff there are at your DCs' primary school?

@minicat

I thought it was that covid caused blood clots, not that it was more of a risk if you had them?

The way I read it, OP is at high risk IF she gets clots because of her condition. And Covid causes them.

I don’t know the right answer OP but sending best wishes and

Not sure about staff but it has 500 pupils

No cases in your immediate vicinity - that's great

His far away is your nearest case? (On that map)?

What is your source for the 15/100,000?

I used the "cases in your area" search on the bbc website.

Ok. Still not sure how close your nearest cases are, but presuming they're not in your school catchment...

Like you, I have been super careful since the beginning (I have underlying conditions). I started organising in Feb & locked down mid March. I have had shopping delivered and haven't been anywhere (except walking in the semi rural place I live & delivering shopping to a shielding relative). So I think I'm pretty much where you are re risk taking.

DD1 - yep, she stays home!

But I think we are currently at the lowest cases point we are going to be at before next summer, so I would let the younger two go back, for now (as they seem to want to) I would talk to the Head & discuss your need to know if there's even a hint of a case at school and I wouldn't hesitate to pull them back out again if I felt it necessary. Even if they're only there until half term, it'll have done them some good to be with friends & in a class room!

I would explain this to both of them too, so they're prepared & I'd explain that they need to not hug their friends and not share stuff etc as well as wash their hands frequently. Etc.

Then when they get home, shoes straight off, coats & bags by the door, clothes in a wash bag, squirt of hand gel, then kids in the shower & clean clothes on.

It is possible to do that without worrying them!

Then you just need to SD as much as you possibly can on the school run & you're pretty well sorted! 😊

This service (daily email re cases in your area) was set up by a MNer it's brilliant. The source material is all detailed on the Site

www.covidmessenger.com/signup/choose_county/

I have heard back from the school who have said they will support remote learning if I provide a letter from the GP.
They're going to call me tomorrow so I really do need a final answer by then.
I doubt I'll ever feel good about them going to school, at least for the next year, but they are so isolated at home and I know their education won't be as good.
Just completely conflicted and upset.

How depressed and unmotivated is your 10 year old because I think that is the centre - can you change that without him going back to school (at least in the short term). What effect will a year have on him.

I think he'd be OK for a few more weeks with more structure etc but he does want to go back to school and I know I can't keep them off indefinitely with no car and no friends or family in the local area, it's really isolating for them.
I'm just so scared but I don't want my kids to suffer because of my problems. I feel like they've already sacrificed too much for my disability as it is.

OP, please get some professional mental health support and send your two youngest to school.

If cases are currently very low in your area, I would let them both start back as the chances of them getting it will be very low. Keep an eye on the figures though and if they start increasing much, then keep them home for a bit.

@Beebityboo

If it helps at all you are most welcome to sign up for our covid email service www.covidmessenger.com/

We were struggling with whether to let our daughter return to school during the summer when school reopened. We felt we were sending our daughter back with no knowledge of the local coronavirus risk - much to our dismay.

We found that the national news tends to be dominated with national numbers, making it hard to know what the risk is where we live/work.

Anyone, I felt everyone should have easy access to the number of covid cases in their local area so they can make informed decisions about what they are/aren’t comfortable with.

So I started a free email data service.

You can sign up at
www.covidmessenger.com/

We found knowing how many cases were in our local area invaluable. Although sometimes I think I am mad as it has been so much work but I do feel it is a very worthwhile endeavor.

I hope you find it helpful too.

Apparently the GP will not write a letter to confirm I have my condition . Blanket refusal. Not sure what to do now short of sending a picture of my destroyed legs to the school!

@littleowl1 I actually signed up at the start of last week and have found it very useful. Thanks so much!

It is scary making the leap to going out more.

I would send the 10 year old back definitely. Ask school to have a lower cut off for sending your child home again... Eg, if 1suspected case, he can homeschool for a little bit.

Definitely keep eldest off.

Birmingham still has areas that have very few cases and some with more. ( It was on R4 yesterday) they are also keeping a close eye on Birmingham to stop things escalating. It is your local village and where people work that is important. Are most people working from home?

Not sure about the work demographics here to be honest, we haven't lived here very long. Traffic seems back to normal levels though. DH has been working from home for months and probably will be in to next year.

I think I'm going to have to send them aren't I . And try to find a way of living with the fear it is going to bring.

Oh I am so glad to hear that!